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Submitted by The Valleyboy on Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 1:40 PM EST
After reading about the show that WWE Smackdown put on in Halifax, this past Sunday, I am even more disappointed that I wasn’t able to attend. Word has it that Edge and Kurt Angle worked a very entertaining match for the main event within the steel cage. Well, come Hell or high water, I am going to make it a point to make it to the next house show that comes to Nova Scotia. They had put on a great show in September and Halifax showed their appreciation for the WWE to come back to the Maritimes. Prior to September, it had been the summer of ’97, for Raw, since the WWE had been in Nova Scotia. That’s quite a time gap between shows. Hopefully, there is not going to be quite that long a wait until the next WWE show in my neck of the woods. Enough chit-chat, let’s get to the column… Selective Memory – Planet Stasiak I swear that I am the only one I know that gets a kick out of Planet Stasiak. Most everyone on the Internet can’t wait for Sean’s latest gimmick to disappear, but I can’t get enough of it. It is literally his best work to date. All the other characters that he has portrayed have been clones of other gimmicks from the past. Whether it was WWE or WCW, he was always playing a character that was a modified version of another character that someone else had portrayed before him. Before I go on about Stasiak’s latest incarnation on television, allow me to take a look back at some of those other characters that he has done. Firstly, there is Meat. Remember this character? Yikes. They don’t come much more two-dimensional than this. Sean was essentially playing the role of whipping boy to Terri, Jacqueline, and later on, Ryan Shamrock. The character flopped. Perhaps it was a way of inducting Stasiak into the roster of the WWE in a “paying dues” sort of manner (similar to Leviathan’s introduction as Deacon Batista). Perhaps the writers had nothing to go on for a character than the lowest common denominator. Either way, it was a stale character that was going nowhere fast. We had already seen Ravishing Rick Rude and Val Venis do everything there was to do with a character like this. There just weren’t many options open at all for Stasiak or the writers to do with the character. In fact, it wasn’t long before Meat disappeared and Stasiak started going by simply his real name. The character turned out to be even more stale. Not because Stasiak or the writers had come up with a poor gimmick. He just had no gimmick at all. I guess you could think of his gimmick as Stan Stasiak, Jr. because the WWE, at the time, was heavily putting him over as the son of a great wrestler. There was the fatal flaw. They rested Sean on the laurels of his father’s success. It wasn’t long before this attempt at getting over went south, and soon Stasiak went south too… to WCW. The “good ol’ boys” seemed to be just as strapped to think up a good gimmick for him. Upon his arrival, he was touted as the Perfect One. This was basically a Mr. Perfect clone to compliment the mundane program that was going on in WCW of old guys vs. young guys. Stasiak would find moderate success within the ranks of the Natural Born Thrillaz, but it didn’t last since WCW was dying a slow death. Vince MacMahon’s purchase didn’t help Stasiak to become much more that a whipping boy for the Alliance. Now Stasiak has something to really sink his teeth into. Planet Stasiak has only been around a few short weeks, but has already become more recognized by the WWE fans than ever before. He has yet to win a televised match under this gimmick, to my recollection, but right now that is irrelevant. Now Sean has a gimmick that fits the WWE atmosphere and can be used as a platform to gain more notoriety with the fans. Heck, Stasiak’s facial expressions already rival those of Vince MacMahon and William Regal. He seems really comfortable with this role and that can only serve to be a benefit to his career. Is Sean Stasiak a technical wizard who keeps people’s eyes glued to the television with dazzling moves? Of course not, and he doesn’t have to. Within the WWE, many of its most successful gimmicks have come from wrestlers who haven’t displayed the widest array of wrestling prowess. Take away the gimmicks of many of the WWE superstars and you are left with what I like to refer to as “meat & potatoes” wrestlers. I use that term to describe that their overall performances, in terms of wrestling ability, aren’t that far apart from eachother and don’t particularly stand out. The Rock would be another wrestler who fits this description. It is the gimmick that makes the person