WWF Excess Report 4-20-02
Submitted by Chris Fothergill-Brown on Sunday, April 21, 2002 at 12:32 AM EST



You have NO idea how completely frustrated I am right now... As those of you
who e-mailed me wondering if I'd left the site know - I'm STILL here, but I
lost my computer for two weeks. The last thing I recall happening to it (I
have a laptop) is the power meter not wishing to close when I shut down - so
I said End Task. It never loaded Windows outside of Safe Mode, even with a
Restoration CD. Anyway, I sent it to the techie guys who told me it wouldn't
start because I never finished the Restoration, I simply had to answer some
questions. Errr, I don't remember any questions. Anyway - I got it back and
all was good. Then tonight, my computer wouldn't shut down without having
problems with the Power Meter. I told it to End Task, and it won't start. So
here we are, going about full circle once again....

On the plus side, my dad thinks we can fix it manually, so I won't lose it
this time. I'm doing this report in safe mode, then putting it onto a disk,
running it over to ANOTHER computer and e-mailing it to Calvin. And if
that's not bad enough, I HAVE TO WATCH EXCESS AGAIN!

Anyway, hop on over to my website (when you're FINISHED reading this report,
not before! Link is at the bottom) to check out what I did this week.
There's an article entitled "From The Outside Looking In" detailing how
watching wrestling without using the power of NEWS! WWF RAW Is War is self
explanitory - a recap of RAW. Picking On Backlash is one I'd REALLY like
everyone to check out - since it's my monthly pay-per-view game. You e-mail
me your picks for the show, and I list the leaders when it's all done. I
keep overall records and all that good stuff, so it's never ending fun. And
finally, WWF Smackdown! is of course just that.

Enough stalling. I actually didn't watch the show in my time off, so I'm
curious to see whether or not they actually went through with the rumored
format change. My preview states that hour one is "reviewing the Hulk
Hogan-Triple H conflict" and hour two is "previewing "Backlash"" so
something tells me it didn't...

Triple H tells Hogan he's not immortal! Will it be game over tomorrow night?

Hello everyone - that's DEFINITELY not Terri and The Coach! Michael Cole,
Marc Loyd. THAT'S how you spell it?

Everyone's been talking about that big match, and nobody believes in Hulk
Hogan in the back. However, he has those thousands of Hulkamaniacs. McMahon
wanted to stir the pot on Smackdown!, but to find out more we have to
watch...

Stacy Keibler is walking backstage - and knocking on the door of Hulk Hogan.
Opening her water, she accidently drops the cap and bends down to pick it up
as the door opens... "Ouch!" "Mr. McMahon wants you in his office right
now." "Vince wants to see me in his office? This should be good... I'll
follow you!"

Vince McMahon is on his phone - but has to take off when Hulk Hogan and
Stacy enter the room. "Well well well... Look at this. The Hulkster himself,
I'll be damned. And look at you, damn, you look good. He looks good doesn't
he Stacy?" "Yeah, he looks fantastic. I've never really been this close to
him before. Yeah, look at the size of those arms..." Vince clears his
throat. "Oh well, your arms are almost as big as Mr. McMahon's arms." "Would
you mind getting me a drink of water please? She's new." "I can tell." "You
see, I've got a question for you. You believe in deja vu? You see, I have
this perception that I have experienced all this before, I've experienced
this ground swell of support from WWF fans for you. I've got this perception
of experience, this unbelievably roll that you're on, this tidal wave of
admiration for you, and as I recall nothing could stop that kind of
momentum. As I recall nothing could stand it its way. And you know, I
remember when it was. It was just before the birth of Hulkamania. It was
just before you became WWF champion for the first time. Now, I can't help
but wonder, I can't help but wonder is all of this happening all over again?
Is it within the realm of possibility that this Sunday at Backlash that the
Hulkamaniacs can give you the inspiration to reach up to that brass ring in
the sky, yank it from the clouds, and once again become World Wrestling
Federation champion. Is it possible that this Sunday at Backlash will be the
re-birth of Hulkamania? Is it possible that you Hulk Hogan can do what you
did once before, lead the World Wrestling Federation into a new era of
popularity and prosperity. This Sunday Hogan, you come face to face with
your own destiny. Is all this some sort of perception of mine, or is it
reality? So what you gonna do. What you gonna do Hulkster, this Sunday at
Backlash? What you gonna do when reality comes down on you?"

