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Posted in: My Two Centsss
My Two Centsss - Impact Tweeting Diary (4.4.13)
By Super Chrisss
Apr 5, 2013 - 8:57:57 AM

(Credit: Tom Jenner @ImageBlownOut)

19:59 Don't refresh your screens, folks! With my WWE hiatus almost over, and exam season quickly approaching, an Impact Tweeting Diary has returned for one night only! What's the difference between my Impact Tweeting Diary and Hustle's RAW Running Diary, you ask? Very good question. It's simple - oh, shit, Impact's starting!

20:00 This week's "Recently on Impact" video opens the show, which focuses on The Aces & 8s, Aj Styles being offered to join the dastardly group, and some highlights from last week's Hardy/Anderson main-event, which was surprisingly good, considering Anderson's involvement.

20:02 Aces & 8s' music hits the ring, and here they come. Somehow, I feel like I've seen this before...

20:03 Despite this being a taped show, and the crowd already sitting through two hours of television, Aces & 8s are getting heavily booed. I'm so glad they (finally) took the show on the road. #RIPPieceOfShitImpactZone

20:04 With Bully Ray being M.I.A., it's Anderson, Devon, and D-Lo who are doing the mic work. Not a pretty sight, trust me.

20:05 LOL @ TNA supposedly sending D-Lo a letter saying he's fired. That's hilarious.

20:06 Kurt Angle makes his way out, sadly minus the Anglevator, and takes a quick jab at social media, which I definitely approve of.

20:07 Angle foolishly steps in the ring, gets physical, and gets his ass kicked by Aces & 8s before Team TNA comes out to save olympic wrestling - I mean, save the olympic hero. Todd Kinley announces tonight's main-event will be a ten-man tag team match, which should be a lot of fun.

20:08 Joey Ryan is backstage with Brooke Hogan, and he offers to referee the Knockout matches, which she agrees to after he attempts to show Brooke his mankini. I'm not even kidding. This leads us into a commercial with not even ten minutes elapsed. k.

20:13 ShopTNA are having a Spring Cleaning shirt which includes 85% off Jeff Jarrett guitars, and maybe even sparingly used wrestlers available for booking. Hey, you never know.

20:14 A sort of "Did You Know?" graphic airs, informing us that Impact has been the highest rated show in Germany for the past two weeks. Say what you will about TNA, but that's pretty impressive.

20:15 The first match of the night is Tara & Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky & Tiffany Terrell and newly appointed Knockout ref Joey Ryan wastes no time feeling all the women in the ring, top to bottom. I know the guy's sleazy, but this isn't what the Knockouts Division needs.

20:17 Instead of counting the pinfall, Ryan decides to stare at Velvet's ass instead. I can't say I blame him.

20:18 Let's play a game. Every time the announcers plug Bellator, take a shot. If you're still sober by the end of the show, you win a prize.

20:19 This has been a terrible match so far. Not because of the participants, but because Ryan isn't counting pinfalls, the camera is always on him, and it's distracting. Put this guy in the X-Division, don't use him to destroy your Knockouts Division!

20:21 A roll-up and a quick count from the 'ref' gives team bad girl the win. He is then low-blowed by Tiffany for being a douchebag. I'm so glad they sacrificed a quality TV match for all that.

20:22 Team Epic Heel Music (s/o to Lolita) are all dressed up and they're on the way to the ring to...sign a contract for a world tag team title match? That's different. But hey, at least it's making the tag belts seem important, so I'm not complaining.

20:24 Whoever created the jingle for that Free Credit Score commercial should die a slow, horrible death. Twice.

20:27 On a taped show, both Roode & Aries and LAX 3.0 get jobber entrances for the contract signing. Why, TNA, why?

20:28 Chavo really needs to stop relying on his Guerrero heritage to get a cheap pop and remain somewhat relevant. People liked Eddie, not you. Give it up, amigo.

20:29 In this contract signing, both teams are allowed to add stipulations to their match before making the match official. Once again, that's...different.

