Wayne's World Feat. Skulduggery: The Rubber Match
Nov 25, 2012 - 8:39:23 PM
Welcome back one and all to a column that knows first hand how hard it is to do things online when your modem cuts in and out on a constant basis, my name is Wayne and you are now entering my world. In July this year while I was still toiling away in the Columns Forum a talented new writer by the name of Skulduggery put out a call to anyone who wanted to relive the 2002 WWE draft and I gleefully chucked up my hand to be part of it. The idea of the column was that I would take the part of Vince McMahon and choose for Smackdown and Skul would take the part of Ric Flair and choose for Raw. The rules were simple, we were to take the knowledge of what happened in the decade since that draft and re-draft the shows using that knowledge. The resulting column can be found here:-
Half Luck, Half Skul: And Half zzzorf! A Brand New (and Improved) World
After I was deemed the better brand by the readers I decided to let Skul have another crack at it and invited him to join me in another draft. The idea this time was that it was the present day and the brand split was about to be reinforced. We both again took control of our respective shows and drafted our rosters using the names available at the time. Well wouldn’t you know it, Skul was available to avenge his loss from the first column and pulled the victory out of his hat as shown here:-
Wayne's World Feat. Skulduggery: A Whole New World - The 2012 Brand Split
Well after nearly 4 months of me stressing out on which of us would be the better booker I decided to once again invite Skulduggery to join me in a draft. This will be the draft to end all drafts as this time it will be an all-time draft and will once and for all let one of us have the bragging rights over the other as the better booker. The rules for this draft were as follows:-
1. Every wrestler in history was eligible to be chosen, it didn’t matter in which era they were from or for which company they were a part of.
2. Tag teams could be chosen as a whole as long as they had teamed together for a year minimum.
3. Any tag team chosen will compete exclusively as a team (i.e. you could not draft the Brothers of Destruction just so you could pick up Kane and Taker at one time)
4. Each of us would draft 20 picks, double what we had done in the previous drafts, and could make be made up of any combination of Men, Women or Teams.
Now being the nice guy I am I let Skul have the first pick since he is a guest here on the main page. So buddy do your worst.....
Pick #1 (Skul): Steve Austin
What? The sumbitch could do it all. In his prime, he was a wrestler; even after a few boo-boos, he put on some of the better brawls we’ve seen in years. His mic skills, though they perhaps lacked the depth of those of a Jake Roberts or Mick Foley, were perfect for the Attitude Era, being quick, edgy, and something that fans could easily latch onto. (To be honest, I may have even described his entire character, which was top-notch). Most importantly, he was the poster boy for one of the most explosive eras in wrestling history, and his mere presence could make an arena come unglued.
Pick #1 (zzzorf): John Cena
Of course the guy who calls himself Skul would choose the Smoking Skull to be the face of his show, we can’t make you think too hard there can we Mr. Duggery. Whereas I had to think long and hard about who was going to be the face of my show. There were so many people who could have taken the spot with the likes of Hulk and Rock featuring high but in the end it had to be Cena. I wanted a guy who could easily fit into whichever era we were to find this draft taking place. We all know Cena can get it done on the mic, either kid friendly or not, and even with his supposed only 5 moves we know he can put on a good main event match. In overall terms of my roster, Cena was the perfect choice.
Pick #2 (Skul): Ric Flair
And, of course the guy who is named zzzorf would...wait...ummmm...so is that why you call yourself zzzorf, making it all but impossible for people to crack wise off of your name? Nonetheless, the first member of my supporting cast is The Man. Naitch is arguably one of the top 5 in-ring performers in WWE history, as well as arguably one of the top 5 mic workers ever. By looking at the sheer levels of charisma possessed by Flair, my neck gets sore, and his longevity is incredible (if only he had actually retired after ‘08...). Years after they’ve been active, “Woo!”s and “What?”s are still commonly heard in WWE today, and for very good reason.
Pick #2 (zzzorf): Roddy Piper
Now for my second pick I will pick my major heel to play off Cena and I am going to go with the Nature Boy.... Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have let you have the first pick. Fine I will move onto my 2nd choice and pick a guy who is Flair’s equal on the heel side of the equation and go with the Hotrod Roddy Piper. In fact after thinking about it further Piper is actually the better choice, Piper was always the perfect heel to Hogan’s face and with the similarities drawn between the two I don’t see any difference putting him against Cena. Roddy has everything it takes to make himself hated and his opponent loved even more, exactly what any good show needs.
