Posted in: The Northern Star Excuse The Aggravation: Episode 94
By XanMan
Aug 15, 2009 - 10:45:30 AM
Excuse The Aggravation, but I'm XanMan. I love apple fritters.
And I am BeyondKnight. I would say I am indifferent to apple fritters, but I am hoping Xan's love is platonic and not physical.
For you, my little fritter--er friend?
Either or. I just imagine loving an apple fritter could be sticky. Of couse loving most things can get kind of sticky. Maybe we should just move on?
Ro...Ro...Ro...It's Magic!
With
XanMan and BeyondKnight
Hello boys and girls and welcome to ETA. Today, BK and I celebrate the coming premiere of the newest Tarentino flick, flip each other off about RAW, and flatulate about--um, maybe we'll leave that part out.
We start with RAW. Now that the celebrity guest host thing has been going for a little over a month, what do you think of it, BK?
I think that it is at least a good experiment for the summer. While it may not be perfect in it's execution, I think it can be counted as a success for the most part. It's at least a different approach from the reoccuring authority figure role which we've seen ever since the brand extension began. It's a good trend to start at the very least. If the WWE is looked at as a viable means of promotion for an upcoming movie, TV show, ect, we could see more and more mainstream celebrities and talent appear in the future.
And yet I don't see Brad Pitt and Quentin Tarentino on tap for next week to promote Inglourious Basterds. I have to admit that I tuned in a few weeks that I probably wouldn't have, but I don't see any improvement in the show. Sure, we're getting some decent matches involving my boy, Jack Swagger, but we aren't seeing any elevation of stars and the main event still revolves around Randy Orton, John Cena, and Triple H. Did I expect that would change overnight? I did not. Did I expect to see some progress in that area? Certainly. I didn't watch last week, and I can't say I missed it.
I missed it too. And although I didn't lose any sleep over it, what I read seemed to amount to an entertaining show. What would you think about doing away with the brand extension all-together and go back to the way the storylines were plotted across both shows.
Well, I definitely enjoyed the company more when it was an integrated whole, but if they were to integrate now, would it lean more towards what RAW has become or towards what Smackdown is? If it was a healthy combination or leaned more toward the blue brand, I'd like to see it except that I no longer get Smackdown and I haven't made time lately to watch it on the computer, either. Also, how many people would be out of work if they were to reintegrate the brands? No, I think there's too many titles, but I don't see complete integration as an option right now. Do you?
It wouldn't be a simple option, but it wouldn't be tremendously complicated either. One PPV to unify the World and WWE titles in a match, along with the US Title and and ECW title. Keep ECW and Superstars as the developmental brands where the main eventers only appear sparingly and are always dominant I suppose that it would lead to the same problems that the Attitude Era had; a really great main event scene and a crappy undercard.
And nobody seemed to care much that it was a crappy undercard then, other than lamenting the poor booking of such stalwarts as DLo Brown and Val Venis, but now with the explosion of the IWC I can only assume people would be more than pissed off if it happened in this day and age, and really they should be since more stars are needed; not less.
Speaking of new stars, that old "sexy" man, Kevin Nash just dropped the TNA Legends Title to up and coming superstar Mick Foley, which means they are finally moving in the right direction, right?
I think I've heard of him. Seriously, I need someone to explain to me the point of the Legends Belt. Is it like the old Million Dollar Championship? Or is it supposed to be a mid-level belt? I guess if Foley is willing to drop the title to one of the young guys then it might be a positive move, but would a rookie really be considered legendary?
By "someone," I assume you mean me since there doesn't appear to be anybody else about. Can't imagine why that would be. Anyway...here goes: Booker T started carrying around a briefcase, and he would use it to win his matches and stuff for a couple of months. Eventually, that briefcase was revealed to contain a gorgeous belt that Booker T called the "Legends Title." After he had it for a month or six weeks or something, a ruling was made by (I believe) Jim Cornette making the belt an official championship and declaring that he had to defend it against AJ Styles.
So, it started out as being like the million dollar title and is now an official midcard title. A rookie, by definition, cannot be considered legendary(Goldberg and Lesnar being the obvious exceptions,) but a rookie could start on his way to having a solid career by defeating a "legend" for a strap.
I didn't ask what the belt was, I asked what the point of that belt is. I still don't understand it. Wouldn't beating the legend do the same thing regardless of the belt? And what happens when the rookie starts having matches against other rookies for the title? Isn't that exactly what happened with the IC belt? And didn't we hear everyone and their brother bitch and complain about the title being devalued and losing prestige? So you've either got this legendary belt that is traded amongst the main eventers (why does that seem familiar), or you've got this belt that is traded amongst the mid-carders (again that seems familiar too).
