WWF Excess Recap 3-23-02
Submitted by Chris Fothergill-Brown on Sunday, March 24, 2002 at 11:30 AM EST



Okay, thanks for all the feedback about Hulk Hogan. If you’ve been reading
the past few weeks, you know what I’m talking about. If not – ignore me.
I’ve found arguing clean and dirty pinfalls is gonna be a never ending
activity, so we’ll stop things there. But THANK YOU to everyone who took the
time to respond and tell me when and where he lost to.

Also, to those of you who entered my monthly PPV contest – the leaderboard
is located HERE so go
check it out.

Hey – news sites who think it’s “cute” to take this report and repost it on
your site. Knock it off, this is exclusive to Lords Of Pain! If you want a
recap for your site really badly, then you’ll pop a tape into your VCR, and
sit down with your computer on this show. Don’t want to? Don’t report it.
It’s that simple.

I like to whine. If you see this report anywhere other than Lords Of Pain,
please let me know so I can harass the webmaster to take it down.

Calvin’s either gonna love me for being exclusive, or hate me for driving
away the legions of sites who simply click to copy and paste. Tsk tsk.

Not enough non-wrestling related crap? Here’s more!

I asked about what YOUR Wrestlemania traditions are. Here’s some feedback,
because I love to gloat about all that mail I’m getting.

“this year I broke out my 4 tapes of what the WWF did for wrestlemania 2000
at Anaheim and that was have a screening of the ALL DAY package they had 2
years ago..strolling down memory lane from WM1 all the way up to 1999....in
addition to playing various Wrestling games on PS2 ..mainly SMACKDOWN 2” -
Matt Maristany

Matt went on to include that this has been going on since Wrestlemania 6.
Cool stuff…

“My friend and I go and watch Wrestling at Hooters every month. It makes it
great, because There is no bad place to look.” – Michael Mazzetta

Touche! Or don’t, you might get in trouble.

Excess sucks. I’ve been watching it since it debuted seven months ago. Does
that mean *I* suck?

The board of directors are going to extend the brand! We’re not splitting,
no way, no how.

Hello once again to WWF Excess! This is the NEW TNN. She is Terri, he is The
Coach. The brand extension happens on RAW – so here to talk about it is…

TONIGHT’S SPECIAL GUEST: Jazz. Errr? You THINK they’d have
thought ahead and brought on one of the co-owners or something to hype the
damn draft. Jazz? For god’s sakes… Well, Jackie and Edge have both surprised
me in the past as being entertaining, so I’ll give her a chance.

However, before that, we’re still riding the Wrestlemania wave! Wanna know
what I thought of the show? Why YES I did a PPV recap! Go to my site –
link’s at the bottom of the report.

Rocky and Hogan lived up to the expectations says Terri. It blew her away.
Coach will never forget that. That might mean something if he didn’t say it
every week. (Sometime in October or November – William Regal joins the
Alliance. It’s something he’ll never forget!) Halfway through, it became
totally pro Hogan. Anyway, let’s go watch a RAW clip.

