WWE Smackdown Results 5-23-02

WWE Smackdown Results 5-23-02
Submitted by Mick on Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 10:47 PM EST

Before I begin, I'd like to take this opportunity to address something...in fear that the WWF will not. (I'm just gonna call them the WWF, and I welcome a lawsuit from the panda pokers)

{Show begins}

It's announced that it has been confirmed that Hulk Hogan will retire. It has also been confirmed that Amelia Earhart and the Loch Ness Monster will be having a "Unicorn on a Pole" Match.

{HHH comes down}
{Lance Storm comes down with a mic}
LANCE: If I can be serious for a minute, HHH you may think you achieved a great victory over my fellow Canadian Chris Jericho Sunday night at Hell in the Cell. But what you really proved is taht you aren't the impressive athletic competitor you claim to be. You're a barbaric bloodthirsty animal and you're about to be taught a lesson the way only a true masterful ring technician can teach it.

{Storm throws down the mic and rushes the ring}

HHH vs. Lance Storm
Irish whip, high knee to Storm. HHH with a shortarm clothesline. {HHH chants start} Storm up catches HHH with a jawbreaker and then a floatover hangman to the outside. Storm comes back in and works the right hands, into an Irish Whip, but HHH counters and throws down Storm. Both men back up, irish whip, dropkick by Storm. Storm picks up HHH and whips him into the corner, repeated elbows to the forehead. Storm works the mat on HHH, repeated kicks and punches to the prone Helmsley. Methodical elbows to the forehead by Storm open up HHH's wound. Near fall. Storm hangs HHH up on the second rope, then the third, Storm bounces HHH's head into the corner from the outside and then hits a springboard forearm back into the ring for a near fall. More punches from Storm, HHH throws back with a knee and some right hands. Irish whip by HHH, reversed, HHH hits the corner and eludes a Stinger Splash from Storm. Neckbraker by HHH, Storm reels and comes back only to be caught by HHH with a spinebuster. Near fall. Irish whip, superkick by Storm. Storm locks on the Mapleleaf/Straight Shooter but HHH struggles toward the ropes. HHH slowly to his feet another superkick from Storm. Storm to the top, but HHH weakly pushes the ref into the ropes and knocks Storm down. HHH struggles up and hits a timely Pedigree for a pin.
Winner via pinfall - HHH

{Backstage we're shown Christian sitting down and we're shown Angle from the neck down}

CHRISTIAN: Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?
ANGLE: I don't wanna, but I have to. DO me a favor...touch these. {Holds out the medals}
I didn't win these by being a coward. I have to treat this as a positive, going ouit there tonight will be one of the most courageous things I've ever done.
CHRISTIAN: At least people won't be chanting "You Suck"
ANGLE: That's right.
CHRISTIAN: They'll be chanting "You're Bald" {laughs and starts singing} You're Bald, You're Bald, You're Bald...{Angle apparently stares him down} I mean, {starts singing again} You're Bald...ly Handsome...In a.....Manly way {gets up} gotta go buddy, good luck out there.

{COMMERCIAL}

STACY: Hey Test
TEST: Hey Stacy
STACY: Mr. McMahon would like you to do a favor for him tonight.
TEST: I can't do the kind of favors you do Stacy
STACY: Oh no, not like that. See, I think Vince is jealous of Randy Orton because he's young, attractive and he's got a great body...but besides that, he wants you to teach him a lesson.
TEST: I'll do it, but how bout I take care of you first? {kisses her}

{Test walks away and Stacy looks somewhat pleasantly surprised}

{Angle's music plays...but no one comes out. They play it again and he FINALLY comes out, wearing a wig pinned on by wrestling headgear, you know, the kind Rick Steiner used to wear.}

ANGLE: Well well well, people say it was a damn near miracle when I won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freakin neck. But this almost tops it. It's amazing what hair supplements can do these days. In less than a week, I managed to grow my hair back, I even let it grow out a little just for kicks. I know you people paid good money to see a bald pathetic loser crying in the ring, but don't worry, there's always Hulk Hogan here tonight. As for Edge, it was a fluke victory, and no one is going to ridicule your Olympic hero, so if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go try some new moose I just bought.