Beating a superstar/legend for a title is nearly always more kayfabe impressive than simply beating a superstar/legend. I don't think the idea of the title is terrible, but I think the execution has been. Nobody has held the title long enough to establish it as being an important championship and something coveted. If they were to have a legend: Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, AJ Styles, even Jeff Jarrett hold it for a decent amount of time--say somewhere between a third and one full year, then whoever defeats them for it(cleanly) could legitimately be proud of the accomplishment and holding the belt and proudly call themselves legendary.
Of course, this would involve great booking of the midcard division with multiple people being built up enough to be considered contenders for a championship that actually means something, and nobody on TNA's booking committee seems to have the creativity or patience to pull something like this off.
Okay, Chumpy, you wanted the return of DX and now we've got it. After the crap that was supposed to pass for humor this week, I'd really like to hear you explain to me how this is a good thing.
You really are becoming a grumpy old man. HBK "superkicked" a little girl after she had thrown tater-tots in his face and called him a monkey. How is that not funny? I'm sorry, but Shawn Michaels is at his best when he is acting as ridiculous as possible. Isn't this exactly what you asked for? Triple H is out of the title picture for a little bit and Legacy are being allowed to exist outside of Fred's shadow. Even if it turns into a complete squash match, it's still Rhodes and Dibiase being booked on the 2nd biggest show of the year against two of the greatest champions in the industry. And from the crowd reactions I heard, even those Canadian hosers were into the idea. And Canadians hate everything. So I'd like to hear you explain to me how this is not a good thing!
In our last column, I said a return to DX would be a bad idea and that I wouldn't like to see it, so no, I'm pretty sure this is precisely what I didn't ask for. I don't give a shit what they do with Rhodes and Dibiase, other than getting them away from Randy Orton. Wow, they're booked against two of the greatest champions in history! ALL RIGHT! They are still doing Randy Orton's dirty work, are going to be squashed like bugs because of it, and are going to keep looking like the minions they are. Meanwhile, we get bad humor from DX that can't even be potty humor because of the WWE's ridiculous move to a G/PG format. I won't even mention how the return of DX would prove that the writers have no creativity left, except that the constant recycling of combinations of Orton/HHH/Cena already prove that. Whoops.
Technically, Fred and Legacy were never seen or mentioned together. Rhodes and Dibiase didn't even come out to help Fred during his match with Show. Look at this from a story point of view, what happens if Ted and Cody actually beat DX, and Fred loses the title to Cena at SummerSlam? We are able to move the storyline in a new direction. It's inevitable that sooner or later they are going to turn on Fred and this may the be the first step in that process. The seeds have already been planted. But I am going to humor you for a second. What do you do with Cena and Triple H and Fred if they aren't in the main event?
Don't get all semantic with me. We're a week or so removed from Triple H declaring that he had to get rid of Rhodes and Orton to have a shot at going one-on-one with Randy Orton, and we fans don't have the short attention span that is generally attributed us by McMahon and company.
For the record, I never said that all of them should be out of the main event at the same time, but for the sake of argument, how about this:
At SummerSlam, Randy Orton hits the ropes hung ddt, the RKO 3 times on John Cena, nails the punt, and Cena kicks out every time. Orton is frustrated, and hits Cena with a chair to get himself disqualified and retain the title.
Meanwhile, DX loses to Legacy when Dibiase nails Shawn Michaels with Dream Street onto a table, but Triple H does succeed in taking out Cody Rhodes while this is happening.
And lower on the card, Jack Swagger pulls out some sort of cheap victory on MVP.
The next night, the guest host for RAW is Cowboy Bob Orton, Jr. Orton is tired of his son's antics and decides to teach him a lesson and strip him of the WWE Title. He announces an 8-man, one night tournament for the championship, in which his son will not get a chance to reclaim his gold.
The brackets:
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho
The Big Show vs. Triple H
Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger
MVP vs. Ted Dibiase
(Shawn Michaels is selling the damage done by the previous night's finish.)
Triple H defeats Big Show in a lengthy contest
After a ref bump, Chris Jericho finally gets a victory over Cena when Big Show hits a choke-slam
Swagger beats Kingston
Dibiase is distracted by Michaels' music and standing on the ramp; and is thus rolled up by Porter.
Triple H and Jericho battle to a no-contest when Cena, The Big Show, and Randy Orton all interfere, leaving two men left to battle for the championship:
MVP and Jack Swagger
Swagger wins the title when MVP gets too fired up after the weeks of shenanigans from Swaggah and loses by DQ, granting the All-American American the WWE Title.
