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Posted in: My Two Centsss
My Two Centsss - I Need Something To Believe In
By Super Chrisss
May 27, 2012 - 4:13:19 PM

1. Day 1 - Has WWE Become The John Cena Show?

2. Day 2 - TNA Wednesday: They're Going, Going, Gone!

3. Day 3 - SmackDown: Pros & Cons

4. Day 4 - I Need Something To Believe In

1. Day 1

Allow me to preface today's column by saying I watched the Over The Limit replay (DailyMotion, you are AWESOME!) and thought it was an awesome Pay-Per-View. There was a lot of filler (The Battle Royal, Brodus vs. Miz, and Ryback vs. Camacho) but they were kept short and sweet, and helped give the fans a breather between matches. I just wish WWE would actually announce the matches beforehand, as this trend of "booking on the fly" is not my cup of tea. I'm not saying that hyping a Ryback vs. Camacho match would get the show an additional thousand buys, but since Brodus and Miz fought several times after Extreme Rules, it would have made sense to announce their match days earlier, but I digress.

I've had multiple readers ask me if it was worth watching this year's Over The Limit, to which I respond YES! Folks, I know the 2010 and 2011 editions have been mediocre at the very best, but I promise you there's something for everyone on this year's show. Fans of tag team wrestling will be pleasantly surprised by the quality of the Ziggler/Swagger vs. Truth/Kofi match, Beth vs. Layla was the best WWE Divas match since Beth vs. Tamina at Elimination Chamber, The Fatal-Four-Way was fast-paced and full of suspense, Christian returned as a face and had a solid bout with Cody Rhodes, Punk vs. Bryan had another classic (although not quite MOTY, in my opinion), and Cena vs. Laurinaitis was simply fun. I give Over The Limit a solid B.

Over The Limit was a great show, but you know what show wasn't? RAW. I hate being so negative, but last night's show was terrible. Post-PPV RAWs are usually dull, but last night's show nearly put me to sleep. From three matches ending via DQ or no-contest, to another lame Big Show heel turn, there was very little to enjoy about the show. The only highlights were Big Johnny's hilarious scooter, my dream of a Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho feud finally coming true, and the interaction between CM Punk and Daniel Bryan. How people like Kelly Kelly and Jinder Mahal got a spot on the show while three of RAW's more popular faces - Truth, Kofi, and Ryder - were regulated to Superstars is beyond my comprehension.

Speaking of the tag team champions, can someone explain to me why they didn't come to Cena's aid instead of Sheamus? Think about it - Cena was getting beat down by two young tag teams in Reks & Hawkins and Young & O'Neil. Wouldn't it have made sense for Kofi and Truth to run down and ward off their future challengers instead of Sheamus, who the last time I checked was feuding with Randy Orton and Alberto Del Rio? Furthermore, look at Cena and Sheamus' opponents in the main-event - Tensai, Swagger, and Ziggler - TWO OF THE MEN TRUTH & KOFI HAD BEEN FEUDING WITH GOING INTO OVER THE LIMIT! This, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the reasons why WWE is in such a bad state right now - their midcard is a joke. Creative has no idea what to do with anyone who isn't a main-eventer.

Which leads me to my main point. Many people have pointed this out before, and I've tried to deny it, but I no longer can. WWE's biggest problem isn't the writers, the talent, who's in charge, who's being pushed, who's the champion, or how many brands there are. The problem with WWE is that it has essentially become The John Cena Show. Not Monday Night RAW starring John Cena, because SmackDown revolves around Cena as well, but John Cena is the whole damn show. Everyone else - Randy Orton, CM Punk, Sheamus, the midcard champions - are simply supporting roles. The entire company revolves around Cena.

Before you write me off as crazy and hit the 'Back' button on your browser, hear me out. CM Punk, the WWE Champion, won the title back at Survivor Series in November, and how many PPVs has he main-evented since? One - TLC. And you know why? Because John Cena wasn't on the card. In 2012, how many RAWs did Punk main-event? Two, one right before the Royal Rumble, and the other three weeks ago, because Cena wasn't in the arena. While some will argue this is because Cena is a proven ratings draw and Punk is not, it's not the first time it's happened since Cena joined RAW in 2005. Unless Cena was injured, he was almost always in the RAW world title hunt. If he wasn't, such as when Punk was champion during summer 2008, or Orton's 2010 title run, Cena was still in the main-event, as his feuds with Batista and The Nexus took priority over everything else.

