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Posted in: Wrestling Rainbow
Wrestling Rainbow ~ Stephanie's Backstage Demeanor [WARNING: May Contain Spoilers]
By SkitZ
Jan 27, 2018 - 7:27:01 PM

Stephanie's Backstage Demeanor
[WARNING: May Contain Spoilers]

Sunday Afternoon
Philadelphia, PA

It's mere hours before the Royal Rumble event and Mark Carrano has gathered all the female talent in a backstage lobby. They're awaiting the arrival of Stephanie McMahon who, on top of commentating, will also be agenting the women's battle royal. Everyone's chatting amongst themselves when she struts in and a hush comes over the crowd.

Stephanie: Who's ready to make history, ladies?! Woohoo women's revolution!!

Most of them react halfheartedly; not wanting to appear unprofessional or overly enthusiastic. Bayley can't contain herself however and lets out a shriek whilst leaping into the air. She covers her mouth and inches forward as Stephanie watches on unamused.

Bayley: Sorry for shouting. I'm just so excited for the show tonight! Whatever you need, consider it done. I'm your girl!

Stephanie: Wonderful. Well since you're offering, I'd really appreciate some coffee.

Bayley: Er okay. Should I make a run to catering?

Stephanie: Yeah if it's not too much trouble. I'm cramping and could use the caffeine buzz.

Bayley: Not a problem. One cup of Philly's finest coming right up!! (hurries off)

Stephanie: Thank God. Now I can get some actual work done.

Natalya approaches with a spring in her step.

Nattie: This is incredible, Stephanie. I can't believe the moment's finally arrived! Something I wouldn't have thought possible a few years ago has suddenly become a reality. What a launching pad for women's wrestling. I don't wanna take up too much of your time though. Just wanted to thank you again for this opportunity. It means the world to me; you have no idea.

Stephanie: (looks up from phone) Did you say something?

Nattie: Oh nothing. Just talking to myself. (forces laugh)

Stephanie: How's Tyson by the way? Feeling bitter?

Nattie: Pardon?

Stephanie: Oops, I meant better. My bad.

Nattie: He's just taking it one day at a time. TJ was never a big fan of all the travel but I'm sure he's going stir crazy at home. He misses being around the boys and I can tell-

Stephanie: Not to cut you off but HAS ANYONE SEEN MANDY AND SONYA? Ah there they are. (waves them over) Listen girls... I know how much you two were looking forward to being in the match tonight which makes this even harder to say. Taker called in a favor and LayCool need spots in the Rumble so I'm afraid you've been bumped.

Paige Groupie #1: (smacks lips) With all due respect Stephanie, that is like SO unfair.

Paige Groupie #2: Yeah no offense to Michelle and Layla but we've earned those spots. And with my MMA background, I feel like w-

Stephanie: We already have a shoot fighter, Sonya. She's called Ronda Rousey.

Wait why isn't Paige with you?

Paige Groupie #2: She's in the training room getting her neck stretched.

Stephanie: Well go check on her. She's your meal ticket, rookies.

Absolution storms off and disappears down a hallway.

Stephanie: Alright someone find me Foxy.

Alicia: (pops up beside Steph) Ahoy there, matey!

Stephanie: Dammit Foxy! (clutches chest) Don't sneak up on me like that.

Alicia: Aye aye captain!

Stephanie: I admire your commitment to the character Foxy but the cameras aren't rolling. You can drop the crazy act.

Alicia: Act?

Stephanie: ...Nevermind. You're #6. Now get lost.

Foxy skips towards the locker room area as Nikki Cross shuffles by.

Stephanie: Hold up just a second there, short stuff! I love what you're doing down in NXT, Nikki. The growling and mauling and sneak attacks out of nowhere - it's great. Reminds me of Hornswoggle. (pauses upon hearing a commotion around the corner) Like I was saying, we've decided to promote you to the main roster so you'll be coming out #19 tonight and starting an angle with-


Stephanie: Jesus. Is she drunk??

Nikki Bella: Yeah Brie's pretty upset about Daniel being in the Rumble tonight. She thinks he's going to get himself killed.

Stephanie: Be that as it may, Brie's scheduled to compete in the Women's Rumble which- (checks watch) -is less than 4 hours away. So I suggest you go get her some fresh air.

Nikki Bella: But she drove here.

Stephanie: ...