Triple H reads a magazine with Rocky and Hogan on the cover. There's a knock
at the door - and a great pair of legs stand in front of the champ. "Umm,
Stacy I know you think I'm hot but you can't keep barging in here staring at
me all the time." "As if... I came in here to tell you.. (Triple H's shirt
is coming off) that umm, I came in here to tell you that Miss..... (Triple H
flexes his pecks) I came in here to tell you that Mr. McMahon wants you in
his office now!" "Stacy, you can't make me come just by telling me to. Tell
him I'll be there when I get there alright." She storms off. What a 1998
style skit!

Over in Mr. McMahon's office, Stacy has just arrived back bearing news.
"Where is he?" "He said he was going to come." "Well well well it's about
time you arrived. Why don't I meet you back at the hotel?" "Oh, like with
the bubbles?" "I'll meet you later okay? You know, you've been to hell and
back haven't you, just to become World Wrestling Federation Champion. I
admire that, I really do. But I just wonder, this Sunday at Backlash, are
you capable of driving a spear into the heart of Hulkamania? Are you cold
enough, are you callous enough to dampen the fires of the greatest comeback
in the history of sports entertainment? If you're not, take sollace in this
fact. Hogan as the WWF Champion will be on both Smackdown! and RAW, but you,
should you lose the WWF Championship will be the exclusive property of
Smackdown!"

So how would Triple H and Hulk Hogan co-exist going into Backlash? Well they
were forced to team up on Smackdown! and here's what happened...

CHRIS JERICHO and KURT ANGLE vs. HULK HOGAN and TRIPLE H

Triple H orders Hogan to start the match on the apron. So we have Angle and
Triple H - good, I was worried we'd have to start with something we'd seen
before. Lockup into the corner - Triple H hammers his way out. Angle rakes
the eyes to turn that around and goes back to working on Triple H. Whip -
reversed - Kurt comes out of the corner and gets backdropped. Kurt charges
to try a clothesline, but Triple H nails one of his own taking Kurt down.
Another. Triple H pulls down Kurt's pants down again - this week he's
wearing a red g-string. Hogan starts laughing, so Kurt decks him! KURT IS
GOD! Tag out to Hogan by H. Lock up, Hogan shoves Kurt back and poses. Up
yours. Tag out to Jericho. Hogan makes the motion that Jericho yaps far too
much - and Jericho counters with the "YEAH BABY!" pose! Brooks, if you're
reading this, I'm REALLY sorry, but that Hogan nostalgia trip I was kinda on
has officially ended now that he's messing with these two. Jericho wants a
test of strength - Hogan asks the crowd what they think. They go for it, and
Jericho's immediately down on his knees writhing in pain. Angle rushes and
takes down Hogan, both guys stomping on him. Double whip - Hogan takes them
both out with a clothesline. Bite me. Hogan charges Jericho in the corner -
Jericho gets an elbow up to stop that. Jericho goes to the top - calls to
the crowd, but gets caught and tossed. Does this match have the feeling of
an AWESOME WCW style match right now, or is it just me? Hogan rakes
Jericho's back - and sends him into the turnbuckle jaw first. In comes
Triple H. He stomps the shit out of Jericho. Whip - Jericho ducks a
clothesline, but meets a knee on the other side. Triple H bounces off the
ropes - but Angle nails him with a forearm, and Michael Cole immediately
acts like it's all illegal. Whip by Jericho - he goes for dropkick, but
Triple H stops short and catapults him into Kurt on the apron. Kurt falls to
the floor. Whip - Jericho caught with a spinebuster. Cover, 1, 2, Kurt's in
QUICKLY to break that up. Hogan gets in and nails Angle, forcing the ref to
order him back to the corner. Jericho gets in a lowblow while that's going
on! Jericho claps, signifying a tag and in comes Kurt. Kurt stomps on Triple
H. Big German suplx hits, 1, 2, Triple H kicks out. Tag out to Jericho.
Jericho kicks at Triple H's midsection. Whip - Jericho follows closely with
a running clothesline. Jericho lands the punches - but Triple H comes out
with a clothesline and hammers at Jericho. Run off the ropes - and right
into a sleeper from Jericho! Hogan wants a tag. Triple H desperately fights
out and manages a belly to back suplex. Jericho, hurt, crawls to the corner
to make a tag. He does so and Kurt charges Triple H - who moves and Kurt
nails the post shoulder first! Hogan's getting the hot tag. Punches for both
guys, a noggin knocker, Jericho send out, big boot for Kurt, but Jericho
trips Hogan up before the legdrop!! On the floor Jericho knocks the bandana
off Hogan's head and sends him into the steps. Jericho heads over to get a
chair. Tim White has issues with this, so Jericho sends him over the top and
to the floor! Jericho grabs the chair, but gets booted in the midsection and
DDTed before he can use it, thanks to Triple H. Triple H gets whipped by
Kurt, but manages to avoid a backdrop by kicking Kurt. Pedigree is set up -
Jerich breaks it up! Both guys beat on Triple H in the corner. This is
feeling more like a WWF match now. Jericho gets the chair - but Hogan pulls
it away. Jericho is sent outside - and Kurt begs off. Hogan charges, Kurt
ducks, and Triple H gets nailed!!!! Hogan can't believe his bad luck, making
faces, before getting beaten on by the heels. Double shoulderblock takes him
down. Jericho holds him in place for a chairshot, but out of nowhere is Edge
- the same Edge who left just an hour ago! Big spear for Kurt, and they go
out to fight in the crowd. Hogan points his finger at Jericho. One punch,
two punch, three punch, whip, boot, legdrop. Triple H has a chair up, and
NAILS Hogan HARD! No bell sounds, but that's it for this match.

