LOP on Facebook LOP on Twitter LOP on Google Plus LOP on Youtube LOP's RSS Feed

Home | Headlines | News | Results | Columns | Radio | Forums | Contact



Posted in: Taste My Rainbow
Taste My Rainbow - SkitZ Lays the Mac Down (Ranking Shane's Stunts)
By SkitZ
Oct 13, 2017 - 10:55:52 PM


SkitZ Lays the Mac Down
(Ranking Shane‘s Stunts)











Welcome back to the column that’s bound to crash this page with a 20-gif pileup - Taste My Rainbow.



It only felt right on this Friday the 13th to celebrate the repeated rise and fall of wrestling’s most unlucky star (particularly when it comes to high risk gambles not paying off). Shane is money in big match situations though; a clutch crowd pleaser. No matter how many times McMahon loses, I always get a kick out of his antics. Shane’s punches are a riot, his theatrics will leave you - as well as him - in stitches and he sells punishment like a fish flopping outta water.







Not even a helicopter crash could slow down Air McMahon and after surviving his latest stunt last weekend, I figured it’s high time we stroll down memory lane before Shane’s confined to a wheelchair.



____________________________________




#12 ~ The Most Electrified Manhood in Sports Entertainment
[RAW 9/1/03]


In the testosterone fueled world of pro wrestling, the crotch region often serves as a punching bag during matches and promo jabs. Whether it’s a Joey Ryan dick flip, Stacy Keibler turning testicles into a marketing ploy or - in this case - the McMahon family jewels, fans go nuts for that sort of stuff. We all went limp though when Kane attempted to fry Shane’s eggs on live television. After the interference of Eric Bischoff’s hired gun backfired at SummerSlam, the GM unleashed his big red weapon which triggered a heated feud between Kane and McMahon.

A rivalry that kick started with the monster handcuffing Shane to the ring post and using a battery, jumper cables and some bottled water to shrink the Boy Wonder down to size. That’s certainly one way to spark a rivalry (I vividly recall it making the hairs on the back of my scrotum stand up). Right as Kane’s lewd act was reaching its climax however, RVD made the save before Shane’s grapefruits were reduced to a mushy mess.









#11 ~ Reminding The Posse That They‘re Beneath You
[RAW 10/25/99]


Shane’s penchant for treating arenas like playgrounds makes it easy for him to jump rope back and forth between roles. This would be the first of many face runs for McMahon (that brief alliance with Austin the year prior doesn’t count) who mended fences with Test on the heels of their frenetic street fight at SummerSlam ‘99.

Calling it even put Shane O Mac at odds with The Posse however so when a cage match degenerated into a beatdown of his sister’s main squeeze, the Boy Wonder came to Test’s rescue. Shane rained down from the rafters *exaggerated for dramatic effect*; reducing Pete Gas & Joey Abs to a puddle with a flying crossbody from atop the structure. Rey Mysterio did it far more gracefully of course in 2002 which is why I almost awarded this spot to Triple H hurling Shane off the stage a couple weeks later. Let’s be sensible though… Mae Young sold that better too.









#10 ~ Superplexed Into Splinters on a Saturday Night
[SNME 3/18/06]


Ah yes, the revival of Saturday Night’s Main Event. Another one of Vince’s babies that died due to neglect after the first episode. Had he produced future installments with the same level of tender loving care, perhaps we wouldn’t have witnessed such atrocities as Kane, Doing the Clown & Eugene versus Kevin Thorne, Viscera & Umaga. A punch below the belt of that last guy who should’ve been World Champion by then.

Anyways, the pre-WM22 edition would be headlined by HBK/Shane and result in the second of too many instances where WWE tried recreating the Montreal Screwjob finish. Up until the unsightly ending though, their ugly grudge match was pretty damn entertaining. The biggest highlight coming when Michaels woodchucked McMahon off a ladder through a pair of ringside tables. It may not stack up to the TLC barnburners that came before but Shawn and Shane did a great job warming the crowd up for said spot. I’m still amazed that nobody’s been impaled by a table leg yet.









