I really don't understand why WWE keep signing these huge musclebound guys and hoping that eventually they're going to learn how to wrestle. If they are going to sign them, is it really necessary to bring them up to the big show before they're clearly ready for it? Even with ECW being acknowledged as the third, lesser brand to RAW and Smackdown, some guys are just too unpolished to deserve television time.
The latest one, in my opinion, is Vance Archer. Maybe I'm wrong and when we see him up against a name wrestler he'll display a different side of himself, but from what I've seen so far, he's just a big, dumb, mean guy with an evil smirk. Haven't we seen this play out a hundred times before, isn't the last guy to do that getting a WWE Title shot without proving he deserved it, and doesn't that path usually lead to the future endeavors club?
The answer to all three of those questions is a resounding, "Yes," so it's becoming impossible to give a shit about some huge guy they bring up. Vince McMahon may have an infatuation with giants, but that doesn't mean the fans do and I, for one, would much rather they bring someone up who has what it takes in the ring than someone who has to learn on the job because he was raised too high too soon because of his size.
That's what we have with Ezekiel Jackson, right? He's just a big muscle-bound freak, isn't he? He reminds me a lot of a bigger version of Ahmed Johnson with less mic skills and no ring ability. When Jackson was brought up, it was pretty obvious that he was to be the Big Daddy Cool to Brian Kendrick's update on the original Heart Break Kid gimmick. There's no way Zeke was ready to swim on his own, but the pair were separated anyway.
Now, of course, Kendrick is plying his trade on the independent scene and Jackson just booted himself out of William Regal's Ruthless Roundtable. To what end, though? Jackson is still clearly unready to be left without a life preserver, and yet he's now been thrown to the sharks in what appears to be an unbelievably bad decision. I get this move even less than other moves WWE has made lately, and I doubt I'm the only one.
Wasn't the Ruthless Roundtable put together mostly so that Regal could help Jackson and Vladimir Koslov learn? It sure doesn't seem like there's been enough time for that to have occurred, especially since Jackson is probably the one that needed the most help. Unless the goal is to build Jackson into a one and done monster like Hogan faced back in the day, this thing is going to fall flat on its face.
The man is a work in progress and throwing him to the wolves at this point is doing nothing but rushing a guy who may not ever get it anyway. That being the case, is this just a way for WWE to cut its losses? If so, this seems like a pretty fucked up way to do it. Look, I don't know if Big Zeke can ever be anything in this business. Truthfully signs point to "no," but that doesn't make it right to force him to prove himself at the whim of the promoters. There's nothing just about that.
2. I had one more thing to be thankful for, but I didn't know it on Thursday.
I'm sure I had more than that I didn't mention; after all we tend to remember the bad things more than the good, right? Even so, when I watched the main event of RAW on Monday Night and heard the commentating team of Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura, I was taken back in time to when my wrestling viewing was far more innocent and wrestling matches between superstars were more rare, and thus, a bigger deal. Jesse was a tremendous guest host and I'd like nothing more than to hear him every week.
I know that's not going to happen, of course. While I live in the state Jesse was once the governor of, he'll always be The Body to me, just as I'll always consider Vince McMahon the best play-by-play guy of all time. To me they were the perfect commentary team and for them to have one last rodeo together, even if just for a solitary match, was a nice gift for WWE to give us during Thanksgiving week. While I'll always love the way Steve Austin exploded, I'll always mourn that the circumstances caused us to lose Vince from the booth.
Like I've said a few times lately, the best thing WWE could for commentary right now is put Matt Striker and Jim Ross together once Ross recovers, but as good as I imagine that team will be, I don't think any team will ever be as good as McMahon and Ventura. Ross has claimed lately that in his biased view he and Lawler were the best team ever, but they're not. McMahon and Ventura were the best, McMahon and Michaels were tremendous, Heenan and Monsoon were pretty damned good, mostly because of The Brain, and Ross was better with Paul Heyman.
The problem with Ross and Lawler is that they mellowed out and got used to each other over time; they both moved closer to the middle and that made for a boring team by the time JR was drafted to Smackdown. The best commentary teams do their job in calling the match, but they also are entertaining because they argue amongst themselves. When Lawler and Ross first started out, they didn't get along on camera because Lawler was so arrogant and always touting the heels as being better than the babyfaces, while Ross always played it straight.
