It's not an absolute that I'm not going to watch; if I can find a decent stream that works for more than three or four minutes at a time, I'll give it a view. If not, I'll watch my new Fringe dvd and/or Dexter with my daughter or try to beat X-Men Legends 2 with my son. Maybe we'll do something as an entire family. Imagine that, huh? A red-blooded American family doing something besides watching television?
Nah, that could never happen. To tell you the truth, I didn't think this would ever happen, either. Not me writing a column, folks, that occursall the time, I'm talking about me not ordering this Pay Per View. When we got DirecTV, I had pretty much decided to go back to my former PPV ordering schedule of the Big 4--which, for you young'uns out there, consists of the four original PPV events of the WWF.
Those would be the "granddaddy of them all" Wrestlemania, The Royal Rumble, SummerSlam, and Survivor Series. However, when I heard they were doing a PPV where all of the main events would be submission matches and another where all would be Hell in a Cell matches, I decided right then and there that Breaking Point would replace The Royal Rumble and Hell in a Cell would replace Survivor Series for this year. I was pumped for those events, man!
It was something new and different, for the most part. Sure, it was a little like the Survivor Series original concept of having all of the matches be one type, a little like last year's Unforgiven with the three Championship Scramble matches(which is a great concept that should not be forgotten,) and a little like No Way Out, which should not be renamed, and features multiple Elimination Chamber Matches, but still a bit different with new themes.
I like the idea of these theme events a lot, but I do think that in order to get the most out of them they should rotate around and not have each associated with a certain month so that they work for the feuds that are happening instead of the feuds trying to be plugged in as best as possible to the gimmick; the way they're doing it now is ass-backwards, which is why I don't think tonight's show will provide complete satisfaction.
I enjoyed the hell out of both SummerSlam and Breaking Point, and was left wanting more after each of those events, but has Taker vs. Punk really been elevated yet to a point where Hell in a Cell is necessary? It sure doesn't feel like it. What about last month? Did anyone really think that SuperCena was going to utter the words, "I quit!?" No, just like we knew there would be some kind of screwjob in the World Heavyweight Championship bout.
The only one of the three Hell in a Cell matches that really feels necessary is the tag team one; and even that one I don't think was booked correctly. Basically, what we've got going tonight is a pay per view that's gimmicky just for the sake of being gimmicky and that's something I'm just not going to pay good money for. I love Punk and I love The Undertaker, but even seeing them in the cell isn't worth $40. Not right now. This feud hasn't earned that distinction yet.
2. Not all the hell was in the cell.
So, it turns out that I was right not to order the piece of shit that the WWE passed off as a pay per view last night. I did watch a stream of Hell in a Cell, as I said I would try to and it was, in a word, terrible. I didn't see most of the World Heavyweight Title match that led off the show, but I did see Punk kick out of The Last Ride, which gave me hope that maybe, just maybe the champ would find a way to pull out the victory. It was not to be, however, as The Dead Man started his reign of darkness over the WWE.
I saw people saying that there had to be a reason why that match went on first, that there must be some kind of rematch later in the night, that Punk would end up getting his strap back, just like he did at the last event, Breaking Point, but that wasn't the case. The WWE were simply trying to space out the Hell in a Cell matches, and that wasn't a bad idea at all. Anyone who has ever watched one of TNA's Lockdown PPVs knows how tiresome it can quickly become to sit through cage match after cage match; and the cell would be no different.
Even though I thought the spacing was a good idea, I thought it was ludicrous that the event started off with the World Heavyweight Title being defended. There's no doubt that the match between Punk and Taker was a disappointment, but even so, to put the top title of the brand on first and then follow it immediately with an Intercontinental Title match was a mistake. Why not have Morrison and Ziggles lead off the show? That was a hot match with plenty of high spots that would have got the crowd up and excited.
So, yeah, to me the order of the event was an issue. I think it would have made more sense for the I-C Title match to open the show and get the crowd hot--there's no doubt that the poorly named Starship Pain is a crowd pleaser--plus it would have made the World Title seem important and given people a bit of a reason to stay tuned to the event, since the whole thing was booked so poorly, the only match a lot of people wanted to see--myself included--was Punk/Taker. Instead they blew it off at the very beginning and left us nothing to anticipate.
