The Lyrical Fix - The Whole F'N Champ
Submitted by Chad Brown on Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 8:02 AM EST



Back again, disturbing the peace
Like I just got my prison release
Call a friend, wake a nieghbor
A lyrical stunt is about to occur
Finally lighting up this mic
Step back, I’m about to recite

Judging Judgment Day

I feel for anyone that plunked
Cash to see a PPV that flunked
30 dollars.....why?
So I can see Hulkamania die?
Of course, there’s no doubt
The Hair vs. Hair bout
Was better than the rest
Followed by HIAC, second best
Then we had Mr. Eddy G
Squaring off against R-V-D
Better than last month, at Backlash
Where I think both guys had some whiplash
But Sunday, I think it dissapeared
Bad build-up, good match.....weird
It’s now official, and I might be late
But the Tag division isn’t great
Right now, it’s blowing a few nuts
And got more than a few ruts
That needed to be worked out
Before we see an entertaining bout
Cause Rico, Billy and Chuck
Certainly won’t earn my buck
To see them on Pay-Per-View
Oh, and get some new champs, too
Anyway, back to Sunday
I’m glad I didn’t pay
Show of the year, according to Tito
Can’t exactly agree with him though
However, on some parts I agree
So I’ll go ahead and give it a B

Keeping Things Fresh: The Whole F'N Champ

So Taker now holds gold
Well, the writers suddenly got bold
Putting the title on a guy
Who can’t sell properly
I have a feeling, however
That Taker as champ was better
But he still won’t aide
The ratings that are beginning to fade
The Taker/Hogan match
Was almost 12 minutes flat
12 minutes title match, on PPV?
What is this, free TV?
But that’s because the two old men
Could only last so long before fatigue set in
But the point being,
Putting Undertaker in the ring
Isn’t going to do squat,
World Title or not
Taker and Hogan aren’t the answer
They’re just another form of cancer
That’s why at the PPV in June
We need to fix that bleeding wound

Hogan, Taker, Triple H
Have all had their phase
With the gold the past few months
However, I have a wild hunch
That there is one man
Who’s shown that he can
Lead the WWE,
And I’m not talking about RVD
A guy who’s stolen the show
The last two PPV’s in a row
Not Kurt Angle, he’s elevated
It’s been long enough, we’ve all waited
Edge has shown he’s past
Being ready to break that glass
The glass ceiling, of couse
The same one that’s forced
Y2J and Chris Benoit
Back down to mid-level draws
Edge has so many
Matches; the options are plenty
Austin, HHH, Benoit, RVD
Can all work matches properly
Can you imagine the possibilities
The matches would be hot; 150 degrees
Or, on a similar note
You could shove RVD down our throat
Not that it’s a bad thing at all
Don’t make him to be a little rag doll
I think that was done Monday Night,
He certainly put up an excellent fight
Made into a hard-working star
Especially when he nailed the 5-star
KOTR: Taker taking on R-V-D
To determine the champ of WWE
I don’t know about you
But when their RAW match was through
Before Flair decided to come down
The pop for Rob was rather loud
That simply tells me
The fans see a champ in RVD
So many ways things could go
Don’t keep the title on Taker, though

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

(Note: I’d like to give out a personal thank you for
the overwhelming amoung of feedback I received after
the last column, especially for the Q of the week.
Thank you!)

Last week’s question: Should WWE sign Goldberg?

This week’s winner comes from Rob:
Wusup this is rob, the R-O-B
And im here to tell you what i'd like to see
Before i get the F out of the WWE
The question is who will be the next signee?
Will it be another ratings dropper?
Or bring on a bout of slobberknockers
Hopefully not ending up like Hennig and Hall
With length of careers ending up real small
Who's gonna sign? Who will it be?
Hopefully Bill Goldberg, thats who i see
Walkin down the ramp, beating his head
Hopefully he will spear Hogan dead
Becoming the Champ in the process
and ending all this poor ratings mess
He'll pack arenas, filled to the seams
But maybe that's just one of my dreams
It would be a nice change for wrestling indeed
Cuz that's exactly what the WWE needs
It would not be a tragedy
To see Goldberg win the belt cleanly, 1-2-3
Then keep it going, push him to the top
The ratings droppings just might stop
Like Edge and Rhyno, spearing foes
I know he'd put on quite the show
To give a final thought by me
Put him on RAW, I'd like to see
Something for me to tune in on Monday
Cuz what I've seen so far is to my dismay
So sign bill goldberg, give him a contract
Cuz he'd definitely make quite an impact
And here's one of my final rants
Who the hell starts those "Goldberg" chants?

Runner-up from Scotty:

Did anyone see UPN last night,
you would think Vince and Bret were about to fight.
The crowd roared for nearly half an hour,
Until it suddenly turned sour
Vince came out to screw the show up,
as if Stephanie’s writing wasn’t enough.
Hogan built this sport into an empire,
And 20 years later, he’s still on fire
So when you ask if the sport is in need of a star,
You want Bill Goldberg.....don’t look so far.
Don’t get me wrong, this guy is great,
his power and size make the perfect mate.
But don’t you remember how he was made
a streak of perfection, and WCW was saved.
Fans would come just to see his passion,
even for 2 minutes was worth the price of admission.
So when you ask if the World is in need of ol’ Bill,
I say why not, another career for Steph to kill.
Because I’ve been watching for about 20 years,
Seeing Rikishi is brining me to tears
Why not push a wrestler with some spunk,
Watch some old ECW, and quit airing this junk.
WRESTLING is what fans want to watch,
But pushing B & C?, just kick me in the crotch.
About this free agent you think is “the one,”
What happens when he breaks something, and he’s done?

Runner Up from Rick Scapulla:

Well it’s that time of season again were the WWE,
Could make me puke, with everything that I see.
Dear Vince what the hell
Can’t you see how bad the ratings smell?
Your fans can’t take it any more
Everything has become such a bore.
I don’t know what’s worse that crap on TNN
Or that other pile of junk you put on UPN
For the love of god Vince we need something new
And please consider your options cause you have quite a few
Let's look at what you have right under your nose
A man that would send a shockwave through the rows.
If you cant think of his name let me help u a bit,
The first grand slam winner, you getting it Vince?
As they say in shreck, there’s nothing better than par fey
Well guess what Vince there is….H. B. K.
Vince this man is the shit, and its friggin sick,
That we haven’t seen him dish out sweet chin music
In a WWE match in over 4 damn years
Vince please open up your goddamn ears,
The WWE fans want him back badly cant' you see?
I't would be bigger than last years return of his airness number 23.

Well then their is option two
One that’s slightly harder to do
But it’s still possible,
If you fill his pockets full.
An entry into the WWE will definitely send a surge
Because his mans name is Bill Goldberg
You talk about having dream matches,
Well Austin-Goldberg has been one since they invented Sandwiches.
There are other opponents people would like to see
Like Rock Triple H and Brock Lesner, that man-beast.
So Vince why don’t you give that idea a flirt
Cause trust me Vince it definitely couldn’t hurt

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: How would you improve the WWE RAW show? Submit your answers in LYRICAL format to chad@lordsofpain.net. The top three rhymes or so will be featured in next week's column

Take it easy,
Chad Brown
chad@lordsofpain.net
AOL IM: Lyrical Fix








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