Time: 8:55

Here's a bunch of replays, and Triple H poses with the belt over Hogan's
limp body.

Marc says it's going to be an unbelievable match tomorrow night. Will Hogan
recapture that glory one more time?

Tomorrow night, another match we're going to see is Edge vs. Kurt Angle. If
Edge defeated Kurt, he'd really move up the card.

Here's a video package from the past few weeks. Kurt declares his Olympic
opponents tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik. Edge attacks Kurt
on several occasions. Edge apologizes to Kurt and offers him pictures back
from the Team ECK days - with things like "I Suck" written on the back for
the camera. "If there's one thing I can't stand it's a loudmouthed Canadian
with long blonde hair who dresses like a rock star." Will Edge run with the
ball?

Marc says Angle's ego has rubbed Edge the wrong way. Michael says it's a new
Edge we've seen the last few weeks. Umm, that's news to me!

UP NEXT: The Rock goes Hollywood.

So what? No From The Vault? No special guests? 98% recycled content? Good
thing I'm providing 98% recycled content to make up for it huh? ARGH - this
is exactly what everyone said this show would turn into from day one. I kept
protesting, and protesting stating this show would be different, in its own
unique crappy way. On the plus side, The Coach is gone - but at what cost?

This week, WWF Excess is brought to you by Honda, Truth, and The Scorpion
King - the adventure begins!

Last week, during Excess' timeslot The Rock hosted Saturday Night Live.
Here's some EXCITING highlights from a REALLY crappy show. This show has
fallen so hard over the past 5 years it's sad. Between 1996-98 SNL was my
wrestling, but sometime after their 25th season it got too hard to watch.
Kinda like WCW. ;-)

The lines to see The Scorpion King have been so long Michael Cole's kid had
to wait in line for over an hour. Aren't I lucky I don't have any money or
any interest in seeing it!

Here's The Rock's premier. The highlight is Kelly Hu announcing she's in it
nude a lot.

Lita burns fat while some guy has the green apple splatters, possibly caused
by Stacker 2.

SLAM OF THE WEEK: Tajiri kicks The Hurricane in the head -
winning a Cruiserweight tag-team match - against one of the current
Cruiserweight Tag-Team Champions!

Tajiri and Billy Kidman is at Backlash for the gold. Marc wonders if Torrie
will finally stand up for herself?

Speaking of people who can stand up for themselves, here's a look at Mark
Henry...

Marc Loyd welcomes Mark Henry. Will he be wrestling tonight? Are you on
drugs suckafool, of course not! He'll be lifting a car off the ground. Some
of the guys are making bets, but Henry doesn't really care. He just wants to
lift that car. Don't worry Vince, the contract is only for another four and
a half years... Anyway, the same boys from last week start to huddle around
the car. Test doesn't believe it's a real car - and wants to prove there's
nothing under the hook. Taking a look, there's an engine alright. So Test
decides he'll lift it instead - and when he fails he states working out
three times that day is playing a role. Test bets 100 bucks Henry can't do
it, and all the boys want a piece of the action. With help from Faarooq,
Henry gets the weightlifting belt set into place, puts a towel on his
shoulders - and lifts. Sure enough, he manages to get it about 3 inches off
the ground which the announcers call 6 inches. Test shortchanges the boys -
and when accused of doing so, he throws Faarooq onto the hood of the car.
I'm not really sure what the point of all this is... Michael Cole: "That
Test is a damn joke!"

Marc still can't believe Mark Henry lifted the car, and knows not to bet
against him anymore.

UP NEXT: Mr. McMahon's spiritual advisor addresses the people!

Chris Benoit is going to be back soon - really!