None of this is Cena's fault, by the way. It's not like Cena threatens to quit the company if he's not in the main-event or top angle every single week. Rather, it's WWE lack of faith in the rest of the roster. They have four hours of prime time television every week (five, beginning July 23), yet the company has done a piss-poor job of building stars for years now. Mind you, it's not TOTALLY their fault either, as they did not count on guys they invested a lot of time in like MVP, Jeff Hardy, and John Morrison leaving the company, but it almost seems like they're scared to push anyone else, and when they do try, they give up for no apparent reason.

Take former Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes, for example. When he first won the title back in August 2011, Cody claimed he was going to bring legitimacy back to the belt. Everyone believed him, but he failed to do so. Why? Because he had no credible challengers. Cody's memorable feuds were against the likes of Randy Orton, Booker T, and The Big Show - all veterans. The only newcomer who Cody briefly feuded with was Justin Gabriel, but WWE pulled the plug on that rivalry before it went anywhere. And who did Cody lose the title to last Sunday? Christian, another veteran. Instead of building up a new superstar to defeat Cody, WWE just went with a familiar face instead since they had no one else.

But going back to Cena, it should be noted that his rivalries with The Rock and Brock Lesnar were interesting because for the first time in years, Cena had to compete with someone who was at the very least his equal. Since his feud with Triple H in 2006, Cena had never faced someone who the fans considered a threat to Cena's reign as top guy. Umaga, The Miz, Randy Orton, Wade Barrett, Sheamus - not a single one of them gave Cena a serious challenge at the top. It wasn't until The Rock came back and defeated Cena at Wrestlemania 28 that we saw a kink in Cena's armor, one that was badly needed.

Again, don't get it twisted. I like Cena both inside and outside the ring. I just blame WWE for booking him miles above the rest of the roster. Actually, I would be okay with it if they paid attention to their other superstars, but they don't. I remember a time when RAW and SmackDown used to be filled with feuding midcarders. This was done both before and after the brand-exclusive PPV. You may not have liked the midcarders or the feuds, but at least you knew who they were. Nowadays, you watch a PPV like Over The Limit, see a Battle Royal taking place, and you have no clue who half the participants are. Partly because they're never on television, and partly because you've never seen them in an actual feud.

One last thing - the point of this column isn't to bitch about Cena being in the main-event of every show. As the face of the company, that's inevitable, and it makes sense from a business perspective. Instead, I want you to realize how nobody except Rock and Lesnar are in Cena's league, not even the world champions. I want you to understand that the storylines revolve around Cena, as WWE Creative are too lazy to put together a decent feud that doesn't involve Cena. I also want you to admit that the company needs a complete overhaul in order to separate Cena from the rest of the show. When a RAW replay featuring Cena airing on SmackDown gets more TV time than half the SmackDown roster, there's a serious problem.

What do you think? Am I over-reacting by calling Cena the star of both shows, and everyone else props? Or am I partially right? I'd love to hear from YOUR perspective.

2. Day 2

Today's topic is one I've been itching to write about for several days now. Every few months, rumours start circulating that a contracted TNA employee is getting ready to "jump ship" to WWE. Well, the dirt sheets are reporting that not one, not two, but FIVE TNA wrestlers may be joining WWE in the near future. Unfortunately, it won't be Austin Aries, as he just signed a one-year contract extension (if TNA were smart, they would have secured Aries for much longer than a year). Even worse for TNA fans, Gunner will be sticking around until 2015, as he too renewed his contract. But rather than dwell on TNA's woes, let's take a look at the five names who are rumoured to be WWE-bound, and I will also consider the likelihood of them actually arriving at the motherland.