#9 ~ Stretcher Dropkick Off the Ambulance
[Survivor Series 2003]


Hell bent on eviscerating the Boy Wonder while at Big Daddy VKM‘s beckon call, Kane set out to flush the stubborn shit but Shane sank to new lows (even for a McMahon). And while he didn’t leap off the stage set, the roof of the ambulance worked well enough for Shane as a launching pad. McMahon connects with a flying dropkick to his rival who’s resting against the ringside barrier; cuddling a trash can. The spot is hardly wince worthy though as Shane lands softly on what appears to be a bunch of pillows wrapped in cardboard. I’m reminded of a mattress commercial where the person floats seamlessly down onto the bedspread. Hmmm kinda torn on this one. Should I be more comforting towards the guy for risking life and limb? Or is this merely fluff compared to the other stiff landings on my list? You be the judge:







Kane eventually won the match but I remember being so disappointed with his cruel intentions that I shrugged off my girlfriend’s sexual advances afterwards.







Just kidding. I watched that PPV with a circle jerk of dudes.





#8 ~ Crash Test Dummy Deployed
[SummerSlam 1999]


During the summer of ‘99, Test caught fire and became as hot an act as future girlfriend Kelly Kelly. Alright he was hardly a huge attraction but fans were definitely awestruck by the tall blonde’s bombshell girlfriend lowering herself to Test’s standards. With the McMahon family’s reputation at stake, Shane couldn’t stomach Stephanie dating a rent-a-wrestler and thus gave Test an ultimatum: beat me or go beat off to someone else’s sister.

Test had his hands full with the Mean Street Posse who were running interference from all directions while McMahon ran for cover. Eventually the numbers caught up to Test and he became the first victim of Shane’s announce table elbow drop; an ego booster McMahon still whips out on occasion to enhance a performance. Test would steer himself back to victory though and despite still being a couple years away from hitting his stride, he’d reached another gear by this point. The “Love Her or Leave Her” street fight showcased Test’s potential but I daresay it highlighted Shane’s even more.









#7 ~ Breaking Your Neck to Land a Spot at the Table
[KOTR 2000]


Shane O Mac is no choke artist but the one Taker slams him with here is visually breathtaking. The gasp from the crowd is great too which can be attributed to the distance McMahon travels in such a short span of time. They set the spot up perfectly as you can see the horror in Shane’s eyes right before he’s rag dolled off the top turnbuckle and chucked through the closest announce table. I feel like if Undertaker were to attempt that move nowadays, his shins would splinter into a million pieces. Granted assembly was required back then as well as this match features a ton of moving parts which was typical for that timeframe. A six-man tag for the WWF Title because it took place in an era where anyone - and I do mean anyone - could be World Champion.









#6 ~ Pulling a Jeff Hardy and Failing Miserably
[Unforgiven 2003]


Fitting title given that it’s a falling senton Shane attempts off the stage's side screen. And while McMahon obviously has no fear of heights, you’d think the alarming rate in which he misses his target during such high spots would be enough to talk him off the ledge. I suppose Shane just loves flying by the seat of his windbreakers. Either way, McMahon freefalls as if he’s leaping out of a burning building with firefighters prepared to catch him at ground level. The only thing awaiting Shane however is spray painted plywood with some padding underneath. Kane having rolled out of harm’s way because he studied tapes and knows every Shane match ends with the same predictable plunge.









#5 ~ Flying Coast to Coast While Dad Foots the Bill
[WrestleMania X-Seven]


Leave it to this pair of ball busters to knock a father/son storyline out of the park. Easily the best chapter of McMahon melodrama in my book, the chaos caused by The Chairman in early 2001 erupted into a family feud fight for the ages at WMXVII. And let us not forget the newly purchased WCW talent tucked away up in the skybox who provided some foreshadowing for how little focus they’d receive over the next eight months.

This match featured several memorable moments (the Steph/Trish tussle, Linda low blowing Vince, etc.) but they save the best for last; that being Shane’s corner to corner dropkick. Adolescent SkitZ remembers watching and thinking “there’s no way that pudgy white boy has the hops to pulls this off” but sure enough, Air McMahon proved me wrong. Nevertheless, you know one of these days Shane’s gonna come up five feet short on it and the saddest part is Mike Adamle won’t be there to call him Shame McMahon.









#4 ~ No Cell Service Up Here, I Reckon
[Tie - WM32 & HIAC 2017]


Well I had to include both but couldn’t justify giving them separate spots seeing as how they’re basically carbon copies of one another. Just cut out Taker and paste KO’s portly frame in his place. The impact is where the two differ which I’ll chalk up to whatever support system WWE set up under each announce table. When Shane dropped off the cell at Mania, it was like he fell into a bounce house as you can visibly see the splash pad balloon into action once the table collapses. But when McMahon took the bump last Sunday, that landing looked ROUGH.