Hulk Hogan comes out to tha Black and tha White. JR makes some sports
comparisons (Babe Ruth vs. Barry Bonds) Ummm, Ruth is dead! Hogan might not
move so well anymore, but eep! The strange French Canadian crowd gives Hogan
a standing ovation. *grumble* I should have popped for a ticket. Even worse,
I live in Hull and didn’t go to Smackdown! Yes, I realize that’s a
blasphemous act. Anyway, Hogan loves the fans, despite hating them a month
ago. Maybe he loves Canadians? He expected to have the greatest match of all
time with Rocky, and expected it to go down as the greatest match ever.
Sorry dude – I’ve still got Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker ahead of ya. He
expected the n.W.o. not to interfere – and he expected to walk out with his
name etched in stone as the only icon in the WWF. He expected to beat The
Rock within an inch of his life. There’s one thing he didn’t expect – and
that was 70,000 sticking with him the whole way. It’s called nostalgia. Bah,
who am I kidding, I was sucked in by it to. He wants to thank us all. YOUR
WELCOME! He also thanks The Rock. (Crowd: BOOOOOOO!) He came to the WWF to
take out The Rock and to embarrass him – and kill him. Well, he didn’t say
that, but it was implied. (The truck thing, incase our short term memory is
kicking it into high gear.) As he started hulking up, hit him with a boot
and a legdrop, it wasn’t enough and he got beaten 1, 2, 3. Someday they’ll
square off one more time. I believe it. IF YA SMELLLLLLLL – here comes
someone to retort. FINALLY! Ooooh, Rocky doesn’t sound happy. Oh, he’s
finally come back to Montreal. Seems he’s okay after all. The fans promptly
forget about hating him. And Hogan’s come back to the Hulkamaniacs. JR’s
singing a completely different song tonight. Last night Hogan was the devil
– tonight he’s the man who deserves our respect. How did it feel when 70,000
were cheering for Hogan? The Rock and Hulk Hogan share the passion with the
fans that cheered them for 30 minutes straight. Believe it or not – with
entrances and posing, he’s not kidding. Anytime, anyplace, it would be The
Rock’s honor to have a rematch. Put ‘er there partner. Now, despite the fact
the n.W.o. turned on Hogan, Hogan’s still wearing the t-shirt. Rocky wants
Hogan to tell the n.W.o. how he feels. Hogan rips that baby off!

Back in the studio – Coach accuses Terri of wearing n.W.o.colors. Terri was
shocked that Kevin Nash felt Hogan turned on them. Well, technically he did,
but anyway….

STILL TO COME: Razor Ramon vs. The Kid. See, THIS is how to
use From The Vault. I can’t find that match just anywhere. Kudos to Excess!

Stacker 2 Burn Of The Week – Brock Lesnar beats up people on RAW.

Coach says that’s what’s known as making an impression. Amen! Lesnar looked
good. Now, let’s see him wrestle.

If the Vanilla Gorilla is going to be hanging out with Paul Heyman, he’s got
trouble on his hands. Vanilla Gorilla. Hah. He should go team with Benoit
and Malenko.

Oh come on – they handed that one to me on a silver platter.

Off to Smackdown! in OTTAWA! The Hurricane fight with Mighty Molly. Lesnar
beats the piss out of Hurricane and hits a reverse TKO! Clothesline on
Molly! Was I crazy for thinking it was Sid right away? I know at least one
other person (hi Guruzim!) who agrees he resembled him for sure.

I miss Sid.

Anything’s possible says Coach for this guy with Paul Heyman in his corner.
Terri agrees, saying you only get one chance for a first impression. Where
is he going to fall in the draft? Well, he’ll either end up on RAW or
Smackdown! There, that was easy.

Here’s Jazz. Coach is afraid of her. Well he should be says Jazz. Handshakes
for everyone.

Back to Wrestlemania. It was a great privilege and honor to be on
Wrestlemania, especially with Hogan and the gang. When she first walked out
– it was “like oh my god”. But she got her mind focused on her business, and
actually had a pretty good match.

Terri’s breasts are positioned right above a Snickers sign. If this was
Nitro, that would be Milky Way. MILK IT!

Coach mentions that Lita and Trish were involved in a match on RAW that Jazz
was watching closely. We didn’t know HOW close though.

So Lita and Trish have a match on RAW. Trish jobs (sadly), and Jazz attacks.
Lita and Trish try to take out Jazz, but Ivory joins Jazz’s side to help
take them out. Jazz and Ivory come face to face – and Ivory offers her hand.
Jazz takes it.

Terri wonders what’s going on? Jazz doesn’t have any friends and doesn’t
need any. She also doesn’t need someone to watch her back. She and Tazz get
along well. I believe it! She’s strictly business, to take care of business.

She and Ivory teamed up on Smackdown! Trish pins Jazz.

Jazz thought Ivory was supposed to have her back – which wasn’t the case.
She’s quite annoyed. She’s better solo.

Speaking of solo – we’re about to have a draft. What does she think? She
doesn’t care where she winds up – as long as she has the belt.

Coach wishes her the best of luck, and tells her to come back anytime. Well,
that was pointless and boring. Stop putting women as guests – and go get
some midcarders who need the damn time to talk! The best shows are the ones
where I get to see a side of someone I’ve never seen before.