Pick #3 (Skul): Shawn Michaels
Piper was a hell of a heel, no question, but for my next selection, I’m taking a guy who could evoke venom from a crowd one month, and then have them tearing up the next. The goofball. The sympathetic babyface. The arrogant, pretty boy bastard. The show stealer. There wasn’t a role that you could throw at Shawn and have him perform anything less than excellently. His matches, over the years, have been amazing, and he’s a better storyteller than Dr. Seuss and J.K. Rowling combined.
Pick #3 (zzzorf): The Undertaker
Well I see that you chose a guy who did whatever he could to get a reaction, putting on a massive show, I am going to counteract that with a guy whose mere presence steals the show. Taking the role of my resident big guy we have a guy who as soon as the gong sounds for his music the show stops and pays attention. Again there is not much Taker couldn’t do, being able to have decent matches against whoever you threw at him. He is also a guy that could easily fall into any storyline and make it gold.
Pick #4 (Skul): Hulk Hogan
The Hulkster is delusional, fought when he was decades past his prime, and was about as likely to put on a five star wrestling clinic as Balls Mahoney was to win Sexiest Man of the Year. All that considered, Terry Bollea is also still one of the most important men in terms of putting wrestling on the map. A generation sunk their teeth into, and lapped up (in some sort of solid-liquid paradox) the white-hat-wearing heroics of Hogan in the 80s. Crowds packed their asses into seats to see the Red and Yellow, yet said asses shot out of the seats and to their feet (yeah, I know, asses don’t have feet) whenever “Real American” played. Take away Hulk in the 80s, and the likelihood of the Rocks, HBKs, and Cenas thriving would decrease.
Pick #4 (zzzorf): Bret Hart
OK are you just running down the list of all the biggest names in the industry ever or did some real thought actually go into how all these guys could function to produce a decent product? Because honestly I can’t see all those names functioning in the same place at the same time. Anyway my next choice took some decision because while I wanted him as a singles wrestler I also wanted Bret as part of the Hart Foundation to lead my Tag Division. In the end I decided I could find other teams that could lead the tag division but there is only one Bret that could be one of my major stars. He adds the technical ability that my other picks are missing, forming up my quartet of main-event talent.
Pick #5 (Skul): The Rock
You can’t see Flair and Michaels, or Michaels and Austin working well together? Hmmm. Hogan, admittedly, might seem a bit out there right now, but I have my plans...until you probably ruin them by drafting the guys I want, haha. Ol’ Dwayne gets the next key, not only because of his nearly unmatched ability to hold a crowd in the palm of his hand, his ludicrously large amounts of charisma, and proven ability to put on an entertaining match with anyone from Stone Cold and John Cena to Hurricane and Lance Storm, but also because of the potential program he could work with Shawn Michaels. The very sound of that is a bell to my Pavlovian dog.
Pick #5 (zzzorf): Chris Benoit
I can understand your wanting to have someone who can have a good match with everyone, I have decided to go that way with my 5th pick. The only difference though is I have actually chosen someone who definitely can have a decent match with anyone because he had proven it time and time again. Benoit was one of the most technical wrestlers I have ever seen and he was able to adapt his style to fit the style of whoever was on the other side of the ring of him. The ability for him to move up or down the card to feud with whoever needs to is an ability that you just can’t pass up as a booker.
Pick #6 (Skul): CM Punk
Bret, Benoit...you seem to like Canucks eh? Don’t blame you. Definitely some controversy heading your way, though. The best in the world, over the last few years, has been creeping into the annals of WWE history - both in that world of stats you’re a fan of (can’t deny I’m a fan myself) and in the world outside of the numbers spoken of more eloquently by Mick Foley than I ever could. Can you imagine a better foil for Hogan’s vitamins and prayers regiment than the snarky, smart-ass heelish Punk? A picture-perfect storyline with Dave Dragon could be followed by a series of dream matches between Punk and Michaels, Punk and Austin, Punk and Flair...my word, the possibilities!
