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Posted in: Taste My Rainbow
Wrestling Rainbow ~ Surviving Solely on Statistics (The Yawn-Awaited Sequel)
By SkitZ
Oct 30, 2017 - 2:00:49 PM



Surviving Solely on Statistics
(The Yawn-Awaited Sequel)











Welcome back to the column that’s pulling double doody because I’m crap at finishing shit on the first attempt - Wrestling Rainbow.





Sugar Rush



>> We keyboard fans have a habit of typing ourselves into a corner. The IWC will plead for one thing and then complain when they get it which is exactly what I‘m about to do. SkitZ is psyched for WarGames but the psychology surrounding it has me scratching my head a bit. The most simplistic route would’ve been for NXT to go with just two teams at TakeOver (SAnitY vs. The Undisputed Era) and place any other overlapping beefs on the backburner. Or go in a different direction with the selection process to avoid pairing Strong and AoP together. I realize the urge to fit Roderick, Akam & Rezar on the show but that team simply doesn’t jive with me. Why not place Almas/McIntyre on hold and instead build a team comprised of Drew, Strong and a third babyface? I like the look of Gargano in that spot a helluva lot better than some Abs Contest with HBK.



>> I often find myself wishing we lived in a world where Vince felt secure with his company and only cared about giving fans the best possible product. With kayfabe dead, I’m stuck day dreaming in fantasy land but imagine Mr. McMahon not treating every other wrestling entity as a threat. He has the world by the balls so why pussyfoot around an opportunity when you can embrace it?

After the whole Bullet Club invasion happened last month, I couldn’t help but entertain the thought of WWE turning it into an onscreen storyline and building towards a cross-promotional match. Picture this: Team WWE (The Shield, Finn Balor & AJ Styles) vs. Bullet Club (Kenny Omega, Cody Rhodes, Marty Scurll & The Young Bucks). I wouldn’t know whether to cry or climax but it would be good business on Vince’s part (especially since there’s a fair chance a couple of those names join his company down the road). ‘Tis a shame an old man’s ego and a bunch of contract clauses will prevent it from ever coming to fruition.



>> Well WWE did some fall cleanup recently and swept Emma, Darren Young & Summer Rae right off the roster. And while management made a mess of Emma’s momentum on RAW, her release still came as a shock to most. Did she take liberties against Asuka and lose her job as punishment? Will Lio Rush’s untimely tweet lead to his dismissal as well? Time shall tell but as far as Darren Young goes, I’m surprised the dude lasted this long (probably because of political reasons but that’s just me speculating). In hindsight, he and Titus should’ve never split up to begin with as the Prime Time Players were a well-oiled machine in the tag team scene. I’ve seen some fans come to Summer’s aid but she would’ve continued tumbling down the depth chart either way with the amount of female talent NXT manufactures. That RuRu angle with Rusev still haunts my subconscious.





Over the Rainbow



Here’s a quick refresher of the scoring system just in case you had one of those mind melting weekends like I did whilst watching Eraserhead:


~ 3 points per elimination
~ 10 points per survival
~ 5 points per non-traditional wins
~ 2 points per title match



Oh and another tidbit I failed to mention in my last column. You’ll notice that some guys share identical scores and yet I ranked one above the other. To avoid settling for multiple ties, I favored whichever wrestler survived more traditional elimination matches over the course of his career. ‘Twas the simplest method for me to split each tie.




#13 ~ Sheamus [46 Points]
Overall Record: 4-3
# of Eliminations: 4
# of Survivals: 2
Non-traditional Wins: 2
Title Matches: 2


Despite the irony of an Irishman drawing an unlucky number, the gamble paid off for Sheamus in 2015 when he successfully cashed in his MITB briefcase. Perceptively the lesser of two evils in most fans’ eyes, Sheamus abruptly ended Roman’s reign and began one of his own; both of which were pretty laughable in length. Pasty and his pal Cesaro went the distance last year however in a 10-on-10 match that should’ve been booty after New Day’s early elimination but ended up kicking ass.



#12 ~ Hulk Hogan [47 Points]
Overall Record: 3-2
# of Eliminations: 5
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 0
Title Matches: 1


If these were WrestleMania based rankings, I’m sure Hulkster would’ve leg dropped his way to the front of the line. Hogan and his 24-inch pythons struck early in the event’s history (surviving from 1988-90) but - unlike another viper on this list - failed to maintain that stranglehold on S/Series. Once the 90s rolled around, Hulk was too preoccupied ducking the steroid scandal and then flew the coop to WCW. Hogan did a nice favor before leaving though; dropping the WWF Title to Taker for a whole six days.



