The WWE Booking Challenge - The Draft
By Uncle Leo
Aug 10, 2013 - 9:25:03 AM
Oh my gosh, can it be?! An actual Uncle Leo column?! Wait, no I’m not the guy from Seinfeld...he passed away. I’m Uncle … no, not Uncle Joe. It’s me, Uncle Leo...oh nevermind! Aw, who am I kidding? Most of you guys have no idea who I am so allow me to give you all a brief rundown on who I am and what I do. I am a member of LoP Forums and host a show on Lords of Pain Radio on Saturdays at 4 pm Eastern called “Excuse the Aggravation.”
I haven’t written in a while so it is great to be back in the swing of things again. Summer is winding down for us USA folks, but I decided I wanted another crack at writing columns again! “Whippie!!” - said no one.
I’m back and doing a 13-part Fantasy Booking series with Main Page columnist, zzzorf. Wayne, say hello!
Oh, you wanted me to say more than that, well you should have been more specific there Leo. Jokes aside it feels good to be back in the collab swing of things again. I have been gone from it for way too long and hopefully this may pull me back into the fold once again. So now that you have scared these fine folk off by saying they are going to have to put up with both of us for 13 whole columns let me start to explain why we are here.
You all know of Hustle and Glow’s Guest Booker series right? Well this is its little bastard cousin trying to live up to its lofty expectations.
We have taken a concept that’s been used before and we’ve reinvented it and have put a slight twist on it! If Fantasy Booking isn’t your thing, that’s okay. It might be fun if you just give it a chance, who knows what might happen.
Hey I was talking, I understand this is your column but I am your host here, a little respect would be lovely, lol. Ok fine you can speak Leo, let these guys know what the rules going forth are.
Did you just “lol” me? Are you trying to say something else? You have a thick accent that nobody can understand, maybe you’re saying “lord?” Anyways, this will be WWE exclusive, sorry TNA fans out there. The brand split has been reinstated. I will be taking over Monday Night RAW and my collab partner will be taking over Friday Night Smackdown. Each column will feature recaps of Raws and Smackdowns and it will lead up to a pay per view. After this column, there will be 12 more columns since there are 12 pay per views in a calendar year. The first column will be the lead up to Night of Champions 2013 and the final one will be Summerslam 2014.
Here is where the twist comes in... after every column, the reader can either leave a comment in the feedback or through any of zzzorf’s feedback methods at the bottom of the column and vote for which show had the better build up to the pay per view, who is doing a better job, and which show you’d actually rather watch. We will be tallying up the scores and after the series is over, whoever had a higher combined score will win this Fantasy Booking Series Challenge!
So what is this first column then if all the remaining PPV’s are still to come? Well that is quite simple. Like my little friend here, who calls himself my Uncle even though he is my Junior, said the brands have been split and we will be in charge of a particular brand. But before we can book any shows we first need to create a roster for each show. Just like last time, the brands were split we are going to undergo a good old fashioned draft to fill our rosters up. Now I can hear you all grumble that I have already done this with Skulduggery but that time it was just for fun, this time I am doing it for real.
Finished? Well now without further adieu, let’s get on with the official 2013 WWE Draft.
Vince McMahon walks up to the center podium to make some quick announcements.
“The WWE is soaring to new heights and to continue with this success we are going back to a method that was successful for the company previously. Summerslam will be the final time you’ll see some superstars face each other because once Summerslam has come and gone, a new era will usher into the WWE. The Brand Split will return! Today, we will draft the initial stars to their respective brands followed by a random supplemental draft immediately after on the official WWE app to put the rest of the roster on their particular show.
However not everyone is eligible for the draft as some wrestlers have already been placed due to their position as Champion. As was the case when the last brand split ended, Raw will regain the WWE and Intercontinental Titles and thus will automatically draft current champions John Cena and Curtis Axel. This means Smackdown will regain control of the World Heavyweight and United States Tiles and thus drafting Alberto Del Rio and Dean Ambrose. Due to these draftings we will also see that Paul Heyman follows Axel to Raw and Ricardo Rodriguez will follow Del Rio to Smackdown as their managers. Also Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins follow their Shield partner Dean Ambrose to Smackdown as part of The Shield. However both the Tag Team titles and the Divas title will not be single-brand exclusive and can be defended on both brands. As well as those already mentioned both holders of the Money in the Bank briefcases will the respective brand that the contract belongs to, meaning Raw gets Randy Orton and Smackdown gets Damien Sandow. Lastly the following wrestlers will be exempt from the draft due to clauses in their contracts and can appear on whichever show they choose. These wrestlers are Brock Lesnar, The Rock, The Undertaker, Triple H and Booker T.