Pick #6 (zzzorf): Randy Savage
Talking about stats, you do realise since I, The King of Stats, have moved up to the main page it is left up to you, the Court Jester, to keep the readers informed about the power of numbers. Now there will be a lot of people who say that my last pick lacked a lot of charisma so this time I have over compensated. The Macho Man is one of the most charismatic wrestlers to have ever graced the squared circle but the funny thing was he could actually wrestle well too, ain’t that a funny thing. He could easily fit into a feud with anyone mentioned previously and make the story of that feud so much more enjoyable.
Pick #7 (Skul): Mr. Perfect
Savage sure could wrestle well, but he couldn’t wrestle perfectly. Since the foundation for my main event picture has been set and is already more appealing than the average entire house (and literally dozens of main eventers will still be available later), my focus shifts to creating an exciting midcard. Despite never having etched his name into the WWF Championship, Hennig was an absolute stud when it came to do with any wrestling-related (the genesis of the McGillicutty notwithstanding). A consummate ring general, there might not be a better guy than Perfect to lead my midcard division.
Pick #7 (zzzorf): Legion of Doom (Hawk & Animal)
So it’s time for you to work on your midcard, well its time for me to steal the tag teams from under your nose then. That’s right it is time for me to work on my tag division and what better team to be the face of the division than a team who was the face of the tag division for whatever company they were in at the time. The Road Warriors are the epitome of what a good tag team should be and I could think of no better two individuals to be my first team picked. Oh what a rush!
Pick #8 (Skul): Eddie Guerrero
I’m glad that you specified Hawk & Animal in your selection, otherwise I would have lawyered up, gone to court, and made sure you got stuck with Heidenreich and Droz (you know, I liked both, but they sure weren’t Hawk or Animal). Pilfer away, my friend, as I continue to beef up my midcard with one of the greatest Latino wrestlers (if not the greatest) ever. Eddie could work ring psychology like a shrink, his facial expressions were Oscar-worthy, he could wrestle circles around nearly anyone, and his gimmick was so endearingly unique that it made even the most innocent in the audience cheer for a guy who was cheating. Though he will spend most of his time contributing to the best midcard ever, Latino Heat could also occasionally drift up and down the card, for programs with the likes of HBK and CM Punk.
Pick #8 (zzzorf): New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)
I think I can handle losing the couple of names you mentioned so far, my midcard will still be strong but my tag team division would be stronger. For team two of my division I will take one of the most charismatic teams to have ever humbled a wrestling ring, none of the New Age Outlaws. This is a team that could hang with any of the old teams from eras past, as shown in their feud with LOD back in the day, but could also mix it up with the more modern teams, hell they can even go hardcore if it is called upon. Now if you’re not down with that we have two words for you, SUCK IT!
Pick #9 (Skul): Chris Jericho
Son. Of. A. Bitch. The Outlaws are, honestly, the first pick you’ve made that I really wanted, and thought I’d be able to wait a bit to get. Kudos to you, but seriously. Damn it. Moving on...I’ll just continue to pump up a midcard that would threaten many main event scenes throughout time. The Man of 1,004 Holds has aced it at the top of a card, but he’s also been involved in some midcard feuds and matches (Benoit, ‘01; Christian, ‘04; Mysterio, ‘09) that have been so money they make the DiBiases blush. In some sort of superheroic feat, Y2J has demonstrated exceptional ability in both the depth and breadth of everything wrestling. He is a superb in-ring performer, he is more diverse when it comes to character than the Amazon rainforest when it comes to animal species, and he’s among the top echelon of WWE performers to ever rattle off a verbal promo. Guy’s a boss, plain and simple.
Pick #9 (zzzorf): Harlem Heat (Booker T & Stevie Ray)
Fuck. Shit. Dogface. Bitch. Whore. Asshole. Makacky. Sorry turrets is playing up. Seriously though after typing out the Outlaws part it clicked to me that I don’t have Jericho yet so kudos on you for beating me too him and finally getting someone on your roster who might actually be of value to your roster. My next tag team is another well accomplished team that has been a staple of the tag team division when they were performing together. While an argument could have been made for Booker as a singles wrestler for all the accomplishments he has had since splitting with his brother, I have to say that some of the best parts of his career were still back in the day as part of Harlem Heat.