D-Von was really upset when he was drafted by Vince McMahon - but Vince told
him to find himself and he'd be successful. So this is what's left:

Some organ music plays. Oh, it's Brother D-Von! He's apparently Mr.
McMahon's spiritual advisor. "Ladies and gentlemen of the congregation, I
come to you, stand before you as a humble servant of the man above! Testify!
You see, two weeks ago a great prophet came to me and said: "D-Von you must
leave the World Wrestling Federation and go find yourself." Oh testify!
Because one week later I came back. Not only did I find myself, but I found
the man above! Oh yes! I found joy! I found redemption! Oh, and I found
piece of mind! And first and foremost, I think I should thank the man, or
should I say the prophet that showed me that light. That showed me that way.
Oh, and that great prophet is a wealthy man, he's a powerful man, oh that
great prophet is the man none other than Vince McMahon! Testify! We can show
you the light if you let us. Oh behold, I seen you out as sheep amongst the
wolves. Me and the great prophet Mr. McMahon, we are the sheep and you are
the wolves. You are the wicked, we are the strong. And I promise you if you
let me show you the light, I will take everything to the man above hah, I
will show him what kind of redemption needs to be done. Because you see as
like did me hah, he picked me up hah, he turned me around, he set my feet
hah on solid ground. If he did it for me, he can do it for you. As far as
I'm concerned this sermon, oh my brother, is over." D-Von passes around a
collection basket to a bunch of plants - but there's a number of fans who
actually toss their coins and dollars in as well. Maybe Vince IS a genious.

Michael Cole can't believe anyone actually bought what D-Von was selling.
Marc feels it was a tad uplifting, but knowing McMahon was behind it, he
won't give any money because McMahon was enough of that as it is.

Here's a look at the buildup to Hogan vs. Triple H. Vince names Hogan the #1
contender. Hogan didn't think it could get any bigger than Wrestlemania 3 or
18, but it doesn't get any bigger than the championship - a shot which he'll
take. Triple H calls Hogan an obsticle which he'll run down. From here out
it's all clips. Angle shoves Triple H into Hogan, and Hogan retaliates with
a boot and legdrop. Lots of shots of Wrestlemania IX for whatever reason in
here...

Was Carrot Top born with a defect?

On Tough Enough 2 - Jackie and Pete made out. After all the build up to
whether or not they had sex THAT'S THE PAYOFF? Her boyfriend dumps her sorry
ass. Pete says anything that happens is secondary. Edge visits and eats
dinner with the gang. He talks about what life on the road is like, saying
you're never going to be home and it can be tough. Jackie cries to her
mother some more and her mother doesn't feel sorry for her. Pete feels bad
for not going further.

Michael Cole doesn't think they should lose focus on the contract. If
they're making out, they've already lost focus! Some kids get handed the
world and it makes me sick watching them blow it. I understand human desire
- but I can't even imagine trading a night with a girl for a chance at the
WWF...

Anyway, Tough Enough winner Maven gets a shot at the tag-team titles this
Sunday, and on Smackdown! he was actually involved in a match.

BILLY, CHUCK (with Rico), and ALBERT vs. RIKISHI, AL SNOW, and
MAVEN

How sad is the tag-team division when the number one contenders are Al Snow
and his Tough Enough buddy? Not that I have anything against them mind you -
but they're really grasping at straws here.

Chuck and Al Snow start things off - with Al getting pummelled when his back
is turned. Al fires back with some rights, and a series of boots to the
midsection. Side headlock is shoved off, and Al crashes into Chuck coming
off the ropes with a shoulderblock. Al comes off the ropes again, and
catches Chuck who's getting back to his feet with an atomic drop. A right
hand drops Chuck - and getting to his feet his met with an inverted atomic
drop. Al sells this one - but only in jest. Tag out to Maven, who climbs to
the top rope and delivers a double axehandle. Double whip - double hiptoss!
Both guys drop elbows, Maven covers, 1, 2, Chuck kicks out. Armwringer is
reversed, and reversed again, so Chuck pokes Maven in the eyes. Maven is
whipped off the ropes - but catches Chuck with kick. Hiptoss into an armbar
is applied. Tag out to Al. Al goes up, and drops down on Chuck's arm with an
elbow. Al runs over to knock the heels off the apron - and turns to eat a
clothesline from Chuck. Chuck tags in Albert. Albert hammers Al in the
corner. Whip from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, and Al goes down hard! Double
underhook - into a vertical suplex! Impressive! 1, 2, Al gets out. In comes
Billy. He kicks and punches Al in the corner. Whip - but Al slides before he
can hit the other turnbuckle and comes back with a clothesline! Tag out to
Rikishi. Billy gets in a bunch of shots, but Rikishi's not feeling them, and
shoves Billy down. Billy again goes to the punches, and again it's no good,
as he gets clotheslined. Billy is whipped into the ropes - comes forward
with a sunset flip, but 'Kishi starts bangin' those cheeks, and Billy
decides he best get out of Dodge! Chuck is tagged in, and met right away
with a powerslam! Billy and Chuck each take a hammerin', Billy takes a nasty
clothesline, Albert is knocked off the apron, and Rico is brought into the
ring. Back those buns up - charge, both Chuck and Rico fall in the corner.
Raise the roof! Albert's in with a bicycle kick - Chuck covers, 1, 2,
Rikishi kicks out! Tag out to Albert. Could we be witnessing this month's
pre-pay-per-view couple? Albert kicks Rikishi down in the corner, pulls him
out, and hits a raised knee 3 times. Scoop and a slam! Albert knocks Maven
and Al Snow off the apron, turns around, and walks right into a Samoan drop!
Maven gets the hot tag, and Chuck begs off. Maven runs over everyone,
hitting a dropkick on Chuck to get him out of the ring. Billy comes back
with a Fameasser, but meets a Rikishi kick square to the chops! Albert comes
in and clotheslines Rikishi, leaving Al and Chuck in the ring. Spinebuster
from Al - but Rico's in and hits a spinkick that sends Al out to the floor.
Up top is Maven and he connects with a bodypress on Chuck, 1, 2, 3!!!