20:30 JB, who is officiating the contract signing for some unknown reason, announces that next week's title match will be a 2/3 Falls Match, where if LAX 3.0 loses, they will never be allowed to team together in TNA again. Wow. They're really stacking up next week's show.

20:32 A video package on Adam Pearce airs, and I'm sure a large percentage of the IWC just pissed themselves with glee. I'm not too familiar with his work on the indies, but I've heard nothing but good things about him, so I'm excited for his Gutcheck match.

20:37 Hey, what do you know? TNA hired their version of Sin Cara - a masked Luchador who can barely speak English. Let's see if he botches as bad as his long-lost brother does.

20:38 Just by the way Pearce walks to the ring tells me he's going to be a star one day. TNA, please him him.

20:39 There's no stupid red lighting, so Mango is already ten times better than Sin Cara.

20:41 Tenay compares Pearce to Christian York, and I have to agree with that comparison. Both guys spent way too much time on the indies, and TNA is wise to give them both a shot.

20:43 Magno was doing so good, but then he had to go and nearly botch that moonsault. As I'm typing that, Pearce rolls him up for the dirty win. That was a disappointing finish to a shockingly good match. I like both guys but Pearce definitely has that "it" factor.

20:45 We're shown replays of Sting and Hogan's confrontation from last week, and I have flashbacks of Bound For Glory 2011. As bad as a Bully Ray/Hogan match at Slammiversary would be, another Hogan/Sting match would be much, much worse.

20:50 Emo Styles, beard and hoodie and all, shows up at The Aces & 8s Clubhouse, where he's given a Aces t-shirt by Mr. Charisma himself, Mr. Anderson, and Styles shocks the world by not breaking a silence. This transitions to another "why did Bully do it?" video package. You know, in case you're wondering how Bully could turn his back on such a beauty queen like Brooke Hogan and her down-to-Earth father.

20:53 Another commercial? Seriously, TNA? You've been on such a roll the last few months. Why are you suddenly feeding us hot garbage?

20:57 Joseph Parks does such a good job of playing the nervous wrestler-in-training, I almost forgot he's a TNA Triple Crown Champion. Almost.

20:59 Hulk Hogan promo time? It's times like these I wish I had a DVR...

21:00 Hogan calls out...Aj Styles? That's a bit random. Maybe Aj will finally say something. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

21:03 Hogan pleads for Aj not to take a turn for the worst, and by God, AJ FINALLY SPEAKS!!! Until he's cut off by James Storm's entrance music. #StupidCowboy

21:04 Storm's sunglasses are so uncool it's scary. It's like he traveled back in time to the 70s and bought a pair of shades from Disco Stu's father.

21:05 Storm is yelling at Aj and cutting a passionate promo, but I can't take him seriously since the camera keeps zooming in on those awful shades.

21:06 Storms kind of verbally threatens Aj, who walks off without saying a word, and that's it. Back to commercial. What's going on tonight???

21:11 Tomorrow night, TNA presents their first taped Pay-Per-View of the year, One Night Only. I read the spoilers, and it might be worth checking out if you have nothing better to do.

21:12 Sonjay Dutt vs. Mason Andrews vs. Petey Freaking Williams to determine the #1 Contender to the X-Division title (even though there has to be TWO number one contenders now)? If anything can save this show, this match will.

21:13 Almost immediately, a "Petey" chant breaks out. That was quick.

21:15 Sonjay dives to the outside, and both guys step out of the way. Ouch, that had to hurt.

21:16 I'm not going to lie, it's really cool to see both Sonjay and Williams back inside a TNA ring. Takes me back to the pre-Hogan and Bischoff days.

21:18 CANADIAN DESTROYER! CANADIAN DESTROYER! Thanks for coming, Mason Andrews. Petey with the much-deserved win.

21:20 My only problem with Bully being the President of The Aces & 8s is he's so way ahead of his cohorts in terms of star power. It would be like CM Punk joining 3MB - the difference in credibility is astonishing.