Pick #10 (Skul): Edge & Christian
Time for me to nab some tandems before you dry up the lot. Not unlike Booker, a strong case could be made for Edge to be taken as a singles superstar, but I have no qualms in consolidating and drafting the goofiest package from the early 2000s. In all honesty, the tendency to book titles like hot potatoes in the Attitude Era made 7 championship reigns a little inflated for these guys, but they were partially responsible for some of the most exciting tag team matches ever. Their gimmick had more win than Chicago has wind, and there are few teams better to make my tag division one of the ones that fans look forward to each and every outing.
Pick #10 (zzzorf): Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley)
Well I’m glad my tag division scared you enough to start your plundering of the tag division. Anyway for my next choice for my tag team division I wanted a smaller team to compete with all the bigger men and I couldn’t have found a better team than the Machine Guns to fit that bill. Everyone loves an underdog story but to make it work the underdog needs to actually have talent, something these two have in spades. They have proven time and time that they can hang with the bigger boys and still put on one hell of a show. I contemplated other teams like The Rockers (well before Michaels was picked) and The Hardys but they could really compete with the unison that these two have when in full flight.
Pick #11 (Skul): Kurt Angle
Having plucked the number one team that I was eyeing, I plan on returning (for the moment) back to the singles division. No matter where this guy fits in, he’ll adapt and be one of the absolute best on my roster. He could be the top guy, or he could play third fiddle in a one-off reunion of Team ECK. At WrestleMania or at a house show, Kurt will bring it, and there are few better in the ring. He could wrestle a four-star match with Ranjin Singh, he is one of the best goofballs on microphone history, and a program that could easily be cooked up with Mr. Perfect is far too appealing.
Pick #11 (zzzorf): Jushin Thunder Liger
Now that the basis of my tag division has been formed it is time to go and develop my singles division a bit more. While you have been stealing a few good names from under my nose Skul, I think that the guys I have will run rings around yours. The first guy to find his spot in my mid card is a legend of the Japanese Puroresu style, winning more championships and honours than you can poke a stick at. His fame though does not end in Japan as wherever this Junior Heavyweight found himself around the world he was still a big star. When people talk dream matches Liger is a name that appears many times against stars of the US.
Pick #12 (Skul): Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
So far, my roster contains a heap of guys who can play the babyface, but the heel suits them just a little bit better (Punk, Guerrero, Jericho, arguably Michaels). I decided it was time to add a quintessential good guy; Steamboat received boos like Funaki received pushes. Only a few years ago, the Dragon showed that, much past his prime, he could still tear down the roof with the penultimate listing in my bracketed list. Imagine what he could do with the other three in his prime!
Pick #12 (zzzorf): Bryan Danielson
In present day wrestling there is no better wrestler than Daniel Bryan, well there would be if he was allowed to be Bryan Danielson. While as Bryan he is still exceptional, by taking off the restrictions that the WWE put on him and return him to his normal self we find ourselves with a spectacle of wrestling talent. The Dream Matches that will be fulfilled in my roster by including Danielson would be exponential, having him on the same card as the likes of Bret Hart and my ultimate dream match with him against Benoit I really couldn’t be happier.
Pick #13 (Skul): “Ravishing” Rick Rude
Time to add to my midcard, which is already more stacked than the largest order of pancakes you can get at IHOP. By adding some syrup and sugar to that stack of flapjacks, I get a heel whose gimmick screams “hate me” to nearly every fan in attendance, and a foil for the likes of charismatic Jericho, feel-good-story Eddie, and the shining hero Steamboat. Rude had some damn good matches in the late 80s and early 90s, memorably with Ultimate Warrior and Jake Roberts, has the distinct honor of being involved in a 5 star match, but most importantly (and what made me light the cannon fuse on this selection), it’s Movember! That mustache!
Pick #13 (zzzorf): The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith
Oh I get it, you have chosen Rude so you can get your portrait tie-died to his pants, talk about having tickets on yourself. To continue on with my midcard it is time to add some muscle to counter the technical superiority of my other midcard members. Yet the wrestler still needs to be able to perform on a near similar level to captivate the audience, enter Davey Boy Smith. Back in the day he was one of the best strongmen in the business (he was the first person I ever saw pick up the Big Show) yet as shown in matches like his Summerslam ‘92 match against Bret Hart, he knows how to hang with the more technically gifted of opponents and put on a spectacular match.
