You may be wondering just what it is you’ve clicked on here. The garish banners, the endless text, the quirky little comic. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the very first issue, the stunning bumper debut issue of your new premiere wrestling internet fanzine exclusive right here to Lords of Pain.
This is Spandex Fortnightly! *Activates canned applause.*
Yes, that’s right. I, ‘Plan, your resident Man in Magenta, has been here for two minutes and has already opted for a new collaborative effort set to come to your shores every two weeks should this interesting venture prove to be a positively received, wonderfully executed success.
I will be your editor-in-chief here at Spandex Fortnightly, overseeing the creative and publishing processes…but never fear. I am not here to bore you with two solo columns. Oh no. I have by my side here at the offices of SpF a co-conspirator. You all know him. He’s a tyrannical moderator who will never, EVER allow me to have a wonderful Two-Face Sheep in my signatures in the Forums. Some say he really does have trotters instead of hands. And that he thinks only in Statistical Mathematics. All I know is he’s called the Sheepster!
Say hello Sheepy!
Hello!
Ok, that’s enough from you. More from Sheepy a little later on ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and thanks go to Top Gear, from whom I stole that Stig like introduction.
Now what can you expect to see from us here at Spandex Fortnightly? Well we have decided to bring to you the most artistic, most intriguing, most enthralling variety package in all of the Internet Wrestling Community. In the coming bumper package you will find everything from a leaked and totally mad up movie script harbouring elements of a much loved science fiction movie series…all with a point relevant to wrestling, to a fascinating article coming up next based entirely on the wonderful phenomenon that is WRESTLING ROBOTS! Oh yes. We will have polls and discussions of current issues as well as our co-editor here at SpF trawling through the murky depths of Twitter to bring us a glowing report on what is on the mind of our favourite wrestling superstars.
And so all that is left for me to do here is to welcome you all to the first edition of Spandex Fortnightly and cross my fingers, hope it succeeds and pray that this is the start of a beautiful friendship, not only between me and my trusted colleague Sheepster, but also between us here at Spandex Fortnightly and you, out there, taking the time to read this drivel we’re trying to pass off as a column.
Enjoy!
Robots!
JAPANESE scientists have found the answer to almost all the current problems that affect the wrestling industry. Recently, they unveiled several 6-inch tall robots that are able to juke, jive, run, fall down, get up and mimic various wrestling manoeuvres. Crowds were astounded as the smaller red robot ran circles around the larger black robot, and it eventually managed to take the other robot down with a clothesline. Although it took a full 3 minutes for either robot to carry out a recognisable move, scientists believe that it won’t be long before we see robots regularly jumping around inside the squared circle.
“We now know it’s possible. We can move forward from here,” said the lead scientist. “Big strides are being made in the field of robotics. We could have a wrestling robot that’s as flexible as Scott Steiner in less than 5 years.” And that isn’t all. Three months ago, they finished building a robot that had more charisma than Todd Grisham. It failed the Turing test miserably, but managed to commentate on a taped five-minute cruiserweight match with no deviation from the topic and almost no mistakes. They’re hailing it as a success. But more fluid wrestling is still some way off. The record for the quickest robot match is currently 7 hours and 43 minutes.
In the future, they’re confident of bringing this down to normal levels. And the benefits they’d reap by doing so are amazing. “No injuries. No wages. No contract disputes. This is a promoter’s dream,” claims one investor. “Robots can be built to last. The moves can only get crazier from here, because there’s no worry of injury.” If promoters wished, they could build their own superstars from scratch. Literally. They pick the body type, the personality and the movesets. Whole federations could be filled with different robots of different shapes and sizes. Aside from electricity, the cost of running events would plummet. Some are already seeing robots as a wrestling cure-all. But not all problems can be overcome.
FR3D was one of the earliest prototypes that was created. FR3D explains, “I was one of the first. I thought I was special. I thought I was untouchable.” Most thought FR3D was the future. But then he failed a drugs test. “I got caught with WD-40 in my system. If I knew they were looking for it, I never would’ve taken it. I’m so ashamed of what I did.” It’s only one case, but it’s one that could easily be repeated. Only strict rules, constant checks and harsh punishments will keep this abuse in check. FR3D now works as a Roomba.
