1. Chris Jericho has returned, and while I'm quite happy to have him back... Not to mention impressed with the reaction his wordless promo has received... I'm still trying to figure out what all the cryptic promos were about. Is it possible that it was marking the return of someone else, and Jericho just stepped in? I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of this. Jericho has always been known to find new ways to be a heel.
2. Unlike the past few years, there doesn't seem to be a clear Rumble winner at this point in time. That makes the buildup rather exciting. My hope is that it goes to someone on the cusp of main eventing, and not another already-established name. Dolph Ziggler may be the frontrunner in this category, and well-deservedly, I might add.
3. Speaking of the Rumble, here's to hoping that no one who enters first, second, 27th, or 30th wins. Something right in the middle would be good for the next decade or so, so that the next person who goes start-to-finish is separated from Lord Voldemort and Rey Mysterio doing that.
4. Am I crazy, or has John Laurinaitis gotten infinitely more entertaining? I think either he or someone paying attention has figured out how to use his lack of personality to an advantage.
5. If R-Truth puts out a Little Jimmy shirt, I will buy it. Ever since his heel turn, he has made me laugh more times than anyone else. I love him like I love the Ultimate Warrior; I'm just trying to figure out what crazy shit he's going to say next.
6. Raise your hand if you ever thought you'd see the day where a character would have an invisible friend, and it would work? The closest thing in recent memory is Al Snow talking to a mannequin head.
7. Al Snow from 1998-99 teaming with today's R-Truth would likely produce comedy gold.
8. Thanks to Hustle, I still can't get through the beginning of Sheamus's entrance without shouting "It's a Shameful Thing, LOBSTERHEAD!" We actually yell it at Hooters when we're watching the Pay-Per-Views. Who cares if no one knows what we're talking about? It's fun.
9. I will disagree with Hustle on one thing, whether or not he drives a Dodge Stratus. You can never have too many limes. Limes float, and are useful in life preservers. As the late Mitch Hedberg once noted, you would be saved by the buoyancy of citrus.
10. However, it is fiscally irresponsible, so the economic argument will continue.
11. I haven't been to an independent wrestling event in about four years... As an attendee, that is... But I still miss Delirious promos. And Delirious wrestling. And Delirious in general.
12. Delirious once cut a promo with Christopher Daniels, who is one of the most underrated men on the mic I've ever seen. If only he was allowed to use the natural charisma and humor he possesses on television.
13. Edge might've been the man who changed 2011, as my fellow columnist Ro so eloquently pointed out, but he is a presence that is sorely missed.
14. Thinking about that gets me nostalgic for the old school Edge, Christian, and Kurt Angle nerdtacular promos that they cut around the 2000 run. Christian needs to return with a kazoo.
15. While we're at it, bring back Commissioner Mick Foley. His backstage antics were not only humorous, but also got many a wrestler over during the course of his run. It was hard to make Test look good in a backstage promo, but he managed to do it.
16. Speaking of the late Test, I might not remember him for much else, but he did throw one of the most vicious big boots I've ever seen.
17. It's like how I remember Maven for his awesome dropkick. The only other memorable thing he really did was get the everloving shit beaten out of him by the Undertaker after eliminating him in the 2002 Royal Rumble.
18. Do you think if the Usos took a cue from their dad, put on yellow sunglasses, and did a ridiculously cheesy dance, someone might notice they exist?
19. At least it would show some effort to give notice to a tag team, instead of just deciding that some new tag team is in line for a run with the titles. Nevermind maybe actually introducing them to us and letting us know who the hell they are. That might actually cause us to care.
20. If WWE doesn't panic because of ratings and instead took a 1997 approach of just getting newer faces in and taking the temporary hit, I think in the long run it could pay off. We unfortunately live in a generation that can't be patient for anything. That's a shameful thing (LOBSTERHEAD!), as the outlook for this year is the brightest, dare I say, since about 2005.
21. Ted DiBiase still has the greatest evil laugh in history.
22. Does anyone remember when Kaientai would be dubbed over like old Japanese Godzilla movies? INDEEEEED! Even something like that may help some of these young tag teams... Whoever they are.
23. I, for one, am absolutely loving the new Kane/John Cena feud. I think it's providing an angle that we haven't seen with Cena, and I don't need to go on another Kanetastic masked rant.
24. It's good that they're letting CM Punk be vulnerable, especially in the process of getting over Dolph Ziggler. His feud with John Laurinaitis is also refreshing, in that someone is feuding with an authority figure and it isn't Vince McMahon.
25. I still would like an answer to the forgotten-about Anonymous RAW GM. That would be the perfect opportunity to bringing back Commissioner Foley.
26. But have CM Punk on commentary and let him read the email one more time. I've said it before... CM Punk and Scott Stanford should commentate the rest of everything forever, while John Hurt can narrate it.
27. What is everyone's favorite Royal Rumble moment? (Notice how I saved that for 27?) Most would think that mine was Kane's 11-elimination performance in 2001, and you would be close. But believe it or not, my favorite Rumble moment wasn't even in the match, but it was the promo for the 2005 Royal Rumble, where they all did the West Side Story commercial.
28. Something about 2005 was awesome for Pay-Per-View commercials. Between the Royal Rumble's West Side Story promo and all of the Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood movie trailer parodies, that was the best year in recent memory for promoting shows. Beats the hell out of Santino Marella looking into a crystal ball.
29. I used to find Santino Marella entertaining, but he's become a reason to change the channel. Take him off of television for awhile, because I don't think there's a wrestler with less credibility on the roster. I'm all for having jobbers, but it's sad to see a guy with so much charisma fall that far.
30. There's nothing wrong with being an enhancement talent, as some debuting wrestlers could use a few of those. It does make me miss Steven Richards though. But being carried through by a veteran like Val Venis in your first televised match can do wonders for the beginning of your career. Let's start taking bets on who jobs first to Brodus Clay... If he ever debuts, that is.
So that about wraps up this edition of 30 Thoughts, In Laiman's Terms. Glad to be back for the new year.