Now, unlike some, I don't have a problem at all with the main event not being for one of the major championships. Traditional WWE booking would suggest that they normally do that, but not always. I can think of a couple of examples where a grudge match closed the show instead. Last year's SummerSlam and Bad Blood 2004 both closed with Hell in a Cell matches and King of the Ring in 1997 ended with Shawn Michaels against Steve Austin. What is wrong with the show closing with the best match on the card?
Let's think back a few months to Wrestlemania XXV and how the crowd was completely killed by the Undertaker/HBK match. When that happened, there was lots of second guessing going on, wasn't there? People were saying how much better the final two matches would have been if the crowd still had emotion left to give and you know what? They were right. I was there and the Taker/Michaels match did take a lot out of us; it didn't help that the final two matches weren't as good, anyway, but we didn't have any reaction left in us to give.
Last night, the right match went on last, because it was the best match out of the three Hells in a Cell. Could it have gone first? Sure, but then Taker/Punk would have had to be at least twice as good while still having the same wrong result. The WWE backed themselves into a corner by having a gimmick set without feuds to fit it. Only one of the HIAC matches told a solid story last night. The others were just there and did nothing except end yet more title reigns short. At least the DX/Legacy battle was both good and fitting of the cell.
3. Smackdown may have just reverted to the "B" show.
I don't have a lot of time today, so this may be really short. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better tomorrow. Anyway, yesterday a report circulated that CM Punk lost the World Heavyweight Title to the Undertaker because of a backstage altercation where he compared himself to John Cena when Taker suggested he wasn't dressing up to the standards of a World Champion. I guess we'll see what happens in future weeks on Smackdown.
If Punk starts a precipitous drop in stature, then there may be something to it and he may be being punished for an offhand comment despite his incredible build of character and becoming the hottest wrestler in the promotion over the last 6 months. If, however, he either continues his program with the Undertaker or moves to a different high profile feud--possibly against Rey Mysterio?--then we can assume the rumor is moot.
Some of you will probably know which way they're leaning this week by the end of the night because you'll click on the spoilers. I hope most of you don't do that, because if you do, what's the point of watching the shows in the first place? There isn't much of one, is there, folks? Nor is there much fun in speculating about why someone lost a championship and what it means, but that's what the IWC does...even me, unfortunately.
If Punk does not continue his feud with the Undertaker and the current rumor about the first challenger for the new champ is true, the blue brand will drop a bit in stature. There's no doubt that Taker gave Batista one of his best feuds and some of his very best matches ever--along with those against Triple H and Eddie Guerrero--but, that was 30 months and three or four injuries ago by Batista, with a younger Dead Man.
To me, the best course of action for Batista is to turn heel, but that doesn't necessarily mean he should jump right into a World Title feud against The Undertaker. Last week I wrote about hosses and how they have their uses, but that one of them shouldn't be against each other. If this rumored program occurs, that's what we're about to get folks, and at the top level of the brand that's been very wrestle-centric lately.
Are we going to get another "respect" based feud between these two monsters of men, or is one of them going to turn heel? A heel Dead Man is something I wouldn't mind seeing, but I don't consider it likely. If Batista was going heel, wouldn't the smart move have been to turn him against Rey this past weekend at Hell in a Cell and have those two feud for at least a month before he moves on to face Taker?
The WWE have been making waves lately about wanting to create and push new stars, something that I haven't been shy in criticizing them about their lack of. Now they've finally got one shining bright, and if they're dimming him down a little just to give the old warhorses a shot it seems to be a colossal mistake--hey look, I made a pun and this column didn't end up being too short after all. Bottom line: Batista said he wanted to move to the "A" show and if he's the new challenger, it just went back a grade.