Pick #14 (Skul): Mick Foley
“How to Put a Superstar WAY the Hell Over” should be Foley’s next best-seller. Some of the top wrestlers of the last fifteen years have, in part, Mrs. Foley’s baby boy to thank for cementing them there. Though many of my roster members don’t need the rub, there are those (CM Punk, for example) that would still benefit immensely from a Foley feud (circa, oh, 2000 or so). In addition, my roster awaits some relatively new blood, with whom Mick can create magic. Bloodthirsty crowds everywhere will be enamored with the style of matches that Saint Mickles was best at; in my eyes, hardcore matches and the like (as long as they’re not overdone) will always have a spot on a good wrestling card. The best part, though? Skul Loophole No. 1: this pick actually gets three wrestlers; Cactus Jack, Mankind, and Dude Love. Bang bang!
Pick #14 (zzzorf): Yokozuna
Now that’s a pure low blow man. You read my column the other day about how Mick was my favourite wrestler of all time, you should have known I would pick him at some point, granted I have had 13 picks so far so I should of picked him then but hey I took it for granted he was mine for the taking. Fine have him, I will still beat your ass anyway. Now for my next pick I thought what is the point of a muscle man without having someone to show it with. I could have picked anyone here Andre, Big Show, Mable, but in the end I went with my personal preference Yokozuna (granted I don’t know if Bulldog could pick up Yoko but I could always help him lose a few pounds can’t I). Yoko was a big guy who could really actually move to so he still lets the excitement of my midcard continue. Oh and as a bonus he is a token Samoan on my increasingly international roster.
Pick #15 (Skul): Dolph Ziggler
Ah. I like to be a bastard sometimes, so I took away your opportunity for the dream match you created a while back - Cena/Foley in “I Quit”. It would be a damn fine bout, no doubt, but let you have it? Ha! Speaking of ha, I have a feeling more than a few people might be chuckling, or downright puzzling over the next few picks I take, as some of my selections could definitely be considered out of left field. Seeing as how I have already loaded my roster with proven superstars, however, I felt it time to inject some young, hungry blood into the mix. Granted, I do have Punk, but he (in my eyes) is already a proven star and will be a sober statue as time progresses. Zigs, on the other hand, is not quite at the Punk level yet. He’s bound to be a star, but let’s put it this way. If his career (God forbid) ended today, I don’t think he’d be in the Hall of Fame. He definitely needs a bit more to reach that level, and fantastically working with the likes of Angle, Guerrero, Perfect, and Foley, would glue this infinitely talented kid in the upper echelon.
Pick #15 (zzzorf): Samoa Joe
Attempting a leap of faith there, I can dig that, but I feel like that is a pretty safe leap since Ziggler is about to become a star. My next pick is already a star, well everywhere bar the WWE that is. Samoa Joe is another wrestler, who while having his own unique style, still knows how to mix it up with anyone. Joe is known to have top flight matches with numerous stars from around the world and has managed not 1, not 2, but 3 separate 5 star ratings from Dave Meltzer. What he would be able to achieve with the wrestlers on my roster would be phenomenal, making him a must have for my team.
Pick #16 (Skul): Trish Stratus
The choices that potentially could make me look nuttier than the tag team match of Eugene & Heidenreich vs. The Bushwhackers continue, but from my vantage point, diversity is necessary considering the bursting star power I already possess. In the minority though they may be, any readers of this column whose WWE fandom began post-2006 might not realize that the women’s division wasn’t always a throwaway sack of cat crap. I’m (perhaps stubbornly) set on having a competitive women’s division to complement the staggering amount of testosterone-filled competition I’ve already assembled, and my favorite diva of all time is the perfect captain for that ship. Trish managed to put on some genuinely kick-ass matches (not just relatively kick-ass, compared to the average women’s match) and look smokin’ hot while doing it. She could believably play either the face or heel, and has had the honor of (the mere thought of this happening today is ludicrous!) main eventing a RAW in a Women’s Championship match.
