LOP on Facebook LOP on Twitter LOP on Google Plus LOP on Youtube LOP's RSS Feed
News | Results | Columns | Forums

Home | Headlines | News | Results | Columns | Radio | Indy | Forums | Contact | Bookmark | Share

Posted in: In Laiman's Terms
30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 9-2-13
By Al Laiman
Sep 2, 2013 - 11:13:28 PM

credit Tom Jenner

Email: al.laiman.lop@gmail.com
Twitter: @AlLaimanLOP, @JadedHope1

Jaded Hope returns soon.

30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 8-26-13

1. Welcome to Labor Day's Monday Night RAW, and if the lights go out, Ray Lewis will call it a C-O-N-Spiracy. I'm home and ready to watch the show tonight, but to be entirely honest, I let the show go on for about a half hour before I started, because I don't want to talk about That Thing or watch the recaps either. This will be the last time for awhile that I can get 30 Thoughts out in a timely fashion. I don't know how my school schedule will work with trying to get the show out, but I will keep writing it as soon as I can. Triple H starts off the show with The Shield at ringside... Wait, am I watching last week's RAW? He introduces someone who is the Face of the Company? Well I'll be damned, who could that be? The commentators call a reign involving Triple H a "Reign of Terror." They really are just trolling us.

2. Randy Orton says some things, and like another RAAAAAAAANDY, he lets people know that they need to be dealt with. A guy who really looks like Sheamus is sitting along the ramp. The heels have been invincible for four straight shows, save for a Yescalade getting damaged, so while they do need to continue to look strong, they need to get at least a few shots in before it gets tedious. Randy Orton plays "Survey Says!" with the audience, and says what he wants to anyway. He wants Bryan to give up his chance to face Orton at Night of Champions... Why? Triple H blames the Universe for getting Bryan into situations where he gets hurt. This is some more great heel work, even saying that popularity has nothing to do with what is best for business. What? H being the justified heel prick is great, especially by mentioning the Cruiserweight title as a "good little goal." What a condescending ass. I love it.

3. Daniel Bryan interrupts again, and JBL announces him as the next Cruiserweight champion. Burn. I'm still feeling some deja vu here. The reaction for him is still thunderous and the chants are audible. Bryan's verbal attacks on the two are getting stronger and more justified in his own right, especially by chastising Orton for being handed the title. Bryan's position of being the one who's been told he could never do anything as opposed to Orton, who has been given favorable booking his entire career. I like it, and Orton is in a great place to play that role now. Triple H finally brings up the IRONCLAD CONTRACT! except they said that it was no longer on Smackdown, from what I understand, and that gives H a reason to book Bryan against the Big Show. You dastardly bastard!

4. Triple H and Orton backstage walk up to Cody Rhodes, who does his best to tread the thin line between upsetting the two and saying what he feels. Rhodes makes a mistake by saying he knows what's best for business, and this is probably going to get him in trouble, and Orton refuses to stand up for his old Legacy friend. I guess jobbing to someone 3000 times will do that. Make that 3001, because he just got a match against Orton tonight, as a "wedding present." H then adds in the douche-a-meter, and threatens to put his employment on the line.

5. The feud that makes the crowd go "Meh!" is on next, as the thrilling storyline unravels before our very eyes involving such heinous acts as... The Carlton Dance, and... That Jerry Garcia outfit that Miz wore. To their credit, they do seem to be working moderately well togehter, and the crowd does care about it this time. Although nothing is quite as riveting as going into the commercial break in a resthold.

6. Oh, they went into break because there was blood! THE HORROR! Next they might have to launch the Emergency Broadcast System to block out a bad word. Miz ends up winning in rather anti-climactic fashion with that move he was given from Ric Flair, so the crowd is kept a bit happy between the beatdowns of most of the big face names.

7. Daniel Bryan is confronted backstage by Booker T, who is there because... Why the hell not? Booker tries to discourage him from going back to the Indies, but not to fight against the McMahons either. Bryan has a great moment where he throws Booker's own catch phrase back at him. More people try to tell him to stay down, and he won't. Speaking of staying down, a really long highlight reel of last week. Time to use that handy delay of starting with some skipping.

