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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #317 - Thoughts on RAW - 9-4-17
By Marissa Laiman
Sep 4, 2017 - 11:15:00 PM

Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017


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IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #317 - Thoughts on SD Live - 9-4-17

Not sure if I'll be able to continue doing Smackdown reviews, given when I get home from school on Tuesday nights. Given the response with his previous work, I might have Aiden help with the first hour or something. But I'm still on for RAW every week at least!

1. Interesting recap of a promo, that I am quite sure has no enhanced or edited reactions whatsoever, right? Who cares, that was still one of the best I've seen in a long damn time.

2. Michael Cole, taking over for Stephanie McMahon, tells us what show we're watching, John Cena comes out, and the feedback on the mic kicks in. He meanders toward the commentary table before they realize after about five seconds that they have a response in this part.

3. He's facing... Jason Jordan? I guess this is continuing the Jordan "I want to fight the top people" thing. Comparing him to John Cena's debut is a good way to try to make that connection, but what they forget about Cena is that the moment at least felt a bit organic.

4. Was Jordan's singlet taken from the "Take on Me" music video?

5. I like the continuation of having a match to start the show instead of the Factgime-esque 20-minute opening promo.

6. Did Booker just compare Cena to Shakespeare? Methinks thou doth protest too much. And Cole was in the middle of his rhetorical question schtick but had to call a pinfall instead. Great segue into having to do a second one before going to commercial. Tension, thick.

7. Will Jason Jordan remember not to go for a clothesline after two shoulder blocks? Nope. After fifteen years, they still ain't learned.

8. Cena growing his hair out a bit has made him look like a babyface, huh Mark?

9. Great continuation of finally hitting that spin slam later in the match. Will someone finally tap to the STF again? I can't remember the last time that happened. Nope, Jordan switched it into the Crossface!

10. Rolling Northern Lights suplexes! That was awesome! Once again, if you need someone put over, John Cena can do it, regardless of the match.

11. Cena reverses a suplex into... something. Not sure what happened there, but Cena wins with an AA> Very good opening match though, and good on Cena for being good guy self and throwing some nice points at Jordan for the effort.

12. I had a feeling we were having too much fun. Roman Reigns comes out to bore us to death with speeches like General Sooter.

13. Reigns is out to threaten Cena with his stoic, unchanging face. I guess Arya would learn his the easiest. Reigns then takes the effort Cena just took in putting Jordan over and makes it look like Cena is weak and not that Jordan was strong. I get where he's going with it, and it's not entirely a bad thing, but eh.

14. Even Cena's disgusted with Roman's face, and Cena picks up where he left off last week. Cena Joe Clark's himself by sayin' he's killin' brain cells. Reigns then gets in a good line with the Big Dog reference, then it gets a bit silly. Oh well, this is still fun, and Reigns is corpsing like hell.

15. Roman's face looks the same when he's told he's a fake ass bitch as he does when someone tells him he ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch this morning. JBLdamn, Cena.

16. Listen to that pop when Roman asks the crowd if they wanna see Cena beat his ass. Telling. Roman's comeback is essentially "I know you are, but what am I?" Better than last week, but still way out of his league. Makes me feel like the Big Dog joke was ad-libbed, because it was the most authentic moment he had.

17. So.... Show's facing Strowman, suddenly. Then we're also getting Hardy/Miz for the IC title. Both of those are good news. This show's looking up already!

18. Now who do we have next, but Dean. We like Dean. Are they alternating themes now? Oh no, nevermind, they're on commentary with new shirts and everything. They're Connor the Crusher shirts? That's amazing.

19. How did the SheaSaro Quickening entrance get even cooler by a changed camera angle? I don't know, but it did.

20. Ambrose with the pop culture reference, well played!

21. Ohai Rhyno and Slater, I forgot the draft totally helped your prospects. Jobber entranced, that always ends well.

22. That match lasted longer than I thought it would, but it's like a Marvel movie at this point... the finish was never in doubt.

23. The Hardyz brought some of their own HAM, ever teasing us with more threats of one of the true HAMmiest HAMs ever. Teases.

24. Two straight matches involving tag teams somehow. Interesting. Step back in the right direction from that brief time where it seemed like they cared about the division. Interesting placement for a title match though.

25. Maryse's shirt is straight out of Zsa Zsa's cameo on Fresh Prince of Bel Air. At least design the shirt so that a hyphen isn't necessary!

26. Oh right, it's a title match. That means Cole's gotta all about hashtagging it. Ugh.

27. I think Matt and Bo are different incarnations of each other. Maybe that's why Swagger was let go. He found the almanac with all the answers.

28. Does Jeff Hardy have a forearm yelp now?

29. Miztourage gets to be the token Miguel Cabrera, and Matt gets to get ejected for the shit someone else started. How apropos.

30. One hour mark, time to remind us what day it is, where we are, and what show we're matching. Thank merciful fuck you're here, Exposition Fairy!

31. Another very good match on RAW in the first hour. This can't be good for the Hour of Death fast approaching. Kudos to the person with the Miz sign who misspelled business though. Great time for that angle.

32. Miz gets the win after a Twist of Fate into a SCF. Helluva match.

33. The feedback from Cena's entrance is back with this replay of Strowman and Show collapsing the ring. They're mimicking Jordan's singlet with this color scheme though. Looks pretty cool regardless.