Nikki Bella: What? I was putting on my makeup.

Stephanie: Why didn't you just ride along with John?

Nikki Bella: Are you kidding? We're not allowed on his tour bus.

Brie Bella: (slurs something unintelligible)

Stephanie: I can't imagine why...

Well we need to wake her up somehow. You should g-

Bayley: I'm back! Here's your coffeeeeeeee.

Stephanie: Thanks a bunch, Bayley. Say could you possibly snag a cup for Brie too? We have a situation on our hands and it would be a huge help.

Bayley: Alrighty. I'll be back lickity split!

Stephanie: Go extra heavy on the cream and sugar.

Mickie: Hey Steph. Carrano said you wanted to speak with me?

Stephanie: Ah yes about that. So unfortunately I've got a bit of bad news. Due to a couple last second surprises, there's no longer a spot for you in the Rumble.

Mickie: Seriously? So I could've just stayed home and watched from my couch?

Stephanie: I'm so sorry, sweetheart. We're determined to make it up to you though. How's teaming with Shayna Baszler in the next Mixed Match Challenge sound!?

Mickie: Shayna Baszler? But isn't she a wo-

Stephanie: I knew you'd understand, Mickie. Alot of these girls could learn a thing or two from your commitment to the bigger pic- Kharma! (brushes James aside) You made it! Absolutely adored you in GLOW by the way; such an empowering role.

Kharma: Aw thanks Steph. That's a massive compliment coming from you. Sorry I'm late-

Stephanie: YOU'RE WHAT? (stares at Kharma's stomach)

Kharma: I wanted to apologize... for being late to the talent meeting.

Stephanie: Whew don't scare me like that. I thought you were implying that you're pregnant.

Kharma: Haha hell nah!

Stephanie: I'm just glad history isn't repeating itself. Granted we could work around that sort of obstacle if push came to shove. As long as Enzo wasn't the father, it'd be doable.

Kharma: Who?

Stephanie: Exactly. Now as for the Rumble, we have a big faceoff planned between you and Nia Jax tonight. There'll be some back and forth for a few minutes and then Beth Phoenix will eliminate both of you from behind.

Kharma: Sounds good, Steph. I actually had a few suggestions about diff-

Stephanie: We'll catch up later. (snaps head around) Naomi! How was your weekend?

Naomi: Ugh the last two days have been insane.

Stephanie: I bet. So tonight's agenda - I know we spoke the other day but things got switched around creatively and now we're going with Riott Squad attacking you during your entrance.

Naomi: That's cool I guess... Do I still get to compete in the match?

Stephanie: No you're going to be stretchered off the stage. Vince wasn't very happy when he heard about Jimmy's DUI.

Naomi: But aren't he and Jey dropping the titles to Shelton and Gable tonight? If that's the case then why am I being punished too?

Stephanie: My dad changed the finish of The Usos' match. They've been on fire and he doesn't want to cool them off right now. Someone has to take the fall though.

Triple H walks up and stands alongside Steph.

Hunter: Sheesh and I thought you were tough on the men.

Bayley: Here's your coffee, Steph! I chugged two cups before jogging back over here!!

Stephanie: Ah just the woman I wanted to see.

Bayley: Really!?

Stephanie: Absolutely. Can you grab Hunter a coffee as well while you're making runs?

Bayley: (smile fades) I suppose I could. But what about rehearsing the-

Hunter: That's our little team player. I like it black.

Dana Brooke: You ain't the only one. (winks obnoxiously)


Stephanie: Dana, how nice of you to join us. You're #14. Have fun out there. Just be sure to get yourself eliminated within the first five minutes.

Dana Brooke: Who do I look like - Gail Kim? I want a chance to actually showcase what I'm capable of.

Hunter: Every second out there is an opportunity. Don't forget that.

Dana Brooke: Got it. So who's winning the Women's Rumble? Or is that also too much to ask?

Stephanie: Asuka obviously. We've been building towards her and Alexa for months.

Dana Brooke: Well that's great for them but where does that leave the rest of us come WrestleMania?

Stephanie: The kickoff show.

Dana stomps off disgusted as Steph glares at Triple H.

Stephanie: I want a close eye kept on her tonight. No funny business. Are Titus and Crews booked? I doubt it. (turns to Carrano) Make sure those two are at ringside to monitor Dana in the Rumble. And fetch me Carmella.