4. I guess I have to order Bragging Rights now.
"What would I like to see from the world of wrestling in 2009? I'd like to see John Cena have a match at WrestleMania that isn't for a championship. I'd like to see Ring of Honor keep its doors open and acquire a national television deal, to boot. I'd like Total Nonstop Action to start being more action than talk, both literally and figuratively. I'd like Sting to retire. I'd like Shawn Michaels to have a barn burner against The Undertaker at 'Mania and later get one last reign as either WWE or World Heavyweight Champion. He's The Man now, and he deserves it. I'd like Edge and Triple H to have an incredible monster heel "can you top this feud," Ted Dibiase to bring back the Million Dollar Championship, and Natalya Neidhart to win the Divas Championship at The Royal Rumble and hold it for the entire year. I'd like AJ Styles to hold the TNA World Title, The Motor City Machineguns the TNA Tag Titles, and Christopher Daniels the X Title all at the same time. I'd like Austin Aries to unseat Nigel McGuinness as Ring of Honor Champion, and he and Brian Danielson to put on a Classic X match for it; and most of all, I'd like to see an Ironman match."
These were my words in December of 2008. Nearly ten months later, and I'm running somewhere in the vicinity of 50/50; probably a bit less. I didn't count them up and calculate it out; that's sheepster's bag...remember him? Anyway, there's still time for MCMG to win the tag straps, though they seem to be more of a comedy act now, and there's still time for Daniels to get the X Title, though I don't think it's likely to happen; Samoa Joe seems to have a stranglehold on that belt for the forseeable future.
Sting may or may not be retiring, TNA has certainly been more entertaining lately than they were three or four months ago and seem to have put more emphasis on the matches lately; at the very least it isn't the 75/25 split it was before on the wrong side. Dibiase is becoming a star, but probably won't be bringing back his heritage and Natalya is embracing hers, but a victory for the Divas Championship would mean a move to RAW, so I don't see that happening anymore, nor would I want it to.
Edge and Triple H were swerved away from each other at very nearly the last minute, which makes me wonder if we're ever going to get to see that feud, which I thought was going to be an awesome one. Instead, of course, we got the mediocre Orton/Triple H and Cena/Edge feuds. Shawn Michaels did have an amazing match against The Undertaker, but it doesn't look like he'll win a major championship. Nigel McGuinness did lose the ROH World Championship, and Austin Aries did win it, but it wasn't in the same match.
I don't know if Aries had an outstanding match against Danielson for it or even if he defended it against The American Dragon, and John Cena not only wrestled for a championship at Wrestlemania, but won it again. Still, though, there are two things on that list that have become mortal locks and both locks were closed in the last 17 days. AJ Styles pinned Kurt Angle to become the TNA World Heaveyweight Champion and this Monday on RAW, John Cena challenged Randy Orton to an IronMan match for the WWE Title.
Now, if I were to choose which wrestlers would participate in an IronMan match, I doubt that either Randy Orton or John Cena would be one of the selections, but that's the match that's on the books and scheduled for Bragging Rights, so now I feel honor-bound to purchase the event. After all, my wish is coming true, right? And the stakes couldn't be bigger, right? If one guy loses he never gets another shot at the title; if the other guy loses he has to leave RAW "FOREVER." I mean, really, that's the big time, right there.
It's very hard for me to believe that Randy Orton and John Cena are never going to do battle over a world championship again. After all, they are the prospective cornerstones of the WWE going forward. I'm glad, though, that we aren't going to see a renewal of this rivalry any time soon. I'm sure in "the old days" this would be truly riveting and the feud could last the whole year, because we didn't have mega-event after mega-event every three or four weeks, but right now we're at the point of overkill.
This feud really should have ended three days ago. It didn't. So, now we've got one last match for all the glory. Am I excited about it? Not really. I've enjoyed the last three matches these guys have put together, but it's really time for new blood at the top of the promotion--at least as a challenger. At the very least, this should grant us that, because I really don't think Triple H is going to step right back into the mix. Maybe Swagger, maybe Kingston, who knows. Either way it goes, the winner of this IronMan match is really going to be us.
5. I'm not quite sure that the Miz is awesome.
I'm not discounting the possiblity that he is, my friends, but I think he's far from proven that his catchphrase is truth in advertising. He certainly did seem awesome when he first started saying it, and it beats the living fuck out of "Hoo-RAH," which is what he used when he first graduated into the WWE as the host of SmackDown, but overall that tag line he's been using has kind of seemed to be overdoing it a bit. While he was certainly part of a great team, there's no way he was awesome on his own.
