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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #321 - Thoughts on No Mercy - 9-24-17
By Marissa Laiman
Sep 24, 2017 - 11:00:00 PM

Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017


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IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #321 - Thoughts on No Mercy - 9-24-17

1. I don't do PPVs often, but what the hell. Start the counter on "WrestleMania-caliber" mentions!

2. Listen to that pop the Miz is getting! Who would've thought? That was unfathomable back when he was actually trying to be a face. Imagine, letting him be a hyped version of himself has been incredibly successful.

3. Jordan's getting booed. I guess the angle (no relation) hasn't gone well. Maybe adding lyrics to his 8-bit theme will help.

4. Jordan doesn't lack skills whatsoever. He's got the talent to be a big-time wrestler. But the Rocky Maivia treatment and an angle with a soap opera storyline that absolutely nobody buys isn't helping him. What was wrong with working with American Alpha?

5. Can anything be done with the crowd inherently rejecting people who are chosen to be pushed before they earn it or before the crowd accepts them first? Braun Strowman was a slow burn, and it didn't feel forced. Roman Reigns, on the other hand, got countless opportunities just because.

6. We're gonna have a smart-chant crowd tonight, eh?

7. The Bryan rip-offs continue, with no clear indication of Bryan returning. So again, what's the point? It's as pointless as Goldust's protege unless it amounts to something.

8. If you were matching this match on mute, you'd never know that Jordan was getting booed. It's been damn good, just the dynamics switch is a bit surprising.

9. With viewership like this and all the hype, everyone's gonna be trying to steal the show in the undercard. Which, you know, used to be the point of PPVs, rather than continuing endless feuds.

10. The Miztourage interference finally gets the better of Jordan, to another huge pop. Miz retains, and good for him. Jordan isn't ready for a singles title run... not that that's stopped them before, but you get the idea.

11. Oh fuck, we're bringing back the on the spot post-match interviews. Jordan, dude... I can see you're trying. I don't know what's missing. Probably not saying the guy who just beat you sucks though. That makes you look even worse. Booker had the greatest line though: "get to the back of the line, kid."

12. Had some technical difficulties, returning with Finn Balor looking like he's been attacked with Bray HAMming it up. Finn's doing the dramatic return thing, even with Bray doing the overly comedic facial expression.

13. Even with Michael Cole doing a painful John Madden-like "BOOM!" a superplex with a weakened, injured opponent is only a transitional move at best.

14. Finn Balor makes a comeback, and in the heat of the moment, maybe needed a bit of an extra boost? Yeah, that wasn't awkward.

15. Bray showing us how a crab walks is one of the most frightening things in the WWE? Braun's yell, Taker's entrance... Spider walk.

16. This match has some damn fine counters, on top of the psychology. They really went all in with this show, and that means only good things.

17. Ghetto Stomp meets Shadows Over Hell, yet somehow that was only enough for a two count? That makes no sense whatsoever.

18. Bray hits a clothesline that Corey Graves calls "slaughterous." That's a new word I haven't heard before.

19. Bray has suddenly turned non-conformist, because he took Finn... AND THREW HIM ON THE GROUND! He's not gonna be PART OF YOUR SYSTEM! Finn's not a demon... DUH!

20. An un-modiified Coup De Gras was enough to get the win, though how it wasn't enough on the back of the neck I still don't get. Either way, two fantastic matches so far.

21. Asuka gets a preview with a Sun Tzu quote, and if I heard correctly on the pre-show, she's debuting right here in Minneapolis next month. I might have to put down some cash to go see that show.

22. At least "What kind of adjustments have you made since Summerslam" is different than "how did that make you feel/what is your response?" Are those Boondock Saints-style shirts? That's awesome.

23. Champs out first and with separate entrance themes. Wag of the finger from Mr. Tito, guys. Crossfit Jesus and Dean Ambrose set to defend the tag titles.

24. The commentary team laughing about the Twitter correctors is the most genuine moment I've heard from a commentary team since JR was still active.

25. Fuck, the Network froze again!

26. Wow, that ref ain't messin' around! He is not impressed with the full swing into the steps on Dean. We like Dean. That looked vicious as hell.