MAVEN: Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, but it is absolutely none of my business, but there is no shame in being bald. Who knows, you might even look better? Kurt, do yourself a favor and take that ridiculous Elton John looking rug off your head and just be yourself. Your fans aren't gonna make fun of you. {laughs} You people all want to see the real Kurt Angle right? {crowd cheers}

ANGLE: Excuse me, do I know you? Do you work here or something? Oh you're that guy who won some contract on MTV or something, but do you have any idea who you're talking to? I'm Kurt Angle. THE Kurt Angle. If you think this is a wig, and want it off my head so badly, why don't you come down here and remove it yourself.

{Maven thinks it over and walks to the ring}

Angle stomps Maven the second he hits the ring. Angle goes for an irish whip, but Maven eludes and hits a drop kick. He goes for the headgear, but Angle fights back up with a german suplex and runs away. Edge attacks Angle on the ramp and goes for the headgear as well, but Christian attacks Edge from behind and pulls Kurt back up the ramp.

{COMMERCIAL}

When we come back from commercial Stacy is dancing on the announce table. No, I didn't miss a sentance, it was THAT random.

Test vs. Randy Orton
Test goes for a handshake, Orton mulls it over and Test slaps him in the face and starts stomping a hole in Orton's ribcage. Test is moving about 50 miles an hour as he continues assaulting Test and Test throws Orton to the outside and argues with the ref. When he's finished Orton is back in the ring and hits a dropkick. Test back up and hits his pumphandle powerslam for a near fall. Test waits for Orton to get back up and goes for the big boot, Orton moves and Test gets hung up on the ropes. Orton takes advantage with a slew of clotheslines. Orton to the top, Test slows him up, but Orton knocks him down and hits a flying cross body, but Test rolls through the pin for a near fall. Test goes for the pumphand powerslam again, but Orton reverses into a pin. Test argues wit the the ref again and Orton schoolboys Test. Test again goes for a slam, and again Orton reverses into a near fall pin. Finally Test back on his feet, gives Orton the "roll of the dice"...which is just really brutal to see and earns him the victory.
Winner via pinfall - Test

{Commercial}

LOYD: Undertaker, your title win over Hogan has had some serious ramifications.
TAKER: Are you done? Yeah, I thought you might be. I told the world what I was gonna do. I said it, I did it. I am the WWE Undisputed Champion. Do you know what that means? It means I am the best in the world, I am at the top of the ladder, I am the man to beat. I'm sure there are several superstars out there who aspire toward this. But for that to happen, they have to step into my yard and take this from me, and I don't see anyone out there who can beat me.
LOYD: Well...sir...some might say that you did lose to Rob Van Dam, we'd like your comments on some footage.

{recaps of Taker/RVD from RAW are shown}

UNDERTAKER: ANd your point is? You're some kind of smart ass aren't you? Listen, Ric Flair said that due to poor officiating the match never ended, so the match continued. So I am the Undisputed Champion, if that's ok with you. ANd if it is, I came here to watch the end result of my handiwork, the death of Hulkamania.

{Rico is shown admiring the tag title...probably remembering the good old days when it was worth a damn}

CHUCK: What are you doing?

RICO:Just finishing getting dressed

BILLY: About last sunday at judgement day, I hope you're not getting too attached to that gold there.

RICO: This? NO! It was a fluke, I'm a champion by default. See this gold? It doesn't go with any of my clothes, it looks horrible on me. You guys should be champions, somehow, someway I'm gonna prove that I'm still faithful to you guys. What do you say?

{they have a group hug, but Billy and Chuck flash each other a skeptical look}

{Jericho is shown half-dead stumbling through the halls}

JERICHO: Faarooq, just the guy I've been looking for.