#11 ~ Ultimate Warrior [48 Points]
Overall Record: 3-0
# of Eliminations: 6
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 0
Title Matches: 0


This face-painted freak was no-showing events long before Jeff Hardy made it a thing. Warrior left WWF again before Survivor Series ’92 (reportedly with a case of the whine flu) but his performance the previous three years was enough to land him just one point shy of the Top 10. The HOFer certainly made the most of his appearances at the fall classic; surviving and eliminating two people in each. It’s enough to inch him ahead of Hogan who’s head and inches we’ve seen enough of from that sex tape.



#10 ~ Dolph Ziggler [49 Points]
Overall Record: 5-1
# of Eliminations: 5
# of Survivals: 2
Non-traditional Wins: 2
Title Matches: 2


Following a pair of successful title defenses against Kaval and Morrison, Ziggler delivered two show-stealing performances in classic 5-on-5s. The first of which came at S/Series 2012 when Dolph was still flying high; before SuperCena swooped in and rocked him with some momentum killing kryptonite. Ziggler rebounded with a slam dunk in 2014 that earned him MVP honors and no star treatment whatsoever. Unless wrestling a parody of yourself (i.e. Tyler Breeze) and a night off are considered perks.



#9 ~ Jeff Hardy [49 Points]
Overall Record: 3-2
# of Eliminations: 4
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 1
Title Matches: 1


If you need any more irony, look no further than Jeff trying to put the Dudleys through wood in 2001 and then helping them table opponents in ’02. The outcomes of which perfectly demonstrate just how hit or miss his daredevil style can be. I feel like Hardy’s ill-advised swanton bomb off the cage will go down in Survivor Series lore for its stupidity but not all of his insane Shane moments were busts. Aside from that one costly error, Hardy was money at the event; surviving in 2000, ’06 & ’07. If not for kayfabe keeping Jeff out of the WWE Title match in ’08, he would’ve leapfrogged the next two names on this list.



#8 ~ Triple H [50 Points]
Overall Record: 3-8-1
# of Eliminations: 5
# of Survivals: 2
Non-traditional Wins: 1
Title Matches: 5


Trips tends to show his more generous side at Survivor Series. 2006 & ‘07 were exceptions yes, but HHH then followed that up by relinquishing the WWE Title to my Edgykins so all is forgiven. Props Hunter for not bringing your shovel (or hoe) to The Garden that year. Perhaps the most incredulous stat is the fact that it took Trips a FULL DECADE to record a win at the event. Although I suspect that’s due to injuries keeping him off the card in 1998 and 2001. Hunter netted a chunk of his points from non-traditional title bouts like the first-ever Elimination Chamber and his carry job against Goldberg.



#7 ~ Randy Savage [50 Points]
Overall Record: 5-0
# of Eliminations: 5
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 1
Title Matches: 0


Color me curious as to where Macho Man would’ve ranked had he worked Survivor Series in ‘90 & ‘91. Savage started off by surviving traditional elimination matches the first three years but then never really got an opportunity to do much else. While he boasts an undefeated record at the event, Randy was discarded early in the ‘93 opener before his group went on to victory. A match which somehow ended with 1-2-3 Kid & Marty Jannetty being the survivors of a team that also included Macho and Razor Ramon. Main attractions taking a backseat to lower tier talent? What is this sorcery!?








#6 ~ John Cena [71 Points]
Overall Record: 9-1
# of Eliminations: 2
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 5
Title Matches: 5


With a W/L record like Cena’s, you’d expect him to place better than sixth but his handful of title match victories weren’t quite enough to crack the Top 5. It’s the 16-time World Champ’s lack of activity in traditional elimination bouts that hurt him here; only competing in one over the last decade. Since surviving in 2003, ’04 & ’06, Cena’s been mostly tied up in the title picture at S/Series where he predictably walked out with four belts in five tries. His absence the last two years however (as well as in 2007) leaves Cena standing outside of the winner’s circle.



#5 ~ The Rock [75 Points]
Overall Record: 8-2
# of Eliminations: 7
# of Survivals: 2
Non-traditional Wins: 6
Title Matches: 2


Much like their exchange at WrestleMania 28/29, Cena is bound to overtake Johnson at a later date but the latter’s safe in the fifth spot for now. Rocky accomplished plenty in just three elimination matches; surviving his first in 1996 and last in 2001. He also accumulated 22 points in a single evening thanks to the Deadly Game Tournament. The final result of which I was hoping WWE would duplicate in 2015 with Roman turning heel and becoming The Authority’s new corporate champion (eventually leading to The Shield triple threat at WM32). The Rock’s only forgettable performance at Survivor Series came against wannabe main eventer Rikishi who should’ve just stayed a stinkin’ face.



