1. Day 1 - Is WWE Trying To Sabotage Their Old-School Pay-Per-Views?
My Two Centsss - No Way Out Predictions (Featuring Skitz)
By Super Chrisss
Jun 16, 2012 - 5:18:30 PM
2. Day 2 - TNA Wednesday: Who's Bounding For Glory?
3. Day 3 - What If...Daniel Bryan Was Never Fired Two Years Ago?
4. Day 4 - No Way Out Predictions (Featuring Skitz)
Pre-Show Match: David Otunga vs. Brodus Clay
Skitz: Utter garbage. But from the perspective of a fan in attendance, it beats peons or local wrestlers. I am a little intrigued to see how the Funkasaurus bounces back after getting straight up owned by Big Show a couple weeks ago. Otunga isn't much of a measuring stick however. Instead of punishing us with yet another Paul Wight push and derailing Clay's momentum, management should've put together a 1-on-1 clash between the two behemoths. That'd interest me far more than the main event or this dark match.
Chrisss: The positives about this match? 1. It won't be on the actual PPV (Thank God) and 2. It spares the fans from another show loaded with squash matches, since you know Ryback will once again be used as filler. Unfortunately for Mr. Hudson, this will simply be an extended squash match. Clay is still undefeated and no way in hell will Otunga be the one who silences The Funkasaurus.
Skitz: Certainly not. It's funny how in pro wrestling you can go from hero to zero in a matter of weeks. If Big Johnny does indeed lose his on-air gig and disappears from television for awhile, where does that leave Otunga? (Or Eve for that matter?) That coffee-slurping kiss ass could quite possibly go from being featured prominently on RAW to pink slip status if things don't go smoothly.
Because lets face it... Outside of his current role working as Laurinaitis' sidekick, David doesn't exactly have much to offer the company other than size.
(Chrisss leans in and whispers something to SkitZ) Oh that's all it takes to get pushed? Retract my previous statement then.
Chrisss: I disagree. I think Otunga will be the one who dethrones Santino for the United States Championship, and for that to happen, Big Johnny must remain in power (and he will). Otunga is still pretty awful as a wrestler, but I think he's over as a heel, both inside and outside the ring. I also have a soft spot for his theme music (catchy as hell). That being said, Clay dominates the match, wins, and puts an end to this feud that doesn't even exist.
Skitz: If yours truly does end up ordering the show, I'll intentionally flip on the TV at the top of the hour. That should sum up my feelings on the matter pretty accurately. Nobody cares about this shit besides the few rows of shleps who are already wasted by this point in the night.
Any half decent reason to boogey with the Funkettes.
Chrisss: I just LOLed at the thought of a Devil's Four-Way between you, Namoi, Cameron, and Vinnie Mac "gettin' jiggy with it". Let's move on.
Chrisss' pick: Brodus wins
Skitz' pick: Brodus wins
Steel Cage Match: John Cena vs. The Big Show
To show how little I care about this match, we're getting it over with NOW. I don't give a fuck if it's the main-event, or if the announcers have already christened it as the main-event of the evening. This feud bores me to tears, and I know I'm not the only one. So let's get the crap out of the way, so we can talk about matches that are worth our time. (Rant over).
Skitz: A commendable decision to say the least. You might call me crazy again in a couple minutes but I personally would've much rather preferred Tensai in this spot. Regardless of the character flopping after significant hype, Albert has much more to offer between the ropes than TBS at this juncture in their respective careers. At the very least, Bloom's superior in every physical aspect besides brute strength obviously. Not a single person on the WWE roster bores me worse than the 500-pounder. And the only conceivable way to book Big Show in a mildly entertaining light is sticking the giant in multi-man clusterfucks. That's it.
Chrisss: Tensai over Show any day, brother. I understand WHY the company made the switch, as Tensai is not over enough to feud with John Cena, let alone main-event a PPV, but if that's the case, book Tensai vs. Cena as a top match, not the main-event. Kane, Punk, and Bryan are three of the company's better and more popular wrestlers - why not give them the main-event spot instead? The fans will still care, and the kiddies will be content with seeing Cena on the card.
