IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: 30 Thoughts About... RAW 1-9-12
1. I get great joy out of villain hamminess, and my opinions on Kane aside, I loved watching Kane speak so intensely. I'm a fan of performances like Phillip Kasnoff as Major Bent in North and South, Jeremy Irons as Profion in Dungeons and Dragons, Terence Stamp as General Zod in Superman II, etc. Therefore, at the end of every 30 thoughts column, there will be a "Did Somebody Order a Large Ham" award of the week (Thank you, TV-Tropes). Let's see if Kane hangs on to the hamminess to take it in the inaugural edition.
2. I didn't realize how much I missed the backlot brawl until Kane and Cena had one. I must say, it was pretty damn well done as well as believable.
3. That, or I just hadn't seen one in so long that the appearance of it at all just seemed refreshing. Perhaps not so much now as maybe ten years ago, but in an actual fight, I'd put those two at a pretty even match, at least strength-wise.
4. Santino Marella and Jinder Mahal will be in the Royal Rumble. I'm as excited as John Laurinaitis doing his Ben Stein impression on valium.
5. I'm telling you Hustle, there are never too many limes... You could make homemade sprite if you could just find a lemon. And start driving a Charger!
6. Hey, look! A Mason Ryan appearance! Remember when it looked like he was getting a push? I didn't even recognize him. For a minute, I thought the FBI was back.
7. Kane is seen stalking either Zack Ryder or Eve. Maybe Kane just wants some peace and quiet and wants to follow Eve around to find out how to make people not react at all. What was it Edge and Foley called Tommy Dreamer in 2005? "The Innovator of Silence?" Dare I say, there is a new challenger!
8. In case you missed it because you... I don't know... Sneezed, Daniel Bryan took out Kofi Kingston. The counter into the LaBell Lock was impressive, but what a shameful thing (LOBSTERHEAD!) to see a match between these two end so soon.
9. I approve of Bryan's hinting heel turn, especially if I finally get to see the debut of "I have til FIIIIIIVE, ref!" Bring on some old school heel AmDrag!
10. Much like I enjoy evil hammy villains, I also love when it's obvious that guys like the Big Show are having a good time. So many people have to be dark and brooding all the time in the age of the 2000s Superdramahero.
11. Plus, Big Show just seems like fun-loving guy. In a world full of douchenozzles, they deserve to be appreciated.
12. I never cared for Ernest "The Cat" Miller, but I have to admit that I marked for the return of his entrance theme. The only thing missing is a little guy with a wig running out on the stage beforehand.
13. Remember what I said about liking to see people having fun instead of being dark and brooding all the time? I don't care that he's Flash "The Brodkishi" Miller, I had a good laugh.
14. Anyone ready to declare Curt Hawkins the "Marty Jannetty" of the Major Brothers? I'd say Zack Ryder has made a strong case for himself so far.
15. Ah, Epico and Primo do what most people do themselves when they see those two coming on television. How appropriate.
16. CM Punk and Jack Swagger have the best televised match I've seen since Punk and Ziggler in Hershey a while back. The sudden strong booking of Swagger may be what he needs to rejuvenate what's left of his credibility.
17. I remember when he won the world title, and it seemed like he said: "Okay, I've won the belt, how about I lose all personality, facial expression, and interesting characteristics whatsoever! It was like he was trying to be heel Jericho if you took away all likeability.
18. That being said, either strange booking or a botched ending for the match itself. As Punk was about to apply a hold of some kind, I'm leaning toward the latter.
19. It could also be a screwjob ref hint. You know, Laurinaitis trying to gain the trust of Punk by pulling a ref screwjob the other way? Tried and true heel authority method, if nothing else.
20. Yes, we get it. Cena and Kane brawled earlier. Thanks for showing it for the third time in full length.
21. Oh goodie, the Bella Twins! Thank you for continuing to give those two television time. If they're looking to be bloodsucking female leeches, at least give them Shawn Stasiak.
22. As Miz has been looking for a bodyguard against a stalking R-Truth, I realize we have two backstage stalkers on this show. You think Kane and Truth bumped into each other at any point? That had to be awkward.
23. I know R-Truth is doing something right when even my girlfriend is asking for him to come out. I love how he's even motioning along with the "WHAT?!" chants now, although that unfortunately means that awful chant will continue. Black clouds, silver linings.
24. Ricardo's got some pipes on him, and good for him for getting a big pop.
25. I guess Jericho's going for the "Why are you cheering me?" method of being a heel here? It's different, I'll give him that.
26. Kane gets possibly the biggest pop of the night at my house for saving us from an Eve Torres match.
27. Zack Ryder and Eve make haste into the longest frantic getaway ever seen in professional wrestling. She's about as good at waiting in the car for him to change a tire as she is getting a louder pop than a Mean Street Posse return.
28. Two backstage brawls in one night, as Kane chokeslams Ryder into a stack of pallets. At least the cameraman didn't wait to go through the door til the move was already completed.
29. Every time I see Kane using the smothering submission, all I can hear is Cary Elwes in my head from Liar, Liar saying "You are SCARED of the CLAW! You are SCARED of the CLAW!"
30. Now that I think of it, do you think Brodus Clay was given his gimmick as a punishment for breaking kayfabe and spoiling his not-debut a few months ago? Food for thought.
Not quite sure why the reaction for this RAW was so negative. It wasn't the greatest thing ever, but it was mostly entertaining.
DID SOMEONE ORDER A LARGE HAM?
As I stated above, this will be the award I give out for any 30 Thoughts column I do, and it is given for enjoyable over-acting. Kane had it for most of the show, but this week's winner of a large ham is R-Truth, for showing why you do NOT hit the mic out of his hand!
