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Posted in: Wrestling Rainbow
The Eternal Pessimist Contradicts Himself ~ 6 Things I've (Dis)liked in WWE Lately
By SkitZ
Nov 26, 2017 - 2:25:52 PM



6 Things I've (Dis)liked in WWE Lately











Welcome back to the column that's pissing on Fenichel and his yellow subtext for stealing my color scheme - Wrestling Rainbow.



Hi kids. Do you like violence? Well while we sit idly by waiting for Eminem's new album to surface (as well as wrestling's Revival), let us count the number of ways I've second guessed myself over these past seven days. This type of exercise helps keep my down syndrome in check so don't judge me.



Just kidding. That's what you're best at.





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1 ~ Reigns can add Grand Slam Champion to his shiny list of accomplishments.

With a last name like Roman's, its no wonder Vince always wants a belt around his waist. But The Shield no longer have the option of defending the RAW Tag Team Titles under the freebird rule and Mania's still 4+ months away so how's The Guy supposed to shine in the meantime? Well since the Hounds of Justice rejoining forces clearly didn't provide The Big Dog with enough spotlight to keep VKM satisfied, Reigns was rewarded with the Intercontinental Championship for overcoming a nasty illness (the same one that earned Bray a job against Jason Jordan). And while I wanted to see the IC Title transfered to somebody who hadn't held it before, the rule of numb still applies in this case. Anyone but you, Roman. You remain the same smug expression amongst a crowd of varied faces.

Now keeping in line with the notion that heels often speak the truth, The Miz wasn't lying about bringing prestige back to RAW's "B" belt. He's made it the measuring stick of WWE's midcard since WrestleMania 32 and slowly grown on haters such as myself in the process. Miz is coming off a trio of IC Title reigns that totalled 406 days collectively and fell less than three weeks short of surpassing Don Muraco for second all-time. I just wish the strap swap served a greater purpose than simply keeping Roman's middrift warm until Vince tries passing him yet another torch in April. Unless it somehow leads to a Cena rematch with more at stake, we all know the motive behind Reigns' recent title win. It's meant to put another notch on Roman's belt in hopes of converting a couple more critics into believers. Even with the spike in Shield merch though, fans still aren't buying what Reigns is selling.





2 ~ Paige reappears with a pair of no-names from the Performance Center.

The women's divisions on both RAW and SmackDown needed a shot in the arm due to the sobering realization that management can't book a 1-on-1 female feud to save their lives. For instance, I feel Asuka versus Alexa for Bliss's belt should be a featured bout at WM34. Just a standalone singles match but you know as well as I do that we'll ultimately end up with some kind of clusterfucked cat fight and that's a damn shame. Even with Monday Night's stacked roster, Creative has already burned through every worthwhile women's rivalry save a few involving the Empress of Tomorrow. The watering down of the division led to WWE sprinkling in some newbies this past week and aligning them with the returning Paige. Seriously though, Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose? Were Billie Kay & Peyton Royce not available? Because I can't help but feel as if the Iconic Duo would've fit far better in that spot (rather than plucking two pretty faces from the PC who need more reps and oh I dunno... reputations).

Deville strikes me as a fitter Nia Jax with an MMA gimmick and Rose is straight from the Candice Michelle school of thought as she's WrestleCrap wrapped in eye candy. I'm just sayin'; you know they're inexperienced when Paige of all people is playing the role model. Lord knows she's been placed in every other position. SkitZ is just sitting here awaiting the release of Paige's first autobiography - From Dusk til Yawn: The Story Behind My Lame Latin Lover. Meanwhile on the SmackDown side of things, I take less issue with their debuting threesome but would've personally switched out Liv Morgan for Nikki Cross as the latter blends more naturally with Ruby Riot & Sarah Logan. Not to mention she's just an all-around better performer at this point. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things though? There's a strong possibility all these fresh faces will merely serve as fodder for Ronda Rousey in the first-ever Women's Royal Rumble. It's only a matter of time before the female roster also falls victim to the part-time problem!









3 ~ Rumor killer on "The Demon versus The Beast" headlining Royal Rumble 2018.

