WWE Smackdown Results 7-18-02
Submitted by Dr. Tom on Thursday, July 18, 2002 at 11:36 PM EST



DR. TOM'S SMACKDOWN REPORT 7/18/02

Monday night, Easy Eric Bischoff was named GM of Raw,
as well as official producer of all vignettes taped in
strip bars. Damn, and that's the gig I was going
after. POLITICS!

On tape from Scranton Wilkes-Dingle-Barre somewhere in
PA, this is WWE Smackdown for 7/18/02. Your hosts are
Michael Cole and Taz(z).

Opening Match: The Internet Hates Jericho vs John
Cena. Look honey, it's Marc Lloyd playing
wait-for-the-limo bitch outside. Nice canned noise for
Cena. Jericho slaps Cena before the bell, and gets a
rather fierce rebuttal. Cena spinebusters Jericho for
2, but Jericho lowers the ropes and helps the rookie to
the outside. He puts the boots to Cena on the floor
and rolls him back in. Jericho goes up and comes down
with the Please Counter Me Leap, so Cena obliges with a
dropkick. German suplex gets 2 for Cena, as does a
belly-to-belly. Jericho tries the Walls, but Cena
counters and DDTs him for 2. Cena misses a dropkick,
and Jericho shows his empathic side by missing a
Lionsault. Jericho's such a nice guy; I don't see how
all you meanies on the internet can hate him so. Cena
rolls him up for 2, and Jericho decides he's hand
enough and lowblows Cena for the DQ at 2:44. Taz
remarks that, "This John Cena has got established
superstars threatened." Just ask HHHGH.
Jericho gets a chair after the bell and beats the tar
out of Cena with it. Three-minute openers don't
impress me much. 2/10

Meanwhile, Lloyd goes limo-chasing, but gets the
brushoff from Easy E.

After the break, Bischoff chats with Randy Orton
just long enough to get directions to Hollywood Hulk
Hogan's dressing room. They discuss the finer
points of killing a promotion and have a generally
boring conversation.

The Hurricane vs Chavo Guerrero (Jr). Helms
does his superhero duty by offering the handshake, but
Chavo just slaps it away. Who does he think he is, Lex
Luthor? Helms shoulderblocks his wicked foe and
POSES! Backdrop, and Helms takes to the air with a
crossbody for 2. Chavo goes to work on the knee,
prompting the ref to check on Helms. Don't worry, he's
too young and doesn't take enough steroids to tear a
quad. Chavo keeps working on the knee, interrupted
only long enough for Helms to get a Shining Wizard and
a neckbreaker. Chavo locks in an STF, and Helms taps
at 4:12. SUPERHEROES SHOULDN'T TAP! There must have
been some Kryptonite involved. After the bell, Chavo
gets on the stick and talks trash about the
soon-to-debut Rey Misterio Jr, and challenges him to a
match next week. I liked the psychology, but what's it
doing in a cruiser match? Give me some highspots,
damnit! 4/10

Meanwhile, another limo pulls up, and Lloyd does his
bitch duty, but it's 100% Vince instead of the
new GM.

After the break, Rico gives style pointers to
Bischoff. Just keep up the Baldwin dye job, Eric, and
it's all good. Bischoff bumps into Vince and reveals
his nefarious plot to sign away HHH and generally raid
the Smackdown roster. Before I kill you, Mr Bond . . .

Earlier today, Cole sat down with The
Undertaker, who talked about why he's the American
Badass, how the ring is his yard, and how he'll still
be champion after Sunday.


Tag Match: The Unambiguously Gay Duo vs Hardcore
Holly and The Big Valbowski. Billy beats on Holly
in the corner. Holly shoulderblocks him down and
follows the the Best Dropkick In The Business Not Done
By Randy Orton. He does his gut kick thing and
clotheslines Billy for 2. Chuck comes in and is
greeted by an inverted atomic drop. Val gets to
brawling, and after a repetitive elbow/boot exchange,
he slams Chuck and drops the knee for 2. Holly comes
in and gets a slam, but quickly turns into the face in
peril as Billy sneaks in to deliver a stungun. Chuck
hits a nice overhead belly-to-belly for 2. Holly
suplexes him to set up tags all around, and Val is a
house afire. After some chicanery with Rico, Holy
plants Billy with the Alabama Slamma, and Val finishes
it with a Money Shot at 4:39. Does a Money Shot in
this match qualify it as gay porn? Anyway, this was a
perfectly acceptable tag match. 4/10

Six-Man Tag Match: Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Edge, and
The Real Mr Ass vs Team Canada v2.0. Rikishi
brawls with Christian and backdrops him. Storm comes
in, only to play Patsy #2 on a double clothesline.
Edge comes in with a flying clothesline for 2. He
knocks the others off the apron, only to get pulled
down by Test a moment later. Storm goes high with a
kick for 2. Christian puts the boots to Edge and
chokes away, leading to an exciting commercial break.
After the break, Edge busies himself getting killed by
Test in the corner. Test goes to the chinlocl, cuing
the babyface comeback, but he blocks Edge's tag. Storm
pounds on Edge and goes for a springboard clothesline,
which Edge turns into a powerslam. There's the hot tag
to Hogan, who cleans house on everyone. A brief Pier
Six erupts. Storm superkicks Hogan for 2, but that
just causes him to hulk up. Everyone comes in and hits
a few signature moves, which sets up Edge hitting the
Implant DDT on Storm for the pin at about 6:10 of TV
time. Call me crazy, but I like the Edge/Hogan team,
because Hogan's role is so perfect: he stands on the
apron while someone more talented actually wrestles,
then comes in, pops the crowd with his 80's offense,
and picks up the win. It's a simple formula, and it
works. 5/10

Meanwhile, the meeting that about six of you have been
eagerly awaiting: Easy E talks to The Rock.
Bischoff makes his sales pitch to get Rocky to Raw, and
Rock says he'll be there . . . but only because he'll
be the Undisputed champion as of Sunday. Rock talks
about kicking Frasier in the nuts because he can go on
ANY show as champ, and Bischoff yuks it up like a good
sycophant. Rock ends the merriment by saying that
while Bischoff was playing creative genius, he helped
put WCW out of business, which draws the icy stares
from Easy E.

