Posted in: The Northern Star The Northern Star--Have a Care
By XanMan
Oct 9, 2005 - 8:43:30 PM
"There's man all over for you, blaming on his boots the faults of his feet."--Samuel Beckett
You know what I'm tired of? People. More specifically, I'm tired of people not taking responsibility for their own actions and faults. I can freely admit that I do stupid things. My wife and I have both been working two jobs for about a month now, and yet this week we had to pay off one debt totaling $183.24, another of $55.72 that we owed to the gas company so that we could have heat, and $152 in order to not get our power shut off. Next on the list is our water/sewage/garbage, where we now owe around $100. This is not to mention the $160 we still owe my wife's dentist or the $102 we still owe my dentist, along with the bills we racked up on Discover and were unable to keep paying the monthly charges on. Now, I could blame this on a lot of things.
After all, if it wasn't for Thomas Edison, maybe we'd never have had electricity, and then I wouldn't have to pay the power bill. If it weren't for cold, I wouldn't need to buy heat. But, the simple fact is, I own this. Between my wife and I, we did this to ourselves because instead of paying off our bills, we just kept buying more shit. And, instead of making sure our power and gas bills were paid up, we made sure that our cell phone, cable, and internet were still active. Perhaps we put the wrong things as priorities. I say perhaps, because if I'd let the internet go that far, I likely wouldn't be posting this now. Everything has a price, but we are each responsible for our actions.
That's why it galls me to hear people blaming media for things happening. When those kids shot up the school in Columbine, Colorado, it couldn't be that it was the kids' fault or that the parents weren't watching their teenagers closely. No, it was because they were listening to heavy metal music, watching violent videos and TV shows, and playing violent videogames. When that kid piledrived his little brother or friend or whatever and broke his neck, that was blamed on professional wrestling, and is one of the reasons why that goddamned spot plays at the beginning of every one of my WWF DVDs before I can watch the fucking thing. But, you know what?
No professional wrestler told that kid to use a piledriver and no parent apparently stepped in to make sure it didn't happen. I've seen a lot of pornos before, but I've never walked into a girl's home and have her start taking my clothes off to match her state of nakedness, either. Media does not force us to do things. It might give us ideas we've never had before, but it doesn't make us act on these ideas or lose control of our urges. A little responsibility would go a long way. If you're not ready to take responsibility for your actions or for those of your children, you shouldn't be having them anyway. The world's overpopulated enough without you bringing someone into the world who isn't going to be raised properly.
Which brings me to my kids, or more appropriately, my stepkids. Before my wife and I were married, she did some dumb things and had her children; Michele, 10 and Cody, 9; taken away by the state. It sucks, but I suppose it's not all that uncommon. She's tried to get them back a couple of times, but it keeps falling through. So, we're stuck in this situation where Chele and Cody live with their great-aunt most of the time, and we get them every other week-end. During the time they're with us, the kids are pretty well behaved, but we've gotten reports from time to time that they act up and disobey and whatever with her.
Well, shit happens and kids will be kids, as far as Mellisa and I are concerned, but the aunt would prefer that they're treated like little adults...except when it comes to allowing them to make their own choices. See, I'm not big on limitations. I think the less you allow kids--and people in general--to do, the more they're going to want to do those things. Why is underage drinking and drinking and driving a problem in this country? Because legally we don't allow people to drink until they're 21. If it was allowed, drinking wouldn't be a big deal and who knows, maybe drugs wouldn't be as big of a "problem" either.
"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him."--Booker T. Washington
So, despite the wishes of their guardian, my wife and I do not put many limitations on the kids. We do have a way of ensuring they do their chores, and we do make sure they at least go to bed, but we don't have a regular time for it. They know when they're tired. When it comes right down to it, they also know what they can handle. Before we got expanded digital cable with all the movie channels(yes, another splurge) we used to have the Movie Pass from blockbuster and each weekend we would let the kids each pick out a DVD or tape they wanted to watch, and while the subject of pornos never came up we let them pick what they wanted. One time Cody wanted to get CSI, and I had no objections.
Why would I? Sure, there are sometimes graphic--and what a fucking useless word that is--depictions in CSI, but would I rather have him sneak downstairs and watch a re-run at 11 o'clock at night? No, and there's more than one reason for that. Firstly, I believe that he'd be better off watching it with either myself or my wife so if he has concerns we can talk about it with him. But, also, I simply think that there's no reason that he should have to do that. If it were something legitimately harmful to him, of course we'd have rules about it, but I don't think a reasonably intelligent kid watching something he knows is fictional is going to hurt him at all.