#4 ~ The Undertaker [78 Points]
Overall Record: 13-5
# of Eliminations: 5
# of Survivals: 1
Non-traditional Wins: 9
Title Matches: 4


Ever since famously debuting at the event 27 years ago, Taker’s been a Survivor Series staple but his numbers on paper aren’t as impressive as you’d expect. Throughout those three decades, he only survived one traditional elimination match; that being a clean sweep in ‘95. With The Phenom being an attraction wrestler, he was either weighed down by the likes of Kamala and Yokozuna or tasked with nursing along Vince’s other pet projects (Heidenreich, Mr. Kennedy, etc.). But from burying Hulkamania in 1991 to defending his turf in 2001 to denying JeriShow the World Title in 2009, The Deadman’s impacted each individual era.



#3 ~ Shawn Michaels [79 Points]
Overall Record: 7-10
# of Eliminations: 9
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 2
Title Matches: 6


HBK’s managed to do something he couldn’t in the twilight of his career and that’s one-up The Deadman. Which reminds me… we should be thankful that Taker adopted the biker shtick and not a vampire gimmick. His legacy was one managerial mistake away from getting Kevin Thorne’d. Anyway, Shawn’s legacy is deeply rooted within the history of Survivor Series. Most notably because of the Montreal Screwjob and while I’m amazed Bret never hired a Hitman to assassinate Shawn, Michaels survived at the event on three occasions. From the MSG crowd rooting defiantly against HBK in ‘96 to being solidly behind him in ‘02, Shawn’s gone thru the gamut. As great as his comeback performance in the inaugural Chamber was, I prefer his efforts in 2003 & 2005.



#2 ~ Big Show [96 Points]
Overall Record: 8-7
# of Eliminations: 13
# of Survivals: 3
Non-traditional Wins: 3
Title Matches: 6


What a resume Show’s put together at the fall classic. A track record that includes 15 matches, 19 heel turns, 14 instances of being beaten by somebody half his size, 12 tearful title celebrations, 8 exploding rings, 4 missed cuts due to weight issues and a dirty diaper. Alright so only one of those stats are correct. In all honesty, Survivor Series has brought the seven-footer tons of success over the years. Unlike every other event on the calendar, Big Show’s generally booked like an actual giant; surviving in 1999, 2004 & 2010 while piling up plenty of eliminations. He also competed for numerous championships and collected two World Titles in the process.



#1 ~ Randy Orton [113 Points]
Overall Record: 8-4
# of Eliminations: 14
# of Survivals: 5
Non-traditional Wins: 3
Title Matches: 3


Your statistical stud of Survivor Series, Orton has owned this event in just about every conceivable category. From lastly eliminating HBK outta nowhere in 2003 to winning yet another one for Team Blue a year ago, The Legend Killer’s survived 5 times (no one else has even recorded 4). Oh and all four of Randy’s losses were in traditional elimination matches where Orton was the final man eliminated on his team. Randy’s work in singles competition deserves mention as well as it boosted his score even higher. While he only worked three solo bouts outside of the 5-on-5s, they were successful title defenses against HBK, Wade Barrett and Big Show so do the math. Just kidding; I’ve done it for you. Had Orton not missed the fall classic in 2014-15 because of a shoulder injury and movie condemned straight to DVD, he would’ve pulled even further away from the pack.

It may happen regardless with The Viper captaining Team SmackDown this year. So whenever Survivor Series comes up in conversation, make a point to pay your respects and PRAISE THIS MAN.









SkittleZ Riddles



As much as I’d love to claim that I went easy on you with the first one, we both know that‘s bullshit. Just trying to get my groove back (I was never very graceful) after leaving the riddles in limbo for so long. The answer to last week’s was in fact Damien Sandow which may have been obvious to most but certainly not all. It resulted in a 70% Correct Guess Ratio and a slight boost to my self-esteem that perhaps I don’t completely suck at this.

___________________________________________________


Gingerbread man / Could be part anagram,


Will he actually win a title or fall short again,


A bigger deal back then / Can’t say when,


The company still thinks it’s better he blend.


___________________________________________________


Does the riddle offer some degree of difficulty or is it dumb enough to dull your senses? Send me your guess via email (skitztmrlop@gmail.com) or post it in the comments section below. I’ll reveal the mystery wrestler in my next column which should drop this weekend. Catch you later, homies.





_SkitZ

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