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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #316 - Thoughts on RAW - 8-28-17
By Marissa Laiman
Aug 28, 2017 - 11:15:00 PM

Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017


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IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #316 - Thoughts on RAW - 8-28-17

Props to the WWE for helping with the relief efforts. I've been working with fbbgive.org myself, and was on a fundraising drive for them last night. If I can do anything to help any of my readers, let me know.

1. Miz starts off in the ring and gets interrupted by the ever-so-happy Kurt Angle. Angle announces an over-the-top battle royal, initiated by a beardless Big Show. That's... new.

2. Matt Hardy's pants are made of win.

3. I love how Cole asks what would happen if Matt and Jeff were the last two in the ring, as if we haven't seen them face each other extensively.

4. Ohai Finn Balor, welcome back to randomly being a former world champion fighting for a shot at the IC title. Big Show will see you now along with Miz and Dean. We like Dean.

5. It's a refreshing change to RAW to not begin with a 20-minute-plus promo. We get our first commercial break before entrances are done, so I assume that's where R-Truth comes in.

6. Wow, Curt Hawkins did something stupid and got himself immediately eliminated. Then bald, beardless Big Show looks super sad that everyone is ganging up on him. You know the spot is coming. You know it. Big Show sends everybody sprawling, and Aiden would be crying out for Kalisto as he gets unceremoniously eliminated early. He's on an interview on the Zachrilege Cast at the moment, so if you want to hear more from him, check that out. Glad some of you enjoyed his guest appearance last time. Yes, our anniversary was amazing up in Ely. We saw the Northern Lights, and yes I played the Wyatt Theme in the middle of the dark, because of course I did.

7. Finn Balor joins the Club Sandwich to help them get rid of Big Show. Then he seems surprised that the 1980s Ogres zero in on him next. I guess the paint doesn't help you logic better.

8. Ohai TROOF, thanks for coming.

9. Is Jason Jordan going for Finlay by way of RVD with that singlet? Because I'm okay with that.

10. This is fun. More openings like this, please. A ton of characters getting screen time, and fun. Not that I mind some opening promos, but this is a lot more fun than most.

11. Matt Hardy is starting to show more signs of being unglued. I dig it. I'd also be fine if he brought back Matt Facts, but we can only ask for so much. Great apron exchange with Club Sandwich and Matt. Looks like the feud between those two isn't going anywhere.

12. Finn Balor watches Elias dangle on the apron, sees that he gets back in, and then decides to turn around and fight someone else. That makes sense. Man, there's a lot of black outfits in the ring right now.

13. It's weird seeing Jeff Hardy with normal hair and no paint.

14. The Wyatt stinger goes off after Finn nails Jeff with a front dropkick, so I guess this feud's continuing. Yay?

15. Jason Jordan nearly gets the win, but Jeff takes advantage of Jordan celebrating eliminating the Miztourage. Jeff Hardy and the Miz, I'm interested. A lot of people got to look good in that match so it was, you know, the opposite of the Royal Rumble this year.

16. I'm so glad we got a full replay of Finn's elimination, stingers and all. That really helped.

17. They moved Enzo to 205Live? Someone's reading Tito! (I had intended on catching up with the last week, but for the most part, took the week off.)

18. Alexa's outfits keep getting more awesome.

19. Damn, Cass got himself a Theissman/Sid Vicious replay. Putting Enzo in the cruiserweight division is a good idea. More established names being involved will lend some credibility to what is, to casual fans, a bunch of guys from another show who have random six-man tag matches.

20. Noam Dar gets to face him, sans Fox. I assume that thing is over. I hope. I'm not really listening closely enough to know. Truly worthy of a commercial break between promo and match though. Truly.

21. Neville watches on, because without seeing that, we'd have no idea he's watching. We're all better for knowing that he was staring at the TV like Roman Reigns waiting for the debut of AJ Styles.

22. Enzo wins, surprise of all surprises, and hopefully he fares better in a feud with Neville than Austin Aries.

23. They're having Brock/Strowman this early in the show? Are the ratings dipping that badly?

24. Oh goodie, we're back to social media self-fellatio bragging about how many followers they have. That matters.

25. We're out with Paul Heyman to HAM it up and Brock Lesnar to continue not giving a shit. I didn't expect him to still be champion, I'll admit it. Tito's class of 2002 went undefeated at Summerslam. I'm sure he was stoked.

26. Now we've got the not-Shield in a tag team match. I guess Rollins' music is the one they're gonna go with. That "burn it down!" addition is growing on me.

27. They're really going all in with No Mercy here, aren't they? So now I'm assuming they're putting Reigns over Cena, because it's worked so well with all the other stars he's gone over.

28. Full recaps. Joy.

29. Seems strange that they're going all in on No Mercy, of all PPVs, with Reigns/Cena and Strowman/Lesnar. Not complaining, only surprised they're not at least building it to Survivor Series.

30. This match has Crossfit Jesus against Cesaro, complete with an Ambrose LayCool taunt. Please, more Moxley, less... that.

31. This is one of those cases where even though the wrestling has been good, these four have been wrestling each other in some capacity for four straight weeks at least. It's hard to sell something as urgent that way.

