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Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #311 - Thoughts on SD Live - 8-8-17
By Marissa Laiman
Aug 8, 2017 - 10:00:00 PM

Posted by Ris Laiman on Tuesday, May 2, 2017




LAIMAN'S LINKS

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Twitter - @RisMcCool
Email - rismcwriting@gmail.com

All my books and bookings are available at RisMcCool.com

IN LAIMAN'S TERMS #311 - Thoughts on RAW - 8-7-17

1. Damn, what a recap of what looked like an amazing match. Figures the week I can't make it, something awesome happens. Of course they gave away Nakamura/Cena for free, something they've been doing an awful lot lately, but great video package to catch us up.

2. Speaking of Cena, there he is; in as good of a mood as ever.

3. If we're going to keep calling him a free agent, we need to establish some kind of system where it's understood. Call-ups and trades the same way. They can't just "happen," and it's frustrating when it does. What does free agent mean here? What made him released from his draft to Smackdown? Are they on contracts? Do they expire? Options? Brand options? How is NXT involved?

4. It's self-referrential Cena night. Well, we are in Toronto, might as well go with it. That's what made Cena retrospectively a superior headliner, and what is missing from the main event scene today: adapting to the surroundings.

5. Cena is putting over Nakamura HUGE in this promo. And it seems Jinder has a fan base here, for some reason. Ironic fans? Because they know he's actually Canadian? I don't get it.

6. Aiden said that Cena's promo tonight sounds like Will Smith on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air speaking and trying to be real. Yeah, I can see that. Wait, it's Cena, no I can't.

7. Now, straight from his recording session with the cover of Christian's "At Last" theme, he's gone from Kane's lights to fire in the background. Baron Corbin's acting like someone who doesn't watch Game of Thrones on a comment thread of people talking about it. "Who cares?" "Why does everyone talk about this?" All too familiar.

8. Cena quoted a sign calling Corbin a dumpster fire. Even Cena gets a kick out of them chanting it. Welcome back, Interesting Cena. I'm glad we got past nostalgic Marine Cena this quickly.

9. Corbin's corpsing. No wonder he keeps walking away. Don't let them see you laugh. You might appear human or something and break from script.

10. Corbin gets cut off on the entrance way, and he's greeted by a smiling, bearded man who gives him the pop he could only dream of. Good JBL, I miss that man.

11. Bryan makes Corbin vs. Cena for Summerslam. I dig it. That should be a fun match, and Cena seems to be able to both play well off his stiffness and get the crowd involved at both sides; something he's gotten very good at in this decade. Plus, a new chant. One I'm pretty familiar with. "Dumpster fire." I'm a Cleveland Browns fan. If anyone knows dumpster fires, it's us.

12. Jinder and Orton for fuckallteenth AGAIN? There goes that good mood. I think I'm gonna go water the garden during that match.

13. I still don't get what Day One Ish means. Then again, I don't get half of what people say, so it's not unusual. In person, I'm still pretty much "this is how a human speaks, yes? You wanna go skateboards?"

14. Welcome to Toronto, Tye Dillinger. Tye and Sami, something this awesome is probably gonna get ruined by that Mike guy interfering. We're not allowed to have nice things for very long. They found out we like that.

15. Dillinger's presence and charisma reminds me of Chris Jericho in his heyday. But Sami missed the Helluva kick, so that has to be a commercial. But side angle in, yay! Even mushroom clouds have silver linings.

16. Sorry Verizon, using the opening song from 2001: A Space Odyssey is NEVER going to make us think of your phone. In this dojo, it only merits a "WOOOOO!"

17. Dillinger remains on a run, but unfortunately gets punched right in the fuck for his efforts. Nevertheless, other perpetual punching bag Sami Zayn is ready to give it a second shot.

18. Usos complete some Tye-beating with a delayed low knee dropkick, and of course they win. Tye gets too much of a reaction to win a match. That's just silly. Then again, he was doing the same thing in NXT, so what do I know?

19. Now we got some Uso gloating, complete with a dead-on New Day impression. Way better than the Old Day from a few back. Big E comes out, dressed entirely in red? The other two ambush them, also entirely in bright red. So that's where the lights from Corbin's entrance went; in New Day's outfits.