Skitz: And of all the guys to place inside a steel cage on PPV, Cena & TBS should be at the absolute bottom of that fucking list. Both stars work slow enough as is and placing them in said environment only slows down the tempo further. Despite whatever interference we may witness at No Way Out, I'm heading in expecting nothing but the worst from WWE's Poster Boy and the World's Largest Athlete. That way, it can only meet or exceed my expectations. This past Monday's three-hour RAW was actually a strong broadcast. And unsurprisingly, the steel cage contest was the worst part of it. I found Vader waddling around the ring more enthralling than Big Show's decimation of poor Kofi. You know it's ugly when we're not even a month removed from the giant's "shocking" turn and everyone's already praying for the angle to die. I can't blame them either.
Chrisss: For real, right? Big Show's move-set consists of attack, stop, look at the crowd, repeat. I felt bad for poor Kofi having to sell Show's slooooow offense. The guy is overdue a main-event feud of his own, but that's a topic for another day. As for this "epic match", I was going to give the victory to Cena, but I have a bad feeling this feud will continue to Money in the Bank, and in order for that to happen, Show needs to win. Therefore, the feud that everyone hates will keep going, and Cena loses another PPV match.
Skitz: Bah what a sad state of affairs. I feel the same though. You'd figure Cena would be due for a 'W' after jobbing to The Rock & Big Johnny recently but it's not gonna happen. Why would management go to all of this trouble pushing Big Show through the roof only for the dude to stumble through his first obstacle? Plus when you consider the odds of the face champions retaining at NWO, a victory for the seven footer seems highly plausible. Don't be shocked if we find ourselves staring at Sheamus/Big Show for the World Heavyweight Championship at MITB... Yikes. I hope to God that the company isn't trying to duplicate what they did with Mark Henry in '11. If Big Show carries the belt thru this upcoming fall, I'll murder somebody.
Chrisss: Whoever thought Mark Henry would be more entertaining than Big Show, eh? What a world we live in. To be fair, I'd rather see Big Show vs. Sheamus than Big Show vs. Punk, so pick your words carefully. Any final comments before we (thankfully) move on? I have one - #FuckYouBigShow
Skitz: Kane's resurgence in 2010, SkidMark's Hall of Pain in 2011, Big Show's current tear... notice a pattern? I feel like Vinnie Mac's attempting to gives these aging veterans their final hurrah before retirement comes knocking. Hence why I'm already kinda bracing myself for how much the giant will probably be shoved down our throats in 2012. And yes Sheamus/TBS would be easier to stomach. Punk already jobbed to Big Show a few summers ago so he deserves a pass. The 500-pounder wins this snoozefest by hook or crook.
Chrisss: I hope you're right, old friend. It would be a shame to see Punk's epic title reign come to an end at the hands of The Big Show of all people. But more on Mr. Pipebomb a bit later.
Chrisss' pick: Big Show wins
Skitz' pick: Big Show wins
WWE Divas Championship: Layla (c.) vs. Beth Phoenix
Quick question, Skitz: did you even know this match was taking place on Sunday? Or are you as surprised as I am to see it on the card?
Skitz: Ha! I was prepared to ask you the same question. I guess since The Glamazon & Layla are the only active wrestlers in the Women's Division nowadays, we're just supposed to assume they'll be competing against each other at every pay per view in the near future. It could be worse though so I won't complain. And at the risk of sounding redundant, what DID happen to Kharma? Holy shit. Who knows what the hell is going on with that whole situation.
Chrisss: Oh, don't get me wrong, I have ZERO problem with a Layla vs. Phoenix feud. But the thing is, their feud is virtually non-existent. Neither woman has been on TV for weeks, and hasn't even crossed paths since the week after Over The Limit. I know it's the divas, but WWE could make SOME effort to make their match on Sunday mean something. But since they didn't, you have to assume Layla retains once again, which will hopefully lead to Miss Kharma making her overdue return.
Skitz: Fat chance. Layla is sexy as fuck however which makes things better visually of course. Were you surprised to hear about Phoenix dating Edge? I was that's for damn sure. Seems like an odd couple to me but I'm always glad to hear that Copeland's still sampling WWE's current crop of ladies. Ever since initially reading that news report, I can't stop picturing Edge fucking Beth with a hockey mask on... You?