Pick #16 (zzzorf): Rey Mysterio
Do I think you are a looney for having a women’s division on your roster knowing the state of women’s wrestling over the years? Well yeah pretty much. Am I a looney too? Well you will just have to wait and see won’t you. As to my next pick you could call this a sort of personal pick but Rey was someone who was always going to make my roster. While everyone may be sick of the pint-sized hero today nobody can deny the star that he was in his heyday. This was a guy who made you believe in yourself, if a guy smaller than my father could go out and snatch victory away from the men twice his size maybe us Common Joes really could go out and fulfill our dreams. He has always lived up to his nickname of the Biggest Little Man and is a hero to many, oh and to top it off he can put on a great match with most opponents, a must have for any good wrestler.
Pick #17 (Skul): Lita
Aaaaand just in case you were looking to get back at me for ruining your Foley dream, I have decided to nab the peanut butter to Trish’s chocolate before she could be potentially stolen away (right Edge?). Effectively, this was part 2 of a pick, piggybacking off of #16. Say what you want about Dumas, but her feuds with Trish were the best that the WWE women’s division has seen this millenium. Most of the matches were top-notch, too. The odd thing is that this feud worked in 2004 and in 2006 with each lady representing the babyface once; hardly a fan seemed to complain. Not too many feuds can be revisited, attain a level of freshness, and do so by credibly switching the face/heel role of the two competitors involved. Though the “dream” part of this feud is not applicable, seeing as how the two spent a great deal of real time competing against one another, I couldn’t have two better ladies to lead my revamped women’s league.
Pick #17 (zzzorf): Alundra Blayze
Right, you twisted my leg, it’s only fair that I also put forward the starting foundation to a woman’s division as well, I don’t want you making the excuse that the only reason I beat you was because you added some Diva’s into your mix. The woman to lead my division is the lady I would have to deem the greatest female wrestler I have ever seen, Alundra Blayze. Where your two choices always got over by flashy moves and so-so looks the woman who would become Madusa got over by overcoming the odds against the likes of Bull Nakano and Burtha Faye. Blayze was always a wrestler first and not a sex object and she was cheered for this against these women who really could have eaten her for dinner. Oh and the fact that she could drive her Madusa Monster Truck all over your rosters mode of transport couldn’t hurt either.
Pick #18 (Skul): Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von)
You call it twisting your leg; I prefer to more technically refer to it as the Sharpshooter. Oh, and so-so looks? Don’t hate Trish because she’s beautiful, bud. She’s a damn fine wrestler, and you know it. In the meantime, I had nearly forgotten about my tag division! The last two to three months in present day WWE have been joyfully revitalizing concerning the league of partnerships, but prior to that, we experienced a rather arid spell, wishing for teams to emerge and be relevant. WAY prior to that, a team who sometimes dressed in camo, wore hipster glasses before they were hipster, and had an affinity for wood shot a bolt of electricity through the tag team scene every single week. In a span of years where the people played sing along with The Rock, chanted “What?” and repeatedly threw “Asshole” at Mr. McMahon (the audacity!), there might not have been any phrase yelled collectively louder than “Get the tables!”
Pick #18 (zzzorf): Mickie James
I think your Attitude Era fetish is starting to shine through with many of your choices coming from that time period. While I respect what that era was there is more to the wrestling world then those couple of years. For my other leader of my womens division I am going with a lady, who on many occasions, showed your two picks up. Mickie is arguably the best female wrestler we have seen in the last decade (I would go back further if it was not for Alundra). The energy she exudes when performing is infectious and she can’t help but make you feel more excited about the match you are watching, a trait that most female wrestlers lack.
Pick #19 (Skul): Demolition (Ax & Smash)
Believe it or not, my favorite wrestling years happened post-Attitude Era, chronologically speaking. They did not include my next pick, because gems are scattered throughout eras. Ax and Smash were one of the top tandems from the late 80s, and are the perfect ass-kicking machines to add to my tag division. I think, more than anything, these guys really symbolized what it meant to be a team. They dressed similarly, which only strengthened the attitude of unity. They had longevity. Singles competition was seemingly not in their makeup, and regardless of what some say, there’s nothing wrong with that. Not every superstar necessarily needs to “make it” as a singles competitor. I recall the WWE trying with the individuals of La Resistance and the Bashams.