Matt Morgan

Believe it or not, it's been nearly seven years since Matt Morgan wrestled for WWE. Since his release, he didn't bitch about it on Myspace (or whatever social networking site was popular in 2005), but he kept on following his dream to be a successful professional wrestler elsewhere. After a brief stint competing in Gladiators, Morgan would be warmly welcomed to TNA and slowly but surely, he proved himself to be one of the best big men in the business. Instead of being saddled with a silly stuttering gimmick that got him nowhere in WWE, Morgan was allowed to be himself and proved he can cut a good promo when given a chance. Morgan is also quite agile for a man his size, and is arguably the most deserving 'veteran' for a world title run.

However, Morgan may not ever get a chance to become TNA World Heavyweight Champion because it appears WWE is knocking at his door. There is a loop-hole in his contract that lets him leave before it expires later this year, and rumour has it WWE has expressed interest in bringing back. In addition, many people will swear to you Morgan was featured in WWE's latest viral video, which signals he may indeed be back with the company, and soon. With giants like The Big Show, The Great Khali and Mark Henry getting closer to retirement as the years roll by, WWE could sure use another big man on their roster, especially one as talented as The Blueprint.

Odds of jumping ship to WWE: 8.5/10

Alex Shelley

Unlike Morgan, Shelley has never had a chance to compete for the WWE, but he did hone his craft in ROH and the indies before calling TNA home. Most people know Shelley better as one-half of The Motor City Machine Guns, but don't be fooled - Shelley is no slouch on his own. He is a former X-Division champion in his own right, and recently challenged current champ Austin Aries for the belt in a great match at last February's Against All Odds PPV. Both in-ring wise and on the mic, Shelley is quite talented, as The Guns are considered one of the best tag teams of the 21st Century for a reason, you know.

According to former WCW announcer Mark Madden, Shelley is on his way to WWE now that he has decided to let his TNA contract run out. Whether Madden is correct or not remains to be seen, but I hope he is. Shelley is another indy darling who could light the world on fire if given the chance. I can't see him being anywhere as successful as CM Punk or Daniel Bryan, but a run with a midcard title a few years from now doesn't seem out of the question.

Odds of jumping ship to WWE: 7/10

Chris Sabin

With Shelley gone, you have to imagine the other half of The Motor City Machine Guns won't stick around much longer as well. Sabin is quite skilled in his own right, but he's always been the Devon to Shelley's Bubba. By that I mean Sabin is more smooth in the ring than Shelley is, but Shelley is the more charismatic of the two. One thing about Sabin is that unlike Devon, he's not terrible at cutting promos, he's just constantly out-shined by his partner.

If he doesn't follow Shelley to WWE, Sabin could become a star in TNA's X-Division, as he has the tools to succeed on his own. He is a former FOUR-TIME X-Division Champion, so it's not like Sabin would be stuck on the sidelines, waiting for his release or anything. I think everyone would just rather see Sabin and Shelley re-unite in WWE and revolutionize the tag team division. However, I don't see it happening, especially since the former Kings of Wrestling haven't had the chance to do so. I could see Sabin making it to WWE, just not anytime soon.

Odds of jumping ship to WWE: 3/10

Ric Flair

Ahhh, how the mighty have fallen. How do you mess up so badly that not even TNA is willing to put up with you? You'd have to ask The Nature Boy. After no-showing several TNA shows in recent weeks, and causing the company lots of trouble at a local Orlando bar, Ric Flair is reportedly 'done' with TNA. Since Flair joined TNA to pay off some long-standing debts, it would not surprise me to see him run to TNA and ask for some sort of Legends' deal. I doubt WWE would allow Flair to tarnish his legacy any more by permitting him to wrestle again, and besides, what can a 63-year-old man really add to the product?

With his daughter recently being signed, the news of Flair's TNA dismissal couldn't have come at a better time for the Hall of Famer. Let Flair come back and manage a few superstars, or even take up a general manager role. But please Vince, don't let him wrestle ever again. Think about the children!