Time: 6:20

Marc feels Maven's proved with worth time and time again - and if he does so
tomorrow night he's one half of the tag-team champions!

Michael Cole and Marc Loyd sign off(?!?) and bring in Raven and The Coach
(ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for RAW highlights.

Okay, I only want to recap the first hour from here on out...

Ric Flair says nobody puts a finger on him anymore or else there's going to
be hell to pay!

Sure enough, it's The Coach and Raven. Well, at least Terri's gone...

Bradshaw is trying to get retribution for what happened to Kane - and set
things right in the WWF. Bradshaw was in action on RAW, along with a bunch
of other guys...

THE UNDERTAKER, SCOTT HALL, and X-PAC vs. BRADSHAW and STEVE
AUSTIN

Bradshaw takes out the nWo while Austin and Taker slug it out. There goes
X-Pac over the top and to the floor. Taker and Austin start. Whip by Taker
is reversed - he ducks a clothesline, and hits his flying clothesline! Into
the corner, he slugs away at the kidneys of Austin. Whip into the opposite
corner, Taker charges and hits a clothesline. Whip is reversed, Austin hits
a Thesz press. Austin drops an elbow down on Taker. Boot to the midsection -
Stunner is shoved away! Tag out to X-Pac. Austin takes him down and sends
him face first into the turnbuckle. Stomping away in the corner now - X-Pac
is down. Pick up - X-Pac escapes a suplex and hits a standing sidekick! He
beats on Austin, chop, whip is reversed - and X-Pac takes a spinebuster.
Scott Hall enters the ring, spinebuster for him too! Austin sends X-Pac into
Bradshaw's awaiting boot - then tags out. X-Pac gets beaten on in the
corner. Whip into the opposite corner, Bradshaw follows and clotheslines
him. Belly to back suplex - cover, 1, 2, Undertaker breaks it up. Whip -
X-Pac ducks a clothesline and hits a spinning heel kick! Cover, 1, 2,
Bradshaw kicks out. Tag out to Scott Hall. Hall starts to work over
Bradshaw. Whip - Bradshaw stops in his tracks and hits Hall. DDT from
Bradshaw, cover, 1, 2, Scott Hall kicks out. Tag out to Steve Austin. Chop,
chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! Here's to ya - chop takes him down! Whip,
reversed, and Austin gets a forearm to the back of the head by Taker. Taker
is knocked off the apron - but Austin walks right into a fallaway slam from
Scott Hall. Austin rolls to the floor and gets beaten on while Hall
distracts the ref. Austin is sent face first into the steps, and X-Pac comes
out. Bradshaw cuts him off, and the ref orders Bradshaw back to his corner.
Austin is rolled in by X-Pac. Hall attacks in the corner. Whip into the
opposite turnbuckle, Hall follows and hits a clothesline. Tag out to X-Pac.
X-Pac with a series of punches to Austin - but he gets reversed into the
corner and Austin hammers away. X-Pac has enough of that, and turns it again
hitting a series of kicks. Clothesline in the middle, 1, 2, Bradshaw breaks
it up. Tag out to Hall. Whip - Austin ducks the clothesline, then they both
hit them on each other. We have tags on both ends - and Bradshaw runs over
anything that moves. X-Pac is whipped and met with a back elbow. Whip again
- X-Pac ducks a clothesline, jumps into the arms of Bradshaw, Scott Hall
comes in to break it up but he's kicked away, and X-Pac is nailed with a
fallaway slam! Bradshaw fights off The Undertaker - whips him across the
ring into the opposite turnbuckle, but meets an elbow face first on the
other side. Scoop - and a snake eyes! Taker charges with a big boot, but
it's ducked and he gets NAILED with the Clothesline From Hell! Scott Hall
takes one! X-Pac ducks his - tries a spinning heel kick but gets caught and
slammed! Cover, 1, 2, Taker breaks that up. Austin's in to get rid of him.
Out to the floor they go! Clothesline from Hell for X-Pac! 1, 2, 3!

