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Posted in: Taste My Rainbow
Taste My Rainbow - Good Old Fashioned SummerSlam Predictions
By SkitZ
Aug 19, 2017 - 10:00:57 AM


Good Old Fashioned
SummerSlam Predictions











SummerSlam is tomorrow night??? Christ almighty, I better blast out these predictions before they’re no longer relevant.









Instead of being positioned in a featured title bout like he deserves, The Miz has been relegated to a thrown together six-man tag that screams dark match. A booking decision that has to be seen as a snub given the critically acclaimed run The A-Lister’s put together over the past year. Miz will be teaming with his buddies to take on Mr. Athleticism and a pair of high fliers whom I also expected to land higher up the card. I wouldn’t be surprised either if the faces win which makes mine droop into a scowl.

Prediction: Kofi Kingston, John Morrison & Rey Mysterio def. The Miz, R-Truth & Alberto Del Rio




While she’s proven herself to be quite bendy, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say fans haven’t exactly bought into the dark-skinned Diva’s championship reign. Despite the company providing her with some glow over these last couple months, there are still plenty of other women on the roster who continue to shine brighter. And the champ’s challenger at SummerSlam isn’t likely to change that perception seeing as she’s held the belt before and done nothing to rope me in besides providing some dirty thoughts while I erotically asphyxiate myself. There’s a hint of bullshit in the air and I smell a title change.

Prediction: Melina def. Alicia Fox ©




Speaking of crap, the Demon of Dull Valley is finally set to make his return this weekend! We’ve been eagerly waiting all year and after taking some time off to heal a nasty injury, he’s prepared to rise once again. Ironically, what awaits him at SummerSlam shares many of the same character traits/flaws. One of them is an obvious imposter who nobody takes seriously and for that reason I don’t suspect the crowd to give a damn aside from the entrances.

Prediction: The Undertaker def. The Underfaker




On a happier note, The Shield have reunited! Following stints as singles wrestlers, they’ve rejoined forces to vanquish a common enemy. A formidable duo that consists of a former World Champion and his more talented partner who for whatever reason hasn’t been afforded the same opportunities in WWE. Either The Hounds of Justice are gearing up to run roughshod over RAW again or another betrayal is coming. An Ambrose heel turn seems likely.

Prediction: Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper def. Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose




As for this battle of the seven-footers, well… I don’t envision it standing the test of time. These monster matches tend to fall flatter than Sasha Banks in the rack region. Big Show is in incredible shape I’ll give him that. His opponent at SummerSlam however is a bum who’s trying to force me into believing in him and I just ain’t buying the act. It won’t be long before he’s helping that little nuisance of his attempt to win a title that’s bound to be retired again soon.

Prediction: Big Show def. Bam Neely




Although he’s more generous with wins and losses than his reputation suggests, John Cena is notoriously stingy when it comes to putting over promising up-and-comers at crucial moments. So naturally, the IWC is left wondering will he lay down this Sunday at SummerSlam for the next guy in line? Yeah not in this case.

Prediction: Team WWE Cena squashes The Nexus




If history has taught us anything, every special guest referee is equipped with a finishing move; it’s called shenanigans. The situation tomorrow evening promises to end just as controversially considering the official in question is no stranger to backstage politics. The upcoming championship contest could easily main event under other circumstances. In one corner, you have the champ that runs the camp. He’s had a phenomenal run since the start of last year but in the other corner, you have arguably the best villain in WWE. A young outspoken wrestler who’s tasted success before but craves more of it. Then there’s the wildcard in this scenario who not only has a habit of pulling off crazy stunts but has absolutely no love loss for the other two. The combustible elements at play here are bound to implode just like my marriage did. Someone’s getting screwed over… I’m just glad it isn’t me this time.

Prediction: Triple H def. Stone Cold Steve Austin © and Mankind
(Jesse Ventura as Special Guest Referee)





As far as SmackDown’s World Title match goes, I feel like folks would be content with a blah match so long as the evil foreigner coughs up the belt and stops stirring our gag reflex. His challenger poses as a much more appealing option and thus the IWC's clamoring for him to become champion at SummerSlam. I on the other hand haven’t been that blown away with the #1 contender’s body of work since joining the blue brand. For an athlete of his caliber with an already impressive resume, I’ve found his performances and promos unsatisfactory. Nevertheless, he’s far more conditioned to reign than the current champion who’s credibility in wrestling has been manufactured by WWE as a larger scheme to tap into the Indian market. My guess is the Punjabi powerhouse holds onto the belt for another month.

Prediction: The Great Khali © def. Batista




And finally, the main event. This one’s destined to be a surefire classic but there‘s a question burning on the tip of everyone‘s tongue… Will the part-timer do what’s best for business and relinquish his championship? There’s a number of moving parts in this equation but every possible outcome points to the same logical conclusion. Vince should go all in and place the title on The Next Big Thing. Dude is truly a monster among men as he’s terrorized the roster and surpassed everyone’s expectations in the process. Reward this year’s MVP with a dominant victory at the Biggest Party of the Summer. The heel/face dynamic matters not in this scenario. I guarantee you the New York audience would pop HUGE for a title change of this magnitude.

Prediction: Brock Lesnar def. The Rock ©




Well that should just about cover everything.



…What?









Oh you meant predicting this year’s SummerSlam card? That’s easy: The OVW Class of 2002 wins (and Enzo gets beat up again).



I’ll be back in the morning with my predictions for NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn III.





_SkitZ

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