Uncle Leo, as the Creative Booker for Monday Night Raw, you get to draft first.”
“Thank you, sir. I already have the face of the company on my show and a superstar who is the future of this business, so my first draft pick of the night has to be someone who can help carry Raw to greater heights alongside the two champions. I’m talking about the man who has been WWE Champion before. I’m talking about the BEST...IN THE WORLD...CM PUNK!”
The camera pans over to the Smackdown podium but zzzorf is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly a gust of smoke comes up from beneath the podium and zzzorf jumps up smacking himself in the head with a clock.
“I’m the Boogeyman and I’m coming to get you!!!
Whoops sorry wrong fantasy.
Can somebody please get rid of all this smoke it is starting to choke me up.
Cough, Cough, Cough!
Damn, why did I have to mix these fantasies up? Oh well with Smackdown’s first pick I have three things to say to you. Yes...Yes...Yes...Cough.”
From the center podium Vince looks on at disgust at zzzorf before once again starting to speak.
“Well there you have it the first two draft picks of 2013, Raw has gained ‘The Best in the World’ CM Punk and Smackdown has gained the ‘Goatface’ himself Daniel Bryan. I’m going home to take a nap, so Uncle Leo and zzzorf can take it from here. Good night and god bless you if you’re still with us.
“I have to give it to my opponent for choosing Daniel Bryan. He would have been my second pick, but he has found a new home on the blue brand. My second draft pick is someone who is on the brink of superstardom. He’s a man that proves why size doesn’t matter. I’m talking about “The Show Off” Dolph Ziggler!”
“Before I name my next pick can I please call my already pre-drafted pick Damien sandow to the stage. Come up here Damien.
Right, now that you’re finally here, I can tell you why I called you up here. I thought that you should be present for my next pick seeing as though how close you are to the person I am about to name. In fact here how about you read the name out to the audience.”
“No, this is unjustifiable, why would you hire this drivelling imbecile? Cody Rhodes is not exemplary enough to even be in the same building as me let alone having him work beside him, you are a complete ignoramus.”
“Sandow, your welcome.”
Uncle Leo looks on at the mess happening on the other side of the stage.
“This is really pathetic. Already you have lost complete control, Wayne. How’re you going to successfully book a show if you can’t keep your men in line?
My next pick is a 3-in-1 deal. I am choosing three men, who I believe are mistreated. I actually enjoy their music. They call themselves a band, of sorts. There’s three of them. I really think that when these three men are together, they have the potential to create buzz. I’m talking about the Three Man...”
All of a sudden, the lights go out. The sound of a match scraping off the side of a matchbox is heard. You see Bray Wyatt lighting a lantern, uttering the words “We’re here.” When the lights come on, you see Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan. Bray speaks into the microphone.
“This show just got a bit scarier. Parents, tell your children that the monsters that you have promised them don’t exist...now do. Uncle Leo, you seem like a family man. You have two choices, now. You can either join the family and bring us to Monday night Raw or you can end up on the road, forever following the buzzards.”
“Um, ladies and gentlemen. The third draft pick for Raw is all three members of the Wyatt Family. That is all. Thank you, gents. You may leave now. You can grab your Raw shirts on the way out.”
“You disgraceful human being. How dare you get 3MB’s hopes up like that. Come on these poor men put their heart and soul into their music and people like you just go out and crush them into tiny pieces with your false praise and promises. I am here to rectify that. With my next draft pick I choose the group known as the 3 Man...
Na, sorry can’t do it. Drew you know what to do.”
All eyes turn to Drew who reaches over to the wall where 3MB had instruments stored for their later performance of their first single. Drew grabbed a guitar and cracks Jinder Mahal over his turban and then ripped the symbols of the drums and smashed them onto Heath Slater’s ears.
“Folks let me present to you ‘The Chosen One’ Drew McIntyre”
“Breaking up a faction already? Good job. This is your Booker, folks. The man who breaks down teams. Nice. For my next draft pick, I’m bringing three more men onto my show. Being accompanied by Zeb Colter, Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger...come on down! Join my show as a team and you won’t be broken down like you would’ve been on Smackdown.”
“Blasphemy, I am not the breaker of teams, I know how to keep them together, look I still have The Shield intact it’s not like I have tried to split them up yet.