Odds of jumping ship to WWE: 9/10


No "Who's coming to WWE?" column would be complete without mentioning The Icon. Every year (although usually around Wrestlemania season), fans begin to speculate whether this will be the year that Sting FINALLY signs with WWE. With WWE ranking him number one on their top 50 WCW superstars of all-time list, and recently adding him to the Alumni section of their website, it seems as if they're trying to tempt him to make that long-awaited leap. Of course, WWE could simply be trying to promote the newly-released Clash of Champions DVD, but maybe there's more to it than that...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - Sting will one day sign with WWE. There's too much money to be made on both sides for it not to happen. From DVDs to merchandise to the Hall of Fame - Sting must eventually put his pride aside and let the business side of him take over. TNA may be paying him a lot under his current contract, but I guarantee WWE would pay him way more, even if it's only for a year or for a few appearances. Besides, I'm sure Sting will one day regret not showing up on WWE television at least once before his career is officially over. Better to strike now while the iron is still hot.

Sting will one day sign with WWE, but sadly, not anytime soon.

Odds of jumping ship to WWE: 4/10

What do you think? Am I way off in my predictions? Or can you see three or four of these guys on WWE TV sooner than expected?

3. Day 3

Writer's Note: I know many of you are accustomed to SmackDown Tweeting Diaries, but I find the diaries distract me too much from the actual show (I badly need a DVR), and I have no time to watch the show twice. Therefore, I'm going back to Pros & Cons, but I'll try and sneak in an Impact Tweeting Diary every now and then, I promise. Now, onto SmackDown!

PRO: Who's Next In Line?

With General Manager John Laurinaitis on the overseas tour with the RAW brand, Eve was left in charge of SmackDown, and it was her responsibility to name a new number one contender to Sheamus' world heavyweight title. Alberto Del Rio came out first to a pretty good heel reaction, and tried to flirt his way into the title picture. Randy Orton then joined the party and tried to manipulate "People Power" to get the title shot for himself. Finally, Kane of all people decided he wanted to get involved as well since it was episode 666 of SmackDown. Sure, why not? Eve decided to book a triple threat match between all three, and the winner gets Sheamus at No Way Out. Works for me.

At first, I had listed this segment as a con because they could have announced this match at the start of the show without wasting fifteen minutes playing to the crowd. However, since three of the show's top stars would be competing in the same match later on, it made sense to bring them all out to hype the crowd, especially since they had to sit through an NXT taping (just joking...kind of). I did like Kane getting involved in the title picture, even if it was for a silly reason.

PRO: Christian Doesn't Squash Hunico

Christian's been back for less than a week, but it already feels great to have him back. I remember reading someone on LOP or Twitter calling Christian a chameleon, and that's exactly what he is, as Captain Charisma is capable of excelling as both a face and a heel. Personally, I prefer Christian as a face, so I'm happy with his current character.

As for his match with Hunico, it was short, but fun. Hunico actually got in a lot of offense, and even looked to have the match won on several occasions. It was quite similar to Christian's match with Jinder Mahal on Monday's RAW, except Hunico is actually entertaining in the ring. After putting Hunico away with the Peep Splash (my name, not his), Cody Rhodes came out and confronted Christian, saying Christian took away the Intercontinental Title's legitimacy in one night at Over The Limit, and that Christian is an undeserving champion. Things didn't get physical between the two, but we finally have an actual feud developing for the Intercontinental Title since Extreme Rules - hooray!

PRO: An Actual Tag Team Feud?

Speaking of midcard feuds, before The Usos locked up with Darren Young & Titus O'Neil, we saw a video of the two teams bickering backstage about who was the better pairing. I really liked this, as it gave the fans a reason to care about a tag team match not involving the champions, but rather two upcoming teams. The only thing that pissed me off was when Michael Cole said both teams were looking to "trend worldwide" after this match. No, you idiot. These four men don't give a shit if they're trending on Twitter for five minutes after their match. They want a tag team title shot, damn it!

Anyways, this was another short match, but like Christian vs. Hunico, a lot of fun as well. Both teams were relatively over with the crowd, and the finish came when Jimmy Uso went up top for his Top-Rope Splash, but got knocked off by O'Neil, and the heels hit their double-team finisher for the win. Hopefully this won't be the last time we see these two square off in the near future.