Pick #19 (zzzorf): Triple H
If you had not picked Demolition I would have snapped them up in the imaginary supplemental draft so I applaud you for thinking outside your little box. Now I have left myself with two open spots to correct any injustices with the draft, oh and to pick up the dregs that we forgot about. My first injustice to correct has to be the King of Kings. Now I can understand why we both left him off our lists, why in all honesty would we want our entire roster buried? But to be fair to the Cerebral Assassin he is a major talent who deserves his spot on any roster. The potential matchups that my card offers for Hunter will be a must-watch but if he doesn’t work out then my entire roster could get revenge and bury him, there is no chance I would let him marry one of my daughters to get creative control.
Pick #20 (Skul): Shelton Benjamin
For my final selection, I might be so deep into left field that I’m chatting with Barry Bonds. Or, I might be a genius. I`m hoping for the latter, or at least being closer to the latter on a continuum. I was a huge fan of Benjamin virtually his entire WWE career, as the only thing that he lacked, from my vantage point, was the ability on the microphone. His potential was thrilling, any match in which he wrestled was a million kilometres from ``bad``, and his in-ring diversity was amazing. The Golden Gopher could mat wrestle with the best of them, but he also was a diamond in high-flying spotfests such as ladder matches. Unfortunately, Benjamin never really sniffed the main event scene in WWE (most likely due to his aforementioned absence of ``wow`` on the stick), but he always showed he could hang in the ring with top-tiered guys such as Eddie Guerrero, Shawn Michaels, and Undertaker (coincidentally, the two former are on my roster!). Given the opportunities with Rock, Perfect, HBK and Foley, Shelton could quickly accelerate from the midcard to the main event; I`d love to see this guy get his spot at the top, which he tragically did not get during his WWE tenure.
Pick #20 (zzzorf): Sting
For my other injustice I put forward the biggest name of the last 30 years to not have appeared on a WWE telecast, the Icon Sting. Sting would make a perfect fit onto my roster, his many years of experience fighting some of the best in the world and of all different styles will allow him to mix it up with everyone that I have already named. But it’s more than that, even though he enters my roster as one of the greatest wrestling stars of my lifetime, he also enters as Steve Borden, the man. He is one of the most respected wrestlers of all time and a great leader to have in my locker room.
Well that brings us to the end of the draft. Each of us have presented the starting basis to our rosters which look as follows:
Male: Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, CM Punk, Mr Perfect, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Kurt Angle, Ricky Steamboat, Rick Rude, Mick Foley, Dolph Ziggler, Shelton Benjamin
Female: Trish Stratus, Lita
Tag Team: Edge & Christian, Dudley Boyz, Demolition
Male: John Cena, Roddy Piper, The Undertaker, Bret Hart, Chris Benoit, Randy Savage, Jushin Thunder Liger, Bryan Danielson, British Bulldog, Yokozuna, Samoa Joe, Rey Mysterio, Triple H, Sting
Female: Alundra Blayze, Mickie James
Tag Team: Legion of Doom, New Age Outlaws, Harlem Heat, Motor City Machine Guns
So now it is up to you the readers to decide, who has the better roster? Did Skul, with his blatant pandering to the readers by picking all the biggest names, choose the better roster or did I zzzorf, with my more intellectually thought out roster, be the show that gets your vote. Please leave your vote in any of the normal forms of feedback and I will announce the winner in the next Wayne’s World column I post. I will let Skul leave you with some parting words to help try to convince you his was the best choices, hell he needs all the help he can get.
Blatant pandering? Lunacy, my friend. I did a quick head count, and I’m pretty sure actually less than 3% of the IWC has no aversion whatsoever to Hulk Hogan. You, on the other hand, picking all of the internet darlings: Bryan Danielson, and...and - well, damn it. Nonetheless.
Admittedly, I do believe I showed my WWE affinity here; I’ll never profess to being a WCW expert or NJPW whiz. On the other hand, if I had to limit myself to one wrestling company, the biggest and most successful one in the world is not a bad choice. I am a little surprised that big names like Orton, Ultimate Warrior, and Andre the Giant never went; I had half assumed you would’ve picked up the former two in a jiffy; their controversial ways would’ve blended right in with the Benoit, Brets, and Hunters of your roster, which is bound for scandalous implosion, I’m afraid. In all seriousness, though, thanks for the MP exposure, zzzorf.
Thanx for reading,
Wayne Little (and Skulduggery too)
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