Chrisss: It's obviously payback for Punk going after Lita. By the way, I thought Edge was married, what happened to that? Ugh, you think way too much about sex, keep your nasty images for your columns, got it?
Shit, we're supposed to be talking about the match, but I guess we found something better to discuss. That's how much this match/feud/whatever it is matters. I'm going with Layla, via neckbreaker, NOT super diva roll-up of doom. You?
Skitz: Meh. That works for me. Kudos to Layla for continually improving; especially during her time rehabbing. She's quickly become one of the top three female wrestlers in the company. The lengthy stint as one half of LayCool did her wonders and will benefit the Brit tenfold moving forward. But more importantly, I wanna boink her.
Chrisss: Who doesn't wanna - uhhh, boink - her? That body? Crazy shit. I like her, hopefully she stays healthy so WWE sees no rush in bringing back Kelly Kelly. The divas division is already a better place without K2.
Chrisss' pick: Layla retains the title
Skitz's pick: Layla retains the title
Tuxedo Match: Santino Marella vs. Ricardo Rodriguez
So this match is a last-minute addition to the card, and one that has NO business being there. I don't know what's worse - the fact that the U.S. Champion is feuding with a non-wrestler, or that Santino is doing next to nothing with the title. Don't get me wrong, both guys have hilarious personas, but this kind of match/segment is better suited for an episode of RAW, not a show people are expected to pay money for.
Skitz: On one hand, it was awesome to witness Marella finally receive some kudos from management in the form of a United States Title run. But I find myself increasingly baffled with each week that passes by with Santino still power walking to the ring carrying said belt. Ricardo's found an excellent niche in WWE and has gotten crazy over as Alberto Del Rio's obnoxious ring announcer which the company is clearly attempting to exploit. Rodriquez is a trained wrestler and knows his way around a squared circle but don't expect to see any of that highlighted on Sunday. This shit reeks of Christy Hemme/Big Fat Oily Guy from Against All Odds '07.
Chrisss: Putting the U.S. title on Santino when he was hot was a great idea. Having him defend it almost never? Not so much. Hopefully this feud ends Sunday and we can see Santino start a program with a midcard heel. I actually wouldn't mind David Otunga being the one to end Santino's title reign because he would defend it, wouldn't he?
Skitz: If Big Johnny loses his GM gig, yeah. But it's foolish to believe Laurinaitis' flunky would be forced to defend the strap very often under the General Manager's current tenure. This pointless gimmick bout is the unfortunate result of a shallow, underpromoted pay per view. There are plenty of worthy opponents for Marella to face for the gold but yet Santino's bullying around a goofy unimposing figure... I guess this is WWE's stab at injecting some comedy into this Sunday's show. Har har. They'd be better off extending both World Title matches and leaving this off the broadcast completely.
Chrisss: Agreed 1000%. That being said, I would rather watch this than Clay vs. Otunga. Comedies are usually better than squash matches, especially when Ricardo is involved. Since Santino is the champion, I guess he's the favourite to win. Not like it really matters who wins, right?
Skitz: Correct. The Master of the Cobra isn't even in ADR's league so Marella might as well beat up on Del Rio's sidekick during his absence. I suspect this head scratcher will bridge two of No Way Out's more pivotal contests which is fine... as long as this nonsense doesn't go on second to last. The same goes for the Divas Title match. I really don't see the need in putting the crowd to sleep before the main event. If anything, there should be a steady build as the PPV unfolds.
Chrisss: Pfft, tell that to WWE. There seems to be a squash match/divas match/throwaway match between world title matches more often than there should be. Meh, as long as this doesn't take longer than ten minutes (entrances included) I won't complain - too much.
Chrisss' pick: Santino wins
Skitz' pick: Santino wins
WWE Intercontinental Championship: Christian (c.) vs. Cody Rhodes
Skitz: FINALLY something worth talking about. Thank God.
I'm not gonna lie though... The Candyman was looking forward to more of that stellar heel work from Captain Charisma along with a possible WWE Title feud versus Punk. But due to some untimely suspensions and injuries, I understand why the company decided to bring back Christian as a fan favorite. And as far as a return feud is concerned, there may be no better foe than Cody Rhodes. The kid has been on fire for well over a year now and people are fucking blind if they haven't noticed management grooming the second generation star for the next level. I mean do you think it's purely coincidence that Cody's last four programs have all pitted him against former World Champions?