What do you mean I haven’t had a chance too yet and that I had to accept them as a team no matter what. You are my assistant, you are supposed to be on my side, right that’s it, you’re FIRED.
Just putting it out there that I need a new assistant. The only job requirement is that you are female and have a significant other so I can split you up.
Now what was I here for again? Oh that’s right for my next pick I am going to go with the man who will bring the winds of change through Smackdown, my next pick is Wade Barrett.
“You finally make a good draft pick. I want another in-ring veteran to take the leadership position both in the ring and in the locker room. I’m going with the Big Red Machine, Kane.”
“Short and sweet is that the way we are playing it, next you will be telling me that you are taking Hornswoggle cause you don’t like long things. Anyway I’ll keep mine short as well to make you feel a little better and just like you I will add a 1-named veteran as well when I add Christian.”
“Long speeches just shows insecurity and lack of faith in your talent. I make it short and sweet because I have faith in my employees. I have a great balance of superstars. I have the men who will be leading the front in John Cena, Randy Orton, CM Punk, and Kane. I have superstars who are so close to shatter the glass ceiling in Dolph Ziggler, Antonio Cesaro, and Jack Swagger. I have the future of this company in the Wyatt Family. I will invest in another man who can be the future of this company. My next draft pick is Ryback. Your move, friend.”
“Friend, what the hell are you talking about? I never claimed to be your friend. And anyway friends don’t keep going around to the others employees and tell them that their employer is a bad employer ‘cause he breaks up teams. Right that’s it. No more mister nice guy, I am going to prove to you that I know how to keep a team together with these few words
Soso mai i totonu i totonu Soso Mai
Soso mai i totonu i totonu Soso Mai
Le manu Samoa lenei ua ou sau
leai se isi manu o le atulaulau
ua ou sau nei ma le mea atoa
o lo’u malosi ua atoatoa
ia e faatafa ma e soso ese
leaga o lenei manu e uiga ese
Le manu Samoa
Le manu Samoa
Le Manua Samoa e o mai i samoa
“How the hell do you know the Samoan ritual chant? Pretty impressive stuff. I hope you take that knowledge and focus it on your shows. I want you to give me a run for my money. Let’s make this interesting now. If you take one tag team then I’ll take another. It’s all about the millions of dollars. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil...The Prime Time Players!”
Somebody gon' get they ass kicked
Somebody gon' get their wig split
Somebody gon' get they ass kicked
Somebody gon' get their wig split
Out of nowhere Mark Henry’s music blasts out of the speakers making everyone reach for their ears. Mark Henry walks out from behind the curtain and stands over zzzorf.
“Don’t make me induct you into the Hall of Pain”
“Yeah, um, OK, I choose Mark Henry next”
“I’d laugh at you, but the Wyatt family pretty much did the same to me. It wasn’t pretty. The next draft pick for Raw will be someone who has been WWE Champion. Raw’s about to get some Irish luck because the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus, is now property of Monday Night Raw. FELLA!!!!!!”
“So you like the Fella’s do you? Anyway it takes some balls to add someone to your roster who is going to be out of action for about six months. Anyway that’s enough talk about men, how about we take a look at some women hey? Now we all know by now that I don’t mind myself a bit of Women’s wrestling. While I love looking at the beauties of the ring like any red-blooded male nowadays I am more intrigued by those women who can also put on an entertaining match and there is no better female wrestler on the WWE roster than my next pick Natalya.”
“I have faith that Sheamus will have a speedy recovery, but until then...rest up, Fella. This will be my second to last draft pick of the night, before the Supplement draft starts so it’s time to make moves. If you take Natalya then I will even the odds and draft Nikki and Brie Bella...the Bella twins. Raw now has the luck of the Irish...and twins. And everything is better with twins.”
“Since we are nearly finished I won’t waste your time, time to add another champion to my ranks, AJ it is time to come home to Daddy”
“AJ, if at any point you feel uncomfortable because of some potential sexual harrassment, Monday Night Raw is always open. For my final draft pick, I choose the man who defines what Extreme is all about. I’m bringing Mr. Monday Night back to Raw. Everyone in the audience, say it with me...
“So here we are the final pick and it all comes down to me. So far we have pretty much done as anticipated picking the wrestlers you would expect without really looking outside the box, well stuff that. As the saying goes by the great wrestling philosopher Eric Bischoff, ‘controversy creates cash’ and my last pick will be just that, a little bit of controversy. But before I let you know who that guy is let me first introduce to you his new manager, one of the greats of the ring and one of my favourites growing up, the one, the only Irwin R Schyster.”
