Posted in: The Northern Star (U.S. vs. U.K.)The Northern Star--Steeling Mania
By XanMan
Jun 14, 2009 - 4:18:05 PM
Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon
1241 East Main Street
Stamford, CT 06902
To the esteemed Mr. McMahon:
"Wrestlemania moments are special, are they not? Special, in a sense, because each normally belongs to just one person, and never to more than a handful of people."
I've never been a homer; I really couldn't be because of the way I was raised. Not that I was raised to especially dislike the home team, but I never really had much of a home team. My father was a twenty-year military man who retired as a Master Sergeant in the United States Army. As an Army brat, I never lived in one place long enough to form an attachment to any professional sports team, and it was a long time before I even cared enough about any sport to choose a favorite team. I started liking the Oakland Athletics because I liked their logo when I got their Baskin Robbins batting helmet bowl. I started liking the San Francisco 49ers because Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, and Roger Craig were awesome and they were winners. I started liking the Duke Blue Devils because they rebounded from a 30-point championship loss to UNLV and came back to beat them by 2 the next year. That was a feat of sports courage that I don't think we've seen since. We've seen upsets plenty of time, but not a 32 point turnaround year to year from a tournament blow-out to victory.
When my family moved to Minnesota, I soon started cheering for the Minnesota Timberwolves, but not because they were my adopted home team; it was because my favorite college player, Christian Laettner, was drafted by them. Even then, they still weren't my favorite team; that honor belonged to Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls and, once Grant Hill graduated, the Detroit Pistons. Now that Hill is only playing limited time for the Phoenix Suns, Jordan has retired, and Kevin Garnett finally won a championship with Boston, I really don't care about who wins in the NBA. The same goes for the A's in baseball and the 49ers in football. One trades its best players away all the time and the other hasn't been able to do a damned thing since cutting Bill Walsh loose. I've always been a guy who cares about players more than about teams, and that's always probably going to be the case; a trait that I'm happy to credit to you and your organization for reasons that I'll be hastening to explain a little bit later. While I hate golf, and don't even consider it a sport, there is an individual sport I used to love and still watch when the fancy takes me.
No, professional tennis is the one I used to watch a lot, and I never bought the fact that Pete Sampras was better than Andre Agassi. Sure, Sampras dominated Agassi when they played one on one, but despite Sampras winning 14 majors, he never won the French. Andre was the last male player to complete the career Grand Slam(and is married to the only player, male or female, to have a Golden Slam) until June 7, when he was on hand to present the award for winning the French Open to Roger Federer. Now that Federer has that career Grand Slam, and has tied Sampras' record for major titles, I think it's now safe to say he's the best male tennis player of all time, and it was a highly special moment to see the last man to win the career Grand Slam awarding the newest member of the small club. Almost as special as the Benoit/Guerrero Wrestlemania moment that you'd so dearly love us to forget. I really wish you'd get with the program on that one, Mr. McMahon, but I guess you really wish fans like me would think the way you do. At least I've got my Wolverine dvd set, right?
Wrestlemania moments are special, though, are they not? Special, in a sense, because each normally belongs to just one person, and never to more than a handful of people. Benoit and Eddie are, in a sense, eulogized together in that moment because both were single's champions once the event was over. I can remember back to my first time watching the WWF (I know it's the WWE now and you'd like us to believe it always was, but I'm sorry, I just can't reconcile myself to it.) and Wrestlemania III where there were three Wrestlemania moments that stand out for me: Brutus Beefcake cutting the hair of Adrian Adonis after Roddy Piper put him to sleep, Ricky Steamboat raising the Intercontinental Title high, and Hulk Hogan bodyslamming Andre the Giant. Because I was a fan of this sport before any other, I believe it's the individual that matters and not the team; except tag teams, which you seem to have given up on. Your organization made me into the type of sports fan I am, sir. I don't know how you feel about that, but I hope you take pride that I put wrestling above all other sports.
"I may not always agree with everything my country or my government does, but I will continue to support them, because the only system worse than this one is every other one I ever studied."
