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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #318 - Thoughts on (Hulu) RAW - 9-11-17
By Marissa Laiman
Sep 12, 2017 - 6:00:00 PM

Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017


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IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #318 - Thoughts on (Hulu) RAW - 9-11-17

I didn't want to miss this week, and I decided to enjoy some wrestling on my birthday! I was in the Boundary Waters this weekend and didn't feel like writing once I got home, so waiting a bit and getting a version without a good chunk of the bullshit seemed appealing. Plus, this was my view this weekend. Can you blame me?

1. This is the first time I've watched a RAW on Hulu. Normally if I miss it live, I don't write, but I really wanted to give it a shot. Who knows, if I like it this way with half the time, I might do it this way from now on. Eliminating the filler might ease my nerves and increase my enjoyment again.

2. My 16th birthday was a day after the 9/11 attacks, and I'm now at the age where I'm in class with kids who don't remember it. Pretty soon, those who were born after it will be in college. I hope I'm at least in Ph. D work by then!

3. Anaheim, home of one of the greatest pops ever heard back in 2011! Can something happen that can match it?

4. Cena vs. Strowman? For free? Just like that? Yeah, why would we wanna save THAT match?!

5. Time for Michael Cole to become the lap dog for the big dog. They're continuing the trend with starting off the show with a match, and I approve of this, even if it is a Roman Reigns match.

6. Jason Jordan gets the opening match against the established name again? That makes sense in multiple ways, especially when Reigns talking so much shit afterward. Could be another good run for the established star's money, or maybe Cena will help him have a Hurricane/Rock-like upset.

7. Jordan offers a handshake, but Reigns is a dick so he doesn't accept. Cena's watching backstage, so better cut to it multiple times so we retain that information! Wow, twice already! Thank JBL, I had forgotten already!

8. Jordan is quickly becoming the modern day Human Suplex Machine, and I'm okay with that.

9. Jordan summoning his inner Lord Voldemort for the Crossface Counters. Man it is so nice to not have to sit through the commercial breaks!

10. Is Cena still watching? He did! He's shifting his weight, ala Baron Corbin. Now it's intensified! Booker T tells us that he didn't, in fact, lose his smile yet, so there's that. Did he just call Reigns a "rank" opponent though? Is that what happens with all that baby oil?

11. Jordan is driven by failure? Is he gonna get his own Gatorade commercial with that mantra now?

12. It wasn't just a dropkick, it was a STANDING dropkick? Oh well that changes everything!

13. They're working those video game-like impact shakes into the live matches now, aren't they? I bet that changed Cena's perspective from his Weightshifter Tron 5000.

14. I guess Roman isn't such a dick now that he shook hands afterward? What does Cena think of that? Better cut back and find out!

15. Reversal of tropes from last week! Joy! Poor fans, they've had to listen to that theme while watching Roman not give a shit for a while now!

16. Cena's back to be Exposition/Recap Fairy, but it's so much fun. Cena's clearly having fun and it's infectious.

17. Weakest line ever. Cena knows nothing about having a great match? Not the best comeback. I can think of several from Summerslam alone! It's Jargon Night Theater!

18. Cena then turns on the super serial jets after two weeks of comic/smark references. Damn, if Cena was more like this guy in the late aughts, maybe he wouldn't have been so controversial in the first place.

19. Holy shit, Cena keeps upping the ante with his slams. Reigns sounded better than the last two weeks, but it's still not even in the same zip code.

20. After a pretty badass recap of Show/Strowman, Bork Laser himself comes out to giggle and not care while Paul delivers us golden-sliced HAM of great proportions. Lesnar has somehow managed to retain feeling like a big deal even through the Goldberg matches, and that's staying power if I've ever seen it.

21. I feel like there's an "are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President" joke in here somewhere. I think Paul has a "say Brock's name" counter joke going somewhere, like a Super Troopers gag. Do I sound like Bork Laser to you now, boy? Am I bouncin' around all nimbly bimbly from feud to feud?

22. Heyman and his Mortal Kombat/Celebrity Deathmatch-like throwing down brings out someone to yell at us. Interesting development, as the entire roster can't hold these guys back. Strowman looks like a monster, even compared to this guy. Incredible. Conversely, Lesnar looks badass being able to suplex him. Huge Kane-1997 feels as Strowman stands right up after a German, to a "holy shit!" chant no less, and just for the solidifying sell, a chokeslam to boot! Awesome!