27. We're making analogies to Goofy and Pluto now, and I think I forgot where I was for a few seconds.

28. Crossfit Jesus taking on the Swiss Cyborg, who I think just got his damn face broken. Holy shit! That's a handmade Joey Mercury right there!

29. Lobsterhead is repeatedly hitting CFJ right in the fuck for injuring his tag partner, and the live camera is now doing video game impact cam too because I hate everything.

30. This ref must yell louder than anyone not named Paul Heyman.

31. Lobsterhead going full tilt into that turnbuckle sounded intense, and Cesaro does a full on crash to the floor, yet somehow gets back in the ring almost immediately. Dean's turn for a hot tag, and I think the crowd is already a bit tired from consistent good wrestling already. This is already one of the best shows I've seen a long freaking time.

32. A simultaneous punch to the fuck and Irish curse was an all-out collision/close fall.

33. Aaaand, the Network is frozen again with the spinning circle of death. For fuck's sake...

34. Powerbomb from the top rope INTO him wasn't enough for a finish? Wow! The crowd is now fully invested again. Another fantastic match in progress here!

35. Ambrose nearly Eddie Guerrero'd his way into a win after a possum Brogue Kick. Shield ends up getting the win after he accidentally Brogue Kicks Cesaro. Hell of a tag team match, hell of a show so far. That probably means Lesnar and Reigns are winning, because I'm from Cleveland and we can't have nice things.

36. I guess absence made the heart grow fonder in Bayley's regard. I'm glad to see that. With how much my little girl loves her, it broke my heart to see her getting booed, which was likely more a response to terrible booking than anything.

37. I don't expect anyone other than Nia Jax to finally get the win here. Emma's been lost in the shuffle, and Nia's the only one left without at least one credible reign.

38. Nia Jax is not impressed with Sasha Banks's entrance. What a look of disdain.

39. How do these five put together something that isn't reminiscent of the fact that they face each other every single week?

40. Nia Jax seems absolutely surprised that Alexa Bliss is trying to do something silly like winning a wrestling match. My roommate just said that Nia makes Alexa look like a tiny Pomeranian.

41. Well, I'll be damned, they're bringing it too. Double dropkick/powerbomb, and everyone is trying to steal the damn show tonight. What a blast! I think every match has gotten the "This is Awesome!" chant. That's impressive, considering how snarky this crowd started out.

42. Bliss retains! Did NOT see that coming, though I guess with Asuka debuting soon, that confrontation is inevitable.

43. LOL @ the Smackdown tag team championship ad that plays a "holy shit" chant but censors it. On PPV. ::headdesk::

44. For fuck's sake, Cena and Reigns' career are not parallel.

45. Cena/Reigns is up next, and let's see how a win over Cena continues to make people not care, the same as everyone else he's faced. Better censor the bad words though.

46. What is with the sound mix tonight? The volume is all over the place. Come on Full Sail grads!

47. This is not the most important match in John Cena's career, for fuck's sake...

48. The crowd, as all of them are, is delighted to hear Roman's music hit. Roman gets to feel like Cena did back when he faced the Rock, except Cena put up a fight on the mic buildup. Oh, now it's the most important night in Roman Reigns' career too? How convenient!

49. It's Reigns/Cena for the first time ever... Sort of. If we don't count Cena's matches with the Shield. But still, the buildup has been exciting. It has a Hogan/Rock feel to the crowd being wound up for it, but hopefully Strowman in the main event will keep them from leaving afterward.

50. "You both suck?" Okay, nevermind. I retract my previous statement. Cena threatens to walk out, and then does, somehow not knowing that Reigns is going to follow him. Are they going to try THAT hard to get people to cheer Reigns? Reigns looks confused by Cena wandering around from a couple hits. I'm equally confused. Cena's selling it with the pull-up moment that's usually reserved for the end of someone's career.

51. This match already makes no freaking sense. Cena's having flashbacks to 2014 Summerslam right now and he's been punched a few times and slammed. How is John Cena getting owned this badly?

52. Cena gets in a shoulder throw into the steel steps, but of course Roman has to do one of his own, because he goes from selling something like a separated elbow to being unaffected. Cena's still wandering around like he's 45 minutes into a brutal match. Not only does this allow Roman to keep talking shit, but it's a shitty match. And let me be clear, I've been freaking PSYCHED for this!

53. Cena continues laying around the ring and does the pull-up on the other guy move yet again like he's HBK at his last WrestleMania match. The Undertaker could barely walk his way out there and put up more of a fight than this.

54. Cena gets three punches in, but it's back to Reigns hitting moves and looking annoyed like... well, like always.

55. I was about to ask if Reigns would be the first one in fifteen years to not try for a clothesline after two shoulder blocks, but then he clotheslined the shit out of him before he could. No, wait, second time it happened. Reigns gets up again before one of Cena's trademarks for a pinfall attempt.

56. The formula continues, Cena comes back to hit another move successfully the second time, and then Reigns counters the next one. Cole watching the replay of Reigns countering the STF into a powerbomb summoned his inner Jericho to hold on a vowel. That, or he's remembering his fun times with Heidenreich. I'm not sure.

57. Catching Reigns in mid-air is an impressive feat, regardless if he got a post or not. Reigns is a big dude to catch during hang time.

58. Reigns catching Cena for a counterpowerbomb, or a counterbomb, if you will, looked devastating. The opposite of the following move, the Superman Punch, which looks weaker than the Samoan Spike. Even my roommate, who only started watching wrestling recently, commented that it looks like he puts on a big act and his follow through look like shit. Because it does.

59. Cena gets the one-upper AA, but it didn't put AJ out so it's not going to put Roman out. This match picked up, eventually, I'll give it that.

60. The crowd pops huge for the announce table meeting its untimely demise. He's clearing out several, which is totally going to lead to a spear, because of course it is. Why else would he clear off two tables?

61. Wow, he hit a spear through the other table, who saw that coming?

62. The commentary team did their job by selling the psychology, pointing out that Reigns landed on his head, and catching the replay, good JBL, he spiked himself! He's lucky his damn neck isn't broken!

63. JBL, slow motion isn't helping that. How the hell is he moving?

64. Cena counters the Spear with double AAs, and Reigns kicks out of that too. Fucking A, why even bother having a finisher anymore? If two in a row can't put someone down, it's nothing.

65. Of course Cena has no clue what to do next. 4 of his finisher isn't enough, including two in a row, so where do you go from there?

66. Reigns comes out of nowhere with a Superman Punch and Spear, and wins. Lame. Reigns wins over another superstar, because fuck you that's why. Now he's beaten the Undertaker and John Cena in the same year, and it still won't make anyone give a shit. I've never been so pissed to see Cena lose, especially after eviscerating him on the mic the whole time. Even flashing back to 2012 didn't help, because Cena had to lose once before overcoming the Rock, but nah, let's keep having Roman go over repeatedly despite getting booed out of every arena.

67. Cena steps forward to face him and raises his arm, and I don't buy it for a second. After all that shit talk and bitterness, it's too easy. Yes, it was a long hard-fought match, but it doesn't fit with the tone of it.

68. Cena gets the post-match sort-of ovation, and he deserves it. He pulled everything out to put Reigns over, and takes a bow in the process. He gets a "thank you, Cena" chant and then hugs a kid at ringside, leaving one of his armbands. Losing to Roman really makes people give their attire away, doesn't it? It has the air of a retirement match, but I doubt Cena goes out losing at a non-major like that. Where does this go from here though? What room does Cena have to challenge again? Does he challenge again, or is that it? I don't know, the vibe they're going for right now feels like a curtain call. I don't know how I feel about this.

69. At least I'm invested and emotional about it. I suppose that's what wrestling is designed to do. But it's been three and a half years of this push now and what do they have to show for it? Tito's shown the data repeatedly.

70. Kurt looking sad is countered by the Miz and his slow clap. But he wants Roman Reigns on MizTV, so at least Reigns will be in the ring with someone who is good on the stick. He drops a hint toward the Shield, and if that's the case, I'm fine with it. If anything could get people behind Reigns (Finally), it's that.

71. Speaking of looking annoyed at all times, the Neville match is next. Someone had to be the cool-down, and why not give it to Enzo Amore's Continuing Embarrassment Supershow?

72. Might as well be Beetlejuice. Fast-talking, wise-ass, and annoying; yeah, he fits the bill.

73. It's mostly Neville just beating the fuck out of Enzo. As was expected.

74. Sound mix, seriously Full Sail grads! The volume is all over the place!

75. The crowd chants "this is boring!" Yeah, an extended squash in a title match would be. Neville is destroying Enzo here, and it's not interesting to watch. At all. Neville decides not to do a Red Arrow, and changes it to a Phoenix Splash, and Enzo's move is to roll out of the way. Wait, he hit the top rope DDT thing he does. He's not gonna end up winning the title after this, is he? No. Wouldn't that have been a swerve?

76. That guy with the white shirt and the long hair is becoming the Where's Waldo of every show. Does he get paid to travel to every show or something? And could he not stand up the entire show and block the view of people who paid hundreds of dollars to sit in the second row?

77. Holy shit, Enzo won the Cruiserweight title. I admit, I did not see that coming. After getting beaten down repeatedly, I didn't expect him to switch around and win a title.

78. Now it's time for the main event. I'm really hoping to see Braun Strowman win the title here. What an unexpected, meteoric rise of a larger-than-life superstar!

79. Booker's comment right there during Strowman's entrance says it all. "Down to the Cruiserweight division." If you treat it as lesser, why would you expect anyone to care about it?

80. Looks like Lesnar forgot to put on the SPF again this week in SoCal.

81. This match feels like a big deal. That's the difference between Strowman and Reigns. Reigns just beat the golden standard of the last ten years. Strowman just showing up feels more important than that.

82. Paul E perhaps feels his HAMmy sense failing, and isn't about to let Bray Wyatt run away with that glorious PPV HAM.

83. Strowman's throwing Lobsterface around like a rag doll, and that's even more surprising than Goldberg winning in less than two minutes. However, Strowman standing out of the suplex and hitting the chokeslam immediately would've been more impressive if it hadn't also happened six days ago.

84. Two finishers, the chokeslam and the powerslam, aren't enough to put down Lesnar, but a Spear and a Jackhammer from a 50-year-old a few months ago were? Huh?

85. Every thing that Strowman counters is going to be framed under "When's the last time Lesnar wasn't able to/had to deal with/forced a Bork Laser with" isn't it?

86. Braun hits another running powerslam but can't make the cover. I think this show is going for the record of Most Non-Matchending Finishers. Strowman hits a third, but Lesnar kicks out once again. But then Brock wins with an F5? Oh fuck you. What a bunch of shit. They're really going for this Lesnar/Reigns thing.

87. This show started out with so much promise. The first three matches especially were freaking awesome. But, as you've likely seen, not a fan of Reigns winning, and definitely not a fan of Strowman losing. But what I'm least a fan of is the utter disregard for finishers at all with an incredible lack of consistency. Two different wrestlers hit two CONSECUTIVE finishers and the person kicked out, only for the other to hit one and get a clean win. It's not only inconsistent, it makes no sense. But, at the same time, I saw these two main results coming a mile away, even at the top of the column, and I wanted to believe they'd do something different. But no. Reigns and Lesnar at WrestleMania. Why change when you can just mute the mics and keep up the plan? Great show, could've been much better in the second half.


Paul. Of course Paul.

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files
6-5-17 - The Miz
6-26-17 - Paul Heyman
6-27-17 - The Ascension
7-3-17 - TROOF
7-10-17 - Paul Heyman
7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus
7-18-17 - Randy Orton
7-24-17 - Kurt Angle
7-25-17- Chris Jericho
7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt
8-7-17 - Paul Heyman
8-8-17 - Arn Anderson
8-14-17 - Big Cass
8-15-17 - Breezango
8-28-17 - John Cena
9-4-17 - Braun Strowman
9-11-17 - The Miz
9-18-17 - Neville
9-19-17 - Dolph Ziggler
9-24-17 - Paul Heyman

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved.

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