That's when Lawler and Ross were at their best, and at that time they probably would have been contenders for the top spot. By the same token, if Michaels and McMahon or Heyman and Ross had been together longer, they may have gotten stale and shifted more to either side, though I sincerely doubt the former would have. McMahon and Michaels are both such great on-air professionals--certain circumstances aside--that I think they wouldn't have let themselves drift towards each other. Suppositions forgotten, though, the drifting did occur.
But, it never did with McMahon and Ventura and to hear the two comment last Monday night (actually Thursday for me) was a joy. It had been nearly twenty years since the two had worked together in that capacity, so of course they were going to be a bit rusty, but once they got going, they settled into a pretty good groove and it was already clear why they are the best commentary team ever. As high as I was listening to that, it was a hard way to fall realizing that it will likely never happen again.
No, the best we can hope for now is announce teams that carry on in the spirit of Ventura and McMahon. Right now I can't think of a broadcast team that does. While Lawler doesn't mind throwing a barb Cole's way every now and then, they're pretty friendly towards each other. Striker is definitely a highly knowledgeable, slightly heel colorman, but Todd Grisham is a straight man, the ECW team are both right down the middle. Wow. I just realized that the only current announce team with a face/heel dynamic is the ROH one of Mike Hogewood and Dave Prazak. Is there anything ROH doesn't do better?
3. Are they just going to keep treating him like a punk?
There's been some great champions in WWF/E history, but there have also been some terrible ones. Bruno Sammartino held the WWF Title for just under eight years, probably the most famous WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan, had a reign that lasted just over four years, and since then people have barely been able to hold the strap for a year at the maximum. On the other hand, Andre The Giant held the title for 45 seconds, while Jeff Hardy and Yokozuna both had reigns lasting less than 2 minutes and both The Undertaker and his brother held the strap less than a week in their first reigns.
For all of that, can anyone really say that any of those last five were bad champions? Andre only won the championship in the first place so that Ted Dibiase would become WWF Champion, which never happened because Jack Tunney--I know, right?--ruled that you can't sell a championship and because at the last second the decision was made to go with a Macho Man instead of the monster heel Million Dollar variety. Sometimes those are the breaks in the wrestling game and can anyone really question the results? Both men are still legends.
As for the others, The Undertaker's first reign was only six days, because similar to the Andre victory it was meant to be a way for Hogan to lose the strap but still remain strong and looking like he was still the real WWF Champion--not to be confused with the Real World's Champion, Ric Flair. Kane won the title for a night because the writers had--as they so often do--booked themselves into a corner. Yokozuna lost the strap so quick so that Wrestlemania wouldn't end with a heel victory; Hardy to help CM Punk start towards his heel run.
In my opinion, the two weakest champions in WWF/E history are Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio. When Jericho became the first ever Undisputed WWF Champion, I was overjoyed, but that joy soon evaporated when I saw how much he was afraid of being champion. Jericho was always talented and should've gone higher in WCW than he did, but when he became the guy in the organization so quickly it proved to be too much for him. He couldn't handle the pressure of being WWF Champion. His end game was poorly booked, as most remember, but it didn't really matter because he never looked comfortable as champion.
Mysterio, on the other hand, never should have been WWE Champion in the first place and probably wouldn't have if his best friend hadn't passed away a few months before. Eddie Guerrero was destined for greatness, while Mysterio was destined to be a lifelong cruiserweight...until shit happened. While Jericho looked uncomfortable and frightened as champion, Rey lost just about every non-title match he had and barely survived when the title was on the line. The booking was just ridiculous and I could buy his bullshit even less than usual.
Since the Mysterio reign we've somehow gone into a stretch where title reigns that were once considered to be of transitional length are now the norm, which, in my opinion, makes the titles mean pretty much nothing. Triple H is a 13-time World Champion, while Edge has held it nine times? Big deal. At least a few of Triple H's reigns are meaningless and Edge never won a title on his own and couldn't even keep one longer than 3 months, though he always had help. And then we come to CM Punk, who WWE seems to run hot and cold on.
When it looked like there would be no champion on RAW, Punk brought it home by defeating Edge the same way Edge had beaten others twice; then he was punted in the head and was forced to vacate the strap. He then defeated Jeff Hardy in record time and won the belt back from him in TLC, kicking Hardy out of WWE a couple days later. Now he's lost the World Title to Undertaker and is being used to elevate R-Truth and Luke Gallos. So, is he an Edge-like superstar or an uppercard enhancement talent in the eyes of World Wrestling Entertainment?