34. Six-man cruiserweight match, yay...

35. Corey with the one-liners yet again. Will Enzo have a schtick prepared for his tag team partners too? Nope. They're placeholders. Thanks for coming, guys.

36. Did Enzo quote Eric Bischoff right there? This is a trainwreck, even by Enzo standards.

37. My nine-year-old laughed at the Captain Underpants joke, so... It's working for its intended audience?

38. Neville hasn't been impressed with Enzo Amore? When has Neville the angry-faced White Walker been impressed with anyone?

39. Finn Balor here for his mid-show... No wait, a promo? That's unusual. The Wyatt feud will continue. Maybe he needs a spot in the Donnie Darko motivational speaker guy's video. "I'm not afraid anymore!"

40. Bray mumbles cryptic stuff, but I heard "shake things up a little bit." So, another draft-ish thing?

41. He's mumbling through most of this promo like my son trying to explain Minecraft.

42. Next we have Alexa Bliss and the hot potato belt on a new shoulder again. ButbutbutbutSasha, teaming with the person you're facing at the PPV? Why I've never heard of such a thing! So Emma wins one match over hashtags and gets a chance to be in a title match under certain circumstances? Who does she think she is? Jinder Mahal?

43. Emma comes out last because... why the fuck not at this point? I suppose after all that, we did need a commercial break. You know, to calm down from all the excitement.

44. I knew two good matches in the first hour was a terrible sign.

45. Wow, it's almost like if you have a character's push based entirely on hashtags, nobody gives a shit no matter who they're facing? Weird...

46. Shocker, Emma and Nia won. Less than three seconds to another hashtag. Lose forever, win one match, get a title shot. Makes sense. That's the show we get now. At least Emma will inevitably get slammed here. Replay of last week.

47. Make sure to remind us several times that it's the first time Strowman's ever in a cage.

48. Jobber entranced Club Sandwich gets told by SheaSaro to leave? I think?

49. Yep, definitely Dean's entrance music week. Dean backs into CFJ during his drunkwalk taunt. That's actually kind of adorable.

50. This Club Sandwich match is brought to you by, I'm not kidding, a club sandwich. Sure, there are three options total, but... It's a club sandwich.

51. More commercials!

52. Sometimes, when the result of the match is obvious the second it's been announced, it's really hard to give a shit about it, no matter how decent it may be. Club Sandwich are such damaged goods that it really doesn't matter anymore.

53. CFJ and Rollins won, surprise of surprises! But Club Sandwich attack SheaSaro afterward, probably so they can yell "NERDS!" at them. I think the crowd is chanting "too sweet!" but I don't know. Nevermind, here comes a brawl. Club Sandwich loses that too.

54. A Connor video... Oh no, I'm gonna cry.

55. Sure, of all the things we needed replays from tonight, it was the cruiserweight match. That really did need a backstage segment too. Oh noez, a slow clap, that must be a cocky heel champion.

56. But what DID happen last time Big Show and Braun Strowman were in the ring?! A ref interview, you know it's serious.

57. Seems like they said the main event match was starting like 25 minutes ago.

58. Jokes aside, it is amazing how big of a presence he has become in a short amount of time. For all the people they tried to force into that kind of spot regardless of reaction, Strowman has continued to improve and garner a louder reaction over time.

59. Are you fucking serious? After all that filler building up to it, we get a few shoves and a punch and we're in another JBLdamn commercial?!

60. We come back with both of them on the ground where we left them. Excitement! Things happening!

61. So one guy has a world title match coming up, and the other has... a shaved face. I wonder who's going to win...

62. This match so far has been throwing and yelling.

63. Big Show with the elbow drop! Everything else aside, that was awesome.

64. I'm sorry, Corey. You're amazing and I like you, but Big Show does NOT do the Chokeslam From Hell. You will NOT take that from the Kanenites!

65. This got fun, considering the hoss vs. hoss we've got and that they're trying to outdo something they replayed 74 thousand times tonight, it feels like it looks. But is the ring reinforced?!

66. Strowman wins via pinfall, which was a bit of a surprise, considering they made it feel like they'd somehow outdo their previous stunt. Of course Strowman was going to win though. At least it was fun.

67. Strowman gets on the mic to yell at us some more. How does he manage to say Brock Lesnar HAMmier than Paul Heyman?

68. But wait, Strowman's not leaving. That can't be good for Show. Reminiscent of HBK against Taker, he looks weak in trying to fight him off without anything behind it. Strowman then powerslams Show through the cage, which if that's how Show goes out, is all the more symbolic, considering that's the opposite of how he came into the WWE all those years ago. Props to Show for taking all those bumps for the young star.

69. Overall, the first hour was fantastic. Mostly between that and the main event was tedious at best. But the main event brought back the interest that the Hour of Death lost.


Gotta give it to Strowman for finding a way to outHAM an all-time HAM.

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files
6-5-17 - The Miz
6-26-17 - Paul Heyman
6-27-17 - The Ascension
7-3-17 - TROOF
7-10-17 - Paul Heyman
7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus
7-18-17 - Randy Orton
7-24-17 - Kurt Angle
7-25-17- Chris Jericho
7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt
8-7-17 - Paul Heyman
8-8-17 - Arn Anderson
8-14-17 - Big Cass
8-15-17 - Breezango
8-28-17 - John Cena
9-4-17 - Braun Strowman

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact patorrez@patorrez.com.

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