No, Mr. McMahon, I don't give a damn about teams. Not really. I've tried to get into watching the A's again this year, but how can I when year after year they either trade their best players or let them walk away in free agency? I've tried to keep following the 49ers, but when they were horrible and I wanted them to just go ahead and lose all their games, they couldn't be bothered to, and instead that "honor" ended up going to the Detroit Lions. Now that they're no longer horrible, they can't be bothered to climb themselves above mediocrity, and I'm sick of it. I still cheer the Duke Blue Devils pretty rabidly, but that's because I'm still in awe of their head coach, Mike Krzyzewski, and some of their assistants, most notably Chris Collins and Steve Wojiechowski; but if all three were to be gone some day and new coaching blood had not replaced them, I doubt that I'd stick around. I'm not wired that way, am I? However, when it comes to country vs. country, that's something that I am wired for. That's something that's in my blood because of what my father did for a living and who he is.
I may not always agree with everything my country or my government does, but I will continue to support them, because the only system worse than this one is every other one I ever studied. I have never been drafted, because there is no longer an American draft, and I really don't want to serve in the military; I never have been and never intend to be in shape for it, but if the day comes when all the defenses fall and there's no one left to pick up a weapon and fight, I'll step in there and do what I can. That may or may not be much, but at least I'm willing to fight for my country at some point. It sure seems to me that you admire those that do. After all, you not only hold events overseas for our troops, you even make sure that some of the events are broadcasts as tributes when you go there during the Holidays to try to lend some moral support to what they're doing in Afghanistan and Iraq, especially. You also provide pay per views and tickets to live events free of charge to the men and women that serve this country. You weren't ever in the service, but you are very supportive of those that are.
You and I have had our differences lately; mostly on my side, of course, because I'm not convinced that you're actually giving me and my fellow professional wrestling fans enough wrestling, as opposed to the entertainment you seem to think we're looking for. Of course, it isn't just on my side, because you also sent me and my erstwhile partner a scathing memo, and I'm concerned that you're involved in his disappearance, but I'll let that slide for now, because we have a concern facing us. Despite our positions on other subjects, we do have something in common: You give a damn about this country, that seems pretty obvious to me, and so do I. While your organization tries to distance itself from being called professional wrestling; preferring the terms "sports entertainment" and "superstar" to professional wrestling and wrestler; I'm sure you would agree that, at the very least, the WWE has its roots in traditional professional wrestling, which is strictly an American invention and tradition. I know you are looking to expand into Mexico, but surely that's to get into lucha libre.
I know you have no interest in creating a WWE product outside the United States, and even if you did, it would be something suitable to the culture in which you're promoting.. You would have to build up a new tradition and event structure over time for that new audience. You might be expanding the WWE Universe, but in essence, you'd be creating new planets, not continents to this world. That's why it's ridiculous to think that a small movement has started in the Internet Wrestling Community among my British counterparts about holding Wrestlemania overseas. Over 25 years it's something you've never done, and yet some Brits believe that you should do it within the next two. You've already announced that Wrestlemania XXVI will be held in Glendale, AZ, which is a logical choice, as would any large American city, because the WWE may be an international entity that's widely popular across the globe, but Wrestlemania is an American Institution. As I'm sure you agree, it should always be held in this great country; or at the very least on this continent.
"That's 60% of "granddaddy"'s held in 12% of the states."
Given the last twenty-five years of "the granddaddy of them all," I feel it's safe to assume that we're agreed that Wrestlemania should remain in North America...personally it sickens me that my favorite yearly event, SummerSlam, was once held in Great Britain, but I digress. What we need to ascertain is the best place to hold Wrestlemania in 2011. Earlier this year, there was a rumor circulating that Indianapolis, IN was going to be the location for this event, and though it's my birthplace, I think if this rumor is true you're going there at the wrong time. Let's look at the last few Wrestlemanias, shall we? Starting with Wrestlemania XX and the main event that shall not be named, the cities--in order--are New York, NY; Los Angeles, CA; Rosemont, IL; Detroit, MI; Orlando, FL; and Houston, TX, where the fairly lackluster "25th Anniversary"--though we both know it's really not, right? <nudge, nudge>--was held. As previously mentioned, next year's event will be in Glendale, AZ. If you go to Indianapolis after that, that'll be three out of eight in the Midwest, two in the south, two in the west, and only one in the northeast.