Chrisss: Not at all. Rhodes is breathing down the necks of the current main-eventers, and it would not surprise me to see Rhodes get a title shot against Sheamus sometime soon (providing The Great White retains against Ziggler, that is). With the roster as thin at is, it thrills me to see Rhodes and Christian be given a lot of time to hype their match this Sunday. Potential show-stealer? I think so.
Skitz: Certainly. Granted they're given at least 12 or 13 minutes between the ropes (should be more like 18), Cpt. Charisma & Cody will put on a clinic at NWO. No doubt about it. Regardless of how frequently he's defended the strap during his first reign, Rhodes has done a fantastic job bringing focus and prestige back to the Intercontinental Title. Christian's always game for a potential MOTY candidate and I'm sure the former champ won't disappoint.
Chrisss: Preach it, brother. As much as I'd love to see Rhodes get a world title shot, I would be more than fine with seeing these two feud until Money in the Bank next month. Actually, scratch that. I want Rhodes to compete in the MitB ladder match and WIN IT. Yup, that's an early prediction for ya. But in order for that to happen, Christian has to retain on Sunday.
Skitz: Judging by the roll he's been on since resurfacing, I fully anticipate the Canuck escaping New Jersey with the gold. Cody will look like a million bucks in defeat but his big moment is on the horizon and thus regaining the belt would accomplish little. Unless this feud is prolonged, I too predict that Rhodes will capture SmackDown's MITB briefcase on July 15th.
Chrisss: Glad to have you on board the Cody bandwagon. Hopefully we're both right.
Chrisss' pick: Christian retains the title
Skitz' pick: Christian retains the title
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c.) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph Ziggler has got to be the luckiest guy in the world. First Randy Orton gets suspended, then Alberto Del Rio goes down with a concussion, leaving the SmackDown world title scene wide open. I wish they had built Ziggler up a bit better in recent weeks, as the odds of him winning the title this Sunday don't look good, if you ask me.
Skitz: But that's not really what's important here, is it? This scenario is all about the Blonde Perm making the absolute most of his opportunity and continuing to impress the critics. Just like you did with Rhodes a few moments ago, I'm gonna jump the gun and make me own premature prediction... Ziggler will win RAW's Money in the Bank ladder match next month. After all the shit Dolph's received for failing to win "the big one", he'll quiet the naysayers by snatching the coveted briefcase and eventually making the most of it.
Chrisss: You got me there, Candyman. If there are indeed two MitB matches this year (the death of WWE's midcard has me wondering), then Ziggler has to be a top candidate to win RAW's briefcase. However, let's not completely rule out the possibility of Ziggler winning the title at No Way Out. Why must we assume Ziggler is simply killing time until Del Rio returns? What if WWE goes with a Sheamus vs. Ziggler feud for Summer 2012?
Skitz: Then that would obviously throw a wrench into my fantasy. Alot of it depends on how long ADR's concussion keeps him sidelined. If the Mexican Aristocrat is only off television for a couple weeks, he and Sheamus can simply pick up where they left off after NWO. However if Del Rio is sidelined for a significant amount of time, Zigs is definitely a worthy substitute. Don't get me wrong, homie... I think Dolph will push the ginger to the brink of Sunday but inevitably fall short. Knowing how the Blonde Perm shines under pressure though, it's a win-win situation for him.
Chrisss: Fair enough. I was tempted to pick Ziggler for the upset victory, but I want to see him dump Vickie before that happens. Let's not forget that these two are more than capable of having an awesome match this Sunday. In fact, this could very well be the match of the night, as both men have been putting on amazing performances recently. So yeah, Ziggler's time will come, but he's not winning any gold on Sunday.
Chrisss' pick: Sheamus retains the title
Skitz' pick: Sheamus retains the title
Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c.) vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan
Skitz: Ahhhhhh the unofficial main event in my eyes. In some ways, it appears as if the writing staff has placed far more effort in building this match than Show/Cena. Or it could just be AJ and all her bat shit antics since splitting with D-Bry. Nevertheless, I'm head over heels in love with this storyline shenanigans. The reigning WWE Champ is still being pushed as such and allotted ample mic time but yet his challengers have been booked equally as strong. I can't imagine any of the three competitors moving past Sunday and not benefiting from the feud. While the Straightedge Superstar is still seen as the favorite at No Way Out, AJ has thrown some major unpredictability into the mix.