be noticed in the WWE. Very few have gone far without a standout gimmick. Bret Hart, Chris Benoit, and Arn Anderson are some of the few that have gotten by without portraying flamboyant or over-the-top characters. Stasiak isn’t someone that you might consider to put in a category with those men, which is why this current run that he has could serve to be a goldmine for him if it is dealt with correctly. Planet Stasiak just showed up on radar and hasn’t really had a chance to make a big impact on the WWE. Being on the Raw roster may serve to benefit him since the departure of Scott Hall and Curt Hennig. Add to that, the injuries of Kane, Kevin Nash, and nagging injuries of Steve Austin and the Undertaker. There is also a little heat being reported on some of the midcarders concerning the “Flight From Hell”, which Stasiak has yet to be named in. Political or not, timing could be what gets Planet Stasiak a push to the Moon. Natural Selection – It’s Only Natural (Asset or Liability) Now that Bill Goldberg is a free agent, people can’t help but talk about the potential of him coming to the WWE. I considered this possibility quite a while ago and wrote a small piece about the thought of whether Goldberg would be an asset or liability to the WWE. I thought that now would be a good a time as any to bring that piece back and present once more, now that he is free to negotiate for a new contract. So here it is, from January 25th of this year… “The rumours of Vince MacMahon & Company signing the likes of Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Terry Bollea to lucrative contracts has gotten a lot of people’s feathers ruffled. There are some that are saying that the money would have been better spent to try and sign Bill Goldberg. Well, let’s take a look at that, shall we? What does Bill Goldberg have to offer the WWF? Well, the first plus is name value. Kurt Angle is one of the only other professional wrestlers in the country to gain such mainstream notoriety in such a short period of time. Within his first 6 months of working shows in WCW, his popularity skyrocketed among the fans. People compared him to such superstars as Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, and Sid Vicious. WCW had him pegged as the wrestler of the new millennium. The man became untouchable in terms of popularity and potential. This popularity didn't last though. Fan interest began to dwindle. This was mostly in part to the fact that Goldberg's character was very one-dimensional. There was no real substance to it. WCW would try to revive the character and even went so far to even pipe "Goldberg!" chants into the arenas. The fans weren't buying it though. In the year, 2K, Goldberg turned heel and it flopped. Bill actually said that he didn't want to be heel because his fans didn't want him to be heel. That was the first real look at "da man's" ego forming. From then on Goldberg was more vocal publicly with his creative control. His new influence was preventing anything new from reaching his character. If Bill Goldberg were to succeed in the WWF, then he would have to fall in line and be a team player. That is something that I do not feel he is willing or capable of doing. His recent quotes on the WWF's status will burn the bridge even more for making a mainstream return to pro wrestling. At this point, I would have to say that Bill Goldberg would be a definite liability to not only the WWF, but his own personal career as well. That's for the fact that his philosophies are so different from the WWF, he doesn't like taking orders, and his conditioning may not be up to par to handle a WWF schedule and work-rate.” Nearly four months after I had written that piece, my opinion is pretty much unchanged. Since I wrote this, Bill Goldberg has gone even further out of his way to demonstrate his attitude and dislike for the WWE. Vince MacMahon does not need this kind of ego in the back. There are already plenty of egos back there from the sounds of things. The Memory Glands Award – “Sports-Entertainment” Segment of the Week This week’s Memmy goes to a couple of very deserving wrestlers in a segment that I certainly wasn’t expecting to see develop. I’m talking about the showdown between Triple H and Edge at the start of Smackdown. I was expecting a little bit of an explanation for HHH’s run-in from last week, but I certainly wasn’t expecting Edge to actually confront the Cerebral Assassin. I found it to be a nice twist on the events that happened. I always enjoy it, too, when HHH goes into semi-heel mode and when Edge shows a little more intensity that normal. Those two things combined provided for some entertaining banter between the two. When Edge’s music hit, I