Reading about the nixed match above bummed me out a bit and this is coming from someone who wrote a column back in May titled Balor's No More Than The Boogeyman (Why The Demon King is Just a Fling). Regardless of my personal opinion of the guy, Finn can flat out work in the ring. I'm confident he could produce a match similar in quality to Styles/Lesnar if given a long enough leash whilst battling The Beast. Placing Brock in there with smaller stars who know how to structure a match is what's best for business. Sure there's always going to be money in putting [Braun Strowman versus Brock Lesnar] on the marquee but we should've realized heading in what was awaiting us at No Mercy - a plodding monster match. Recent history has shown that wrestlers who work fast on their feet bring out the best in heel Brock and Finn's crafty enough to survive such a stunt. Perhaps the Demon King could even channel Papa Shango or The Boogeyman and worm his way to a win? Alright yeah; Lesnar would crush him like a bug.

One can dream though... that Vince will soften his stance and stop being a stubborn old bastard long enough to see the potential profit in these David versus Goliath scenarios. The notion of Balor "not being ready" to face off against the Universal Champion is utter bullshit. Don't have a cow, Mr. McMahon. Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied milking Roman's push and breastfeeding him to the point of vomiting (us not him), this wouldn't suck so much for everyone else. The argument of whether or not said wrestler is a credible challenger flew right out the fuckin' window with Mahal. If WWE possesses the willpower to turn jacked Jinder into an overnight success, there's no reason why Finn can't be built up over the following two months to sell casual fans on "The Demon versus The Beast". It gives folks an underdog to root for and also supplies Heyman added ammunition in the upcoming Reigns/Lesnar promos since Balor beat Roman clean on RAW last year. And it continues the story of Brock beating opponents who Reigns has struggled with in the past. Pull the switch, Vince! I want more of mad scientist McMahon and less of this play-it-safe senior citizen you've become.





4 ~ Jason Jordan's as green as The Hulk but carries no such mass appeal.

Alright I'm about to pull a prick move and go all Tito on my readers for a moment because I TOLD YOU SO. Well okay not the Main Page audience but I was singing the praises of Chad Gable down in the LOP Columns Forum a year and a half ago while everyone else singled out Jason Jordan as the future star of the group. Gable however has tremendous upside for a short dude and shows signs of blossoming into more of an Angle archetype than Kurt's own storyline son. Jordan being chained to such a restrictive role on RAW doomed him from the jump. The rub management tried giving Angle Dark never even got the chance to wear off because fans branded him a fool right away. Even if he hadn't been cast as having a Hall of Fame father, I've yet to see anything from Jason Jordan characteristically that suggests he'll become anything more than another Shelton Benjamin. Speaking of which, I surely can't be the only person praying for Kurt to evolve into the disappointed dad and shun Jordan off the show.

"YOU'VE BROUGHT SHAME UPON THE FAMILY NAME. I'M SHIPPING YOU BACK TO SMACKDOWN IN EXCHANGE FOR SHELTON BENJAMIN. TEAM ANGLE REUINTE."

Charlie Haas had more personality than this latest Kurt Angle clone for crying out loud. I keep picturing Jason backstage with Big Show teaching him how to weep uncontrollably on command and it just makes me sad that we're stuck sitting through this shit. Plus if all this is leading to an Angle/Jordan match at Mania, I may have to lay off the part-time fist pounding for awhile because I'd MUCH rather watch The Olympic Games (i.e. Kurt vs. Hunter) any day of the week. I mean why even split up American Alpha to begin with? Those two would've been best suited staying a tag team for the next ten years. The manner in which WWE deals with its duos these days is depressingly short sighted. At this rate, Dash & Dawson will be bitter rivals by New Year's and they've barely been on TV for a solitary second since the Superstar Shakeup!





5 ~ Mahal lingering around the WWE Title stinks and I'm not a fan of it.

One week ago, AJ walked out onto the Survivor Series set wearing the WWE Championship, Jinder was reduced to a pre-recorded promo package and all felt right with the world. But given how the previous six months panned out, I'm not completely confident we're out of the fire just yet. What's to say the title change earlier this month wasn't more a combination of Mahal dealing with an undisclosed injury and the company rewarding Styles for stepping in last minute at TLC and delivering huge against Finn? Once Clash of Champions goes off the air with AJ still in possession of the gold, I'll let out a sigh of relief. Until then though, I shall continue to watch with bated breath and a clenched butthole. SkitZ has convinced himself that we're not in the clear until December 17th comes and goes. Perhaps my paranoia is unwarranted but the prospect of John Cena triumphing over an evil anti-American to break Flair's record feels too textbook for Vince to pass up.

