Lyrical Fix - Blending Red, Yellow, and Gold: What to do with Hogan as Champ
Submitted by Chad Brown on Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 7:49 AM EST



Rhyming like crazy, flowin’ like gold,
I’m throwing out lyrics that never get old
So sit back, fasten your seats
Cause I’m out to accomplish incredible feats
Entertaining you like no other,
It’s the Lyrical Fix, live and in color

Random RAW Thoughts
Is is just me, or has Mr. Stasiak
Suddenly become a ‘Fix maniac?

Also, am I weird, or from the get-go
Did Monday look like RAW is Nitro?

Brock “The Beast” Lesnar
I don’t think in recent memory
Anyone has really excited me
Quite like this new guy
Who’s got everything needed to satisfy
He’s huge, powerful, and fully equipped
Anyone got a needle? Cause this man’s ripped
Yes, I’m talking about Brock Lesnar,
Who’s suddenly my favorite wrestler
The man is great, debuted with a bang,
He truly is the next big thing
And he doesn’t rack up a win
Via tap out or submission
Not by count-out or low blow
He only wins by TKO
I love it, make it continue,
Mad props to the writing crew
For making a man destined to win
And instantly pumps my adrenaline

Blending Red, Yellow, and Gold: Booking Hogan’s Title Run
So Hulkamania is running wild
Hide your dog, wife, and only child
Hogan is now reining supreme
Living out a child-hood dream
It’s obvious Vince is out
To get every wrestling bout
That he can out of Hulk
But if you grab a piece of chalk
And head on over to the drawing board
You’ll discover fans will get bored
Of Hogan’s same old routine
That he did when he was nineteen
He’s the same as he was in ’89,
And did you notice during the rewind
On RAW, those Hogan flashbacks
Hogan still has the same freaking act
He hasn’t changed in so many years
It’s time to adjust his gears
But since he does have gold
Here’s the plan that should un-fold

As much as I hate the thought
Of the embarrassing fight he fought,
Let Hogan keep gold around his waist,
Until we can finally taste
Hulkamania begin to run….out
And Hogan running out of wrestling bouts
Let him defend at every P-P-V,
Defeating everyone from Austin to Rocky
Hogan’s unstoppable, can’t be beat
He’s accomplishing the ultimate feat
Have this go until around Turkey day
He’s defeated Vince, Flair, even Y2J
Gone through the entire roster,
Finally, he must beat Brock Lesnar,
By this time, he has an impressive streak
The man is just dying to be beat
Lesnar vs. Hogan, a money match
Hopefully Hulk won’t pick up a scratch
While he’s selling those nasty moves
But I think if the writers chose
This path, they can’t go wrong
The fans will be singing Goldberg’s song
Who needs GB, when you’ve got Brock
The hottest thing since Raven’s flock
Building up Lesnar started at Backlash,
And he’s sure to bring in major cash

Question of the Week
Last Week’s Question: Has WWF TV improved since the death of Stephanie McMahon? Was she the best heel on WWF television?

From Rich:
Is the WWF better without Steph?
She fits in better with Hugh Heff.
She can't act to save her life,
her idea to be Hunter's wife.
Aligns herself with the best,
could care less about the rest.
Now she's writing for the show?
God knows where the WWF will go.
So in front of the camera or in the back,
you can't escape the inevitable fact.
As long as there is a camera on,
the hottest star will be her pawn.
Are we better off not seeing her pair?
It really doesn't matter, she'll always be there.