FAAROOQ: Man what's wrong with you? You high, drunk? Oh yeah, you got hit in the head too many times in the Hell in a Cell.

JERICHO: Of course, I got the beating of my lifetime. No wonder Mick Foley retired after the Hell in a Cell. I have no desire to fight tonight, so I wanna buy some protection, I don't wanna fight tonight. I gotta lot of money, so what do I have to pay?

FAAROOQ: The only thing you gotta pay, is attention.
{walks away}

JERICHO: What does that mean?

HENRY {offscreen}: Hey! Sugar Britches! (you heard me)

JERICHO: what?

HENRY: (says something unintelligable, but gets the point across that he's fighting Jericho tonight)

{COMMERCIAL}

Apparently I think I know him, here comes Edge. Edge and Maven are standing in the ring. Christian comes out

Kurt Angle and Christian vs. Edge and Maven
Angle attacks Edge from behind. Irish whip by Edge, spinning heel kick on Angle. Followed up by that high angle DDT..is that one the Edgeocution or the Edgeomatic?....Angle tags Christian, who attacks Edge, but Edge catches him with a flapjack. Edge tags in Maven. Christian hits a backbreaker on Maven, near fall. {Trish and Torrie are shown watching} Christian works Maven into the corner where Angle chokes him. Angle hits the ring and clotheslines Maven. Angle jaws with Edge and Maven low blows him, Edge and Christian both get tagged in. HUGE back body drop on Christian, then on Angle as well, near fall on Christian broken up by Angle. Edge hits the double clothesline off the ropes. Edge tags in Maven who takes Christian. Angle hits the Angle slam on Edge, but Maven DDTs Angle. Maven to the top, tries to dropkick Angle, but hits Christian instead. Nearfall broken up by Angle. Edge spears Christian. Angle knocks Edge to the outside, but Maven comes up from behind him and knocks Edge out as well. Christian comes up from behind and goes for the unprettier, but Maven gets the roll up and the pin.
Winner via Pinfall - Maven and Edge

{COMMERCIAL}

D'Von and Deacon Batista come to the ring, followed by Rikishi.

D'VON: That's disgusting, that's distasteful, that's sinful. YOu get the hell...I mean the heck in the back and put somet clothes on you heathen.

Rikishi v Reverend D'Von w/Deacon Batista (I'd also like to note that I'm the ONLY one who guessed the correct spelling of that on the first try)
Rikishi right hands, and an irish whip, D'von goes for the sunset flip, but Rikishi blocks it. D'Von escapes and prays. Rikishi hits a side suplex on D'Von and works him into the corner. D'Von hits the ropes and hits a flying shoulder block. {Rico comes down} D'Von drives his elbow into Rikishi's head and tries to suplex him, but hurts his back. {Billy and Chuck come to the top of the ramp} Rikishi scoops up D'Von but the Deacon pulls Rikishi's legs out from under him, giving D'Von a near fall. DDT by D'Von, but Rikishi LITERALLY bounces back onto his feet and superkicks D'Von. Irish whip, Rikishi catches D'Von with a BRUTAL rollaway flapjack. Back elbow into the corner by Rikishi, and he prepares to go for the stinkface. Deacon tries to get in the ring, but the ref stops him. While he's tied up, Rico comes in and clocks Rikishi with the belt. {Billy and Chuck cheer} D'Von gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall - D'Von

After the match, Rico tries to help Rikishi, all the while flashing a thumbs up to Billy and Chuck. Rico then leaves with the two.

{COMMERCIAL}

{Earlier today, we're shown Chavo watching and cheering on Eddy's actions from RAW}

HURRICANE: Chavo Guerrero, Gregory Helms, star reporter for the Daily Globe. Dastardly deeds by the dastardly Eddy Guerrero. Someone has been leaving the Hurricane dastardly notes, coincidence? I think not.

CHAVO: I don't leave no stinking notes. But you can tell the Hurricane I'm gonna beat him and take his title.

