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Posted in: My Two Centsss
My Two Centsss - Five Things I've Learned From Watching Total Divas
By Super Chrisss
Mar 29, 2014 - 1:53:49 PM

(Tom Jenner is the man!)

During the winter holidays, I was bored. I don't have a large family (it's only me, my mom, and my brother at the Super Chrisss household), which means Christmas Day and Boxing Day and the days between December 24th and New Years Eve were pretty dull. I was off from work, the gym was closed, and let's face it - other people are busy spending time with their loved ones. So, long story short, it was December 27th, and I was bored as hell, having entered the Hall of Fame in Pokemon X and finished my third consecutive horde in Gears of War 3. I decided to something I rarely do anymore: channel-surf. As I was debating whether to watch an episode of 1,000 Ways to Die or try to be entertained by MUCH's Video On Trial, I noticed the E! Network was running an all-day marathon of Total Divas.

I had been following the hilarious recaps of Total Divas here on LOP, and every episode sounded absolutely horrendous. That being said, I had heard a bit about the show from various people I communicate with on social media, and they said they watched the show because their wives and girlfriends liked it, and it wasn't "that bad". Furthermore, they mentioned how Total Divas gives you a bit of a look backstage at WWE, and it's cool to see what guys like John Cena and Daniel Bryan are like in real life. So I thought to myself, what the hell, let's give it a shot, since I had nothing better to do anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can safely say I am now hooked on Total Divas. Make fun of me all you want, but the show is a guilty pleasure of mine. I watched about six or seven episodes back-to-back in December (thanks, E!) and I am now fully invested in Season Two (which is even better because there's now a diva I like on the show - Summer Rae). The show probably isn't everyone's cup of tea (it's not catered towards wrestling fans, but more so reality/female fans), but it's not the worst thing in the world.

Therefore, in a somewhat feeble attempt to get any of you Total Divas fans hyped a day before tomorrow night's brand new episode, here are a few things I've learned from watching this trainwreck of a show:

1. Nattie (Natalya) isn't as sweet as she seems.

Those of you who have been reading my columns for a while now might recall that I've never been a big Natalya fan. Granted, she's a much better wrestler than the majority of her diva "peers" on the main roster, but other than good in-ring skills, what does she have going for her? As Oliver mentioned in his latest NXT Review column, she has a character that nobody cares about and is terrible at creating hope spots or getting the crowd behind her. Both on Total Divas and WWE television, she often demands why she hasn't been divas champion for what seems like an eternity. Well, it's simple Nattie - you're not a draw. You may have sharper in-ring skills than the current champion, Aj Lee, but you receive nothing but apathy from live crowds. The divas division may be in bad shape, but not even WWE is crazy enough to put the title on someone the fans don't care about. Aj is the only diva that gets a reaction, and that's why she's been champion for such a long time.

The funny thing is, people who knew and liked Natalya for years and are now getting into Total Divas are now starting to turn on her. Nattie may come across as the "innocent sweetie" on TV, but Total Divas has exposed her as someone who whines all the time, starts drama, and doesn't know her alcohol limit. When Nattie starts drinking, the night doesn't end well for her, whether it's drunk-dialing Stephanie McMahon over and over, or grinding on Cameron's boyfriend. When she's sober, Nattie isn't that much more likable, as she's constantly complaining about not being in the hunt for the divas title or talking behind everyone's back. If it weren't for Cameron and Eva Marie, Nattie would be my least favourite character on the show.

2. Daniel Bryan is a really nice guy.

One of the things members of the Internet Wrestling Community often credit Daniel Bryan with is the fact that he seems like a genuine good guy. He doesn't walk around with a bloated head, he doesn't ever seem grumpy, and he just seems like the kind of guy you want to go and have a few beers at the bar with. Part of the reason why people want Bryan to succeed so badly is because of his innocence. Anytime he gives a media interview to promote WWE, he comes across very humble and down-to-earth.

Rest assured, Daniel Bryan fans - unless Bryan is a really good actor, he actually is a nice guy in real-life (unlike Nattie). He doesn't speak too often while the Total Divas cameras are rolling (Brie Bella does most of the talking anyway), but when he does, it's always in a light-hearted tone. The way he proposed to Brie in season one was as cheesy as it gets (taking his girlfriend on a hike in the mountains, only for Brie's friends and family to surprise her after he popped the question), but it matched Bryan's personality perfectly. Now, in season two, Brie has convinced Bryan to rent a tour bus and instead of putting his foot down and saying no, Bryan gave it a shot and even invited the rest of the Total Divas cast on-board. The question has been asked many times in the past, but I'll ask it again - how can anyone dislike Daniel Bryan?