admit, I was a little hesitant that the segment might completely flop. That was laid to rest once Edge got in Hunter’s face. Although the segment didn’t add much at all to each man’s respective matches at Judgment Day, it did provide me with something else to look forward to in the future when their paths cross once more. A big kudos to each man for making the other look good without the expense of compromising their current storylines. Minimal Subliminals – Quick Rants & Smart-Ass Comments - NWA: TNA will be charging $10 a pop for their weekly shows. Why pay for crap, when I can watch the WWE for free? - The WWA says that they won’t be holding any more pay-pre-views in North America. Is that was those atrocities were? - Ric Flair allegedly ran around the “Flight From Hell” wearing nothing but his robe. I had an uncle who did that too, Ric. He wasn’t funny either. - Joanie Laurer will have a match on Fox’s Celebrity Boxing. You’ve come a long way, baby! Atleast you’ve outshined Rena Mero. - Paul Heyman will wrestle at Judgment Day. Sorry Mideon, but your crown for ugliest man in tights may be taken from you on Sunday. - Turns out that Larry Z actually trademarked the term, “Living Legend”. How self-absorbed do you have to be these days? - WrestleMania X-8 didn’t break the buyrate record for the WWE. Piping “Hogan!” chants isn’t going to change that fact either. - Maybe it’s me, but Big Show’s girdle must be some kind of health hazard to the rest of the WWE. God forbid that thing ever breaks. It’d kill someone. - Memo to Scott Hall: You forgot your pride and self-respect in the WWE locker room. Please pick them up on your way out. Forgotten Clashes – A Walk Down Memory Lane Judgment Day is upon us once again. This is arguably one of the least anticipated pay-per-views of the WWE’s lineup. Some might think Backlash is the worst of the bunch, but atleast that one carries a little heat from WrestleMania. JD, on the other hand, is stuck with no heat from WM and no hype towards King Of The Ring. Last year was witness to one of the least anticipated main events that Judgment Day ever produced too. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker. People weren’t exactly trampling over eachother to see that one. Unfortunate circumstances led The Undertaker to be the top face of the WWE for that time period, which proved to be not much of a draw. The undercard had a redeeming quality though. Despite the WWE struggling with storylines and character development, 2K1 saw some of the best in-ring performances of the WWE’s Attitude era. A prime example would be the Best 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match at last year’s event between Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. One fall was pinfalls only, the other was submission, and the final was a ladder match. WrestleMania X-7 gave us a great straight-up match between these two, then Backlash gave us an under appreciated Iron-Man Submission match. Judgment Day was probably some of there best work together though. Even with Benoit experiencing trouble on account of his neck injury, he and Angle kept the crowd locked into the match with some solid work rate and a nice story throughout the match. If you overlooked JD on account of everything else last year, it just might be worth a look-see for this match alone. Last ReCall Ah, another week and another column is in the books. This is my twentieth column too. I didn’t expect to have written this much when I first started. I guess despite the fact that the WWE is the only thing going in terms of mainstream access; I’ve been fortunate to think up things to write about. I could certainly use another promotion on my television screen though. WCW’s final days weren’t anything spectacular, but atleast it was something different from the WWE. If weren’t for the Jarrett’s restricting their promotion to Pay-Per-View, I’d enjoy watching that. I simply refuse, though, to pay money on a weekly basis to watch a fledgling promotion. I still have trouble figuring out that business decision. Anyway, now I have to get started on my picks for the LoP Judgment Day Prediction Contest within the LoP Forums. I feel lucky and I might just win this one. Time will tell. As always, I would appreciate some feedback, so I have provided my email address and AIM handle at the bottom of the column for anyone that would care to contact me to leave some feedback. So until next week, I will leave you with these words of wisdom to help you through your week… “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.” – Catherine Zandonella Valleyboy: E-Mail: valleyboy_ca@hotmail.com AIM: Valleyboy Canada
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