Taste My Rainbow - Calling Punk’s Bluff (Was His Proclamation Bullsh*t?)
Jan 7, 2014 - 8:00:10 PM
Calling Punk’s Bluff
(Was His Proclamation Bullsh*t?)
Welcome back to the lowest form of intelligence on the internet - Taste My Rainbow. Today’s topic is one I’ve been itching to scratch for months now. Before we go barking up the wrong tree however, SkitZ feels the need to relieve himself on a couple stray bushes first.
+++ Given the wealth of talent on hand Monday night, I didn’t expect to see Punk/Reigns main event Old School RAW. Going along with recent trends, I assumed the show would begin with the BITW and his quest to implode The Shield from within. Pleasant surprise there (as was Jake "The Snake’s" last second appearance). After fourteen months of clean-up duty, the WWE brass finally shined the spotlight on Reigns and he delivered in the clutch.
Now the dude had me a little tentative during those first 8-10 minutes I’ll admit. The limitations in Samoa Ro’s ring game were obvious early on as he relied HEAVILY on rest holds and stalling. There were even points where Reigns seemed as gassed as Batista working a SmackDown taping back in the day. With no Rollins to tag on the ring apron however, Romes gutted it out and kept stride with Punk during the home stretch. A decent performance can be disguised as a really good one if you finish strong (something my girlfriend reminds me of 2-3 times a week). Reigns clearly isn’t as crafty as his stablemates but the company’s booking him as such. I’m sure his agent will be hearing from Marvel in the very near future.
+++ Ryback shocked the world on RAW… by being remotely funny during his ringside commentary of Langston/Axel. You and I both know Triple H fed him that Lilian Garcia line though.
+++ We’re 19 days shy of the 2014 Royal Rumble and I’ve not yet found a reason to order it besides watching Bryan punch his ticket to WrestleMania. Let’s have a look at this lineup, shall we? WWE’s made Orton/Cena official; a match that’s nearly as tired as my left hand. Big Show/Lesnar now appears to be a lock… What you were hoping Heyman’s client would be in the Rumble match itself? Pfffft. Based on how much Vince pays Brock to work a 20-minute PPV match, I doubt WWE could afford his hourly rate. Oh and the company’s also teasing Big E/Ryberg for the Intercontinental Title (you know in case folks weren’t already
switching to channels with normal female boobs invested enough).
This pay per view is prompting me to take illegal action. As a rule, I usually order the Rumble & ‘Mania and stream the in-between PPV on my laptop. Is it sad that Batista/Del Rio, the possibility of Orton/Lesnar and an Elimination Chamber match involving fuck knows who is motive enough for me to deviate from said pattern?
+++ My roommate bought me the 100 Greatest Moments in RAW History DVD as a Christmas gift and I finally got around to watching it recently. As I mentioned in the LOP Forums after completing the three-disc set, it felt like WWE’s tech crew threw it together on a slow weekend. Despite his tendency to be a dick and yet remain dickless in the process [/irony], ‘Plan made an excellent point. The company puts no effort whatsoever in their DVD compilations nowadays. Not only is the commentary portion shallower than my standards but I can count 15-20 moments off the top of my head that were left out (and just as many that didn’t belong). The countdown is sped thru like the fine print of a sketchy commercial. Spend your $20-25 elsewhere.
My grasp on the product had started to slip by mid-’11. I’d broken up with my girlfriend of two years and sought comfort in the moist panties of her best friend. Needless to say, things were rocky on the home front. My shameful rendezvousing with Rebby (a red-headed Jew / who knew such a thing existed?) pulled me further and further away from WWE programming. Miz’s six month title reign and a lukewarm WrestleMania weren’t helping my attachment issues either. Pussy can really fuck with a guy and make him act irrationally. I blinked and nearly missed the entire Summer of Punk.
But more importantly, that ginger bitch made me miss the pipebomb promo.