Some are already looking to the distant future, and are trying to understand what this concept would mean. One man in particular is looking forward to the day when man can face machine in the ring. Dave Batista told us, “This is a good thing that they’re doing. We can train against these machines and become better at what we do. When Skynet comes online, we’ll be ready to take them down.”
Not everyone is happy with developments, however. A rather agitated Matt Hardy was quick to inform us, “They could take our jobs! This must be stopped!” Many wrestlers feel the same way. With robot wrestling on the rise, jobs would become sparser. And now that the recession is in full swing, the effect is becoming more pronounced. This is hitting home with everyone. “I’m 44 years old right now,” The Undertaker rumbled. “These robots could be commonplace in 30 years. I could be out of WWE before I’m 75. That’s not how I planned to spend my retirement.”
But the robot wrestle-lution is still a long way off, and their jobs are safe. For now.
Right about this time folks I, your editor-in-chief here at Spandex Fortnightly, would like to welcome you, one and all to the very first instalment of WrestleTalk, your one stop shop for rough and tumble chitter-chatter!
It’s not often that I share my thoughts on current goings on in the WWE in my columns so this will hopefully provide a nice little outlet for me and be interesting enough a piece to enthral you, the wrestling fandom masses. Sometimes my fellow editor Sheepster will take over from me here in WrestleTalk so it’s all up to you to pick up the newest edition of Spandex Fortnightly to see who it is pondering events every two weeks.
But for now you must settle for me. Let’s get to business shall we?
We are little over a week away from WWE’s latest pay per view offering The Bash and currently, as I sit typing this, there are few bouts announced for the card. Some of these have left numerous people in the IWC feeling a little exasperated considering the frequency of these on-paper matches over the last few months and, in one particular case, last few years. Does that, however, justify not tuning in for the event so uninspiringly labelled The Bash?
No, I don’t think so. Let us see what we have for sure first, and those not wanting to know what happens on this week’s edition of Smackdown! should skip the following few paragraphs.
First off, we have the first women’s match on pay-per-view for a title since the Rumble. While I’m sure Melina and McCool can put on a decent bout by Diva standards, I’m sure many are sick of seeing McCool getting handed these opportunities that many others are much more deserving of. Having said that, the main issue here is not McCool’s rumoured backstage politicking but rather that it seems, ever since the battle royal at Wrestlemania, the WWE has lost any confidence in its female divisions and their ability to “get it done”. Why else refuse them any pay-per-view time? I know I can’t think of a decent reason; if you can, email in to Spandex Fortnightly and you’ll be featured when appropriate! This, to me, seems to be the chance for the women of the WWE to finally redeem themselves.
We also have the first Championship Scramble set to take place since Unforgiven. I was always of the opinion that this was simply a new match type and not a gimmick exclusive to the pay-per-view; looks like I was right! The ECW Championship has been quite perplexing to me recently; it’s gone from a young promising rookie to a reliable veteran to little more than a pay off for a mostly forgettable career, that of Tommy Dreamer. I’d fully expect a title change here as it offers a nice opportunity for Dreamer to finally drop the belt he shouldn’t by rights have, albeit without being defeated.
And then there’s the Unified Tag Team Championships. Nothing much for me to say here other than it’s good to finally see Priceless get their own chance to shine in the spots they should have been holding since Legacy’s formation. Instead they’ve fell victim from the ego-feeding desires of The Kliq II; Triple H, Batista and Flair. This is their chance to regain some credibility so let’s hope they can get it done and give Legacy some much need legitimacy as a stable. My only concern is, with Priceless carrying the titles, there are simply fewer opportunities for The Hart Trilogy to take off.
Another championship match (I’m detecting a pattern here….) will see Jericho and Rey face off in a Mask vs. Title bout. While it’s good to see these two on pay-per-view once more as they always bring the house down, I’m perplexed as to why they haven’t saved this massive drawing pay off bout for Summerslam. I can’t see where they can go after putting Mysterio’s mask on the line…but then again perhaps it’s time to end the feud here with a Mysterio win, freeing Jericho up for a big time summer feud. Undertaker anyone?
