The Professor's Classroom #110: Cleaning Out The Office
    Submitted by The Professor on Friday, August 23, 2002 at 2:18 PM EST


    Cleaning Out The Office


    The students are on vacation, and the hallways are quiet here at the Powerbomb Institute of the Net (PIN). Your Professor sits alone in his office, reflecting upon the just-ended summer session. Hmmm... Well, that’s enough reflection—what am I, a mirror? It’s time to do what I always do between semesters, which is giving the office a good cleaning. It’s time to get out all those little topics that have been cluttering up the place—topics that have been on my mind, but aren’t really long enough that I should devote an entire class to them. And so, I throw them out, one by one, in no particular order:

    • Has anybody put a clock on Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon to see which one is getting the most TV time?

    • How long do you suppose that Rey Mysterio will able to stay in the cruiserweight division? The guy is over big-time. And if he ever has to take the mask off, will he have to put those horns back on? Or maybe they’ll try it with Kane?

    • In fact, since WWE doesn’t think we remember past storylines, why not just bring back Kane without a mask, and never refer to it again or explain why it’s gone?

    • After Raw on Monday night, how anxious would you be to try out for Tough Enough if you were female?

    • Who do you suppose the Most Valuable Player for WWE would be for this year? If Kurt Angle isn’t at the top of the list, he has to be in the top two.

    • NWA-TNA continues to be interesting to watch. I have never before seen cruiserweights carrying a promotion, but that’s exactly what’s happening here. The X division continues to be terrific.

    • Do you ever watch a WWE show and get the idea that WWE is owned and operated by video game companies?

    • Is it just me, or do J.R. and the King seem to be performing a notch below where they used to be? Particularly the King, who sank to a new low when he actually talked over Fozzy’s performance?

    • As for Fozzy, I think they have actually improved. They didn’t stink quite as bad as they used to. I still think Jethro Tull will beat them out for the Grammy, though. And Chris—don’t quit your Monday night job just yet. (Whoops—there I go being a holier-than-thou pompous jackass again. Sorry, Chris.)

    • Did somebody finally realize that having the Big Show on Stacker 2 commercials is not a good idea?

    • If Goldust is ever demoted to Ohio Valley Wrestling, will he have to change his name to Silverdust? Or Bronzedust?

    • With all of the old veterans being brought in by WWE, how long can it be before Terry Funk returns?

    • We had a record number of students take the final exam for the summer session of PIN. Some of the answers were rather creative, especially for a multiple-choice exam. Thank you all for attending and for turning in your exams. The grades will be posted in the usual manner. You are one step closer to becoming a true PINhead.

    • The classes where I discussed the upside-down American flag generated about 10 times more mail than I have ever had for my class sessions. Probably the most interesting part was the number of people who saw it as an opportunity to write in to me and bash everything they could think of about the USA that they didn’t like, and complain about everything that the USA, as they see it, is doing wrong—most of which has zero to do with the point I was making. I had to chuckle, as a number of these emails started, “I don’t have any problem with America, BUT...” I’d say there was about a 50-50 split between those who agreed with me and those who took me to task (with varying degrees of civility). To paraphrase a famous entertainer, love me, hate me, praise me, curse me, call me whatever you’d like, just be sure you spell my name right. That’s Professor—capital “p” with a double “s.” And if you want to complain about things that America is doing wrong, write to the guy in charge. The address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, D.C. 20500.

    Well, I guess that’s about it—the office never looked better. The fall semester begins next week.

    -- The Professor --

    PIN Phony Rumor of The Week: New match set for Summerslam—a bra and panties match: Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair! (Thanks to Mystic4D)

    (Email to TheProfessor11@hotmail.com. Feel free to submit possibilities for the Phony Rumor of the Week. If your rumor is used in the Classroom, you will win a genuine will o’ the wisp. Batteries not included. If you’d like to pay your tuition for the fall semester, just send $97,500 in small, unmarked bills to: Powerbomb Institute of the Net, PO Box 204, Strudelheim, Switzerland. No personal checks, please.)




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