I think we can agree that there's almost no point in trying to hold Mania in the northwest. There's only a couple of states populace enough that it would be worthwhile to hold it in and neither of those are exactly wrestling meccas, so concentrating them in the four areas mentioned above seems the wisest course of action, as I'm sure you already know. But, is there any logical reason to go to Indianapolis? I don't think so. While I'd love to see Wrestlemania in Minnesota sometime soon, I don't think that would be exactly fair, either because of the regional distribution of the event the last few years. Besides, Indianapolis has already held Wrestlemania once--back in 1992; an event that offered two classics and not much else. I know the location doesn't really matter for that kind of thing, but it's how I felt about the event, and who knows--maybe lightning really could strike twice. It didn't happen to this year in Houston, of course, as the seventeenth event is generally considered one of the best, and this one is going to go down as one of the worst, despite the Taker/Michaels classic.
But, really, don't you think the wealth should be spread around a little more? I mean, seriously: besides the repeat cities of New York, Los Angeles, Detroit, Atlantic City(Back to back in that rinky dink casino arena right after setting the all-time attendance record? are you fucking shitting me?), Rosemont, Anaheim, and now Houston; Wrestlemania 2 was held in Uniondale, NY, partially, and partially in Rosemont and L.A.; meaning that fifteen out of the 25 Wrestlemanias have been held in 6 states. That's 60% of "granddaddy"'s held in 12% of the states. Not only is that a stat that one of my buddies, sheepster (Yes, he spells it all lowercase; I have no idea why,) wishes he'd have thought of, but it's a pretty ridiculous one, as well, don't you think? It's understandable that you'd want to have multiple Wrestlemanias in Los Angeles, because it's glitzy and glamorous, and always gives anything there a high profile, and, of course, New York City because that's where Madison Square Garden is, and while it's not a church, it is holy ground and the place where the very first was held.
But, Houston, Detroit, the Chicago area, Anaheim, Atlantic City (Again, really?) Yeah, they're mostly big cities, but I still don't get why you've felt the need to hold multiple shows in those areas when there are so many large cities to choose from. I mean, do you realize that St. Louis has never even held one? That seems insane to me. It's about time that some other cities and states got some Wrestlemania love from you, but we'll address the state issue another time--maybe with another proposal attempting to convince you to hold 28 or 29 here in Minnesota. But right now, I want to explain why you should hold a show in the northeastern portion of the United States, in a state where Wrestlemania's been before, but a city in which it has not. Paul Heyman used to run a little promotion that you now own and have bastardized into your own little "C" show on Tuesday nights, Extreme Championship Wrestling out of Philadelphia, and you held XV there, but you have yet to run one in the other large, national power of a city in Pennsylvania. Why no love for the steel city?
"They deserve the best you've got; and you've owed it to them for a long time."
Sure, you've run televised shows in Pittsburgh before. One of the few hour-long IronMan matches was run there, between your boy, Chris Benoit, and Triple H. Looking at the upcoming pay per view schedule for this year, you are planning on holding Cyber Sunday(or possibly No Mercy) there this year, and in the past, you've held pay per view events there five times : SummerSlam 1995, King of the Ring 1998, Unforgiven(which you're changing the name of this year. I really don't get that; wouldn't it make more sense to put submission based matches at No Mercy, which already kind of sounds like you aren't breaking a submission hold and doesn't really have a gimmick?) in 2001, No Way Out 2005, and Armageddon 2007. Are you serious? Pittsburgh has only held ONE of the big four? Mr. McMahon, this is a travesty, or as Gorilla Monsoon would say, it's a travesty of justice. What about what is apparently your favorite PA city? Well, to be fair, Philadelphia--your old pal, Paul E.'s stamping ground, remember--has only held a few more than Pitt.