And then there are the main events. I can’t abide CM Punk and I have similarly low levels of tolerance for Jeff Hardy. He’s been in the title scene so much recently and won it twice without really being a legit looking champion once…so rest him up and bring him back at a later date I say. However, this is their chance to convince me on their talents so let’s hope they can pull one out the bag. And, of course, then there’s Orton vs. Triple H.
Now before any of you say it, I too feel this one’s gotten stale. I started very optimistic given the wonderful build the feud they had during Wrestlemania season and it seemed to have a nice long life that could keep us all guessing. Then Batista came back, Triple H had a rest and it all went to pot. The Backlash match felt like a little bit of a clusterfuck and Batista and Orton unfortunately failed to carry an entertaining feud on their own; I am, however, in the minority who enjoyed their bouts with one another and blame the failure of their feud mostly on the piss-poor repetitive booking on Raw as opposed to the work of either man involved.
The fact Triple H and Orton are facing off in a Last Man Standing match for the title one week before the pay-per-view has left me completely confused. Is Triple H going to have himself another No Mercy 07 style title reign? I hope not. I do hope it will lead to a bloody, brutal Street Fight or Cell match in its wake at The Bash…but then they can hardly give such a stipulation the proper build it needs. I can’t help but feel pretty conflicted here folks!
Nonetheless, The Bash is the chance for these two to get this quickly derailing feud back on track. I just fear that they won’t even get the opportunity because of this completely topsy-turvey booking. It’s no secret Raw has become somewhat…irritating in its idiocy. It sadly doesn’t look to be letting up. But you never know; maybe Orton and Trips can perform a miracle!
So it seems that The Bash is turning into somewhat of an important pay-per-view for me. It seems to be the end of the Jericho/Rey programme and provides an opportunity for the women, Legacy and Raw’s main event to redeem themselves after months of sidelines and wrong directions. I usually fail when I try and predict what else we will see but I pray they’ll be normal straight up grudge matches. With 6 matches already announced and each one for a title so far it’s looking too similar to what Night of Champions is going to be next month. For the sake of making a call I’ll go for yet another Cena/Show borefest and maybe a bout between Edge and John Morrison.
One thing is for sure; for me, The Bash is a point upon which the WWE’s axis is set to turn. Let’s hope it turns in the right direction.
Sheepster: This past week, it was announced that Donald Trump has bought out the Monday Night Raw brand. Some have dropped their jaws in disbelief at these happenings. Some have pooh-poohed it as a cheesy stunt to raise awareness for both McMahon's and Trump's products. But I can't find many people that agree with me; I think it's definitely a Good Idea.
Those cheesy-stunt-idea proponents are partially correct. It IS a cheesy stunt. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. Donald Trump is a big figure and the media will pick up on this. This could give some mainstream exposure to WWE and for once, it won't be negative. Even if the exposure isn't as pronounced, casual fans and former fans will hear about it in some way. This is already creating increased interest and fans will come back, just to see what happens. The Internet won't agree with me, but you can't underestimate the fickleness of wrestling fans. It's also something different and outside-the-box. It shows willingness to change things up. For once, they haven't gone with the usual Austin/Bischoff/Flair idea that they usually have. And I honestly think it'll lead to some fun times. Alright, he might not be on Raw every week, and will probably have an interim GM to do his work for him. But this is a breath of fresh air for me. I'm now looking forward to watching Raw for the first time since before the Royal Rumble. Of course, this all distracts from year 6 of the perpetual Orton-vs-Triple H feud which 90% of the audience are uninterested in. That can only be good. And if all else fails, this is guaranteed to lead us to another big McMahon feud that overshadows everything else. And that's what brings in the moolah.
'Plan: So Donald Trump is now the sole owner of Monday Night Raw…the brand. What an interesting idea Mr. McMahon. I wonder whether he came up with this one between deciding to get blown up by a limousine or turning his wrestling show into a piss poor game show. When I first learned of this, in truth, I was unsure how to react. I’m pretty sure there was similar feeling throughout the WWE fandom. It is certainly going to be up for the “OMG! Moment of the Year” Slammy Award I’m sure. But that doesn’t make this a good idea. It is in fact a Bad Idea.