8. Ohai Dolph Ziggler, it's your turn for a mystery opponent as we go into another commercial. I'm sure that radio interview he gave won't get him any repercussions whatsoever. Speaking of which, Dean Ambrose attacks him from behind and sends him into the ringpost. As Ambrose tells him he needs to respect the business, Ryback comes out as his opponent in his favorite yin-yang outfit. Ryback really gets at him by... tearing his shirt. That'll teach you Dolph, how dare you state the incredibly obvious, even if it is in kayfabe? The crowd chants that Ryback can't wrestle, and we have yet another case of a beaten-down face trying to fight against an opponent in a rigged situation. Ziggler has a great counter to the Clothesline From Skynet with a Maven-like dropkick. It doesn't last long though, as he just does it anyway a minute later. Ryback wins with a Shellshock, cause yeah... We're so excited to see him getting high profile wins.

9. Brad Maddox lets Triple H and Stephanie know that Big Show is refusing to fight Daniel Bryan, and Stephanie actually uses the phrase "that's not the way I roll." In the words of Lou Brown: Don't ever fucking do it again.

10. Stephanie introduces Big Show as someone who helped her out a lot when she was younger. She calls him "My Giant" so I guess I can start calling her "Shae." JBL is starting to get a little obnoxious with the heel trolling. Cole explains that if he helps Daniel Bryan, his IRONCLAD CONTRACT! could be rescinded. Well then... IT'S NOT A FUCKING IRONCLAD CONTRACT NOW, IS IT?! Stephanie takes a play out of her husband's book by being manipulative, and... She's going with the JBL/HBK angle. She explains that his IRONCLAD CONTRACT! is breeched if he doesn't perform his duties. Wow, he should've read that IRONCLAD CONTRACT! before he signed it. She almost directly starts quoting what John Laurinaitis said before he put Show's career on the line. Show starts crying after she mentions that giants don't live long. The crowd starts chanting... For Y2J? Okay, that's random.

11. EDGE! Edge is coming back! Well that's good news, considering the shitstorm we just saw. We get to see Show backstage destroying things. Yeah, he's angry, ROAR! Cole then says it's exclusive content, despite the fact that they're showing... Nope, not going there. I do however think they need to learn the definition of "exclusive." Tutorial video, oh fuck you. Skip.

12. So who is 3MB losing this week? The Prime Time Players, all right then. Titus beats Slater down while blowing into a whistle. There's a pun in there somewhere, but I'm already too annoyed to find it. How is it that Drew McIntyre never gets in on any of these matches? Is the Universe just that excited to see Jinder Mahal? I know Hustle is. Darren takes an awkward fall off the ropes to begin the cheap heat. Titus gets the hot tag, and JBL says that he has no idea how good he can be. Kay... Titus ends up pinning Jinder with the Baldo Bomb, and sometimes you just have to wonder why they even bother going through with 3MB matches.

13. Paul Heyman confronts Brad Maddox backstage, and Heyman isn't thrilled with Maddox. Heyman is reminding me a lot of Colm Meany's role in Hell on Wheels with his quiet, well-mannered, over-emphasized delivery. Heyman is upset about being put in a situation where Punk could get his hands of him, and Triple H steps in on the best for business cue, that even he makes a joke about. I guess even the Corporation doesn't care for his antics. I guess Triple H now approves of CM Punk? If Triple H says "what's best for business" one more time, I'm going to pray to JBL that someone punches him right in the fuck.

14. The Wyatt Family get another video package, and he's talking about Icarus. Mythology is definitely a good reference point for a cult leader. The production is really well done on this, but eventually the in-ring stuff needs to back it up. Everyone's just gotta pretend that we don't know Kane's out filming an unnecessary sequel.

15. Now we're up for Cody Rhodes against Orton, and given how many times Rhodes has lost to Orton, including at WrestleMania, I don't like his odds. It's really weird to hear Michael Cole defending Daniel Bryan, even at this point. Although it's also interesting that Cole is the only one allowed to speak out about such things without being "dealt with." Apparently Delirious was on Twitter on That Other Thing at one point. Rhodes gets sent outside while some hyper-feminine guy screams "COOOOOOODY!" Cole says that Rhodes is continuing to battle, so I guess he's taking his verbal cues from Pat Shurmur.