By the end of 2009, Philly is scheduled to have held eight, while Pittsburgh will have held six. As I said, a very small discrepancy, but there is a huge discrepancy in the main events, which are generally considered to be the first four PPV events you ever held: Wrestlemania, The Royal Rumble, SummerSlam, and The Survivor Series. For a time, there was a fifth "major" event--The King of The Ring, as you know--you really should bring that event back by the way, and eliminate 7 of the extra 8 you have running. You only started running monthly pay per views because your competition--Eric Bischoff, Ted Turner, and WCW--started running them and you felt that you had to do the same to compete with them. Guess what, sir? WCW has been dead for over 8 years now. Not only did you beat them, you bought them. You can go back to only running a few PPV's a year to improve your booking, and I would suggest cutting them in half. Go with the old majors, plus Night of Champions, because that's an awesome idea for an event. Either way, start having Pittsburgh catch up with Philadelphia.
As it stands, they have each held SummerSlam and The King of The Ring, but Philadelphia has held every one of the Big 4(5,) while Pitt has not. Isn't it about time you start rectifying this situation? And why not start with the event that traditionally marks the start of the WWE year and is the one everyone always looks to as the biggest PPV, Wrestlemania? Philadelphia may have brought home a championship last year in Major League Baseball, but lately it's been Pittsburgh that's been seen as the city of champions. While they don't have a basketball team and the Pirates haven't been any good since Barry Bonds left for the San Francisco Giants, the Penguins just finished playing in their second consecutive Stanley Cup final, this time winning the cup, and the Steelers have won two Super Bowls in the last four years and had one of the best regular seasons in the history of the NFL in 2004, the rookie year for Ben Rothlisberger, who has begun to put his name among the short list of greatest quarterbacks of all time, based on having won two Superbowls in his first five years of playing there. Between he and Sidney Crosby, this city has two of the best young athletes in professional sports.
In short, Mr. McMahon, Pittsburgh has become a city of champions; a city of winners, and despite what is currently a down time in the world of professional wrestling, the WWE continues to be a winner and it's about time these two winners--the organization and the city--get together more often on the biggest nights of the wrestling year, starting with Wrestlemania XXVII. By the time March or April--depending on how the calendar falls, as usual--rolls around Pittsburgh will have a brand spanking new arena for you to use. While the Consol Energy Center won't quite have the seating capacity that you are used to for Wrestlemania, neither does Madison Square Garden and you are content to use it from time to time due to its history and charm; I believe you can get by with the smaller atmosphere and comfort every few years and remember, sir, these are your type of people, hard-nosed working class types that aren't afraid to get their hands dirty. These are the opposite numbers of the snobs in the "City of Brotherly Love" that...well...loved to shit all over your product. They deserve the best you've got; and you've owed it to them for a long time. Show them that the superman of professional wrestling promotion is one of them; a man of steel.
Long days, pleasant nights
Shane "XanMan" Sebunia
609 Summit St.
Eveleth, MN 55734
Word Count: Just like last time, I'm not going to insult you by stating it.
I still plan on doing the award I mentioned a couple of columns ago, but this week there is no need for a poll, as I lost a bet to my friend, countryman, and fellow columnists, Beyond Knight. See, his beloved Pittsburgh Penguins were down 2-0 in the Stanley Cup Finals to the Detroit Red Wings, and he was so confident that they would soon prevail that he offered to stop calling Randy Orton, who I am starting to wonder why I like, Fred for three months if someone else would put something up. I told him if they came back and won that he could choose the quotes in the Star for the next three months. Well, they completed their comeback, and now I have egg all over my face. So it's time for me to shut my mouth and take my medicine. Stupid hockey.
XanMan,
JUST SHUT UP!
Points of Light
You may have noticed that my last two columns have now had (U.S. vs. U.K.) in front of them. That is to designate they are part of a tournament; two teams of six from those two countries are competing against each other. After Round 1, the United States is currently up 2 points to 1. You can read the rules for the tournament and all of the columns that have been written for it thus far by clicking on this link.
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