The thing is, I can’t see it doing anything. Just…it won’t do anything. I mean sure, we get a commercial free Raw but that wasn’t a Trump Decision now was it? Not really. And sure, there may be a short term boost in ratings but it is simply another tribute as to Vince’s obsession with looking at the short term and not being patient enough to think of the future. Trump can’t be at Raw every week; it may just be two hours but once you add the time to set up a pre-taped segment, multiple takes or flight times coming and going from the set live and it adds up to an amount of time I’m sure a man as busy as Trump doesn’t have to spend. So we’ll get another General Manager…which could have just happened anyway. I doubt much mainstream media attention is going to come around as the mainstream media are the same media that always decry wrestling as fake; they know Trump doesn’t really own Raw so why would they bother with calling it news? And besides, this all clearly stinks so much of “Big Summer Storyline” that we all know it will inevitable lead to a revisiting of McMahon vs. Trump for Summerslam, most likely with control of Raw on the line this time around. This seems particularly likely given their plans to make ‘Slam more of an event this year. And if that is the case, if this is all simply leading to a storyline…is revisiting something that was only midly interesting two years ago anyway the best that they can give us?
But what else could the have given us?
What else could they do? Gee, I dunno sheep. Maybe something regarding what was meant to be the biggest feud of the year between Orton and Trips. Orton punted Vince in the head, Vince comes back to attack him before 'Mania...and now he seems to have totally forgotten all about it. Talk about insulting the fanbase.
You really want to see Orton vs McMahon? Wow. At least this way, we know Trump won't be stepping into the ring. And maybe this won't even lead to a feud. Maybe it's a long term thing. You can't know how busy Trump is. Maybe he's being paid enough that this is worth his while. He could insert himself into other feuds. This could be an interesting summer. We can't know until it happens.
Perhaps but Orton vs. McMahon was not my intention. It still wouldn't be too late to bring Steph back and have her do some kind of turn...or even Vince could turn and side with Legacy, igniting another family feud. Vince doesn't need to step into the ring to be involved with the feud, but it could...I think it should be the one where his attentions are focussed. Screw Donald Trump. He won't do anything for the ratings! So I really can't see the point of his involvement.
Because it's something different!
It's different?! They did it two years ago! Or can you not remember Hair vs. Hair, huh?
That was just simple fun ego-bashing stuff. This time, it's a full-on power struggle! And for once, they're not going back to the overused well of previous owners.
I don't want another full-on power struggle! Remember the last time WWE did that? They managed to fuck it up, in the opinion of the masses. I believe they named it...the Invasion.
I loved that!!
Oh.... Well, wrestling is always subjective. But in an age when people are crying out for something brand new and we're getting Donald vs. McMahon again barely two years after round one...and an overused power struggle story, which may not yet even happen, it shows the WWE still struggles to be creative!
Again? Pfft.
And besides. You don't honestly think this cheap stunt would entice older fans back? "Oh...Donald Trump owns Raw? I want to watch wrestling again!" strikes me as a little too presumptious a link.
As I said, the internet probably won't agree with me. But I'm a casual fan. And I have been enticed back by the Donald Trump appearance. So that's 100% of the casual fans I know that have been brought back to wrestling by this.
...blast! Foiled by your statistical expertese once more! I tell you what. Clearly we won't be able to agree here so how about...how about we let the readers decide?
Yes. Let's.
1. EXT. CITY RUINS – NIGHT
A large ruinous field covered in human skulls and the wreckage of burned out vehicles. Tall crumbling skyscrapers cover the horizon. Wind billows through the post-apocalyptic landscape, a nightmare of death and destruction.
A TITLE CARD FADES IN:
LOS ANGELES, February 9, 2020
A purple laser burns across the screen, screeching in the night, followed by a second and a third. CAMERA tilts up to reveal a HUNTER-KILLER advancing through the rubble, lasers destroying anything in its path.