Hey, it’s Linda McMahon! She thanks everyone for making Wrestlemania a
success. Also, that draft thing is gonna EXTEND THE BRAND! Linda remains my
second favorite McMahon by not really doing anything irritating.

Coach loves the NFL draft – but never imagined a WWF draft. Let’s go watch
RAW.

Flair tells Vince that he may have created Monday Night RAW – but he’s used
to it to promote his horrible daughter. Hahahaha! (Crowd: “YOU SCREWED
BRET!” Vince waves his finger around in the “let’s move on” way. Vince
rules.) He’s used it to have people kiss his ass. Flair tells him it was
never about Vince McMahon – but about the superstars who walk the aisle.
Flair lets him know he’s gone, then has the crowd let him have it. That
Montreal crowd was amazing. Vince says he’ll have a vast array of superior
stars on Smackdown!, and in fact they’ll do a coin toss to determine the
first pick. Vince wins. Vince suggests Flair get used to what just happened.
Vince wins, Flair loses. Vince knocks Flair’s head off with a punch – but
Flair gets up and beats the hell out of Vince and slaps on the Figure Four.
WHOOO! God it’s nice to see Flair being properly utilized after all that
time in WCW. (WCW fans, DON’T flame me – I’m as big a company supporter as
any. But if you think Flair was ever used properly in the company since
about 1994, then you’re REALLY blind to what was going on.)

Coach wonders what Vince will do with that first pick. I’d go with Kurt
Angle myself… Terri wants to know where she’s going to wind up, or where
Coach is going. Uh, Terri, what does it matter where YOU go? You’re never on
TV anyway. Coach wonders if Vince will go Hollywood with the first pick.

Back to Smackdown! where Vince and Hulk Hogan get all up in eachother’s
areas. Vince wanted it clear that HE created Hulkamania. I’m sure Verne
Gagne wouldn’t appreciate hearing that. Vince wants to know if Hulk Hogan
wants to be the #1 draft choice. He doesn’t need an answer right away, but
wants him to think about it. Is Vince still trying to poison his own
company?

Coach reminds us that the n.W.o. get drafted as a unit, but the tag-teams
AREN’T getting packaged together. Well you’d think the n.W.o. would be an
easy pick, having 3 guys and all…

Terri wants to talk about Tough Enough 2. So we’ll go back to the
highlights. Keep in mind, I haven’t seen this.

Vader’s brother tells them that they need to develop their personality. Hawk
says something about his mother getting run over by him. I’d have to see the
show to understand I guess. Alicia has a muscle strain in her back – but
when they go out she’s fine, which leads one of them to believe she’s
milking it. Vader’s brother makes everyone a bet – that if Hawk and Kenny
can’t ride the mechanical bull, they have to work out in their jock straps
and bikinis. Al Snow was really grossed out by all the ass. Big was willing
to give them a chance to get the day off if they jumped in the ocean. Hawk
was the first one in to make up for the jockstraps. Hawk ends the show on
the phone by mentioning something’s eating away at him…

Terri says she’s never ridden anything and fallen off… This is never going
to end is it?

Believe it or not – we’re only an hour into the show.

Lugz Boot Of The Week – Stacy Keibler gets the Dudleys disqualified, and
takes a table bump.

Coach wonders how it feels to go through a table. Terri says it hurts like
hell. Coach makes a joke about the first time or something, but I chose to
ignore it.

Billy and Chuck hired a stylist (who strangely enough is a pro-wrestler – go
figure!) to be their manager I guess. Rico tells them they’re undergoing a
complete makeover after they face Those Punk Kids.

Those Punk Kids lose again (YAY!), but not without help from Rico. Fameasser
finishes.

Terri’s impressed with Rico. They have to have presence to be successful.

Triple H made an appearance on MTV this week. Let’s watch.

Wow, it’s some show with a bunch of screaming girls. Thanks, but no thanks.

On Smackdown!, Kevin Nash faced The Rock. It was another pretty good match.
Nash has put together a string of really decent performances since coming
back to the WWF. n.W.o. finish all the way here – and Syxx runs in to join
the pack! Michael Cole can’t figure out what’s going on – despite the tights
CLEARLY spelling out what’s going on. I swear, if this company wasn’t so
Sportz Entertainment oriented, I’d call for Mike Tenay to get a try out
calling this, because he’s the only announcer around today who’s not thick.