HURRICANE: What's that smell? {opens a locker, there's another note and a clue...beef jerky. Hurricane reads the note} "I'm not short, and I'm not fat, I left you a clue" What's up with that?

{INTERVIEW}
LOYD: HHH, this past Sunday you were in that brutal matchup with Jericho and you beat him and then amazingly came here tonight and defeated Lance Storm, that's amazing.

HHH: You're right you know, Hell in a Cell is the most brutal match ever devised. There are now winners in that match, just survivors. But now, my focus is back where it should be, on becoming the WWE Champion.

STORM {comes in}: Hey Hunter, you got lucky tonight, but your luck is about to run out.

{Test comes out of nowhwere and gives HHH the big boot into the set}

{COMMERCIAL}

WWF Cruiserweight Championship - Hurricane (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero
Hurricane with the eye rake, snapmare, shoulder block and then he catches Chavo going for the leap frog and powerslams him for a near fall. Chavo back up, back suplex on Hurricane. Chavo ties Helms up in the corner and dropkicks him in the chin. Near fall. Chavo fights back with shots to the midsection, but Chavo catches him with another huge dropkick. Near fall. Chavo goes for the suplex, but Hurricane blocks it, Irish whip, Hurricane hits the flying clothesline. Whip into the corner by Hurricane, he catches Chavo on the rebound with a neckbraker, near fall. Chavo scoops up Hurricane and hits (and i could be wrong) what appeared to be a side hangmans ddt. Hurricane kicks out of the near fall and goes for the chokeslam. Blocked. Hurricane whips Chavo into the corner, Hurricane climbs the ropes and hits the Overcast (Buff blockbuster...damn him straight to hell) for the pin.
Winner via pinfall and STILL Cruiserweight Champion - Hurricane

STACY: You know Vince, just for the record. That kiss that Test gave me, that meant nothing. Out there at the ring I was just having fun, you know that right?

VINCE: Oh don't worry Stacy, nothing could make me angry tonight. History will be made tonight. The President of the US gives the State of the Union Address, Lincoln gave his Gettysburg Address and tonight Hulk Hogan gives his farewell address!

{Jericho interrupts by coming in}

JERICHO: What are you doing what is the problem? You saw Hell in a Cell, look at me I'm torn apart, I'm beaten. What are you doing booking me tonight?

VINCE: I appreciate what you went through, but this is an opportunity, can you beat the World's Strongest Man?

JERICHO: Of course I can but.....what did he mean when he called me sweet britches?

{COMMERCIAL}

Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry
Henry hits a running splash into the corner. Henry with a hiptoss. Henry steps on Jericho while climbing the ropes then misses a Vader bomb. Jerichohead wounds are reopened. Jericho chokes Henry with the unwound wrist tape. Clothesline by Henry. Jericho off the top, Henry catches him and puts him in the military press. Henry throws Jericho to the outside. Henry gives chase and whips Jericho into the post. Back in the ring the referee takes a chair away from Henry. Jericho grabs a chair of his own and waffles Henry in the back for the pin.
Winner via pinfall - Jericho

{COMMERCIAL}

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring.

(credit: I borrowed some of this from Calvin's Spoilers, because it's VERY LONG and I didn't want to miss a word, because most likely you all will want to read the whole thing)