Time: 7:14

Scott Hall is in and attacking Bradshaw, but Austin comes to his defence.
The Stunner is shoved off and Austin is sent back to the floor. Taker has a
chair and cracks it over Austin's head! In the ring Scott Hall stomps on
Bradshaw. The copyright is up, and we're out!

Coach wonders how Austin's going to react to The Undertaker's attack
tomorrow night. Raven's more concerned with Ric Flair as the referee - and
wonders if maybe HE has a personal vendetta.

Remember Mr. Noodle? I'm eating Mr. Noodle! It's what us people with no
money do.... That and find a way to drink unlimited amounts of beer.

Two weeks ago, Trish got nailed with the Women's belt by Jazz costing her a
match against Molly.

Raven says it's a good thing that Jazz lets her actions speak - because he
doesn't think we'll be getting anything from a monk with a vow of silence.
On RAW, Coach interviewed Trish.

Coach stands with Trish Stratus. Tonight she has a rematch with Molly - and
the winner gets a shot at the Women's Title. "Well you know Coach, the way I
see it, it's all about give and take. You see, yes Jazz did give me a shot
in the head with the Women's Title - but that's okay. Because when I beat
Molly tonight, I'm gonna take that very same title at Backlash. And when I
do, it's going to be 100% Statusfaction guaran..." but Ms. Molly has
wandered into the picture and shut Trish up. She's holding a copy of the WWF
Swimsuit issue. "Excuse me, I didn't mean to interrupt. But Coach, you're a
male, tell me. Which picture is more attractive? This borderline softcore
pornographic picture of Trish? Or this radiant portrait of beauty? I'm sure
alot more students at Texas A&M have this picture in their dorm room than
any of yours. You know what else is a beautiful thing? Tonight, after I beat
you and win the Women's Title at Backlash, I will be the first WWF Women's
champion to be both pure and wholesome." "Well I'll tell ya this much Coach,
when I beat Molly tonight, she's gonna find herself in an apparently
unfamiliar position. Flat on her back!" I wonder what Ivory thinks about
that!

MOLLY HOLLY vs. TRISH STRATUS (for the #1 contender to the WWF Women's
Title)

Lockup, Trish gets hiptossed. Both ladies are back up - lockup, scoop and a
slam from Molly. Lockup, armdrag, and Molly puts on an armbar. Trish fights
to her feet. She tries to reverse - but Molly gets her back on the ground.
Trish back to her feet - sucker punch right in the face! Whip - Molly ducks
a clothesline, hangs onto the ropes, and heads out to the floor. Trish sees
an opening, and delivers a baseball slide dropkick. Face to the announce
desk - and Molly is rolled in. Trish with a whip - ducks down, but Molly
stops her momentum and drives Trish back towards the mat. She comes off the
ropes now and drops a hard elbow. Cover, 1, 2, Trish kicks out. Stomp. Pick
up by the hair - Trish is sent face first into the turnbuckle. The
announcers apparently have nothing better to do than chat about the
virginity issue. Molly picks Trish up by the hair - and swings her around.
Trish tries to fight back but Molly knocks her to the ground. Trish picked
up - backbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, Trish kicks out. Stomp. Molly heads up to the
top rope - Molly Go Round misses! If the WWF expects me to care about the
Women's division they MAY want to sell things like that rather than discuss
who's cherry's been popped. Molly is up - goes to punch, but it's blocked
and Trish throws several of her own. Big kick to the head, that could do it,
1, 2, Molly kicks out! Trish now isn't happy, and makes the motion that a
kick is to follow. Sure enough - it does and Molly ducks. Molly with a go
behind into a small package, 1, 2, Trish rolls through and gets her a
handful of ass, 1, 2, 3!

Time: 3:18

With that victory she faces Jazz once again at Backlash. Raven picks Trish
to win because she's worked harder and improved more than anyone else in the
company.