PRO: Ryback Continues To Impress

Call me crazy, but I'm really digging the way they're pushing Ryback. Instead of making the jobber the hometown hero, and trying to get the crowd to cheer the loser, they're giving the jobbers a mic and making them a heel. Brilliant move. This time, Ryback would be facing two guys at the same time, but that didn't seem to matter, as Ryback plowed through them like they were 100 pounds each. The finish was extremely impressive, as Ryback picked up both guys and hit his running jackhammer suplex AT THE SAME TIME! Seriously, that was a cool spot, one you should really check out. Ryback got a big pop afterwards, and I'm hoping WWE don't mess up his push like they did with another undefeated superstar (*cough*Tensai*cough).

PRO: Santino & Ricardo "Ham" It Up

You know the United States title is in trouble when the champion is feuding with a ring announcer. Well, when Santino vs. Ricardo Rodriguez was announced, I rolled my eyes, as I figured it would be another lame attempt by WWE to be "funny". Fortunately, I was wrong, as Ricardo continues to prove why he's one of the best non-wrestlers on the roster with his antics. From introducing himself during his entrance, to running the ropes until he was too exhausted to move, to selling The Cobra better than Dolph Ziggler sells Brodus' headbutt, Ricardo was on fire last night. i just hope this is the end of their mini-feud and Santino can move on to an actual rivalry starting Monday. Entertaining match/segment, though.

PRO: Talking With His Fists

Since Sheamus "accidentally" shoved Big Johnny to the floor at the start of last Monday's RAW (which I'm surprised they waited so long to address), The Great White was forced to apologize for his actions. Man, there sure is a lot of apologizing taking place on WWE television lately, isn't there? Well, Sheamus decided not to swallow his pride and instead made fun of Johnny, Eve, and Otunga, which led to him facing Jack Swagger as form of punishment. Although, I'm not too sure whether Sheamus was being punished or if it was Job Swagger...

The match itself - Sheamus vs. Swagger - was pretty good, as both men got in lots of offense, and their mix of styles blended well together. The finish was hardly shocking though, as Swagger went for a Gutwrench Powerbomb, only for Sheamus to escape and nail a Brogue Kick for the win. Good match, but whenever Swagger is wrestling, the outcome is inevitable. Poor Swagger.

PRO: Sandow Squashes Yoshi - Thank You

If you haven't had a chance to check out Damien Sandow yet, you really should. His gospel, "Hallelujah" theme music is awesome. His look is awesome. The way he holds a mic, like it's a glass of wine, is awesome. His promo skills are quite good, as well. Last night, we got to see what he could do in the ring, and he did something really cool. As soon as the bell rang, Yoshi charged at him, and Sandow ducked out of the ring, telling the referee to "do your job, keep him back." The old-school heel tactic allowed Sandow to take advantage and beat the snot out of Yoshi, and he picked up the win shortly afterwards. There's a lot of interesting characters on SmackDown, and Damien Sandow is one of them.

CON: Big Show's Explanation

Many people will assume this is my general hatred for The Big Show coming out when I say this, but I don't care - this segment is a perfect example of what's wrong with the WWE. Before Show came out to address the crowd, we were 'treated' to a video package recapping the main-event at Over The Limit and Show's interactions with John Cena at RAW - twice, actually. As a result, or maybe because SmackDown fans DO watch RAW - I know it's hard to believe, WWE - Show came out to a negative reaction and basically took ten minutes to repeat what he said on Monday. It was boring and painful, and Show looks really strange in a suit.

Now, here are my issues:

*Why is Big Show continuing his feud with Cena on SmackDown? Is their rivalry that important that we have to see it take place on both RAW and SmackDown? I don't think so.

*I'm assuming 99% of the fans already knew what happened on RAW at Over The Limit, which makes the constant replays even more pointless.

*As he was making his way back up the stage, he passed by Kane, and they exchanged a look. I'm hoping it means nothing, because if WWE Creative is stupid enough to give us ANOTHER Show vs. Kane feud after Show is done with Cena, I will freak out. The only person that Show has wrestled more times than Cena in his career is Kane, and creative want to go down that road as well? Get the **** outta here with that shit.

Boring segment, almost put me to sleep. Enough said.

PRO: Orton vs. Del Rio vs. Kane (With A Touch Of D-Bryan)

Before the match could even get started, Daniel Bryan ambushed Kane and left him lying with at least a dozen steel chair shots. This was clearly payback from Monday night, when CM Punk out-smarted Bryan and made him get beat down at the hands of Kane. Just to recap, there seems to be a feud boiling between Punk, Bryan, and Kane. I'm not sure how excited I am to see Kane getting involved in the Punk/Bryan program, but I digress.