While Hunter and Stephanie are bickering, Paige walks by massaging her jaw muscles which prompts some eyebrow raises.

Carmella: You rang?

Stephanie: I did. Are you finally ready to cash in that briefcase?

Carmella: Of course! I was beginning to think you'd never ask.

Stephanie: Nonsense. I already talked to Charlotte earlier but here's how it breaks down. We have Rousey being snuck into the building after the show starts.

Carmella: Oh my gawd that's awesom-

Stephanie: Just shut up and listen. So Ronda will come out late in the Rumble and dominate. But before she can clean house, everyone will gang up and toss her out. Rousey lands near Charlotte's feet at ringside, words are exchanged, a fight ensues and Ronda leaves Flair lying unconscious. That's when you take advantage, cash in and pin Charlotte to become the new SmackDown Women's Champion.

Carmella: Wow Steph I'm speechless. Honestly, I figured Ronda would be facing Charlotte for the title at Mania.

Stephanie: She is. You're going to drop the belt back to Charlotte at Fastlane.

Carmella: Oh...

Stephanie: Yeah but look at the bright side. Cass is scheduled to return by then so he can keep you company during the show. Plus think of all the fun you'll have in New Orleans!

Carmella: Didn't you hear? Cass and I broke up awhile ago.

Stephanie: Well that was ill-advised. Is there any chance of you guys reconciling?

Hunter: Steph, c'mon.

Stephanie: What? I'm just saying it wasn't the wisest career move for her. Dad has big plans for Cass.

Carmella starts crying and sprints out of sight.

Stephanie: Somebody had to rip the band-aid off.

Where in the hell is Sasha?!

Sasha: Right here, boss!

Stephanie: Ah I see what you did there. Well played, Miss Banks. So you and Bayley are going to start the Rumble and last until the Final Four. We're rolling with the best friends storyline which means you two form an alliance early on but eventually come to blows down the stretch. It'll lead to a fight on the ring apron where Bayley's gonna knock you off-

Before she can finish her sentence, Bayley rushes in, loses control and spills Hunter's coffee all over the floor.

Bayley: Gosh darnit! I tripped over Tamina's man foot.

Triple H leans over and whispers in Steph's ear.

Stephanie: Bayley you're entering second and getting thrown out by Sasha shortly thereafter.

Bayley: (stands and places hands on hips) I've been your barista for the last friggin' hour and that's the thanks I get?? Booked like a lowly jobber in the first-ever Women's Rumble!?!

Stephanie: I understand you're upset, Bayley. But don't think of it as punishment. We want to start planting the seeds for your heel turn.

Bayley: I scratched the crap out of my kneecaps just for you to- wait what?

Stephanie: Yeah this whole bubbly babyface thing just isn't working.

Bayley: That's funny because it got over just fine in NXT!

Banks butts in to break the tension.

Sasha: Hey so which lucky girl gets to come out last?

Everyone in the lobby quiets down to eavesdrop.

Stephanie: Oh just a fiery redhead who's been away from the ring for far too long.

Becky Lynch: I knew they were saving Lita for the Royal Rumble! That explains why she wasn't at RAW 25.

5 Hours Later...

Stephanie: Time to find out who drew number thirty!

(deafening boos)

Stephanie: This place has erupted!

SkittleZ Riddles

A little trickery on my part fooled readers into assuming that last riddle was aimed at Andrade "Cien" Almas. And the clues match up almost perfectly so it's no wonder why people pinpointed him as the chief suspect. In reality though, the answer was Sin Cara. I snuck a word into that first line - Took my bruises but gotcha with some legit lumps - which references his backstage brawl with Simon Gotch in 2016. The third line - It took us a win at TakeOver to get me out of that slump - is directed at Kalisto but I can see why people plugged Zelina Vega in there. Nonetheless, it resulted in a 0% Correct Guess Ratio which means I rule your world. I've relished in my small victory long enough however. Who's ready for another wonky riddle?


Brothers in harm who rarely get their hands raised,

Been thru every phase / Even jumped on that Japanese craze,

Am I past my prime? You wouldn't know if I'm growing grays,

Little hardware but my employers give me plenty of praise.


Is it a stumper? Or have you already reached the root of the riddle? Send me your guess via email (skitztmrlop@gmail.com) or post it in the comments section below. The answer will be revealed in my next column; assuming I can muster the motivation necessary to complete it.


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