Chrisss: Yes, she has. I'm sure Punk will retain his title on Sunday, but I can't help but think we might see a swerve coming, as in Aj siding with the one man she hasn't been hitting on in recent weeks - Daniel Bryan. It would not shock me to see her screw Punk and assist her former boyfriend in picking up the win, leaving Punk and The Big Red Monster looking on in confusion. Of course, that would only extend this feud even further, while a Punk victory probably wouldn't.
Skitz: Touche. What makes this all so compelling is that AJ could side with either Punk, Bryan or Kane and it'd make sense. I'm hoping like hell that the pint sized Diva doesn't stab Cookie Monster in the back and cause a title change but it could happen. In a smark's perfect world, the American Bandwagon would steal the gold at NWO and ultimately face Mr. Sobriety in an iron man contest at SummerSlam. But c'mon now... why would WWE ever give in to our temptations like that? Especially when we're due for Big Show steamrolling Punk and seizing his title any day now.
Chrisss: Don't you dare suggest Big Show will be the one to end Punk's epic title reign. Such a move would make me vomit for weeks straight, I kid you not. When Punk does drop the title, it should be to someone who deserves the rub - Ziggler, Bryan, and even Rhodes are all great choices. Show needs to stay far, far away from both world titles, even if it means feuding with Cena until SummerSlam (shudders).
Skitz: Sweet Jesus. On a brighter note, we need to give the Big Red Machine his fucking due. Kane's raised his work to another level since the mediocre program with Cena to begin the year. Rather than hurt this ongoing angle, the Devil's Favorite Demon has actually added to Punk/Bryan and brought himself to the forefront of the title scene. I know we mentioned how the previous two bouts could steal the show but add this bad boy to said category because it offers fans all of the necessary elements; more so than Sheamus/Ziggler & Christian/Rhodes.
Chrisss: Very, very true. When Kane first stuck his nose in Punk and Bryan's business, I was disappointed. I wanted to see nothing but singles matches between the two indy darlings. BUT, Kane made his inclusion work, and he even has a legit chance of winning the title on Sunday. Hell, it's anyone's game, but I'm playing it safe and going with Punk retaining once again.
Skitz: Yeah, same here. Part of me is intrigued solely to see how long Cookie Monster can hold onto the belt for as he narrows in on 210 days. (Keep in mind that Cena & Batista each held their respective titles for around 280 days back in '05) I'd say Punk makes it to SummerSlam at the most but plans can change on a whim so we shall see. No matter what AJ does this Sunday night, I'm counting on the Best in the World to prevail one way or another and live to fight another day as champion.
Chrisss: I couldn't agree more, dude. Let's just hope Punk gets another chance to main-event RAW before he drops the title, although I doubt it will happen (sigh)
Chrisss' pick: Punk retains the title
Skitz' pick: Punk retains the title
Well, that's No Way Out in a nutshell. Any final, quirky comments before we say adieu?
Skitz: Indecisiveness, dude. A large part of me wants to order the pay per view but there's unrelated shit working against me purchasing it (Father's Day, Game 3 of the NBA Finals, etc.). However while much of the card seems underwhelming, the final three matches we covered might be enough to sell me. I can deal with some bullshit if the IC, WWE & WH Championships contests deliver. So yeah I dunno... it'll probably come down to a last minute decision. You?
Chrisss: Nah, I'm working Sunday, so there's not much point in me ordering the replay as I might as well catch it online for free on Monday, although I am pissed about missing those three title matches. However, I'm not sure if I'll be able to sit through Show/Cena and The Tuxedo Match so that's probably a good thing. I'll save my cash for Money in the Bank!
Skitz: No doubt. The fact that I'm splurging on MITB & SummerSlam might persuade me to avoid buying No Way Out. Whatevs. Later homie!
Did You Know?
R-Truth is not lucky when it comes to the Elimination Chamber. For three years in a row, Truth has been the first man eliminated from the chamber.
With me, the discussion never has to end...
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Catch you later!