21:26 If given a lot of time, next week's Full Metal Mayhem Match (a.k.a. TLC) between Hardy and Bully could be a legit MOTY candidate.

21:27 Oh, Aj Styles will be giving his 'decision' next week? I thought he was supposed to speak at least two months ago?

21:28 Time for Team TNA vs. Team Aces & 8s, which is essentially a LockDown rematch minus the steel cage, but at this point, I'll take anything in order to give tonight's show a passing grade.

21:30 Holy crap, Garett Bischoff has really improved over the last twelve months. He's learning how to show some charisma, he's improving in the ring, his mic skills are getting better, his - awww, who am I kidding? The kid is garbage, as well as a waste of space and TV time. I can name so many other wrestlers who are more deserving of his spot on the roster. #****YouGarett

21:33 Mike Knox/Knux is facing off against Eric Young in a battle of the beards. Daniel Bryan is still the undisputed king of facial hair, however.

21:34 Todd quickly gets in a plug for Bellator - which has been thankfully toned down - before we head to commercial. Even TNA can't resist the urge to interrupt matches, smh.

21:38 We're back, and EY is still getting his ass whooped, and he probably wishes he was back chasing after sea mammals on Animal Planet.

21:39 TNA is now promoting BET events? Why?

21:40 Devon channels his inner Booker T and randomly performs a spin-a-rooni. k.

21:41 Of all people, it's Joseph Parks who gets the hot tag and cleans house before all hell breaks loose. It comes down to Parks and Devon, with the former Parking Up until Doc sneaks in a low blow and Aces & 8s win another match! As I predicted earlier, that was fun, and the right team won.

21:45 Hogan and his son/daughter reconcile backstage and I couldn't care less. The main-event is next, which is Brooke and Bully going face-to-face. Oh, boy.

21:50 After another long commercial break, we get yet another recap of Brooke and Bully's love story gone wrong. With that said, Aces & 8s music plays for the twentieth time tonight, and here comes Bully!


21:53 The world title looks so good on Bully Ray's shoulder, it's scary. An overdue win, really.

21:55 Bully's such a jerk. He knows how to get under people's skin, and it's too bad Brooke can't be a half-decent actress to make this angle worthwhile.

21:57 lol @ Bully giving Brooke a front row ticket to next week's Impact instead of divorce papers. Technically speaking, he just trolled her.

21:59 Before Brooke can smack Bully twice in a row for calling her fat, Jeff Hardy runs down to makes the save, and the two are shown brawling before the show cuts off. That was pretty much a waste of a segment.

#ThankYouAndRIPRogerEbert: Pearce vs. Magno...The X-Division match...Joseph Park's backstage segment with Kurt Angle...Team TNA vs. Team Aces & 8s...Aces & 8s continuing to regain lost momentum.

#****YouBeyonceForRuiningPepsi: Joey Ryan single-handedly ruining the Knockouts match (and possibly the division)...A short and uneventful contract signing...Hogan's promo(s)...The final segment...Way too little wrestling.

Grade: C Definitely the weakest edition of Impact in quite some time, but it's obvious it was all about building to next week's huge show. It can't be a coincidence that the first Impact after Wrestlemania 29 has a world title match, tag team title match, and a 'huge' announcement by Aj Styles, can it? Anyways, the first hour of the show was awful, but things really picked up once the X-Division guys did their thing. Not much point watching the first hour, if you ask me.


There you go. My final column before my WWE hiatus ends the second Wrestlemania 29 goes off the air, and speaking of the event, I wouldn't be surprised if something big goes down on Sunday. WWE aren't stupid - they know the build-up has been garbage. They also raised the cost of ordering the show, and I think it's because they're saving something truly special for the show. Either a Cena heel turn or Punk breaking the streak or Ziggler somehow finding a way to cash in for the WWE Championship instead - either way, I think WWE has an ace up their sleeves. I won't be watching, but those of you that are, I hope you have a blast.

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