UP NEXT: Tensions flair when Lita runs into Paul Heyman.

WWF Excess it brought to you by M&M's, Jason X, and Slim Jim! OOOOH YEAH!

Here's Lita making a Stacker 2 commercial. Kenny Wallace says the commercial
is pretty funny. He ate some Mexican food, giving him the runs. Everyone
thinks he was driving, but it was really her. BWAHAHAHA! HILARITY! Kenny
wants this commercial to be better than the one with The Big Show, because
she's a good looking girl. Sexism Runs Wild! It could be the 2002 version of
Blood Runs Cold. No?

Brock Lesnar was scheduled to be Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar, but something
happened on RAW to change that for the PPV...

The Coach with Lita. "I'm feeling okay Coach. You know I felt like I was
getting worse sitting at home, I couldn't wait being away from the action so
I had to come back. I couldn't miss another show." Coach shows some
DISTURBING footage of Brock Lesnar beating up on the Hardys - only to see
them come back with chair shots that didn't phaze him. This Sunday - Brock
Lesnar debuts against Matt Hardy. Before we can get any thoughts, Paul
Heyman comes over. "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. You know Lita, I know
your mind is on this big tag-team match tonight, but if I were you I'd start
thinking about Backlash." He heads into her dressing room - and she doesn't
take well to that. He's found a thong and starts playing with it as well.
"Your not going say anything Lita, I am. You know Lita, I represent the next
big thing, Brock Lesnar. And Brock this Sunday at Backlash can make it one
of two ways. One way is to play nice with your boyfriend Matt Hardy. The
other is to play rough with your boyfriend Matt Hardy. The choice Lita is
yours, it all depends on how you want to play with me." And here's an evil
grin. Lita's had about enough of that and slaps Paul! "Get out of my locker
room NOW Paul." "You like to play rough? So do I!" Lita makes creeped out
faces while Paul exits the room.

THOSE PUNK KIDS (with Lita) vs. BOOKER T and GOLDUST

Booker and Dustin attack Team Extreme right away. Jeff gets tossed out by
Goldust - then as Booker whips Matt, Goldust hits a clothesline. Matt is
whipped - and met with an ass to the face. Booker gets the tag. Boot to the
midsection, chop, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp,
stomp, stomp, knee to the midsection, whip - Harlem sidekick misses, and
Matt hits a neckbreaker. Whew! Jeff and Goldust are tagged in. Jeff attacks,
goes for a whip - but it's reversed, and he comes off with a double forearm
shot. Grab the legs - drops them down on the groin. Stomp - now both Hardys
whip Booker across and hit the Poetry In Motion. Matt double clotheslines
Booker to the floor. Back to Goldust - he gets whipped, and hit with Poetry
In Motion. Boot to Goldust - Twist Of Fate! Before we can hit the Swanton
Bomb though, the fans are booing and it's because Paul Heyman's made his way
down. Matt takes off after him, and Paul hauls ass up the stage. Swanton
Bomb hits Goldust - but Booker's there with a Harlmer sidekick. Goldust
covers, 1, 2, 3!

Time: 2:13

Heyman's got a whole bag of Lita's thongs at the top of the stage now, and
randomly tosses them out. Matt orders Lita to stay back as he heads up the
ramp. Suddenly appears Brock Lesnar and dares Matt to charge. He does - and
nails a lowblow. Here come some punches, but that won't take out the big
man! Here's that inverted TKO right on the steel! Brock then takes off as we
see Jeff come into the picture with a chair. Matt is out cold, and everyone
gathers around. Who says male managers can't work anymore?

Because of the injury, Jeff Hardy takes the place of Matt. Raven thinks that
Jeff's screwed, because as a team the Hardys were having trouble, let alone
a singles. Though in his first match he may be nervous - however not enough
to bet against him.

Like RVD's theme song, he's one of a kind. However, Raven calls him a
plagarist! The reason: He ripped off the Froggie Splash and IC belt from
Eddie Guerrero. They were involved with one another on RAW, believe it or
not...