Shane hit his intended target but it’s hard to mark out when you’re legit worried for the guy’s wellbeing. Seriously, how many leaps of faith does Shane have left before the dude’s guardian angel grants him his death wish? Surely he must be running low? I will say though that McMahon’s HIAC bout with Owens was the high point of the show. It’s a bummer we had to sit through a 30-minute snooze fest at WM32 before Shane woke us up with his errant elbow drop. The last time I saw Taker move that fast, his chest was getting charbroiled by stray pyro.









#3 ~ Beaten From Pillar to Post-Concussion
[KOTR 2001]


Make no mistake; there’s nothing third rate about this match. As a matter of fact, it’s my favorite Shane performance to date. Of course the logic is ass backwards as is usually the case when a McMahon’s in the middle of it. I mean the match makes sense from the standpoint of Angle struggling to put Shane away after having wrestled both Edge & Christian earlier in the evening. Kurt being forced to exhaust every effort however seemed extreme. Due to the Boy Wonder’s heroic performances at the previous two pay per views, I think WWE went a bit overboard with the Super Shane stuff which resulted in Angle doing everything but blowing up the building to beat him.

The combination of dastardly deeds it takes to keep McMahon down for three seconds is almost Roman-esque but it’s unbelievably entertaining. Shane mounts a few rallies but otherwise, Kurt is either bullying the kid on the mat, suplexing him through glass panes or Angle slamming him off the top turnbuckle. As far as which Shane stunt gets nominated here, take your pick. This match is littered with them.









#2 ~ The Lethal Weapon Sticks It to Shane
[SummerSlam 2000]


With Foley more or less retired, Shane quickly adopted Mick’s role as the guy on the roster willing to attempt every ill-advised move you could imagine. It also became increasingly apparent that there were no strings attached in regards to Vince letting Shane test the limits. That much was obvious during Air McMahon’s Hardcore Championship clash with Steve Blackman of all people. Why management was still pushing him at this point remains one of life’s many mysteries but I’m assuming it went something like: “Hmmm where do we place this guy on the card… wait doesn’t he carry around nunchucks? Throw him in the Hardcore Division!”

Blackman deserves props though for the elbow drop he lands after Shane plummets 30-40 feet off the SummerSlam set. Sure, Steve climbs down about half way before executing the move but at least he does his own stunts (which is more than I can say for Sting). Blackman provides a nice shot of adrenaline at the end there but it’s hardly noticeable because you’re still reeling from the tingling sensation brought on by Shane’s brutal bump. He sells that third kendo stick strike like it paralyzed him.









#1 ~ Big Show Sunk by Diving Elbow Drop
[Backlash 2001]


So it appears the higher Shane jumps from, the higher he lands on my countdown. One thing I’ve noticed whilst researching these spots is how often Test turns up to save McMahon from certain doom. In this instance, Shane has the ether sleeper locked on Big Show until Vince strikes with a steel chair and awakens the giant. Fast forward a few >> TBS has the match won but gets cocky and you know what happens to dicks in wrestling… they get their comeuppance sooner or later. So right on cue, Test bails out his bro, Shane scales the set and it’s showtime. Or rather it’s time to show the giant that there’s no length Air McMahon won’t climb to for an earsplitting pop.

Shane stares off into space, says his prayers and sky dives from dizzying heights. Who knows how high he jumped from exactly but rest assured the announcers added 15-20 feet to it. And as if that isn’t enough of a stretch, Shane somehow manages to land within arm’s reach of Big Show. An incredibly accurate landing when you consider where he departed from. Cut to 2017 and Shane’s still on suicide watch. Do adrenaline junkies ever stop flirting with death?









_SkitZ

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ SkitZ Answers Fam Mail

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ My Kayfabe Childhood & Wrestling Reality as an Adult

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ Surviving Solely on Statistics (The Yawn-Awaited Sequel)

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ Surviving Solely on Statistics (+ the Return of SkittleZ Riddles)

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ These TLC Bouts Make Me Sick to My Stomach

  • Wrestling Rainbow ~ The Ultimate Thrill Guide (Where Mania's Heading in 5 Years)

  • Taste My Rainbow - SkitZ Lays the Mac Down (Ranking Shane's Stunts)

  • RAW Bar [10.9.2017] - Zo Show Cancelled & The Bae Young Classic Begins

  • Taste My Rainbow - TELL ME HE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT (VOL. II)

  • Taste My Rainbow - TELL ME HE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT