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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: Recap of Royal Rumble Live Tweets
By Al Laiman
Jan 27, 2013 - 11:35:20 PM


credit Tom Jenner @imageblownout

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WATCH THE NEWEST EPISODE OF JADED HOPE - #97!



IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: Recap of Royal Rumble Live Tweets

7:36 - Got a good table at Hooters for the #RoyalRumble. Have to get there by 6:30 because for RR and WM the line will be out the door by 7:30.
8:01 - If you can't be there live, it's at least good to be watching it with an involved crowd. #RoyalRumble
8:06 - Starting off with the WHC rematch, using the exact same stipulation as the match where the title changed. At least it's out of the way first.
8:08 - ADR is backstage with Bret Hart. Keeping in line with Flair/Miz of trying to pass the torch of overness? #RoyalRumble
8:10 - ADR finally makes his entrance. Was Big Show just standing there the whole time? You know, like he does during his matches?
8:15 - Impressive that Big Show can take a hurricanrana. Pretty decent start to this match. #RoyalRumble
8:18 - Big Show counters ADR's top rope chair move after twenty chair shots and is suddenly fine as ADR is down for the count. #RoyalRumble
8:20 - Time for usual heel Big Show offense. Do a move, walk around, wait... Do another move, yell, wait...
8:21 - @DarthSpiker Yes, this match will be over before you get your drinks.
Oh no, a slowly swung foreign object! His one weakness!
8:23 - ADR got chokeslammed off the set. Awesome move, but ADR looked like his head bounced hard. #RoyalRumble
8:24 - The fact that Del Rio is even standing at all is downright impressive. New respect for that man right there.
8:26 - Show attacks Ricardo, not a wise move, sir. You won't like him when he's ADangRy!
8:27 - ADR sprays Big Show with white liquid.... T-1000-style. Not as dirty as it sounds... Maybe.
8:29 - I have to admit, this is pretty funny. Ricardo wraps duct tape around Big Show's legs and the ropes. The solution to all life's problems.
Big Show continues his streak of good Pay-Per-View matches. Inventive and funny, brutal action. Props to ADR after taking that fall.
8:34 - Is Arsenio Langston doing his Harry Caray impression?
8:36 - No Randy Orton, stop it. You're so emotional. Your facial expression almost changed there for a second.
8:37 - Fun series of entrant promos to preview the Rumble match itself. Dear JBL, RyVD, your trapezius is eating your shoulders! #FeedMeMore
8:39 - Time for some Ham on Ham combat with the tag title match! #Ham
8:41 - The Beard vs. the Mustache. The mark on the other side of the restaurant is the loudest clapper in the history of mankind.
8:42 - Awesome Mexican Surfboard/Low Dropkick combination by the tag team champions. #RoyalRumble
8:47 - Rhodes Scholars are a great heel team. Sandow is a future heel main eventer, without question.
8:48 - Hope spot, hot tag, and Kane again punches Sandow right in the fuck.
8:51 - Chokeslam/No Lock, and the #Ham Team Champions retain! #RoyalRumble
8:58 - #AngerManagement even finds a way to be a #Ham contender for the night with a funny backstage segment.
9:00 - They're really using a lot of filler video packages for a Pay-Per-View, aren't they?
9:02 - The #RoyalRumble match is on already? I'll be damned.
9:03 - Arsenio is not impressed with Dolph and AJ's PDA.
9:05 - Jericho comeback, sparkle jacket and all! Here is a man committed to Sparkle Motion! #SparkleSparkleSparkle!
9:08 - Jericho nearly eliminates Ziggles already. The surprise return definitely has the crowd invested already.
9:09 - Cody Rhodes is coming out, as his mustache is the number three entrant in the #RoyalRumble.
9:10 - Good to see Jericho throw in the ACTUAL Lion Tamer.
Kofi coming in at no. 4, conveniently evening up the heel/face ratio.
9:12 - Santino in at number five. Well, somebody had to be the first one eliminated...
9:13 - Thanks for coming, Santino. At least your 30 seconds was #Ham worthy.
9:15 - Drew Mac is number six, and hits a sweet kick on Kofi. An impressive display of flexibility ensues with Kofi and Jericho on the ropes.
Jericho skins the cat as Titus Young is no. 7. Will likely get a moment of overpowering everyone before being eliminated quickly.
9:17 - McIntyre is gone, and both Ziggles and Y2J avoid going over as well.
Speaking of the other Rhodes, it's GOOOOOOOOLDUST!
9:18 - Goldust is one of the biggest #Ham players of all time. Great to see him back!
9:19 - Hollaback Masterpiece, because... Why the fuck not?
9:20 - At number ten, it's the ONE MAN BAAAAAND, BABAY!
9:22 - IT'S A SHAMEFUL THING, LOBSTERHEAD! CLEANUP CREW TIME, HOAK HOGAN! #TOOMANYLIMES
9:23 - The camera guy gave me Blair Witch nausea with the camera motion for the Forearm Chops of Doom.
9:24 - Here comes Tensai. Cue the Albert chants.
9:25 - #FunkisonaRoll! Greenwood's all-time fave!
9:26 - Cody does the Goldust taunt, the Rhodes fight on the outside, and Goldy gets eliminated via over-the-rope Irish whip. Great spot.