20. New Day bringing some Edge and Christian to this mix. This is so necessary. What made them stale on RAW was always being silly and hardly reacting to anything. This level of intensity is a nice balance to their usual level of HAM. The Usos bring a bit of their own HAM by diving up the ramp after they're at the top. EMPHASIS!

21. "Exclusive" interview, showing once again that they love to use words without figuring out what they mean in their own context. But Fashion Police have a new detective parody, so forget everything else. From what I hear, they won HAM last week too. Shock....

22. Randy Orton yells Randy Orton things in his Randy Orton way. But nevermind, INCOMING HAM!

23. Is that a xylophone version of "Green Onions?"

24. The Ascension is about to get all Jason Biggs with that pie. Fandango, or Dango now, suddenly shows up with his tie around his head and was kidnapped by aliens. He apparently relived the first episode of South Park. That, or he just can't words.

25. ARN ANDERSON CAMEO! Destroyed Tully the Horse! HAM... OVER! ' These are the best tag teams in HAM segments since Bryan/Kane in 2011.

26. Charlotte is out for action to face... Lana? Charlotte wins. That's not even fair.

27. Lana's entrance is purple with a film noir entrance theme, and a dress tribute to 90s Kane, as far as I can see.

28. Tamina's eyes from that clip look like she's just watched the best of Truth's 2011 heel turn.

29. Time for an addition to the list of overused phrases: "Shock the world." That goes for all sports though. They're all fond of creating instant hyperbole with its use.

30. Someone says "thanks for coming, Lana!" before I can. Dammit.

31. Carmella demands a one-on-one match with the champ, when she has Money in the Bank? All right. And Shane's gonna be a ref for a US title match? Shrugs, why not?

32. Subway, you take back that use of the Price is Right theme. I'm not home sick from school in third grade! You didn't earn that!

33. Mooooore controversial finishes! It's a controversial finish feud! Shane volunteers to be the ref for the match, which will in no way lead to Kevin Owens having the next match against Kevin Owens. He's only facing the last person who had that honor. It's never gonna happen. Never... gonna... happen.

34. Shane's calling the kids out for roll call, and no shock that KO gets a massive pop up north. Owens clearly believes he's been the victim of a C-O-N-Spiracy!

35. The Summerslam card itself looks pretty damn good. The only problem I foresee is, once again, having versions of all these matches on free TV lead up to it, thus leaving them with few places to go for PPV matches. And then of course, since PPV matches don't end feuds anymore, there's no feeling of a sense of urgency. Oh, one person won, they'll be facing each other again anyway, so what?

36. What's a trip to Canada without a 20-year-old vendetta still getting a chant?

37. KO decides that we're going to acknowledge history during this segment of the program and recaps that aforementioned feud with AJ Styles with the height of the buildup.

38. "Say you're sorry" chant. Well played, Toronto.

39. AJ throwing some deep cuts in there with a DTA Austin-like attitude. KO isn't impressed with Shane not wanting to be compared to other family members. Does he have another historical clip for us to enjoy?

40. It sounds like the Shane double bird got a laugh. I'm guessing because it was censored because we're all eight years old and seeing an offensive gesture makes us all hurt in the thinky parts. Way to work it into a Network shill though, Kev. Well done.

41. Shane tells them to not give him a reason to get involved. So how are they going to give him a reason to get involved? You don't introduce an idea if you're not going to follow through with it. That is, unless it's having a fight that's booked in two weeks on PPV only for the heel to go nawwwwwww, powder.

42. AJ accidentally Pele's Shane via KO push, and crowd chants "you screwed Shane." Points for creativity, Dumpster Fire crowd.

43. If nothing else, SD is back to being much more entertaining. I was missing that for a while. Then again, the Jinder Mahal as WWE champion match is yet to come, so I may be speaking too early.

44. Network shill, be sure to have the same script as last night just in case! Who needs something that's even pretending to be authentic?

45. Meanwhile, Tamina's back to gloat, I guess. Are we about to have some Cesaro/Sheamus-like friend shenanigans? I think we are. Fix your jacket again, Tamina.

46. Oh Carmella, finally that entrance theme has been enhanced a little. I could barely hear it before. No Ellsworth? Oh darn!