23. Ohai CFJ and Dean! Are we about to watch the competing silly bullies and 80's comedy villains duke it out for ridiculousity supremacy? Might as well have CFJ and Dean HAM it up in the process.

24. It doesn't even get a chance to get started, as it breaks out into a 4-on-2 brawl right on stage. That seemed like a bad idea, but then they get into a brawl themselves, and Jamie Noble thinks he'll be able to help. Surely.

25. Kurt suggests a match involving all of them. Gee, will they pick the Hardyz? Kurt gets an idea though, so is he gonna put his son in it again? If only he hadn't broken up his son's tag team.

26. ASUKA! Damn, that didn't take long!

27. More backstage stuff, Nia and Alexa. Joy.

28. Now we're already to the Cena match. 90 minute RAW doesn't feel dragged or anything! Now, how will Cena handle Braun, because thank merciful fuck we didn't save that for a show people had to pay to see. Who'd want that?

29. This feels like way too big of a deal to be watching on a random episode of RAW as they build up to face two other huge stars. But is Roman watching backstage? Same TV, well that was nice of Cena to share. Cut back again quickly, oh thank you!

30. This is going much slower in terms of buildup than I thought it would. Strowman is going over massive so far, and it makes him feel like such a big deal. I can't stress how important it is to have a larger than life presence in wrestling again!

31. Getting some major Cena/Lesnar Summerslam feels to this, but it's progressing so slowly. Cena's usually good at pulling the best out of his opponents, despite what Roman inaccurately said.

32. They're really banking on these cuts backstage. They're almost a parody of what they usually are in the mid-match presentation.

33. We get a cheap unclean ending, but Cena gets brutalized with the steel steps. Better check what Roman thinks of it though.

34. CFJ and Dean are resorting to asking kids allowed backstage to be tag team partners. Then they approach... Another Dean (Malenko) and Jamie! Now I'd pay to see that! Oh wow, the Hardyz? Who saw that coming? Matt's slowly going weirder, and I love it.

35. Meanwhile, Miz and his crew get even more ridiculous in wardrobe, and Bo's jacket alone might win the HAM. Miz and Maryse are having a baby! Even with that moment, a burn on Kurt! Awesome!

36. He's cut off by... ::sigh:: Enzo Amore. Miz looks so annoyed. Can't imagine why.

37. Wow, Miz using his reference point as someone who used to be hated by the roster is a Cena-like dose of realism. I see what you're doing here. Damn! This is harsh, but a wake-up call. Forcing Enzo to step up to that level of mic skill might do them both good. At least it's not the shirtless basketball guy.

38. That was... interesting. If they do something with it, it could benefit both their trajectories.

39. Miz wins the HAM with his commentary of head slams.

40. This is the first time I can remember that I've seen with promos throughout the match. Reminiscent of the Super Bowl Halftime match with Foley and Rocky from way back. I'm rather enjoying it, despite how relatively one-sided it is. Especially because we get another cheap DQ ending.

41. "This is what you get when you cause a lot of trouble in the locker room." Subtle, Booker. Now, can Enzo work through it and step up like Miz did. Will this be a wakeup call for him?

42. Moving right along, already to the tag match. I feel like this is auto-DVR fastforwarding. I like it.

43. High energy, deeply contrasted with the last two, especially Cena/Strowman. Great placement by putting this one ahead of those. We needed some picking up.

44. Fun, fast-paced action with a lot of different styles and personalities. This is fun and exciting. I'm loving it.

45. Hearing Booker T say "SUPER-STAR!" makes me think of Molly Shannon. There's a crossover I'd like to see. Team Face wins due to the Bar bailing. Great main event.

46. I can say, I had a lot more fun with this than I did with it taking three hours, but I'll still try to watch it live when I can. That being said, this was harsh. Great episode, but it felt heavy, I suppose would be a way to put it. Felt real, emotionally not wrestlingly.


Miz for his during-match commentary.

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files
6-5-17 - The Miz
6-26-17 - Paul Heyman
6-27-17 - The Ascension
7-3-17 - TROOF
7-10-17 - Paul Heyman
7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus
7-18-17 - Randy Orton
7-24-17 - Kurt Angle
7-25-17- Chris Jericho
7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt
8-7-17 - Paul Heyman
8-8-17 - Arn Anderson
8-14-17 - Big Cass
8-15-17 - Breezango
8-28-17 - John Cena
9-4-17 - Braun Strowman
9-11-17 - The Miz

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact patorrez@patorrez.com.

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