As much as it pains me, right now I have to lean more towards the latter, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Absolutely Punk has the level of self-confidence to believe he is going to be a superstar, and I think most of us feel that he should be already, but it sure doesn't seem like Vince McMahon sees him that way. But, look at Jericho. For years he was in the type of position Punk's in now, but at this point he is a legend and an immediately credible contender for any championship. Perhaps that's Punk's fate and we're just seeing the birth pains inherent with any supernova. I hope.
4. Pick on someone your own size.
I always get such a raw deal--no pun intended, of course--from professional wrestling fans, but, really, what have I done to deserve it? For one thing, if someone were to offer you a 10-year contract where they would pay you $1,000,000 dollars per year, would you turn it down just because you weren't sure that you could perform the job they were offering you? I would think not. I think you'd sign up for the money you could get when you could get it and let yourself become a millionaire practically overnight.
A lot of people have called me a bust over the years, but that's not on me, right? I took an offer that just about anybody in the world have, so if someone erred in the signing it was the WWF. But me? Son, I gave it a shot, and truthfully I've made my share of mistakes, but it isn't entirely my fault that I haven't been a raging success in this business. They say that in real estate location is everything, but in this business it's timing and I entered into it at a young 25, but still too late.
See, I'd been in talks with the WWF for a long time; they sponsored my bid in the 1996 Atlantic Olympic Summer Games and I signed with them shortly after they ended. I didn't come in quite as the American Hero I should have, of course, because I didn't win a damn medal there, but while America loves a winner, they also love those who give their all for this country; whether it's as a soldier, a politician, or an athlete, so I was all set to be packaged as the next American hero for the WWF. I would have been the black Hulk Hogan.
I'm sure some of you read that sentence and shook your heads at the horror of that thought, but think deeper. McMahon had tried to transition his organization away from having a big, charismatic, musclebound surfer dude as his focal point to guys such as Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, but it didn't exactly do big business; Big Daddy Cool Diesel's title run was the most money-making during the era and in me Vince McMahon thought he'd found his newest sensation. Some people say he's racist, but I've never bought into that rap.
The guy signed me because he thought I'd be huge for him, and as long as you're making him green, Mr. McMahon doesn't care if you're purple. The problem was, though, that I signed on with the intention for me to be a thing that the organization didn't end up wanting because of the way values had changed among the wrestling faithful. They needed something to counteract what WCW had going with the New World Order and found it in Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Attitude Era. I was now a surplus.
Like Bret Hart, I was under contract, but no longer needed. Unlike The Hitman, however, I was new with the company and had untapped potential. Potential that, despite the millions I was making, remained unfulfilled because I became depressed about my new role. I didn't want to be evil, I didn't want to make fun of people, or be crass and vulgar. That isn't my thing, though I've had to portray someone with at least one of those traits throughout most of my WWE career. I'm a big teddy bear; I love fun almost as much as I love people.
Now I get a chance to show it. Thirteen years after I first signed on to be the new Hulk Hogan, maybe I'll get a chance. The crowd pops for me every time I'm on camera since my move to RAW and to the side of the just, MVP is trying to bring out my personality--between you, me, and the dumbell, folks, I could give him tips--and I just squashed the United States Champion this past Monday Night. I'm loving what I do now, because I finally get to be me. I know all of you love to hate me, but I've never been that bad at my job, and now that we're PG again, you'll soon see how good Mark Henry can be.
5. So, you got any plans for the weekend before Christmas?
I do. Oh, I'm not going out of town or anything, but the James Cameron film that feels like it's been half my lifetime in the making--Avatar--opens on December 18, and my daughter and I at least are going to go see it. Cody may, as well. Then, seven days later--which happens to be Christmas Day, of course--after we open presents and I take a nap (I work Christmas Eve night) we'll go to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie--I've always loved Holmes and Guy Ritchie and lately I'm a sucker for Robert Downey, Jr., so that's a no-brainer.
But I digress. I was asking you what your plans are for that weekend, because while my Friday has been set for a while, I read something yesterday that gave me an inkling of what I'll be doing the next night. If you're a fan of good, solid wrestling and have been waiting for a good excuse to give Ring of Honor a try, you should plan on doing the same thing, because you'll get to see that of which you're a fan, plus at least one thing historic on December 19, 2009, but let's get back to that in a minute. First let me set the stage.
For over a year now, Ring of Honor fans have been referring to Tyler Black as the "next world champ." Twice already, those fans have been proven wrong, and now the bloom is off the rose. Has been for a long time, actually. Black probably should have taken the World Title from Nigel McGuinness back in February or March when he was red hot, but current booker Adam Pearce fell in love with the idea of having an angle based on The Wrestler and Jerry Lynn became his Randy The Ram, defeating McGuinness for the strap at Supercard of Honor IV.