Coach declares that scene “not pretty”. Terri says Syxx is not going to
become a fan favorite by these actions. YA THINK?

68,237 was the attendance announced by the WWF at Wrestlemania.

Coach says it was a great experience at Wrestlemania. Terri thanks her fans
and the WWF fans. Coach thanks the fans by letting them pick the From The
Vault segment. Here’s this week’s letter:

X-Pac isn’t exactly a fan favorite, but I am a big X-Pac fan and I was happy
to see him back. I’d like to see one of his first matches versus Razor Ramon
on Monday Night Raw. From The Vault is the best part of the show!
Chris Degraff
Long Island, NY

Coach gives a history lesson. This was only The Kid’s third match in the WWF
– while Razor Ramon was a seasoned veteran.

THE KID vs. RAZOR RAMON

The date is May 17, 1993. Our announce team is Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan,
and Randy Savage. They’re arguing about Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels.

Razor throws his toothpick in the eyes of The Kid. Lockup – and Kid is
shoved back. Another lockup, and Kid’s in the corner. Chop from Razor!
Another chop. Huge hiptoss sends The Kid across the ring. Abdominal stretch
– and The Kid is shoved back to the mat. Whip – Kid ducks a clotheslines –
leaps, and is caught. Fallaway slam! Razor slaps him around a little. Whip
across the ring – Razor charges the corner, but Kid sidesteps and Razor eats
a turnbuckle! Kid up to the top – MOONSAULT! 1, 2, 3!

Time: 2:11
*1/2

The Kid runs off through the crowd to celebrate, and Razor throws a fit! The
fans chant “LOSER!” at Ramon. Ramon gets in Savage’s face, and Heenan’s busy
wondering what the hell just happened.

Coach says what stands out the most is how far RAW has come. *sigh* I wish
RAW was more like that…

Terri wonders if Coach has seen all the new great music on the Forceable
Entry CD. Terri wants to hear Drowning Pool’s version of Triple H’s song.

Triple H and Drowning Pool agree that this is a perfect marriage. Aside from
that, they say very little.

That CD is available on Tuesday.

The most gratifying part of last Sunday was Pedigreeing Stephanie. I take
serious issue with that being the big part of the match – but you’ve all
heard me whine about Steph vs. Triple H enough. Besides, at least it’s
ending this Monday and we’ll hopefully be rid of her for a long time.

On RAW, Triple H and Stephanie book a handicap match that sees Jericho and
Steph vs. Triple H for the title. Then we see Stephanie’s most embarrassing
moments in a special video package.

Over to Smackdown! and Stephanie makes the handicap match a triple threat
match. So if Stephanie scores a pinfall, she wins the belt. Jericho is
interviewed – and the lights turn on. If he pins Stephanie, HE becomes the
champ.

Coach asks Terri how she did on The Weakest Link? Terri says she did okay.

Edge was annoyed that he was the first one voted off – if only because
D-Von’s partner refused to vote him off. Bubba’s just thankful he did better
than D-Von. Kane feels he’s gone a long way to showing people he’s a smart
guy.

Terri thinks Anne is jealous of her boobs.

Terri’s excited about the new divas magazine. She shows off a bunch of
pictures of herself. Coach says he’s keeping this copy. April 2nd is the
onsale date.

Coach is on BET. He puts over Excess – and says he hosts 9 different shows.

Terri’s proud of Coach, and thanks Coach for mentioning her.

This coming week – RVD defends the IC Title against Mr. Perfect. Then on
RAW, it’s a Brand Extension Draft. Also, the triple threat match for the
title.

Coach hopes that he and Terri are back there on Excess next week – but you
never know. Oooooooh, POSSIBILITIES! Please, explore them. Give me something
I’d love to watch. PLEASE.

Either way, I’ll be here next week!

Chris F-B
chriscfgb@hotmail.com
http://cfgb.freeservers.com








*NEW GALLERY* Brooke Hogan BOUNCING AROUND With Her New Toys! MUST SEE!

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