Swagger and MVP feud over the WWE Championship.
Shawn Michaels and Ted Dibiase have a program against each other.
Triple H and Orton continue their feud, culminating at Hell in a Cell.
Cena gets involved in a storyline where he needs to find the perfect partner to take the unified tag titles from JerichShow.
Wow, you've really got it all worked out don't you? Let's ignore the fact an 8 man title tournament on an episode of Raw would completely eliminate all of the undercard and the Divas. Regardless, do you honestly believe that Swagger and MVP in a feud for the WWE title would bring in the PPV buys and ratings? And we are to believe that they are bigger draws and deserve to have higher billing on the card than DX, Legacy, Cena, JeriShow and Fred? Listen, Jack Swagger is beginning to grow on me as well, but he's not WWE Champion material yet. And why break apart the Cena/Orton feud just as it's starting to get interesting? Sure in the short term it might mean that Swagger and MVP are part of the main event, but there is no guarantee that the audience would accept them as such. In fact I'm almost sure that they wouldn't.
When the hell did I say I had it all worked out? You asked me to come up with something spur of the moment, and I think I did a pretty damned good job. You wanted me to exclude Orton, Triple H, and Cena from the main event--something I've never suggested; I just think they need to stop the merry-go-round feuds involving the three of them(though I wouldn't mind seeing Triple H/Cena, since we haven't for a long time.) What I'd really like to see is what I just mentioned non-title, and Shawn Michaels facing Orton for the strap, but you didn't deal me the cards for the last couple of weeks' booking, did you?
As for your concerns with the divas and the midcard:
FUCK THE DIVAS! Literally and figuratively. They're a waste of screen time, so just get them the fuck off.
I had the United States Champion, Ted Dibiase, the unified tag champs, and two guys who you think aren't ready to be above the midcard yet in the title tournament--how did I neglect the midcard exactly? And even if you could prove I did, so what? We're talking about one night here, not forever. What, is the crowd going to miss Chris Masters, Eugene, and The Miz so very much? Evan Bourne, maybe, but other than him? Nah. I think they'd trade an exciting night of wrestling for all the midcard bimbo crap they get every other week. I know I would.
Now, why end Orton/Cena right now? Aren't they going to anyway? Are you assuming that the DX feud against Rhodes/Dibiase is going to continue past the 23rd of August? Because I'm assuming this is just a temporary lull until we're returned to the riveting Orton/Triple H feud, which is why I kept it going in my scenario.
No, I don't think that Cena/Orton is going to end anytime soon. We've never seen Cena beat Fred for a world title. Actually we've never seen Fred beat Cena 1 on 1 for a title either. I think that spending the fall having the two of them feud and trading the belt back and forth would really be a great program for Raw. It could be very similar to when The Rock was rallying against Triple H and his regime back in the ever so mentioned day. And if this is what is going on as the main event, it leaves DX to fight Legacy and JeriShow, bringing some prestige and relevance back to the tag team titles. And then you've got random pairings of Swagger, Mark Henry, Kofi, MVP, Miz, Bourne, Carlito and Primo to round out the rest of the mid and undercard, with time for a Diva's match here and there. It would be a balanced and entertaining Raw scene that could play out until December when the Mania seeds begin to be planted.
Of course, you're forgetting that if this actually happens we'll still have a stale main event scene and that the pronoun "we" will no longer be accurate.
Nigel McGuinness is now involved in a unique triangle situation with ROH World Champ Austin Aries and the guy that Nigel says is going to be the next champ, Tyler Black. Who's going to come out on top here?
The smart money would be on Nigel, especially if ROH wants to cement McGuinness as the icon of their promotion. Another long title reign would eclipse Samoa Joe as the longest reigning champion Also, McGinness "backing" Black just seems to be a perfect set up for betrayal and an feud between the two to be born.
You know what? Your answer reeks of that belonging to someone who has not been following the show. For shame! Nigel predicted whoever won the match between Danielson and Black would become the next champion. Then last week he came out and said he wasn't sure that Black had the heart to do it. While I'd love Nigel to get his strap back(it'll look nice with his new shorn look) I'll be surprised if the "next World Champ" doesn't get it first.
I must admit that it is difficult to follow a show that is not available in the Pittsburgh market. However, I have been reading and I stand by my assessment. I'm not saying that Black won't ever be the champ, but I think that him beating McGuiness would be a bigger storyline and draw than him beating Aries right now.
Of course McGuinness vs. Aries would be a bigger draw right now, but Black going over Nigel would have been huge in the first three months of the year, and they didn't pull that trigger, either. I just don't see them having their second multi-time champion directly after their first unless the plan is to have both of them competing to be the first 3-time champ once Black gets it eventually. Tyler basically wasted his version of the money in the bank contract, and I don't see why that would have happened if he wasn't still going to get the strap sooner than later. It certainly shouldn't have been to protect Lynn.