While I was pretty confident that Lynn's title reign would come to fruition there--I wrote this column about that very thing, after all--some fans were convinced that Tyler Black would use his version of the Money in the Bank or Feast or Fired briefcases to either a) Insert himself into the World Title match and make it a 3-Way dance or b) Challenge the injured Nigel for the World Title after he successfully defended it against "Jeritol" Lynn. Obviously, he chose neither option and Jerry Lynn became the only man to ever hold both the Ring of Honor and ECW World Titles. Whoop-dee-do for him.
Enter Austin Aries, who's been at odds with Tyler Black for about 20 months now. First Black was part of the now-defunct Age of The Fall, who were doing everything they could to take Aries out after he refused their offer to join them and stole Lacey from their ranks--and from Jimmy Jacobs who believed he owned her. Black started getting cheers and being called the next world champ, leading to him being kicked out of the AOTF, while Aries was being booed as a fan favorite and chants arose that he was doing the "same old shit."
So a switch happened at Final Battle 2008...directly after Aries beat Black in a #1 contender's match he helped Jimmy Jacobs attack his former stablemate--and World Tag Team Championship partner. Aries' hatred for Jacobs hadn't dissipated, but he was tired of the fans and took it out on Black, who had become their new darling. Then on June 13, at Manhattan Mayhem III, Aries was set to challenge for the World Title when Black decided to cash in on his opportunity and make it a 3-way elimination match. Black pinned Lynn, but A Double pinned him and became the first ever two-time ROH World Champion.
In just over two weeks, on the aforementioned Saturday, December 19, 2009, the two will meet for the second straight time at Final Battle. Last time the #1 contendership was on the line, this time it's the Ring of Honor World Title, and for the first time ever you can watch an ROH event live without having to be in attendance at the show. For $14.95--$12.95 if you order early--you can watch the show online at www.gofightlive.tv. Is this ideal? No, but it's a solid first step for a company that's never aired live programming before and you're almost guaranteed to see a title change, because if Black doesn't win it then, he never will. That's more than worth my time and money. How about yours?
6. Black is not the new black.
It's been a while since I've written something in response to feedback, but after reading what I received on yesterday's thought I felt the need to. Apparently somehow I gave the impression that I want Tyler Black to win the Ring of Honor World Title because i'm a fan of his. That's emphatically not the case, folks. When I said the bloom was off the rose for the so-called "next world champ," I wasn't speaking only in general. I was a fan of the guy for something like five minutes.
That isn't to say Black isn't talented. He's capable of being the future of the industry, but he doesn't appear to be willing to grow. In physical ability, he's like a taller, stronger AJ Styles, but in terms of wrestling ability he's far, far behind the Phenomenal one. Tyler Black is basically nothing more than a spot machine and I mean that in the worse sense of the word, because he's also very repetitive. Black's spots are amazing until you've seen more than two of his matches, because they are all the same.
The ROHbots chanted "same old shit" at the wrong guy, you know, the greatest man that ever lived, A Double, the World Champion, Austin Aries? That guy may have signature moves--just like every other fucking wrestler in the world--but he doesn't wrestle the same match every time out and I've never seen him have a bad match, whereas Black's matches may be exciting and entertaining, but they are often still bad because of the law of diminishing returns. Unlike Uncle Joe, I believe a move to WWE would help Black immensely.
That doesn't mean, however, that I believe WWE should sign him, only that if they offer to he should accept in a heartbeat. Of course he should; that goes for pretty much anyone in the world, doesn't it? If you're offered a contract by the industry leader that will give you benefits and more pay than you'd make elsewhere, plus the chance to be on national television, you should probably take it. In Black's case, that's true for two reasons: 1) His stock is falling fast among indy fans, which means it likely is among scouts, as well. 2) He's learned everything he can on the indies and needs to go to WWE to grow.
To sum up, my true feelings on Tyler Black are that he's an oversized spot monkey with a world of talent with no idea how to use it to his best advantage. He would benefit from being trained in what the real art of the business is. That said, the reason I suggested his possible title victory as a reason to order Final Battle 2009 is because in ROH title changes don't occur that often. I really hope it doesn't occur there, because I think Austin Aries is the best wrestler in the world right now and deserves to keep the strap.