From behind the curtain strolls IRS dressed as usual in his white shirt, black pants & red suspenders. In his hand is his trademark briefcase.
“And now let me present my 10th and final pick a man looking to follow in his fathers footsteps and become a legend of the business. He is a third-generation superstar, let me present to you, Bo Dallas.”
From behind the same curtain strolls Bo Dallas dressed similar to his father except for the fact that his suspenders were green. In his hand was a briefcase the replicant of his fathers. They both walked over to zzzorf who stood between them raising their hands before they all turned and walked out of the building.
Leo watched as his opponent walked out of the building. He looked out into the crowd and both looked confused.
“So, umm, I’m not entirely sure what to make of this. Zzzorf and I were going to sit down and sign the contracts but he seems to have left. Bo Dallas, though, huh guys? What do you think of that?”
People in the audience start saying stuff, but it’s not a unanimous reaction.
“Okay, let’s settle down a bit. This was a very eventful night. Both rosters are shaping up to be quite interesting. Tomorrow morning, check the WWE App on your devices to see the complete results of the Supplement Draft, as well as the finalized rosters for each brand. Thank you for coming and be sure to tune in to what happens at Summerslam and beyond! Have a good night, folks!”
21. Sin Cara
23. Kofi Kingston
24. Eva Marie
25. Tons of Funk & the Funkateers
26. Fandango & Summer Rae
27. Tyson Kidd
28. Chris Jericho
29. Epico & Primo & Rosa Mendes
30. Alex Riley
31. Ted DiBiase
32. David Otunga
33. Rey Mysterio
34. Big E Langston
35. Tamina Snuka
36. Justin Gabriel
37. Yoshi Tatsu
38. Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder
39. Evan Bourne
42. The Miz
43. Big Show
45. William Regal
46. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal
47. Hunico & Camacho
48. Santino Marella
49. Ezekial Jackson
50. Jo Jo
51. The Great Khali
52. Alicia Fox
Monday Night Raw
Creative Booker (off-screen) - Uncle Leo
General Manager - Brad Maddox
WWE Champion - John Cena
WWE Intercontinental Champion - Curtis Axel
Tag Team Champions - Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns
Diva’s Champion - AJ Lee
Big E Langston
Curtis Axel - Intercontinental Champion
John Cena - WWE Champion
Randy Orton - Mr. Money in the Bank
Rob Van Dam
Friday Night Smackdown
Creative Booker (off-screen) - zzzorf
General Manager - Vickie Guerrero
World Heavyweight Champion - Alberto Del Rio
United States Champion - Curtis Axel
Tag Team Champions - Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns
Diva’s Champion - AJ Lee
AJ Lee - Diva’s Champion
Alberto Del Rio - World Heavyweight Champion
Damien Sandow - Mr. Money in the Bank
Dean Ambrose - US Champion
Irwin R Schyster
Roman Reigns - Tag Team Champion
Seth Rollins - Tag Team Champion
The Great Khali
So there you have it readers we both now have full rosters ready to book our coming shows. The first column, which will take us up to Night of Champions, will be out before that PPV happens in real life. As that column kicks off from the Raw after Summerslam that means anything that happens in the WWE Universe up until and inclusive of Summerslam will be in effect. A sign of this could be the pending break up of Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez which will affect my brand. Another potential issue could be if Daniel Bryan beats John Cena for the WWE Championship then that means I will have both World Champions on my brand, how will Uncle Leo deal with that situation in his first month in charge? Anyway, I am signing off and I hope to see you all again in the next column which, by theory, will be a load more entertaining than this one. Leo, since this is your idea, do you want to say any final words before we depart?
Of course I do. That was a dumb question, considering you know how much I love talking. Firstly, thank you for allowing me to make my debut here on the Main Page, Wayne. It’s an honor to be writing on this website. I have been coming on this site for almost 10 years and it’s crazy that now I’m writing something to be posted on here. Secondly, thank you to every reader who is reading this right now. I’m writing because I want to be read. I want feedback, good or bad. This is for all of you guys, as much as it is for me. That is why zzzorf and I have decided that it will be YOU who gets to decide who wins the Booking Competition. After every column, you can leave a comment in the Feedback section of this column or email zzzorf, voting for which show you enjoyed better. At the end of 12 pay per views aka 12 columns, a winner will be decided. So let your voices be heard. I’m excited for this adventure and I hope you all are too.
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