Despite the vicious assault, Kane decided to compete in the triple threat main-event, and it was quite solid for a TV match. Orton was almost always involved with the in-ring action, which made sense his opponents were both heels, and he delivered a second-turnbuckle DDT to Del Rio, which might be a new move in his arsenal, as he's used it in the past. At one point, Kane had hit Del Rio with a chokeslam and with Orton lying on the floor, he seemingly had the match won, but that pesky Bryan interfered and distracted Kane long enough for Orton to sneak back in and hit Kane with an RKO. Del Rio would then steal the win by throwing Orton out of the ring and pinning Kane, and every IWC fan's "dream match" of Sheamus vs. Del Rio will come true at No Way Out.

As Del Rio celebrated his victory, Sheamus did a heelish thing and assaulted his challenger from behind, and stood tall over him. A different way to conclude a very good edition of SmackDown.

YouTube It: Ryback's two-for-one finisher, Sheamus vs. Swagger, Sandow vs. Yoshi, Bryan's attack on Kane, The Triple Threat match.

Avoid It: Big Show's entire promo.

Grade: A- Considering there was only one con the entire column, an A grade seems well-deserved for last night's show. Despite a lack of star power (a.k.a. very few RAW superstars), the show did very well utilizing it's SmackDown talent. We got to see several midcard feuds develop, new superstars in Young & O'Neil, Ryback, and Sandow continue to build momentum, and other big rivalries in Kane/Bryan and Del Rio/Sheamus develop. Ironically, the only negative part of the show was when Big Show came out and nearly put everyone to sleep in an effort to build his feud with Cena. But the rest of the show delivered, one of the better ones of the year.

4. Day 4

Writer's Note: What's this, Super Chrisss posting a column on a Sunday? Blasphemy, you say? Not quite, friend. Since today is my last day of vacation from Evil McDonald's, I thought I'd take this time to try my hand at some creative writing. I'm telling you now, this will not be a 'normal' column, and will probably bore a lot of you, so if you don't want to read 1000 words of fact mixed with fiction, feel free to skip today's entry, I won't be offended.

Writer's Note Part Two: This may or may not be based on a true story.

1...2...NO! Daniel Bryan was able to kick out at the last possible second, and Zack Ryder was stunned. Ryder had connected with the Broski Boot right on target, and the former world heavyweight champion seemed to be out of it. Ryder couldn't believe he kicked out. As Bryan struggled to his feet, Ryder kept his cool and got in position for a Rough Ryder. Sensing his chance, Ryder leaped into the air, but Bryan side-stepped him and grabbed Ryder's right arm, forcing him onto the mat and before Ryder knew it, he was trapped in the Yes! Lock. Ryder frantically tried to escape, but Bryan pulled back, and feeling like his arm was about to pop out of it's socket, Long Island Iced Z had no choice but to tap out.

"Are you serious, bro?" Chrisss said, as he watched his beloved Zack Ryder lose what seemed like his 12th match in a row on television. Frustrated, Chrisss turned off his television. He didn't care that SmackDown wasn't over yet. He had already seen his favourite wrestler compete and lose. Maybe it was a babyish mentality to have, but Chrisss couldn't give a shit. He was becoming more and more annoyed with WWE as the weeks went by.

Since Wrestlemania, everything had gone downhill. Brock Lesnar had returned to 'legitimize' the company, but was already on hiatus, and when he returns, will be stuck in a boring feud with Triple H. Big men like Tensai and Brodus Clay continued to get pushed, while Chrisss' favourites were pushed to the aside. Why was Ryder jobbing every week? Why was The Miz an afterthought, despite being the man responsible for Big Johnny running both brands? Where in the blue hell was Drew McIntyre? And why is Dolph Ziggler being used to put over Kofi Kingston and R-Truth?