When he does eventually lose it, who should defeat him? I can think of three candidates: Davey Richards, Roderick Strong, and Chris Hero. Richards is one half of the ROH World Tag Champs, but is so much better than his tag team partner that it isn't even funny. He should have been a major single's star a year ago, but was put with Eddie Edwards to help the youngster's development. Develop he has, but he's still not on the same level as the real American Wolf, who is one of the best, most active, and most sought after workers in the world.
Roderick Strong has been in Ring of Honor practically since its inception. He and Aries both wrestled a few months for TNA and the man formerly known as the Messiah of the Backbreaker has also been Full Impact Pro World Champion, but for the most part he has been an ROH stalwart and is now once again in the hunt for title gold as one of the Pick Six. Should he be Ring of Honor World Champion eventually? Well, in my opinion, Richards is the guy to be the next long-term champ for ROH so I think he may get it as the transitional one between two heels.
So where does that leave Chris Hero? He should definitely be somewhere in that mix, except I don't see how he can't be WWE bound. He had a magnificent run as Pro Wrestling Guerrilla World Heavyweight Champion, has proven in the last 18 months that he finally gets it, and has become one of the best workers in the world. He's a big, strong, built, blond guy with a moveset that would fit perfectly with WWE--much like I thought Nigel McGuinness would. He's pretty much the perfect WWE-style wrestler, and the only guy I'd put ahead of Richards as next dominant ROH Champ...assuming he sticks around, which he won't.
Black is far, far down on the list of guys I'd put the ROH World Title--or any single's championship--on at this point, but he could learn and get better in the right environment. Does this mean ROH won't be stupid enough to put the strap on him two weeks from tomorrow? We're talking about an organization that fired the best booker in wrestling and let Jerry Lynn hold their top strap, so no bad decision is outside the realm of possibility with them. So, you'll either see an unfortunate title change or not, but if you put up the $15 bucks, you'll at least see one of ROH's biggest events on a live broadcast for the first time ever.
7. Asalaam 'Alaykum, brother Fatu.
You can't really be surprised anymore, can you? It happens all too often and while a part of us still cares, the larger whole of us has become immune to the sadness that was once there. Numb, if you will. I suppose there are some wrestlers who will even give us some cause to feel relief once they pass on. Ric Flair comes to mind, immediately, doesn't he? Still, it is ennervating when a young, strong man dies of a heart attack.
36 years old, folks. 36. Two years older than I am now, two years younger than Eddie Guerrero was when he died of a heart attack four years ago. I don't know that I've ever hurt as bad as when I lost my brother at the age of 31 and I don't know that I ever will, so as sad as I was when Guerrero and Benoit died, I can't say that I felt true grief for them. The memories of that immediate loss are still too raw.
Still, while I miss them less--much less, infinitely less--than I do Trav, miss them I do. I will miss Umaga as well. I enjoyed his work as a member of 3 Minute Warning and briefly as Sonny Siaki's associate in NWATNA, though at the time it was taken as a foregone conclusion that his brother--remember Rosey, the S.H.I.T.(Superhero In Training?)--was the more talented of the two. I think Fatu ended up proving that wasn't the case.
He took what could have been a simple parody character with zero staying power and managed to turn it, if not iconic, at least threatening. The part of Umaga was, of course, originally created with former Ring of Honor and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling World Champion Samoa Joe in mind. Joe rejected the idea, taking it as an insult. Not Fatu, though, he accepted the role as a challenge and performed admirably.
From his redebut with the new character, I was a fan. There was never any doubting his athletic ability and with this second chance he proved that he could put that together with some strong work to be a compelling warrior. He was a big, agile man who worked stiff, but not dangerous and was the kind of guy that would've been a top challenger to Hulk Hogan back in the day. That is, until his undefeated run was ended by John Cena.
It took an STFU with a coaxial cable wrapped around the throat to keep him down at that title match at the Royal Rumble, but stay down he did, and his mystique was never the same. Then, when he returned from injury post-Mania Silver and began speaking English for the first time, it seemed to spell the beginning of the end. However, it didn't have to be. WWE still had enough faith in, and still cared enough about him, to do everything they could to keep him around.
I know a lot of people are going to try and lay this as another death at Vince McMahon's door, but they're wrong. He may like monsters, but he doesn't force people to stick a needle in themselves, and Umaga was released only after refusing WWE's offer of paying for him to go into treatment. Three or four days a week, I drive by a church sign that reads, "World: What if there is no heaven and hell? God: What if there is?" Fatu treated his career the way a lot of us do our lives; with no regard for what comes after. Regretfully, there no longer is an after for him. Happily or otherwise.