16. We come back in the middle of a Rhodes shine, but he immediately gets backdropped on the security wall. That Other Thing is on even more than usual. The faces are watching backstage in great anticipation. The crowd is doing that thing where they're chanting random things again. Cody finally makes his comeback and does such an awesome job of it that the crowd finally starts chanting his name. That was pretty impressive. There was even a Goldust punch in there. After it looks like it's over, Orton kicks out of the Cross-Rhodes in an extremely believable close-fall. This is a damn good match. Cody goes for the Disaster Kick, misses, hurts the knee, and gets RKO'd. The match was really good, but we all knew that was coming. The Corporation strikes again. Thankfully, JBL is there to remind us that Randy Orton is the face of this company. Hey, I needed that reminder. So I guess just as Rhodes' career was finally going somewhere, he's going away for a while.

17. Triple H comes out to make that inevitable announcement, which is of course what's right for business. I guess you can be fired for losing matches now, so that damn Corporation just robbed the Cody of his livelihood. He gets a half-assed "Thank You Cody" chant as he limps out of the arena. Damn, just as I was finally getting interested in what he was doing, too.

18. JTG is still employed, ladies and gentlemen. 6 years, 112 days, 1 hour, 56 minutes.

19. CM Punk is out next with a kendo stick, ready to rise again. However, he says "no more talking," as he continues talking, so... Yeah. Punk is going a bit "Cane Dewey" with the stick, and that's a good thing. Punk almost makes Curtis Axel sound like a legitimate threat, and that is quite a testament to his verbal abilities. Punk finally starts hitting his stride, and has Des Moines alive and chanting. Punk promises to break Heyman's face, and Axel is an afterthought, pretty much. We then have to watch another highlight video of something they took an entire segment of television earlier to show, and... FUCK, my DVR is caught up! Good time for a bathroom break.

20. Big Show talks to Daniel Bryan backstage, and he's really emotional. Show's been put in the position where Rhodes has been made an example, and he can't do anything about it. Bryan doesn't appear to be letting it affect him much, and lets him know that he'll beat him anyway. Show comes off with more sympathy to his situation. Is this how they turn him against the faces?

21. AJ's Pipe-Bombshell is revisited in order to give three jobber-entranced Divas a number-one contender match. AJ then comes out to a pretty strong reaction, and as someone commented last week, she may have inadvertently turned herself face with that promo. AJ continues angrily attacking the women involved in Total Divas, which has no problem by me. AJ is really coming off strong by saying that this is their second love, and they're all in it to be actresses. That is far more interesting than the match.

22. AJ breaks up the match to a pretty decent pop, and they all start attacking her. That wasn't her wisest decision ever. She's unified the Total Divas ladies against her. Somehow, mostly the focus is still on the Bellas which, let's face it, is what they really want anyway.

23. A commercial with "More, More, More" airs, and I have to admit, I teared up a little bit. Unfortunately, it's just being used to promote the cable re-airing of a network TV show.

24. Los Genericos sure are getting a lot of vignettes. Damien Sandow is out already for a match, and he's facing RVD, so... Yeah, he's losing again. Ricardo has already immensely approved on his introduction for Rob Van Dam. Van Dam and Sandow is an interesting blend of styles, and given time and a proper non-obvious-ending match, I bet they could put on a good show. ADR's music hits, and he comes out in a grey suit with a black tuxedo scarf before the commercial break.

25. Sandow got the cut-off during the commercial, so naturally we're back just in time for RVD to get the hope spot. It's nice to actually see a face manager for a change, and I like RVD being in the perpertually-over upper-card role. Sandow almost wins via roll-up, but to the surprise of only the people who thought 3MB and Cody Rhodes had a chance, Rob Van Dam wins. This show is heavy with matches with obvious outcomes, and it is tainting it. ADR naturally just stands there like the void of personality he is and watches.

26. During recap hour, I'll just say this about That Thing, and that's all... If you're showing exclusive content on the different medium of television, it's NOT EXCLUSIVE! We then get an interview with Cody Rhodes, who is interviewed on his way out, because workers that no longer work for the company always get featured. Rhodes easily cuts the best promo of his career though, and they're really making the "wife watching" angle a thing. Wonder if that'll come into play somehow.

