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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: Don't Try This At Home
By Al Laiman
May 19, 2012 - 12:39:36 AM



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First things first, my fifth book, third in the wrestling saga "The Elven Warrior" has just been released. For anyone who buys the new book and sends me a picture of it, I will send you a free, autographed copy of "Taking Bumps: How I Made 49 Bucks in Pro Wrestling." It is available here: https://www.createspace.com/3640895 or on Amazon under my shoot name: Alexander Goodlive. Be sure to like my author page and the other two project pages as well!

IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: Don't Try This At Home

We've all seen the ads posted on every WWE show and DVD. They don't even let you skip through them. What takes place during these ads? A cavalcade of botches set forth by current employees getting injured or taking bad falls, with several of them describing their injuries and reminding you to not try this at home. You laugh, mostly ignore it, and then some of you go out and try to German suplex your friend. Why? Because you've seen Tough Enough and you know how it works. You're not like those idiot kids who killed themselves or another by trying wrestling moves on their friends. You're better than that, smarter about the business, and you know what you're doing. What could go wrong?

Everything.

It'd be like believing you were an acrobat because you had a hangbar on your swingset. This is one of the stupidest things you can do, especially if you actually do have aspirations of becoming a professional wrestler. Do you know why they tell you not to try it at home? Because you really shouldn't try this at home. The guys who do it 200 nights a year and have years of training mess up and get hurt, so what makes you think you're any better?

There is so much more to this business than you know. I don't care how many matches you've seen or videos you've watched, you don't know what you're doing until someone who does know instructs you. There is so much more to think about, so much more to learn, and it's not something you can get from YouTube or your friends on a trampoline. It costs money to do this for a reason.

Also, if you have ever done this and you go into a professional wrestling training center and brag about what you've done in the backyard with your friends, be prepared to get the everloving shit beaten out of you. Why? Backyard is a bad word in the professional wrestling business. If someone calls you a backyarder, or your promotion a "backyard company", that's about the lowest to which you can be regarded.

Your body is not invincible. Wrestling hurts. Even the basics of professional wrestling hurt when you do them right, let alone when you screw them up. You know how those ring ropes look springy and fun to run? They're not. They're metal cables with some protective covering around them. You have to hit them just right, make sure your feet aren't under them, take the appropriate amount of steps, turn at the right time, hit all at once, spring back out, and that's just when you're running them by yourself. Add in your opponent, the move that may be coming next, the following sequence, where you need to be when you get up, how much time has gone by in the match, and figuring out how to land all that properly? And you think you can do this because you saw guys being shown how to do this on a TV show?

If you want to become a professional wrestler, do it the right way. Get trained, get in the ring with professionals, and earn it. We've all had our dreams of walking out to our entrance themes with a crowd cheering us on and competing, but there's no need to risk your life and body for something that you don't actually know how to do.

You may be asking why I feel so strongly about this. Those of you who've followed my work know that I spent some time in the wrestling business (and even wrote a book about it), but what you may not know is that I originally tried to do it the wrong way because I never thought any trainer in their right mind would give me a shot. I'm tall, lanky, awkward, and don't look particularly physically impressive. So when a guy gave me a shot to get in the ring and do whatever I wanted, I took it.

I won't lie, it was a helluva lot of fun. I have video of it, and looking back, not only was it terrible, but I'm damn lucky to be walking. I was in a battle royal, and another untrained guy decided he was going to give me a piledriver. Not only did he not tell me it was going to happen, but he didn't know how to properly deliver it, and he dropped me on my head.

This was the stupidest thing I've ever done, and it's only by some sheer luck that I got up from that. For a few minutes, I didn't. You can see me lying face down under the ropes for a solid five minutes, and then struggling to get up for the next two. It all happened because I thought I knew better and could do it with nothing going wrong. It wasn't until I actually got into training that I realized how stupid I was. Trust me when I say that you don't know what you're doing until you learn it the right way.

If you're going to do it, do it right. It's worth it, and it's one of the most rewarding experiences you'll ever have. But save your money, get the training, and don't be an idiot.

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