32. CFJ being able to lift the much-larger Cesaro was damn impressive, but of course we get another cheap ending, so like others, this feud goes on.

33. Because they won, Sheamus gets cocky and challenges Ambrose immediately to a match of his own. I like that, the over-confidence of Sheamus plays a good role in this situation. But it went to the outside, so will there be a rhetorical question? Will RAW roll on, LIVE?!

34. "A submission move, is Ambrose gonna tap?!" Probably not, since you're asking. "The 'Sell-Tic' Warrior?" Cole, dude. Come on. You know what? That's it. Here's a WhatCulture video. At least I know I'm not alone in getting perpetually annoyed by commentary.

35. What are the odds that this will be some more 50/50 booking? Yep, as Dean gets the win with some CFJ assistance. Overall though, it was at least good to watch. WAY too scary on that dive by CFJ though. That could've very easily been much worse.

36. Oh for fuck's sake, it's the "Emma tries to get trending on Twitter" hour. Hashtag debates, just what I wanted to see.

37. This is the new Goldust/R-Truth feud, isn't it?

38. Listening to them talking about hashtag matches just makes me want to return the TV to mute where it was when Aiden was on the show.

39. Emma wins this time and still, nobody gives a shit. Now she says the same thing over and over again. Ugh. Go away.

40. Time for a contract signing, which are always fun. I've never been so firmly on Team Cena than right now.

41. Even Cena knows this should be at a major PPV, at least.

42. I love when Cena cuts promos like this. This is the real talk that so many of the forcefully-scripted stars don't get.

43. "You're not as big of a deal as you think you are," says the guy about to brag about retiring the Undertaker at WrestleMania and still can't get over for it.

44. Cena HAMs it up and I love it. Even throwing in a heel turn reference. Then he brings out the claws, going from joking to serious in a second, and it gets the crowd so wound up. Cena's ripping him as hard as he did Miz before WrestleMania. Holy shit. That. Was. Awesome! Be sure to not sell it at all, Roman. It won't be hard. Do what you always do. Cena ad-libs a joke about Kurt Angle, HAM over. Cena wins. He then rips him on how to learn how to do a promo. Who did Reigns piss off to let Cena do this?

45. Roman's argument?

This Guy's a Phony

46. Did they seriously bleep out the second bitch? Is there a one bitch limit?

47. Holy fuck, this is. GOLD. Blurring the lines, Cena bringing out the claws. My favorite version of Cena. The realist. I don't even have commentary for it. Best promo segment on RAW in... I don't even know how long. If you're not watching it, find it.

48. A contract signing that made me want to see a match. Roman throws over the table, and they're interrupted by... Club Sandwich. So they're about to lose to Cena and Reigns again. They seem surprised that the two of them are gonna team up. I mean, truly... It's been a whole seven days.

49. Great lines out of context: "John Cena's just showing off for his partner."

50. I like the dynamic of Cena trying to do it all himself. Makes sense given what they just talked about.

51. What a great few segments of television. Where has this level of storytelling been, outside of the Shield reunion angle?

52. Elias learned a blues riff with those new aviator glasses.

53. Gee, he said he's the King. And they're in Memphis. Will Lawler say something about that? Oh, look, Lawler's gonna say something.

54. Pelvis Wesley? What? Was the Honky Tonk Man busy? The crowd is as silent as if Emma had come out and claimed to be the originator of Memphis.

55. Elias does what he did when Truth interrupted him a few days ago. That was... Well, it was. Thanks for sending your friend to slaughter, King.

56. Did Miz slip into MizCena mode right there? And now Sasha is also here. Looks like we've got another ladies main event, and I'm good with that.

57. A cruiserweight six-man tag? Holy shit, I've never seen one of those before!

58. This match looks like it's gonna be a slow build. This show has seemed rather long, and with some high points hit, it takes a lot of energy for something like that at the end. A move to the outside, RAW's gonna roll on next!

59. You mean the face didn't retain control during the commercial break? That's so weird!

60. Sasha's hope spot has absolutely no heat. Does this crowd just suck tonight or what?

61. Alexa with the QAS! No shit! I know it's a simple move, but it looks awesome.

62. It must be 11 if they're reminding us where we are, who is fighting, and who the commentators are.

63. Alexa Bliss wins, and Women's Title hot potato continues. At this rate, Sasha will have 20 reigns by the time she's 27.

64. Nia Jax comes down clapping. She's gonna turn on her. Yep, she Orton-Evolution'd her. Who saw that coming?

65. So, this show had some high highs. The first two hours, before the Club came out, were pretty good. It also had some low lows, such as most of the rest of the third hour, continuing Emma the hashtag machine thing, and well, you know the rest.


John. Fucking. Cena.

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files
6-5-17 - The Miz
6-26-17 - Paul Heyman
6-27-17 - The Ascension
7-3-17 - TROOF
7-10-17 - Paul Heyman
7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus
7-18-17 - Randy Orton
7-24-17 - Kurt Angle
7-25-17- Chris Jericho
7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt
8-7-17 - Paul Heyman
8-8-17 - Arn Anderson
8-14-17 - Big Cass
8-15-17 - Breezango
8-28-17 - John Cena

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact patorrez@patorrez.com.

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