5 Good...
Quentin Tarentino Movies
1. Kill Bill Volume 1--More visceral than the second installment, and the decision to show it out of order is brilliant. I can't imagine someone watching the first 16 minutes and not being hooked.
I loved every minute of Volume 1, which surprised me because I have never been Tarentino's biggest fan. From the moment I left the theatre I couldn't wait for Volume 2...
2. Kill Bill Volume 2--Full of intrigue, heart, and heartbreak. The characterization here rounds out the story and actually makes it slightly better than the first.
And I have never been so disappointed in a sequel. I hated all of it, from the unnecessary reveal of Bill's face at the beginning of the god-damned movie through his bastardization of Superman's character, I couldn't believe this was his response to Part 1. Fuck Volume 2.
3. Reservoir Dogs--The first and still a tremendous movie that can make you laugh one minute and feel like you've been punched in the gut the next.
Not my favorite film, but one that was regularly screened during my time in the dorms at college. It's got all the hallmarks of a Tarentino film without the self-indulgence.
4. Pulp Fiction--The one that made him famous, and still a very quotable and memorable film.
Not to mention it made Uma Thurman famous and made Travolta relevant again and turned Samuel L. Jackson into a pop culture icon. If it wouldn't have been for Pulp, we wouldn't have Snakes on a Plane. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but I like it.
5. Death Proof--Not terrific, but this isn't "5 Terrific...," and it's far better than Jackie Brown. It's my hope that Inglourious Basterds will at the very least replace it.
I hope so. I never bothered with Death Proof, or it's sister feature. They just seemed to encapsulate everything I didn't like about Tarentino. I also hope that Inglourious Basterds will cease the downward spiral that I believe Quentin's been on since Kill Bill Vol 1.
Over/Under
Number of months until MVP wins a world title: 7
Definitely over. MVP isn't winning a title until after Mania 26 unless something catastrophic happens. Especially if he remains on the Raw roster. For the record, however, I do not consider the ECW belt a world title. It is entirely possible and probable that Porter could get a test reign with the Silver strap to see how he might do with a gold one.
Number of Wellness Suspensions between
now and WM 26: 10
That looks like the sort of question that could force research on my part, but that kind of shit just doesn't happen, so I'll just take a wild guess and say over. Ten violations in 7-8 months just doesn't seem very high
Number of times Batista will be injured again before retiring: 1 1/2
Under. I can't imagine that Batista has another "comeback" left in him, especially since he appears to be on borrowed time. I think his current injury is the last straw and if he gets one more time hurt, McMahon will show him the door. I am also hoping that Bats comes back from this injury and is quickly made a heel.
Number of ROH Wrestlers that will appear as WWE Superstars by the end of 2010: 5
Ooh. Another tough one. I still think the two best fits from the ROH roster are Nigel and D'Lo Brown, but they just released D'Lo this year and Nigel is going to show ROH some loyalty after their treatment of him after his major arm injuries--plus he probably has to prove to McMahon that he can remain uninjured for a decent period of time. I could see The Briscoes going there, Bryan Danielson, and maybe Kenny King, but that's only four and I don't really think anybody else is ready. I could be overlooking someone, I guess, but I'm going to stick with under.
Big Finish
Mad Men starts up again this Sunday. Who's your favorite character?
Alas, another area that you are more familiar with than I am. I have never seen an episode. However I love Caddyshack and Mad Men is often advertised during the commercials, so I am going to answer: The Slutty Secretary.
Labor Day is fast approaching and marks the end of summer. Any final plans before the cold weather returns?
Well, the county fair has come and gone, but we've still got Cody's 13th birthday to celebrate, which he has elected to do with a camp-out beach party.
So, you're not a big fan of Tarantino, but you're still going to go see Inglourious Basterds, right?
If by see you mean rent when it comes to Redbox, then yes. With 2 lil BK's around the house, we don't get out to movies very often. I still haven't seen Wolverine.
The 2 Dave Matthews Band concerts I saw this summer rocked my socks off. What is the best concert you've ever been to?
The KISS concert I saw way back in 1990 was pretty cool, but for recent ones, the Brad Paisley/Sara Evans one from back in '07 was lights out.
I love putting slices of lemon in my glasses of Coke. Why the hell doesn't Coke produce lemon-Coke?
They did, but I think it's discontinued. Bastards. Write your Congressman.
I'd probably at least get a better result than discussing it with Senator Stuart Smalley.
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