None of this made any sense to Chrisss, and so he decided to turn his attention to something else - girls. Not WWE's models who called themselves female wrestlers, but girls girls - you know, the ones you see on the street and can take on a date. Unfortunately for Chrisss, he had trouble trusting the female species ever since the last girl he dated, Erica, decided to leave him for an artist with a French accent. The betrayal didn't leave Chrisss completely devastated, as he went out with several other girls in the months that followed, but he was yet to find someone worth not kicking out of bed the morning after.

Since it was Friday night, Chrisss assumed he'd have no trouble making plans. After all, girls hate staying home on the weekend, unless they're fat or pimply or something. The first girl Chrisss texted, Stephanie, said she couldn't do anything that night because she had to wash her hair. Fair enough, Chrisss thought, so he texted a girl from work. Apparently, she was working until 12, so no luck there either. Slightly annoyed, Chrisss texted his side-chick, but she was on a girls' night out. Damn it, Chrisss said to himself, there are so many single girls out there, yet none of them are available on a Friday night. Giving up, Chrisss texted his bros and made plans to go clubbing later on.

Since he had a few hours to kill, Chrisss figured he might as well finish watching SmackDown to kill the time. He tuned in just in time to see United States Champion Santino Marella prepare to do battle with Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes. Wait a minute, he thought, when did WWE advertise a Champion vs. Champion match for SmackDown? He knew the midcard titles weren't in the best shape nowadays, but the two champions were relatively over with the audience. He figured it would be a decent match, despite the lack of hype.

As Santino and Cody locked up, Chrisss' phone buzzed, and he took his eyes off the screen to read the text message. It was from a girl he had met while shopping the other day. Smiling, he texted her back to see if she wanted to do something. Turning his attention back to the TV, he saw the referee count to three and Santino picked up the win. What the ****? The match didn't even last three minutes! What did the IC Champion do to deserve jobbing on HIS show in under five minutes? Did Santino cheat or something? The replay revealed that Santino simply hit Cody with The Cobra out of nowhere, and that was it. The IC Champion, future world champion (in Chrisss' mind, at least), BURIED. Pissed off, Chrisss turned off the TV again, but for good this time.

As Chrisss sat fuming in the dark, asking himself why he bothered to watch that crap, his phone buzzed again. It was the girl from H&M, no doubt about it. Chrisss anxiously read the message, but couldn't believe his eyes:

"Sure, I'm down for going downtown tonight. Is it okay if my boyfriend comes too? He gets off work at 10."

His face turning red with anger, Chrisss angrily threw his phone down on his bed. Boyfriend?, he yelled, BOYFRIEND?! Why the **** do you give me your number and text me if you're already ****ing with another dude? I don't want to chill with your BOYFRIEND!

Chrisss didn't bother texting her back. He was tired of girls playing with him. He didn't bother watching the rest of SmackDown, either. He was tired of WWE treating 90% of their roster like a joke. Nothing could please him anymore. Not wrestling, not girls, not even the thought of going out with his boys gave him comfort any more. Disturbed, Chrisss decided he'd take a walk to clear his thoughts.

Stepping outside his house, Chrisss was surprised to see the road deserted. Even the park across the street was unusually quiet. Not for the first time, Chrisss felt like he was all alone in the world.

He made his way onto the main boulevard, and Chrisss was able to count the passing cars on both hands. Man, he thought, it's Friday night, everybody has somewhere to be but me. The night was a bit chilly, but his Statue of Li-bro-ty shirt kept him nice and cozy.

Chrisss decided to stop off at the local Tim Horton's and get a hot chocolate to warm him up. As he waited in line, he rolled his eyes at the stupid guy in front of him who couldn't speak a word of English OR French. It's a good thing I have no date tonight, Chrisss thought, or I'd be late. While he was busy day-dreaming, a short, cute girl came up behind him in line. "Hey!" she said, "Is that a Zack Ryder shirt?" Chrisss turned around and smiled, "Why yes it is. You watch wrestling?" The girl smiled back, "Woo Woo Woo, You know it!"

Maybe there was something for Chrisss to believe in after all...


Don't be shy, hit me up!

- Email: captain_charisma16@hotmail.com

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- Twitter: @ChrisssLOP

Until next time, ciao!

  • My Two Centsss - Which Match is the Most Deserving of Closing Out WrestleMania 34?

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