About a year ago, my wife was told that Michele wasn't to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer(a passion of both of ours) anymore. The reason? It seems Cody had bitten another kid on the arm, and he just hadto have gotten the idea by watching Buffy. Well, first of all, Cody doesn't even like Buffy. It scares him. When Michele and I watch it, he goes and does something else. Secondly, when was the last time you saw a vampire bite someone ON THE ARM? Hell, if you're going to stop him from watching anything where biting is involved, I guess food commercials, Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, and just about every show ever are out of the question, as well. That's another problem with censoring what people watch.
Where do you end? How far down the slippery slope are you willing to go before the line is drawn? And once that line is drawn, is it really possible to prevent the crossing of it or is the momentum going to carry you right over? These are all tough questions that are simply avoided by using a little common sense. Now, getting back to the supposed restriction, there is a third point I haven't brought up yet that the discerning reader will have no doubt picked up on, that being that their great-aunt was trying to have us restrict one child's viewing because of something that another child did. How far does this ludicrousy have to go?
I don't know, but I'll tell you this much. Not only have I not stopped Michele from watching Buffy, but instead we're now watching both that and Angel. It's not harming her in anyway. She still does her homework, she still practices her violin, and she still does little girl things like playing with her kitty, baking, and learning to crochet, but that time we lay down and cuddle and watch those DVDs is a special time that the two of us get to share together, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let someone take that away for such a silly reason. Eight days ago, the two of us even went with my brother to see "Corpse Bride" because she thought it looked good. She thought it was funny and enjoyed every minute of it. Actually, we both did.
However, if I tease her about watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" with me, she says that will be too scary. Kill Bill? Fine. Even she can tell that even though it's a great movie, it's also very cartoonish and obviously not real. Saw? Not so much up her alley, and I'm glad. She's obviously a kid that knows her limitations, the way I've always theorized children would, and even more than that, not everything is for everyone. She loves Pretty Woman and Beaches. I can't stand either. Different strokes for different folks. You've just got to know what your strokes are.
"The only things we ever keep are what we give away"--Louis Ginsberg
Cody's not as far along as Michele when it comes to that, but who could expect him to be? He just turned 9, while she's a month and 3 weeks away from 11. I'm 30 years old, and I'm still learning some of the ropes, as I'm sure you are, as well. As adults it's a little trickier than it is with kids. If we do something stupid to give it a try--say bungee jumping--and something goes wrong, something goes really wrong, whereas if Cody plays Ratchet and Clank and can't do as well as he'd like, life's gonna go on. I can tell him it's too old for him and he should wait a couple of years, but he's got to find out for himself. It would be great if we could make our kids' mistakes for them, if we could mis-step so they don't break their ankles, but we can't. Life is a learning process, and if you skip the steps you aren't really living.
So, I let Cody do as well as he can with R&C and see just how much of a little commando he can really be. I know he's not going to get far, but he's going to get farther than if I just told him, "No, you're not going to be able to do that." Fuck discouragement in all its forms, and fuck me making his choices for him. Some, sure. I'm not going to give him a gun at this age, I'm still cutting the kids' steak up for them, and I have no interest in letting them smoke, but these are all things they know that they'll have the opportunity to do when they're older. I can give them my opinions, but I can't live their lives for them. Guidance, however, I can provide. But, how far should that guidance go?
That's something that I'm still learning, but I know it doesn't go to the point that I'm going to restrict him from watching wrestling. I don't even tell him it's fake. Why should I? I should spoil his fun and excitement at the age of 9? No. When he's older and better able to appreciate the technical aspects of a created reality, then I'll let him know, but now? Again I say: fuck that. Let him have his heroes, and let him boo the villains. You know who his favorites are? Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, The Big Show, Triple H, Booker T, AJ Styles, and Kurt Angle. A good and varied group, wouldn't you say?
He also liked Eddie Guerrero up until he turned on Rey Rey, and Kurt Angle used to be his favorite, but he decided that he's too mean so while he still likes him, it's not as much as the other guys. He's never shown any great appreciation for John Cena, and while he's starting to like Batista, I doubt it will get to Mysterio or Benoit levels. I have occasionally called Paul Wight "The Big Slow" to get on Cody's nerves and Chele and the Mrs. have chanted "You suck" to Kurt Angle's music to get a reaction out of him, but we try to refrain from doing that too much, because Cody's been a bit of a follower. For instance, if we let he and his sister each pick out a candy, he'd want exactly what she had. His individuality just wasn't there. Well, I'm happy to say it is now.