47. There's some Ellsworth fans in Toronto. Same people chanting Jinder at the top?

48. Oh, there he is! Lord Ali G has returned!

49. "Exclusive" interview with Shinsuke next... Aye.

50. Tapout Men's Body Spray with John Cena... for when Axe is too subtle. At least it's not PuppyMonkeyBaby.

51. Okay, fair enough, a pre-tape use of a recap of his career so far is definitely very useful for the way it's been handled. A dream match though, good thing it happened at Summerslam or WrestleMania...

52. This is your destiny, Shinksuke? OH NO, IT'S THE BLACK HOLE OF CHARISMA IN DISGUISE! MAKE FOR THE HILLS!

53. Rusev and Orton at Summerslam? Is Rusev running the OVW Class of 2002 line in a row?

54. Smackdown entrances have gotten an upgrade. They look incredible tonight.

55. "Jinder's gonna kill you" chants. Mark it down under things I never thought I'd hear. But they're into it and it's getting a reaction, so... yay? And hey, Shinsuke's watching the match, thanks for the reminder!

56. JBL giving credit where it's due by using the "vintage" line? Canada makes people weird.

57. Pound that mat like it offended you, Randy!

58. This match is better than any of the other three I've seen. Granted, that standard isn't very high, but it's worth noting.

59. Then, of course, single RKO (incomplete with Outta Nowhere), and Orton beats the champion clean on Smackdown. Someone come up with a running stat of how many times champions have been pinned cleanly in non-title matches.

60. Suddenly, random kick from Rusev as the screen goes out. That was more Outta Nowhere than 50 RKOs.

61. Overall, awesome episode of Smackdown. Maybe it's just the two hours, but even the bad stuff didn't drag. I feel like I'm being built up to watch Summerslam. Imagine that, a show being used to build to a PPV, damn, what a concept!


HAM OF THE NIGHT

You may be thinking I'm giving it to Fashion Files. You are WRONG!

2012 - Daniel Bryan
2013 - Paul Heyman
2016 - Chris Jericho
1-2-17 - Kevin Owens
1-3-17 - Jack Gallagher
1-9-17 - Shawn Michaels
1-10-17 - Dean Ambrose
1-16-17 - Sami Zayn
1-17-17 - John Cena
1-23-17 - Xavier Woods
1-24-17 - James Ellsworth
1-30-17 - Mick Foley
1-31-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-6-17 - Goldberg
2-7-17 - Daniel Bryan
2-13-17 - Chris Jericho
2-14-17 - Alexa Bliss
2-20-17 - Lana
2-21-17 - Maryse
2-27-17 - Mick Foley
2-28-17 - Bray Wyatt
3-13-17 - Paul Heyman
3-14-17 - AJ Styles
3-20-17 - Austin Aries
3-21-17 - Mizcena
3-27-17 - Big Cass
3-28-17 - Mizcena/Mizbryan/John Cena
4-1-17 - Bobby Roode's dueling pianists
4-2-17 - The Undertaker
4-3-17 - Chris Jericho
4-4-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-10-17 - Braun Strowman
4-11-17 - Shinsuke Nakamura
4-17-17 - Samoa Joe
4-18-17 - Nobody
4-24-17 - Alexa Bliss
4-25-17 - Dolph Ziggler
5-8-17 - The Miz
5-9-17 - The Usos
5-15-17 - Titus O'Neill
5-16-17 - Fandango/Tyler Breeze
5-22-17 - Bray Wyatt
5-29-17 - Alexa Bliss/Ohai Bayley
5-30-17 - Fashion Files
6-5-17 - The Miz
6-26-17 - Paul Heyman
6-27-17 - The Ascension
7-3-17 - TROOF
7-10-17 - Paul Heyman
7-17-17 - Crossfit Jesus
7-18-17 - Randy Orton
7-24-17 - Kurt Angle
7-25-17- Chris Jericho
7-31-17 - Bray Wyatt
8-7-17 - Paul Heyman
8-8-17 - Arn Anderson

Marissa Laiman, In Laiman’s Terms, and Inciting Incident are owned by It’s a Shameful Thing, Lobsterhead, LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. For media or inquiries, please contact patorrez@patorrez.com.

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