Vince comes out and complains about backlash against
his choice of Raw GM. He then says all contracts are
open to negotiation, rather invalidating the purpose of
the roster split. How much longer until they give up
on it completely, I wonder? For those of you who have
lived in a cage since Tuesday night, the new Smackdown
GM is none other than Stephanie McMahon. Hair
update: straight, so she's not EVIL! tonight. Steph
cuts a very pro-Smackdown promo, and promises not to
wait until Sunday for her first official act. That'll
be tonight, and it'll be throwing Bischoff out of the
building. It's weird to see Stephanie not dress like a
whore and try to cast herself in a face light, for
however long that lasts.

Billy Kidman vs Tajiri. Tajiri pounds Kidman,
but gets tossed and takes a guillotine. Tajiri
stunguns Kidman and heel kicks him. He locks in the
Tarantula, then chokes Kidman on the bottom rope.
Kidman counters the handspring elbow with a dropkick to
the back. Neckbreaker gets 2, but Tajiri kicks Kidman
in the head for 2. Tajiri flips thru on a missed
moonsault (and I HATE it when they do that), leading to
a Kidman powerbomb and the Shooting Star Press at 3:37.

Jamie Noble comes in after the bell, and gets
beat on until Tajiri zaps Kidman with the GREEN MIST OF
FACE MELTING! Noble then violates one of the known
laws of the universe by powerbombing Kidman. Gravity
is the next one to go, folks. We're going to be
floating around like feathers in the breeze by the
weekend, you watch. Decent cruiser match, and this one
actually had a few highspots. 5/10

Meanwhile, Jericho sucks up to Stephanie. Maybe he
thinks that will keep him from walking dogs and
cleaning up poop instead of being portrayed as a viable
champion if he's ever allowed near the belt again.
Since it'd be hard for him to slip Steph the baloney
pony, I guess he has to make his inroads somehow.
Stephanie decides to reward Jericho's generosity last
week by booking him against Edge next week on
Smackdown. Well, that certainly makes up for
getting bumped from the PPV.

Main Event: Kurt Angle vs The Rock. Since
there's some PPV hype to be done, The Undertaker
decides to motor out to ringside. Rock starts with a
brawl and clotheslines Angle out. He puts Angle's head
to the steps, then into UT's bike. Well, that just
wasn't too wise. Rock suplexes Angle on the ramp, but
ends up catapulted into the ringpost. Back in, Angle
stomps away and suplexes Rock. They exchange chops in
the corner, and Rock does his belly-to-belly throw for
2. Angle comes back with the rolling Germans for 2.
Two more suplexes, and Rock rolls to the apron, only to
get pounded by Angle there. Rock rolls thru a
crossbody for 2, but gets clotheslined and suplexed.
Angle slaps on a chinlock and, like a good heel, uses
the ropes for extra leverage. Right fights out, but
takes an Olympic Slam. It gets only 2. Rock dragon
screws Angle into the Sharpshooter, but Kurt makes the
ropes. Angle elbows out of the Rock Bottom, but Rock
has some punches ready, and the SPIT PUNCH OF FIERCE
DRIPPAGE! knocks Angle to the outside. Rock lowblows
Angle on the table, then goes for a clothesline and
hits UT with it by accident. I was wondering when THAT
contrived spot would come into play. Back in, Angle
grabs an Anglelock, but Rock rolls thru. Laying The
Smackdown DDT gets 2. Rock knocks UT off the apron and
spinebusters Angle. He goes for the People's Elbow,
but UT breaks it up with a clothesline to draw the DQ
at 12:19. UT pounds on Rock, only to get chaired by
Angle. Angle misses Rock with the chair, but he locks
in the Anglelock this time, and Rock taps like Gregory
Hines on speed. I'll never complain about a 12-minute
Angle-Rock match on free TV, but the Standard PPV
Bullshit Schmoz Ending cost it a point. 6/10

Lloyd chases HHH in the parking lot, but gets cut off
by Stephanie, who just wants a few minutes of his time
to talk business. H puts her off until Sunday, then
gets into a limo with Bischoff. What a thrilling
climax to the show THAT was.

Doing The Math: They actually managed cut back
on talking tonight, though we had to suffer thru ten
minutes of limo arrivals instead. I hope that wasn't
the "E" Bischoff was talking about Monday night. None
of the matches sucked, though the ending to the main
event was disappointing, if expected. I don't know
about Stephanie as a face, but since she's easy to look
at, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now.
Leave the limos in the parking garage next time and
give us some more wrestling, instead of three-minute
openers and brief cruiser matches. Still a pretty good
show overall, and much better than some of their
pre-PPV editions have been in the past. Overall
(Not an average): 6/10

Dr. Tom
drtom@cynicsrule.com
http://www.cynicsrule.com
http://www.thesmartmarks.com








*NEW GALLERY* Very RARE and Personal Backstage Photos of the WWE Divas!

• Quick Links -
  [Back to LOP] [News Archives] [Results] [Columns] [Forums]