HOGAN: No doubt I love you guys {responding to cheers.} I was born Terry Bollea on August 11, 1953 in Augusta, Georgiea. I was raised in Tampa, Florida. I was the proud son of a pipefitter and a housewife. My parents were working class people who worked all their lives to support our family. One day about 20 years ago I had the opportunity to get in this business. I had the honor and the priveledge to perform in front of you, and all the other Maniacs all around the world. The last 20 years I have had a blast, I have had the time of my life. {HOGAN chants} Thank you guys, but I gotta say this. There is only one thing I regret right now - my father past away at Christmas time and he's not alive to see me right now out here with all my Hulkamaniacs. Around Christmas time, my dad had his sixth stroke. I was in the hospital for four months and he showed no emotion at all. But on Mondays and Thursdays he lit up, but one day he just got tired of laying there. One day he got tired of looking at me and he tore that trachea tube out of his throat and said two things to me - he said "Terry, you need to go back to wrestling and straighten out your career" and he said, "Terry, you need to go back home and go back to the WWF." {Hogan gets choked up} Well here I am guys. {Hogan chants} I couldn't have done it without all you guys out here, so thank you. I want to thank you guys for all your encouragement. I want to thank you for believing in me. If it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't be who I am today, so thank you. But there's one other thing I have to thank you for, I have to thank you right now for taking the biggest step in my professional career. There comes a time in every man's life, whether its injuries, timing, whatever it is where you just have to step down. It's like Kenny Rogers said, "You gotta know when to hold em and you gotta know when to fold em." I wanna thank you guys for believing in me, for believing in Hulkamania. But, most of all I want to thank you for all of the memories. Before I leave this ring tonight for the very last time, I have one hope and one dream, and that dream is that I hope Hulkamania lives forever. {crowd cheers} From my heart Hulkamaniacs, thank you.

{Voodoo Child hits, Hogan plays to the crowd one last time}

UH OH!

{No Chance! hits and Vince McMahon walks to the ring and gets on the mic. }

VINCE{swaggering like only he can}: Say it ain't so (=w=). My god the sky is falling down. The world is coming to an end because Hulk Hogan is announcing his retirement. Just where is Hulk Hogan making the most important announcement in his career? Why it seems somewhat apropos and somewhat pathetic that you'd be making such an announcement right here. Right here in the very rectum of Tupelo, Mississippi. Then again, I coulda told you last week that you were gonna pull some stunt like this, I could smell it on you Hogan. Hogan, read my lips. There is no chance in hell of you retiring. Your not gonna retire tonight or any night. I'll tell you why. Ten years ago you walked out on me. Not this time. This time I have a signed contract and if you retire tonight I will sue you and your family for everything you've got. See Hogan, I look at it this way, I think the only way you will ever leave my company is when your body is decomposing in a pine box. I'd like to remind you - I created Hulk Hogan. I own Hulkamania. Oh yes I do. And I intend Hogan, I intend to milk Hulkamania for every cent I can until the day you die.

HOGAN: You know Vince? You know something Vince McMahon? One day I may retire but it won't be till I kick your ass.

Hogan punches Vince and whips him with the weightlifting belt. Undertaker hits the ring and attacks Hogan in the corner. Hogan regains the advantage with a back elbow and a two fisted running block and clotheslines Undertaker out of the ring. Undertaker and Vince walk up the ramp staring at Hogan. Vince yells out that Hulkamania will die on his terms. Hogan flexes for the crowd and walks to the back.

Commentary:

First of all, I knew this wasn't legit the second I heard Voodoo Child play. Ain't no way Hogan's hittin the bricks before we hear "Real American" one more time. I'm sorry to borrow some parts of the Hogan speech for my article, but Hogan talked so fast and it was a really good promo. Calvin had it all, I have a 10:15 deadline, so I stand by my decision and I'll pay for it if I must.

I LIKE THIS ANGLE. Hogan will hopefully fight Vince at KOTR for the right to retire! Brilliant! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! Fans will want Hogan to retire, while loving him at the same time. And who better to pit him against than Vince McMahon? EVERYONE wants to see it, and you hurt no wrestler's cred in this match, and since there's no title at stake, the company can really play up the drama here. I'm rooting for this angle, it's Hogan's last chance to save his legacy with me, and I want him to, believe me.

Instead of having Helms beat the two established cruiserweights he jobbed to for weeks, let's pull Chavo off of ring crew duties and throw him in there to do the job. ESTABLISH HELMS - you're gonna need him.

Great stuff and a KILLER match with the Edge/Maven vs. Christian/Angle. Great history going in (except for Maven) but I like Maven. Anyone who continues to work so visibly hard is ok by me.

Yeah, Stacy's hot.