Chad’s response:
Steph and Playboy, what a nice mix
She’d always be able to get a quick fix
Always be there, you’re dead on
I just wish she’d always be gone
Can’t act for crap, I agree
Her stuff sure ain’t no cup of tea
Better without her? You damn right
No use even putting up a fight

From Stanman of the LOP Columns Forum:
Stephanie is gone! Hip hip hooray!
My, oh my what a wonderful day!
The storylines are fresh and the wrestlers are happy
No longer are there angles, which are pointless and sappy
Looking at the TV ratings, they’ve gone nowhere but upward
Ever since that b*tch left, the shows are now moving forward
Don’t get me wrong, Steph is hot and quite the looker
But much like Y2J implies, she could be a hooker
The only person that misses her could be The Game
But that’s only because he’s the one bangin’ her so that’s pretty lame
Many stars can now flourish and show their talents without her
Much like the behemoth NCAA wrestling champion, Brock Lesnar
But get this straight…there was one thing that sparked interest for the fans
It was not the Rock, Stone Cold or any other man
Yes, you guessed it. It was the ‘Death’ of Stephanie McMahon.

From LunarComplete:
I don't Miss Stephony McMahon
Nor do I miss those implants
She thought people wanted more when we wanted less
out she'd storm in a poor excuses of a dress
screaming out her lungs
looking like she wanted to get done
her scripts are the worst
when speaking her vocal cords are about to burst
a great heel? What are you smoking?
w/o or w/o her the ratings are choking
she'll be back soon enough though
To ruin the nWo
Give me a break I'd rather praise Vince Russo

As far as Raw on TNN
I have RCN
which means I won't have to watch for a while
to my face that brings a smile
Gone are the days when the show was watchable
nowadays it feels like being in the hospital
JR jacking off on Test,Billy and chuck
oh dear lord how bad the WWF does suck
'tis only when the PPV's come around
does my face actually smile and not frown
It took this year's Royal Rumble to get things right
now Backlash is going to be a horrid sight
Matches thrown together at the lest second
is this the WWF's way of representin'?
or forgettin'?
How badly booking on the fly is?
No rock for two months
Hogan and triple H boy is that dumb
Well, enough is enough
Thanks for the column dun

From SpyderMan1975:
It's been a little while since the split,
and WWF TV hasn't changed a bit.
Basically you see the same old faces
But now in separate places.
Have things improved or gotten worse
I'll try to answer that in this verse.
And as far as the issue of Stephanie
The fans don't miss her on TV.
To her credit she was a good heel,
Everyone hated her annoying squeal.
Her departure from the scene was long overdue;
once the vow renewal/pregnancy was through.
Her siding with Jericho didn't add to that storyline
Those who think she did are out of their mind.
Jericho v. HHH was a great feud,
but adding Steph to it nearly killed the mood.
Now that she's gone, no longer on TV
The focus can turn where it should be
On the stars, everyone including Funaki
Ok, maybe not, but at least DDP
In closing, I'll share one thing that I've learned
No McMahon's ever left and never returned.
The truth is no matter fucked up it may be
We can look forward to the return of Stephanie.

Chad’s response:
One thing I know is for sure
Somehow, she’ll re-open that door
Use her power to get back on TV
And that’s when the WWF will lose me
Please, take a hint; Vince, take command
Don’t risk losing most of your fans

From Jose:
I wanna talk about a ho
She don’t show up, there is no show
Cuz I’m a crazy mother f’n fan,
Of that babe, Stephanie McMahon
It really is sad she had to die
But I ain’t no b****, not gunna cry
Just gunna stop watching the show
And the single reason is the N.W.O
A big old retard and an old drunk,
Haning out with some X-punk
Never make the headlines; never get the fame
Cuz they can’t beat old Triple H
Never imagine I’d see this day
When wrestling turned really lame

Chad’s response:
Hey man, when you learn to rhyme
Be sure to give me a ring some time
That stuff was hard on the eyes
Sounded like my mom’s lullabies
And the topic was easy enough to attack
It was on Steph, NOT the white and black
Get some rhythm; learn some skills
Oh yeah, and lay off those pills

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: Is Hulkamania really such a good thing for the WWF? Let me know your thoughts, in LYRICAL FORMAT, at chad@lordsofpain.net

Take it easy,
Chad Brown
chad@wrestlingheadliens.com










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