Between being the best at what he does and his flowing locks though, the belt just looks so beautiful around the waist of Styles. Despite whatever booking blunders they throw at him, AJ's remained ridiculously over, always delivers in the clutch and saved us from a Jinder/Brock match (that would've killed the crowd apart from the assasination of the Singh brothers) by replacing it with a MOTY contender. If those ingredients aren't ripe enough to keep them from hot potato'ing the title back to Mahal then there needs to be a mix-up in upper management because it's clear to the rest of us that Styles and the WWE Championship are a winning recipe. One which admittedly tastes better now that Jinder's not being shoved down our throats but time will tell if that's only temporary. The mark in me desperately wants AJ's reign to result in a Mania match with Shinsuke but the main roster's booking of Nakamura suggests otherwise. He's received about as much preferrential treatment on SmackDown as Jimmy Wang Yang did. There's still time for Shin to learn under the tutelege of JBL and adopt an Asian cowboy shtick so stay tuned.





6 ~ Zo's Got Bros in Different Area Codes

It's old news by now but I didn't quite share the same enthusiasm as others when Enzo shimmied his way onto 205 Live and dethroned the King of the Cruiserweights. Neville abandoning his kingdom shortly afterwards only raised my hatred of Air Amore to new heights but times are a-changin'. Without Cass in his corner, Enzo didn't really fit in on RAW but he's a shoe-in on the purple brand despite his in-ring limitations. Based on what I've seen each week, the move to 205 Live has been a win/win situation as the Zo Train's allowed a handful of heels to generate heat off Enzo who in turn is now working regularly with workers who can show him the ropes beyond just the basics. In hindsight, the injury Big Cass suffered appears to have been a blessing in disguise for Amore who was always going to be overshadowed by his lofty teammate in management's eyes. I thought the Realest Guys in the Room complimented each other perfectly though. Cass brought the muscle but lacked that larger-than-life aura whereas Enzo might be scrawny but he's a beast on the stick.

Aside from his size advantage, it stupefies me what Vince sees in the seven-footer since Cass in my view is just a generic modern day monster. I remember listening to him on Sam Roberts' podcast back in August and thinking "damn this dude is boring as shit". That translates onto TV and makes him nothing more than a bland bad guy to me. Nevertheless, I'm willing to bet we're in for Roman Reigns vs. Big Cass at a future WrestleMania. Whoopee. The jury's still out on Carmella's crotch rocket but I'm on board with a relatively smaller one being strapped to Enzo in the meantime because that dude's a star. SkitZ will be the first to admit he overreacted to Amore "ruining" 205 Live. If anything, Enzo's extended the Cruiserweight Division's life cycle which is pretty impressive considering he's about as capable a wrestler as his ex-girlfriend.









SkittleZ Riddles



The answer to my riddle a few weeks ago was actually Evan Bourne but I will begrudgingly accept Jeff Jarrett as well. After reader VladimirDimitri suggested Double J, it quickly dawned on me that the riddle matched him just the same so rookie mistake on my part. Anywho, here's how the clues break down. Bourne often flashed fans the peace sign before matches, had a rather brief WWE career and enjoyed a Tag Title reign with Kofi Kingston but never captured a World Championship. As for the "What does a pot and pan have to do with this?" and "Left doubly pissed" hints, they were references to Bourne getting busted for smoking weed after failing a pair of piss tests. Thus the second line was a play on words structured around pot preventing Bourne's WWE stint from panning out. Ultimately it resulted in a lowly 25% Correct Guess Ratio so I'll give you punks a chance to improve upon that percentage.

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Million dollar question / Should I stay or go now?,


Things were rolling until life ran me over like a plow,


Took a leap, took those titles and later took a bow,


Don't let my wardrobe fool you... I'm the reverse Sandow.


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Confident you know the answer? Or did I leave ya feeling clueless? Send me your guess via email (skitztmrlop@gmail.com) or post it in the comments section below. I’ll reveal the mystery wrestler in my next column which could drop before December or after it. Depends on how festive I'm feeling this holiday season. Until then, wrap your rascal and be safe.





_SkitZ

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