Watching it live on TV anyway. The wonders of social media caught my attention in a hurry and I viewed Punk’s tirade on YouTube the next day. Don’t mistake this column for something it isn’t. I’m not here to pass judgment on the validity of CM Punk’s infamous words. Personally, I could give two shits whether Brooks’ verbal lashings were scripted, part shoot or a goddamn revelation. Any wrestling fan who’s been around the block a time or two knows the deal.
Management capitalized on a circumstantial incident that they knew would benefit the company for years to come. I’m not trying to downplay Punk’s frustrations or how close he actually came to leaving; the truth latched to those rumors has since been proven factual (at least to an extent). Simply put, WWE were in desperate need of a new mega star so they played to the guy’s strength and placed him in a position to succeed. That segment netted Punk a shit ton of money and made him a major asset overnight. Apparently, those shipments of ice cream bars from Honduras never made it to the states.
Mr. Sobriety has gone on record in various interviews (as well as his Best in the World DVD documentary) about being an advocate of change. Among other things, Punk’s said that change would be for the better and his creative approach would help dial the front office into what their fans actually wanted/needed. The question I’ve continually asked myself over the past calendar year is whether or not the BITW has made good on his vow to change the WWE landscape. And what exactly did he mean by "change"? Was CM Punk referring to his own specific situation with WWE or the product in general? Did the longest reigning WWE Champion in modern history demand a drastic departure from the way company officials ran things? Did he take issue with the lack of storyline fluidity? Who corporate saw fit to push? How WWE promoted itself? Or was the BITW simply watching his own back?
More than anything, I take aim at Punk’s motives. When VKM gave him the stamp of approval and a hefty fucking contract, did Brooks have this master plan of altering the way his employers did business? Perhaps Punk believed he could solve all of WWE’s deficiencies with a microphone in his hand? Maybe the dude had good intentions initially but the organization slowly molded him into an exact replica of what they wanted? Did Hunter & friends force Punk to play ball and toe the line? Because when I study Brooks, he’s no longer a game changer. Don’t get me wrong… Punk is super competitive. He’s an awesome wrestler and an exceptional talker. What we see on a week-to-week basis now however is pretty much the complete opposite of what the BITW preached two and a half years ago.
Punk’s always featured in high profile matches/feuds. He only loses or appears weak under Cena-esque circumstances. His segments habitually come at the top of the hour on RAW & SmackDown. Creative gives him an exorbitant amount of promo time and Punk often talks/rambles for as long as he wants. Brooks is buddying up to Hall of Famers, high fiving legendary wrestlers in backstage skits and constantly teaming with WWE’s hottest babyface acts. Punk is tame; much more company manufactured than fans were accustomed to seeing in the past. Obviously, his personal demands have been met. But have ours? And what about the change Brooks promised us?
If the BITW should be commended for anything, praise him for instilling faith in the company to usher in more indy guys. Punk’s breakthrough in WWE has obliterated the stigma that shorter, leaner independent wrestlers can’t hack it in the major leagues. Unless you consider Daniel Bryan winning SmackDown’s MITB briefcase in the midst of all the Punk pandemonium a mere coincidence (which if that is indeed the case, go ahead and kick yourself in the beans to save me the trouble). Not too long afterwards came Antonio Cesaro, Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Chris Hero if he hadn’t abandoned the gym for IHOP.
Even then though, that window appears to be closing rapidly; almost as if the indy movement has reached its expiration date. With the opening of WWE’s state-of-the-art Performance Center, recruiting talent by such methods has fallen by the wayside.
Therefore, the decision falls in your hands. Does Punk’s affirmation of change still hold water? Did he manage to alter how the company does business? If so, would you say the experiment eventually failed? Or was the Voice of the Voiceless strictly looking out for himself from the get-go? Could it be as basic as Punk receiving everything he asked for and then handing himself over to the machine with no ill feelings? Did the anti-hero ease off the pedal because he no longer has any qualms with the establishment? Or could it be the lack of competition outside of WWE that’s ultimately killed Punk’s buzz?
TMR_ Satisfaction Notwithstanding
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