After we watched the first episode of Impact!, Cody asked me if I liked "The Pounce". Well, to expand on my dislike of the move, I hate it. It's a fucking flying forearm to the chest, and doesn't look at all devastating to me, yet when Monty Brown hits it, it's always sold like absolute death. It's awful. I didn't say all this to him, though. I simply said, "No." He said, "Well, I do. I think it's cool." AWESOME! I think I have the best dad in the world, but there's never really been anything we could bond over. He's a movie guy, I prefer television. While I didn't mind fishing, it sometimes got very boring sitting out in the boat catching nothing. He loves to hunt, I hate sitting out in the cold for days not seeing a deer. He likes football, I love baseball and basketball. We both love to play cards--any kind--but, there are a lot of things he loves that I don't and vice versa. But, still, he's a great guy and has always been an encouraging influence on me.
I hope to be the same to Cody. My wife says I'm a great dad, but I'm always questioning myself. I love both kids, and I'm happy that we both have something to bond over, but it's hard to keep that bond strong when I really only see them 4 days each month. But, that bond is there. That bond will allow me to guide them as their times grow more difficult and there are more important things in their lives than moving on to the next Angel DVD or picking up the most recent Smackdown magazine. Get involved in your kids' lives, let them know how you feel before it's too late. Take them to a ball game. Take them to a wrestling show. Coach their soccer team. Watch their school play. Let them be them, while still giving them the best of you. These kids are our next generation, and they are who they are, but they can't be their best without having at least a little of the best of you.
{Author's Note: This may not have really been a wrestling column, but I hope most of you don't mind. It had to be said. Life gets away from all of us way too much of the time.}
Long days, pleasant nights
The Comment Box
I got quite a bit of feedback from last week's column, and I really appreciate it, folks! Keep em coming.
LOP's own Davey Boy had this to say after returning from his sojourn to America:
Hey Xan. Long time no speak mate.
Just a quick e-mail with regards to your promotion to the LOP main page. "Congratulations & well deserved" is pretty much it. You know it's been well deserved & having just had the pleasure of reading your 5 columns to date, you have fitted right in. Very good topics, clear writing style, etc, etc, etc...
I especially liked your "Drugs or Jesus" personal column & your "X100" column. They hit a home run. In fact, the X100 made me think who I would hire & in what order. I have no definitive answers for you, and while not agreeing with all your choices (Angle would definitely be top 5), think you did a great job of pulling it off. Your columns on destiny & on TNA/Jarrett were also interesting to read. We don't get TNA in Australia, but I recently saw a live event which pretty much was all TNA. I will have my review of that in my column on Wednesday the 12th.
Me being me, I always have to offer one piece of constructive criticism to new main-pagers. It's difficult with your columns, but if I had to choose one thing, it would be to shorten your paragraphs. Long paragraphs tend to make casual readers skip down to the next quote (the quotes being as fantastic an idea as always, by the way).
I think that's it. Congrats again Xan. Take care.
DaveyBoy.
You know, Davey, I don't know what I'm more honored by: that you wrote me feedback your first week back or that you took the time to go back and read each of the five columns I posted in your absence. Thank you. It means a lot. I'm not sure if you know this, but you were actually the first Main Pager I ever gave feedback to waaaaay back when I first started writing the Star when AJ won his first World Title and you and I each wrote a column about it on the same day.
Angle was a tough guy to rate, just because I don't know if I'd have him for 5 days or 5 years. How good is his neck really? Honestly, it was hard to rate Hogan #1, as well, but after his strong fan showing the last few months, I just couldn't avoid it. Looking forward to seeing your words on some TNA wrestlers in a few days time. As for the paragraph length, I'll take a look at that. Be well, my friend...and thanks. I know despite your time crunch not allowing you to feedback the CF often you were of the belief that I'd make it up here eventually, and it's appreciated.
Benny Russ writes:
Sorry Xan, I was away in the desert catching small animals all last week, so I couldn’t give you any feedback, and end up in the comment box for the third week in a row. Oh well, the streak is broken.
In terms of the Matt/Edge thing, I think the 2 out of 3 falls thing at Taboo Tuesday is an excellent idea, but WWE are going balls out for homecoming, which is why they put it there, and it’s a ladder match, cos these two have been involved in epic ladder matches in the past. Creative aren’t too good at coming up with new ideas, or remembering older ideas for that matter. Of course the match should be the highlight of whatever show it’s on, but I get the feeling it may get a little lost in the mix at Homecoming. But creative aren’t really worried about that. They’re concentrating on how to make HHH’s return seem like the most important thing on this overstacked card;
In terms of TNA, well my scenario sort of turned out, except we got Nash instead of Raven. I agree Jarrett shouldn't hold the title. But it’s not about ability at this stage, it’s about recognition. While I agree that Jarrett doesn't make me want to watch more TNA, I don't think he's as egomaniacal as he's made out to be, and I don't think he's as bad as HHH in that respect. But he is a shittier wrestler, and a shittier champ. My comment about Dusty wasn't that I thought he was a terrible booker, but rather that he thought that having a hated Jarrett as champ was best for the company. I agree that Dusty, like Russo, can come up with good ideas, but needs checks and balances, he can't be given complete control, which is what he had. And, although Nash is there, which I said would cause me to despair, I still maintain hope, as they're hinting that Raven will be back, probably after Jarrett goes over Nash again at Bound for Glory.