At this point the Tag Team titles are so completely and utterly useless, that they should be melted down and cast into new turnbuckles to save the company some money. Just send Rikishi home, he's ruined forever.

Orton snuck some technical moves in tonight! GASP! The road agents will be pissed when they find out!

Good push for Lance Storm, would have liked to have seen him pin a battered HHH, but he clearly owned the match, so I'll take it.

Is that Canadian 4 Horseman faction materializing? Hmmmmmmmmm

Remember when the Rock wrestled? yeah, me neither.

Undertaker is the world champion. None of this would have happened if the Rock was still alive.

Today marks exactly three years since the tragic 1999 death of Owen Hart. Owen was a childhood hero of mine and I cannot express how devestating it was to go from hoping he'd win the Intercontinental title as his promo rolled to hearing that he'd fell. I wanted it to be fake so badly, I was praying that WWF had sunk as low as they could possibly go. I wanted this to be a cruel joke. No way would I have laughed, but at least Owen would have been alive. But it wasn't a joke, Owen was gone. The fans who joined up in the last few years may not even know the name and that is a damn shame. Owen had every tool necessary to be better than any main eventer today and they'll be the first to tell you that. Go ahead. Ask Jericho, he'll tell you that Owen Hart is his biggest influence, bar none, both in ring style and in promos. HHH took leaps and bounds up the WWF ladder based on his stellar European Title feud with Owen.

Tito has called Owen Hart "The Best Wrestler to Have Never Won The WWF Title." I agree with that...except for one thing, I contend that he DID win it. Back in the days when titles would actually change hands at house shows, Owen Hart defeated Bret Hart for the world title, it was in either Canada or Michigan at a house show. I used to have the entire match, but it's since been lost, so if you know the details hit me with an email. Regardless, Owen pinned Bret, won the title and celebrated. But the match was ordered to restart just minutes later and Bret won it back. I think it would be really classy of the WWF to posthumously acknowledge that as a title change, and the subsequent match as a title defense. This would make Owen Hart one of the few Grand Slam Champions of all time, an honor he certainly deserves. Of course, they're not just gonna up and do it, so I'm interested to see what kind of support would be out there to start a mini-campaign on Owen's behalf. Let me know!

This past week, Owen's brother-in-law, good friend and biggest fan, Davey Boy Smith passed away as well. Go read the WWF.com tribute to Bulldog to see how alike they were. If you don't think Bulldog worshiped Owen, read "Have a Nice Day" by Mick Foley. They were two of a kind when it came to that lust for life. The only difference was Owen made family his priority and never drifted down a shady path. Bulldog did, and we all know the unfortunate results.

Owen Hart led the life I hope to live someday. He had a great family, he was loved and respected by all his peers, he had fame and a stage where he could showcase his talents, he was responsible, he was funny, charismatic, clever and mischievous. He'd have been the prototype of the perfect American man....were he not Canadian. The WWF really blew it with Owen, they should have realized he was better than Bret, and even if they couldn't realize that, they should have pushed him after Bret left. Owen Hart deserved more than he got, much MUCH more. It's time at least something, some little token effort was made by the WWF to make his memory last forever, they owe it to him. I remember there was talk of renaming a title the "Hart title" or even simply etching his memoriam on the IC belt, that he was to have won that night. WHAT HAPPENED?! Do it!

At Fenway Park, we have the Peske Pole, a foul pole named for former Red Sox player Johnny Peske. Peske's memory will live forever (I'm aware he's still alive, thank you) thanks to that pole. We also have the Ted Williams chair. One lone red chair among a sea of green, marking the furthest home run ever hit in Fenway. I know the WWF has no "home stadium" but they do have those belts. It's time some dedication to Owen was made. Because he, more than any other wrestler who has been lost to tragedy, deserves it.

Rest in Peace Owen Hart, may the world never forget you.

I'm out, hit me up at
Mick
chrismc@bu.edu

LOTS of Hot Photos of Randy Orton's Wife SAMANTHA!!!

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