ROB VAN DAM and SPIKE DUDLEY vs. WILLIAM REGAL and EDDIE
GUERRERO

Guerrero's still using Latino Heat. He also doesn't look nearly as old as he
did at the WWA pay-per-view back in February. Before the bell - Regal cheap
shots Spike and knocks him to the floor. The heels attack the prone Rob Van
Dam. Van Dam recovers - whips Regal to the corner, and drops him with the
backdrop. Still on the attack, here's a spinning heel kick. Whip - reversed
- RVD with a go behind, tries to roll him up, but Regal holds the top rope
and RVD rolls away. Regal's kick is blocked - and RVD hits a spinning kick
of his own. Regal begs off, but RVD will have none of it - whipping Regal
into the corner, making the tag, and hitting the monkey flip. Regal too
makes a point of tagging out. Spike's dropkick is swatted away by Guerrero,
and he stomps on the little guy. Whip - reversed - Guerrero is caught with
an atomic drop. Boot to the midsection - spinning neckbreaker! Whip is
reversed, and Regal nails Spike as he comes into the ropes. Whip by
Guerrero, and Spike runs right into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Tag out to
Regal. Eddie punches Spike in the gut for good measure, and Regal comes off
the ropes with a kick to Spike's leg, taking him down. Cover, 1, Spike kicks
away. Regal with the half nelson suplex, and Spike can't take anymore as he
heads out to the floor. Lawler: "Spike didn't hurt his neck, William Regal
hurt Spike's neck." Guerrero slams Spike on the floor while the referee is
distracted, and rolls him in. Regal drives his knee into Spike's face as he
tags out to Guerrero. Whip - Spike is met with a back elbow. RVD has his
head in the clouds, and Eddie takes the opportunity to knock him to the
floor. Regal gets tagged in while RVD tries to rush Guerrero. Spike is
whipped - but he catches Regal with a crossbody, 1, 2, Regal kicks out.
Double knee lift to the face - and we're into the corner. Regal chops and
delivers that left hand. Whip to the opposite turnbuckle - but Spike comes
out in a hurry with a torpedo right to Regal's midesection leaving him
winded. Spike up - trying for the Dudley Dawg, but Guerrero comes over to
aid in the blocking, and winds up taking a rana for his trouble. RVD gets
the tag. Jumping spin kick to Regal. Guerrero gets knocked off the apron by
the charging Van Dam - who then follows with a Rolling Thunder. 1, 2, Regal
escapes. RVD up top - jumping kick to the head of Regal. Powerslam - RVD up,
split legged moonsault! 1, Guerrero breaks that up. Regal is whipped into
the opposite corner - nails a couple of shoulderblocks, flips back - Regal
comes forward, but RVD ducks - heads up - and hits a springboard crossbody!
Leg is hooked, 1, 2, Guerrero again matches the save. He hits a NICE
neckbreaker! Spike is tagged in, and throws some rights to Regal. Whip - and
Regal gets a boot up in the corner to take out Spike. Guerrero is tagged in.
He charges the corner, and Spike sidesteps leaving nothing but a turnbuckle
for Eddie. Go behind is reversed in a huge belly to back from Guerrero. RVD
comes in - but Regal cuts him off and they fight on the floor. Guerrero hits
a brainbuster, and goes up to the top rope. Froggie Splash hits - 1, 2, 3!

Time: 5:48

Eddie's mighty proud of himself and poses - complete with pointing to
himself. RVD doesn't take too kindly to that - gets in the ring, and
delivers a really cool looking dropkick! He heads up - but Regal manages to
get Eddie out of the ring. Hey, wacky tag-team partners that get along, how
about that!

Raven says he's going with Eddie Guerrero, because he's one of the most well
rounded performers in the WWF. His ability to think on his feet rivals
Triple H. RVD's lacking a few marbles upstairs.

STILL TO COME: Union Underground's music video.

That Max Payne has really changed since he used to play guitar in WCW...

Raven wonders if Hogan's bid for immortality succeed, or will he go down in
defeat? Plus, Austin and The Undertaker go one on one again. Raven thinks
it'll determine the rest of their careers. Here's some highlights.

Taker, Flair, and Austin all have their problems. Flair sets up Austin vs.
Scott Hall and RVD vs. Undertaker, the winners go to Backlash for the chance
for a title shot down the line. Both Taker and Austin win - setting up
Backlash.

In this scenario, Raven isn't sure which way the wind will prevail.

RVD sells Slurpees! Incase I haven't mentioned it a hundred thousand times,
I REALLY miss my 7-Eleven!

Here's Union Underground's music video, Across The Nation. It gave me an
epilectic seizure.

Tomorrow night on MTV, Sunday Night Heat at 7:00pm EST. Then at 8:00pm EST,
it's Backlash. Lots of big matches - but none bigger than Hogan vs. Triple
H. Will Hogan win the belt one more time, or will Triple H prove he's the
man of his era? Then on Monday, RAW is live from St. Louis.

Coming up next, Robot Wars on the NEW TNN!

I never thought I'd say this, but where the hell is Kane?

Chris F-B
chriscfgb@hotmail.com
http://cfgb.freeservers.com








*NEW GALLERY* Hot RETRO Photos: WCW's Sexy NITRO GIRLS! Wow!

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