Although, my mom thinks Daniel Bryan really is ugly, and The Bella Twins are super sweet. I guess everyone has their own opinion, right?

3. John Cena is kind of a snob.

One of the most surprising things I've learned from Total Divas is despite all his charity work, dedication to pro wrestling, and the things Cena has been willing to do for the WWE over the years, Cena is a bit of a grouch. Maybe he's uptight about being filmed for Total Divas, but everytime Cena is on-screen, he doesn't have much of a personality. I think I've seen him smile only once or twice since season one, and both times it was right before he and Nikki went to "the principal's office" (their words, not mine).

I guess you can't really blame the guy. He has an inhuman schedule that he's been keeping up with for years, and during the show's filming, it's quite possible he was hurting from injuries, despite being 'medically cleared' to compete. Then again, if you're John Cena, the most famous current WWE superstar, millionaire, and with a water slide in his own backyard, how can you not be in a good mood every now and then? I guess it's true what they say, money can't buy you happiness...

4. There is a lot of work that goes into setting up WWE events.

Most of you probably already know this, but it bares repeating. Many of us take for granted the effort and overall process that goes into setting up a Raw or SmackDown, or even a live event, because we've become accustomed to seeing it every single week. But Total Divas gives you a reminder almost every single week how many employees WWE have staffed in order to set up a show. It takes countless hours, and trust me, it doesn't look like it's easy labour.

Raw and Pay-Per-Views might be only three hours long, but man, it's crazy to think about how long it must take to prepare for the first ring bell. Unlike other forms of entertainment like TV shows and movie, there aren't any credits that roll after an episode of Raw to thank those who played a vital part in setting everything up. Without worker A and worker B, there would be no Raw, no wrestling. I'm glad Total Divas serves as a helpful reminder to fans such as myself that there is an immense amount of work put into producing any sort of WWE event.

5. Cameron is possibly the worst human being on the planet.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter and/or tune into "The Doc & Super Chrisss Show" every week on LoPRadio know how much I DETEST Cameron. Simply put, she is scum. I don't know want to repeat myself since I tend to rant on Cameron anytime her name comes up, but here's quick rundown why she's garbage:

-She is an airhead. She's a wannabe Nicki Minaj (she even released a song!), and honestly thinks she's the second coming of Jesus Christ the way she carries herself both backstage and in real-life. In Cameron's mind, she's all the way at the top of the pecking order and everyone else is beneath her. She's arrogant, and for nothing.

-She sucks at being a wrestler and has no business being employed by WWE. Most people who diss Cameron only need one argument to support their claims: when she was a contestant on Tough Enough, host Steve Austin asked her to name her all-time favourite match. Cameron's response? Melina vs. Alicia Fox. Why WWE decided to offer her a contract after the show ended, I'l never know.

-She has no respect for veterans. One of the first episodes of Total Divas saw Cameron's real-life boyfriend, Vincent, want to go after Brodus Clay for talking down to Cameron. I believe that happened after Clay's former partner, Tensai, tried to give Cameron some advice and she blew him off. You don't need me to tell you that in the pro wrestling business, that when you're a noob and a veteran tries to help you out, you shut your mouth and show them respect. Well, not Cameron. She whined to Vincent and him, being equally intelligent, wanted to get back at Brodus. Good thing Naomi (who is one of the more reasonable divas on the show) was able to cool things down, or somebody would have had to call Vincent's Mama for sure.

I could go on, but I'll leave it at that. Cameron is a terrible human being who only looks out for herself. Not her boyfriend, not her tag team partner, just herself. I'm not a fan of Eva by any means, but when Cameron dug into Eva's past on last week's episode and tried to get Eva in trouble, maybe even fired, just because Eva was taking some of the spotlight away from Cameron, it just goes to show you what kind of person she is.

Cameron, if you're reading this, **** you. You're a piece of shit, you really are.

...And on that fun note, peace out! Total Divas has it's perks, and it's a fun way to pass an hour on a lazy Sunday evening. Don't go into it expecting to see some gripping television, and you just might enjoy it.


Your Two Centsss: Do you watch Total Divas? Why or why not?

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