Yes, I get it. That's the point. He's an arrogant little prick of a heel who's supposed to be putting himself over as "all that and a bag of chips" when he's really just kind of a little bit above average, and getting better. I know Joe's going to hate me for saying that, but it's the way I feel and I think Mizanin has kind of proven it hasn't he? He's got a nice series of moves and he's pretty damned good at working the crowd, but I think that's all there is to him right now--doesn't mean that's all there always will be.
He's starting to develop some command in the ring, but he certainly has areas he can improve in, not the least of which is developing a better name for his finisher. I mean, seriously, what is with he and his former partner and their names for their finishing moves? "Starship Pain?" "The Skullcrushing Finale?" Now, I realize that a lot of names out there have been taken in the past, but are these really the only ones that were available to them? One sounds like a quick trip to the dentist and the other like a Bugs Bunny cartoon title.
His new look, while certainly more traditional, doesn't really seem to fit him. While some may like it because it makes him look like he's serious about being a professional wrestler, it doesn't look authentic to me. It might for just about any other wrestler, but for Mike Mizanin? It just doesn't. Maybe that's okay, though, because maybe he's trying to change what being the Miz means. Maybe his passion for the business is helping him change into a more serious performer in the ring, while he continues to be an arrogant punk outside of it.
Actually, it occurs to me that the change in the Miz is kind of the reverse of the one the guy he was put into a program with upon his addition to the RAW roster went through four years ago. See, right now the Miz has gone to wearing (fairly) traditional wrestling gear, yet still acting like a glorified punk for which things have always come too easy. On the other hand, John Cena still dresses like a gangsta rapper, but no longer rhymes and instead basically acts a lot like Captain America--or Captain John Deere, if you prefer.
Perhaps that's why Cena was the one chosen as Miz's first RAW opponent, or perhaps it was simply to see how Mizanin would do going against not just a main event star,but against the top face in the company, and perhaps more importantly than that, if he could stand toe to toe with the face of the company. I didn't see either of their single's matches that occurred after the Miz claimed to be 7-0 or some ridiculous number, but some people said Miz was buried and some people said that he looked strong.
I don't know who to believe, but it hardly matters, since it's obvious that the WWE saw what they hoped to see in him. Yeah, they lowered him back down to the midcard level, but they also put him in a feud with two other hot prospects in Jack Swagger and Kofi Kingston, and he's now got a chance to show what he can do with single's gold. No, the Miz isn't awesome yet, but he's learning and he's getting there. This test run could make or break him, and I'm betting it's the former. He seems like he could become the best of the young guys they have, if he just renames that brutal coup de grace of his.
6. Sometimes you can go home again...
Those of us who do this whole writing thing know that it can be very therapeautic. I can be having a bad day and sitting down to write can sometimes take the edge off of that, but even if it doesn't quite manage to, it can at least provide me with a few minutes where I'm concentrating on the topic I'm discussing, which for me is mostly about this little combination of sports and entertainment that we all love. Some people wonder how I can sit and write one of these thoughts every day, whereas right now I wonder how I ever managed not to.
The worst day of my life was January 28, 2008. If you've read some of my previous columns, you know why, but there's probably those out there that haven't, so I'll mention it again--my younger brother, Travis, died that day of complications from intestinal surgery at the age of 31. That was really the first time that I ever felt that I didn't want to go on living; that my life, my heart, and my soul was broken into a million pieces, and until four days ago, that was the only time I'd really felt that way.
I'm not sure that I'm ready yet to share what's going on with me personally right now, but my heart's been broken again and a large part of me just wants to curl up and die. The rest of it; that little spark that wants to try to fix what went wrong seems to be trying to take hold, but I don't know yet if I'm going to let the underdog win, let the favorite carry the day, or find some other middle ground to try to live with the situation without continuing my living situation.
A little under two weeks ago, my favorite football team played the most important game they've played in seven years, but considering the success the San Francisco 49ers have had over the years, it feels a lot longer. After a tough first half, where the Niners managed to take the lead with 2 seconds to go on a return of a blocked field goal for a touchdown, the Niners dominated the second half before deciding to settle into a prevent defense and let Brett fucking Favre drive down the field to beat them with a miracle touchdown.