27. We then get an interview with Cody Rhodes, who is interviewed on his way out, because workers that no longer work for the company always get featured. Rhodes easily cuts the best promo of his career though, and they're really making the "wife watching" angle a thing. Wonder if that'll come into play somehow. So the entire roster comes out yet again for a Daniel Bryan match. Is every Daniel Bryan match now a school assembly?

28. Bryan is out for his match, and is still insanely over. I'm hoping something starts to actually transpire tonight, as opposed to heels beat everyone down and the show goes off the air. We need at least a hope spot somewhere. Big Show really doesn't want to fight Bryan, and Bryan looks like kind of a dick for attacking him. Bryan is kind of like Austin in a way because he'll even attack his allies any chance he gets. He does look like a badass for taking Big Show down though, and he needs that. Show keeps telling him that he doesn't want to do this, and keeps knocking him down when he doesn't listen. Show looks dominant, but Bryan keeps finding spots where he gets some close falls. He then gets GORED off the top rope, and Show gets pissed that he had to do it. This is pretty intriguing. Instead of hitting the KO, he starts to walk out of the ring, but Triple H and the Shield cut him off.

29. While Triple H tells Show to get back in the ring, Shield attacks Bryan. Like on Smackdown, H stops Show from making the save, which would've caused a huge pop. Bryan takes yet another triple powerbomb, and Show takes it even harder that he had to watch it. H then demands that he hit the KO to Bryan at the threat of his job. Show refuses, and walks out of the ring, at which point Stephanie comes out. Bryan's had plenty of time to recover, so maybe he'll duck it? They're really dragging this out, but Show finally punches him out. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Randy Orton's music hits. Guess he's out to beat a dead horse.

30. This show was... I don't even know how to describe it. Most of the matches had incredibly obvious endings, the heel faction continues to dominate literally every aspect of the angle, Show is being manipulated with the same angle he had before mixed in with some JBL/HBK sprinkles... I mean, this has been the last five shows straight. The heel faction needs to look strong, yes, but at this point it's like the Yankees playing a high school team. Somewhere, at some point, Bryan needs to strike back somewhere. He can only take so many triple powerbombs before it gets old. Where does that line come in? I don't know. But this show left a lot to be desired.

JBL for going way over the top with his announcing, even throwing in a "Vintage Orton."

2012 - Daniel Bryan
1-7-13 - John Cena
1-14-13 - Dr. Shelby
1-21-13 - Anger Management
1-27-13 - Kofi Kingston
1-28-13 - Tensai
2-4-13 - Brad Maddox
2-11-13 - The Shield
2-18-13 - Damien Sandow
2-25-13 - Daniel Bryan
3-4-13 - Fandango
3-11-13 - Rhodes Scholars
3-18-13 - Rufus "Pancake" Patterson
3-25-13 - Mark Henry
3-26-13 - Antonio Cesaro
4-1-13 - Ryback
4-7-13 - Paul Heyman
4-8-13 - The Izod Center crowd
5-20-13 - Paul Heyman
5-27-13 - Chris Jericho
6-3-13 - Damien Sandow
6-10-13- Kane
6-17-13 - Mark Henry
6-24-13 - Big E. Langston
7-8-13 - Vickie Guerrero
7-9-13 - Paul Heyman
7-15-13 - Brad Maddox
7-22-13 - Damien Sandow
7-29-13 - Vince McMahon
8-5-13 - Bray Wyatt
8-12-13 - Daniel Bryan
8-19-13 - CM Punk
8-26-13 - Triple H
9-2-13 - JBL

  • IN LAIMAN'S TERMS - A Letter

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - 8-11-14

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 8-4-Did you know the WWE Network is only 9.99 a Month?!

  • IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: The First 30 Thoughts

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 6-30-14

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 6-23-14

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 6-16-14

  • IN LAIMAN'S TERMS: Laiman Asks Himself: "Have We Retconned WrestleMania XXX?"

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 6-2-14

  • 30 Thoughts with Al Laiman - RAW 5-26-14