9:27 - Rey Mysterio is back, and it looks like he made his outfit out of Arsenio Langston's clothing scraps.
9:29 - Our next contestant on lowcard filler for eliminations, Darren Young! Kofi has a sweet elimination of Albert before Spidermaning on him!
9:31 - Kofi asks JBL for his chair so that he doesn't hit the ground! #Ham The nXt guy Bo Dallas is next.
9:32 - HOOOOOOOO TRAIN! It's the Godfather! Surprise eliminations quite superior to last year!
9:33 - Wow, he got eliminated before his music even stopped. That was pointless.
9:34 - Surprise entrants, I meant... The Barrett Barrage is in next!
9:35 - The women and children go nuts as their hero John Cena is in at no. 19.
9:36 - Cena eliminates Slater. I didn't realize he was still in. Rhodes follows, but Jericho hangs on.
9:37 - Number 20 brings more #Ham into the match, as Sandow is in.
9:38 - Jericho dropped Cena's legs on the Walls, and Cena was still selling it. That was pretty funny.
9:39 - Daniel Bryan, come on down! #Ham of the Year against future #Ham champion!
9:40 - Jericho again with another close call. He and Ziggler both still in after entering first and second.
9:42 - Khali is in next with the intention of eliminating someone with his protruding chin.
9:43 - "You've gotta admire Khali, because he has a very interesting wrestling style... None." – Brian
Here comes Kane. Hope he gets the record for eliminations.
9:45 - Zack Ryder is in, and he's already lasted longer than the Godfather. Kane eliminates Khali, and DB eliminates him.
DB gets thrown into Kane, and awkward #Ham ensues. Kane was desperately trying to not laugh.
9:46 - My all time favoritest ever Randy Orton is next, and in some wise strategy, Orton double DDTs two guys back into the ring.
9:47 - Zack Ryder just outdid ADR on the sick face landing scale. Scary.
Jinder Mahal gets no. 27 just to throw off that number from getting more credibility.
9:49 - Ziggler again just avoids getting thrown out. Great performance by him and Jericho tonight.
9:50 - Miz and Cesaro get into it during Miz's entrance. He'll finally learn the proper figure4lock in a match where it's completely unnecessary.
9:51 - Bo Dallas just pulled a Maven2002 by eliminating Wade Barrett.
9:53 - RyVD is number 30, and here come a bunch of eliminations.
"Ryback is 90 percent trapezius muscle." – Brian
9:54 - Lionsault by Jericho, and and a rematch of last year's two finalists for a minute. Best sell ever of the Codebreaker by Ziggler.
9:56 - Orton goes on a trademoveathon, so a good chance he's a goner.
9:57 - Great run by Ziggler. Down to Sheamus, Cena, and RyVD. Dear JBL I hope it's not Cena again...
9:58 - Ryback gets a huge pop for the Clothesline from Skynet to cut off the 5 Knuckle Shuffle.
9:59 - Ryback eliminates Sheamus, and it's down to the two most predicted winners.
10:02 - And the Rumble is won by the one guy on the roster who absolutely doesn't need to win the Rumble.
10:15 - WWE signs continue to reveal that the Cookiepuss association doesn't work and they don't know who Tom Carvel is.
10:22 - Paul E. just bitchslapped the Rock. That'll teach him to call him Twinkie Tits!
10:23 - Rocky just took a sick-looking fall on the guard rail. He's grabbing his... "YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH...!"
10:26 - The crowd is pretty well split. Definitely hoping for a surprise swerve and not a rematch WM main event.
10:29 - Rock, doing his little shimmy kick. It drives the women here in Phoenix crazy.
10:32 - Great back and forth psychology here. Already more invested than I was in last year's main event.
10:33 - What an awesome counter to the Rock Bottom by CM Punk. Lands him in the Sharpshooter. Great sequence.
10:36 - Punk tries to set up a move on the table and it collapses. That had to hurt.
10:37 - Come on Punk, Kurt Angle came back from that with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK!
10:39 - Boo-YAY exchange between Rock/Punk... Only both are cheers, split.
10:40 - Lights go out and something's happening in the darkness.
Was it John Cena? Did he do it for The Rock?
10:42 - Punk wins. Punk wins! I'm legitimately surprised. Saw a bunch of sad-faced fans to sell the moment, including Rocky's Momma.
10:43 - Mr. McMahon is out, but who's going to reveal themselves as the Not-Shield?
10:44 - Rock cuts off McMahon, refusing to let him end the night like this.
10:45 - The match is restarted. Will the mystery attacker be revealed, or will they send the crowd... er half the crowd... home happy?
10:48 - Rock vs. Cena 2, where it all becomes medicore... Again.
10:50 - The matches were all good quality. Unfortunately very predictable results. Was hoping for something different, but I'm sure WM will be good.



DID SOMEONE ORDER A LARGE HAM?

Close call, but I think Kofi's chair hopping gets the win tonight.

2012 - Daniel Bryan
1-7-13 - John Cena
1-14-13 - Dr. Shelby
1-21-13 - Anger Management
1-27-13 -


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