Can you guess what I called that? I bet you can, but I'll tell you anyway: A heartbreaking loss. I can't remember if in any of the columns I've written this year that I referred to The Rock's defection to the movie industry as heartbreaking to me, but at the time it certainly was; now I think I should have used a lesser word. You don't really know what being heartbroken is until you've been kicked while you're down by the one you've given your heart to, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
From my new perspective of life, love, and loss, I'd have to say that from now on I have no interest in denegrating the Rock for his departure. He's just an entertainer; he isn't a part of my life, and he's still entertaining as hell when he wants to be. Personally, I find him to be an oustanding wrestler and mediocre at the profession he's now chosen, but he still proved what he could do when he gave his speech on SmackDown. I would call it a promo, but what's he promoting? The past?
The dude will always have a place in professional wrestling whenever he wants to take it. I watched his appearance on the Smackdown 10th anniversary show in a clip from youtube and I thought it was entertaining, funny, riveting stuff. The guy is still a wrestling star when he wants to be and I hope that the rumors of him hosting Monday Night RAW are true, because a full two hours show with him live is bound to be awesome and I'd love to see The Great One hook it up in the ring one last time before he sails into the sunset forever.
7. ...and sometimes you can't.
The first time I saw The Ebony Express wrestle, I wasn't too impressed by them. If I were watching their matches now, as a discerning wrestling fan, rather than someone who just watched it for pure entertainment, maybe I would have been, who knows? I probably should have seen something since one of them went on to become possibly the most decorated American professional wrestler of all time, but I just didn't.
Trav loved them, but to me they seemed like a small-time tag team in a small-time promotion, that nevertheless was nationally televised on a daily basis and was a lot of fun to watch. Some of you may not know this, but after World Class Championship Wrestling folded, ESPN started carrying a new upstart promotion from the southern territory--based at the Dallas Sportatorium-- called the Global Wrestling Federation.
This organization folded after around three years of existence, but not due to a lack of talent, rather due to poor management skills; a lot like what later happened with ECW. During their time of existence, though, a lot of young up and comers came through their ranks such as Jerry Lynn, The Lightning Kid(X-Pac,) Scott Anthony(Raven,) Doug Gilbert, The Patriot, and The Handsome Stranger(Marcus Alexander "Buff" Bagwell.)
Those worthies joined the team of Stevie Ray and Booker T, collectively known then as The Ebony Express, and known in history now as Harlem Heat. I won't deny that Harlem Heat became a pretty damned good and dominant tag team; it would be a foolhardy effort. They may even be one of the greatest tag teams of all time. Despite this, though, and despite his incredible best of seven series against Chris Benoit, I've always felt Booker was overrated.
When WCW began to fall apart and there were no real big names left in the organization, it fell basically to he, Jeff Jarrett, and Scott Steiner to keep the main event of the organization alive, but that was basically because those were the guys they had. I think Scott Steiner at one point had all the ability in the world to be a top flight main eventer, but injuries and overbulking took a lot of that away from him.
The other two, though, have never been more than second rate versions of better stars--Jeff Jarrett will never be Ric Flair and Booker T will never be The Rock. I've really got nothing against Booker T; I just don't think he's ever been as good as his hype. His tag team with Golddust was quite humorous, and I enjoyed him in his role as King Booker, but bye and large he always seemed to be a fish out of water in the WWE.
Now there are rumblings that he is going to leave TNA and return to World Wrestling Entertainment. I really hope not. Booker was a great fit for the GWF and as he matured he was a great fit for WCW when they needed someone to step up. He even works somewhat in TNA as a partner of Big Poppa Pump, but even there he seems way too big for his britches. Booker became a main eventer by circumstance, rather than destiny.
Right now, the WWE has a plethora of guys that are on the cusp of becoming superstars, or at least taking a step up to the uppercard, and wrestlers such as The Miz, John Morrison, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, and CM Punk shouldn't be made to get in line behind a guy that really should have been nothing more than a career midcarder. He may be right about the WWE welcoming him back; that doesn't mean that we should.