Finally, when did we get to the stage of you calling me Bunny? Sure people have in the past, mainly chicks for that matter, and it is written on the back of my lab coat, but I don't remember mentioning it. Just curious is all.
Cheers and Beers
The original
Bugs Bunny Russ
Well, Ben, it was actually nothing more than a typo. I don't even remember calling you "Bunny", so that must have been it. Nothing as sinister as me spying on you or anything...much. ;)
I don't know how anyone else felt about Homecoming, but I didn't think it was very good, and the ladder match was no exception. The match itself sucked, Lita not getting powerbombed through a table sucked monkey ass, and the ending was the suckiest thing of all sucky entertainment things. If this feud's over, I don't see how anyone can be anything but completely dissatisfied.
Not as egomaniacal as he's made out to be? Dude, the guy refused to wrestle a match because he wasn't getting the World Title back. How much more egomaniacal can you get? And to top it off, he's a horrible wrestler. Again, not in the "he can't work at all" sense or anything like that, but in the way that he makes everything looked choreographed. He didn't used to, so I don't know where he learned it, but for the last 5 years of his career, he's made wrestling look more fake than anything the "circus" atmosphere WWF is accused of could have.
Nice to see you're starting a new streak.
RIPBossman writes:
To be honest, I didn't think this was one of your better columns. For some reason, it just seemed incomplete. It's as if beat around the bush for a while until you got down to what you really wanted to talk about, and when you finally did talk about the main subject you just didn't go into enough detail.
But that's just me. The column was still good none the less and I enjoyed the read. But you've done much better.
I definitely have, Ripper. But, I didn't really beat around the bush. I wrote what I planned to write. I never addressed the Hardy/Edge feud in the Star before, so I wanted to give my opinions on the whole scenario before addressing what I felt the ultimate resolution should entail. I appreciate the honesty, my man. By the way, I really like the way you've come into your own the last few months. Well done, and I really enjoyed your review of the Ultimate Warrior DVD.
and finally for this week, the soon-to-be-bachelor-no-more Zuma420 writes:
Legend -i
Just wanted to give you a quick shout and say "what up!?" The last effort was extremely timely, and all around really well done. The comparison between Bonds and Vince was perfect. Both have done things that are superhuman, and don't involve use of any physical strength, but mental strength. However, both have made mistakes, and those mistakes aren't necessarily costly now, but will take their toll on their legacy in the future.
The Lita "Jezebel" angle has been really well done, depending on what you think it's origin is. Some say it's a work. What if it is? What if this was planned? If it was planned, then the ending sucked. Or did it? It's so unfinished that it's too soon to judge. Even though there was a "winner" and a "loser" last night - neither is losing their job with WWE - and so this feud isn't over. The culmination of this will come later - and it could possibly come in the Main Event of next year's WM. The wrestling has been that good. The storyline has been that good. Don't lose faith yet, Xan the man.
I'm not exactly sure what to think of your first paragraph, Zuma. Bonds is already facing people questioning his legacy, despite the obviousness of his Hall of Fame worthiness. Vince McMahon is going to go down as the greatest wrestling promoter of all time. His biggest commercial mistakes are the WBF and the XFL, and while they will certainly be a footnote in the story of his greatness, I don't think they are truly going to tarnish his legacy. If anything would, I would think it would either be the way that he let the Invasion angle slip away, his dealings with Bret Hart, or his failure to remain strong in the absence of competition. His life in wrestling has held more positives than negatives. I'm not sure you can say the same about Bonds, who's never been on a single World Series Championship team.
Hardy/Edge being in the main event of a Wrestlemania is something that would make Helix drool. You know that, right? However, as someone who very much plans to be at Wrestlemania XXII, I have to say that I'm not thrilled with the idea. I still think Taboo Tuesday is the perfect place for this feud to end. I don't think the whole thing was planned out, I think Vince rolled with the tide and came out with what should have been a sure-fire winner. I guess we'll see tomorrow night if it still has the chance to be one. Thanks, Zuma, and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.
You can send any comments by email to me at XanManX@hotmail.com with the words "Northern Star" or "feedback" in the subject line; or, if you're a member of the LoP Forums you can click here to leave feedback, as well.