2. A decrepit jeep burns rubber as it screams across a deserted road desperately escaping it’s pursuant. The HK unleashes a hell fire of lasers causing the jeep to erupt in a ball of fire and death. Human screams echo out through the air. The HK crawls like a merciless tank over the burning wreckage. CAMERA TRACKS the HK as a MALE VOICE speaks:
VOICE
The future is not set. Something has changed. Something is different. The machines are stronger than we thought, stronger than my mother ever taught me.
3. EXTREME CLOSE UP of a pair of cold, war hardened eyes. PAN OUT to reveal John Connor, his face a grimace of pain. Sweat mops his brow. Men and women in soldier uniforms rush around him. They are evacuating. HOLD ON that image as the VOICE speaks again:
VOICE
I was always taught I was humanity’s last best hope of survival. I never thought they’d get to me. Not really. …something in the wind. A change is coming, a change my mother, even my father didn’t predict.
4. Flames unexpectedly engulf the screen. PAN OUT to show a building erupting in a hellish mushroom exploding. John Connor is dead.
DISSOLVE TO:
THE NIGHT SKY. DARK, HEAVY CLOUDS FILL THE SCREEN. THUNDER RUMBLES AND LIGHTNING FLASHES. CREDITS.
DISSOLVE TO:
5. INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
A series of lockers line the walls, female clothes hanging from them, discarded. The faint rumblings of a loud crowd can be heard. Blue fingers of white crackling lightning flash to life, arching up and burning across the walls. The lightning forms a strange ball, growing rapidly in the air before the FRAME WHITES OUT with a loud CRACKLE OF THUNDER.
The FRAME FADES IN slowly to reveal a lean man hunched down on one knee, naked, arms by his sides…THE TERMINATOR has arrived. His physique is lean but muscular, ripped and sleek. His face is cold, apathetic yet fierce. TERMINATOR rises with perfect balance, scanning his surroundings.
A TITLE CARD FADES IN:
NEW YORK, March 31, 1985
6A. INT. ARENA CORRIDOR – NIGHT
TERMINATOR emerges through the doors and stops. He surveys the corridor.
6B. TERMINATOR POV. The screen turns red, a digitised cyber-vision scanning the figures staring at this naked man before them.
6C. TERMINATOR moves forwards with rhythmic precision, scanning everything in front of it. It pauses beside a man of similar size and a woman. The man looks slightly anxious, the woman smiling lopsidedly as she looks TERMINATOR up and down.
6D. TERMINATOR POV. Words flash across the screen as TERMINATOR scans the man, body parts flashing and instantly taking precise measurements: Match.
6E. Without a word, TERMINATOR grabs the man by the throat with one hand, servos in the skull ticking with the appearance of veins pulsing in the forehead. TERMINATOR snaps the choking man’s neck with one simply flick of the wrist. The woman screams deafeningly. TERMINATOR’s eyes dart to one side, its attention turning to the advancing would-be heroes. The mob stops dead in its tracks. TERMINATOR turns, fists slowly and robotically clenching, bending forwards like a coiled viper.
“The Terminator’s an infiltration unit, part man, part machine. Underneath, it’s a hyper-alloy combat chassis - micro-processor controlled, fully armoured. Very tough. But outside it’s living human tissue – flesh, skin, hair blood….”
What the hell is going on here? It’s simple and it has a point. Terminators appear to be one thing on their exterior but underneath they are something so much more advanced.
It is often easy to forget that the men and women we see in a ring every week are portraying characters wildly different from their real life personalities. In many ways, they are actors, whether I want to accept that or not. I am guilty of such a thing, of forgetting everyone on a WWE screen is a make-believe character, particular when those characters go under names the same as or vastly similar to the wrester’s real name; names like Randy Orton.
Randy Orton recently claimed he would like to one day become an actor. When I read this, one role immediately sprang to mind as perfect; the Terminator. Hence the above leaked and unproduced script, used here to prove my point. (One that is breaking oh so many copyright laws! I created nothing in the Terminator franchise and nor do I claim to have done so – ‘Plan.) Why is he perfect for such a role?
Orton is often criticised as too robotic, too awkward on a microphone. His unusual in-ring style and idiosyncratic movements are often passed off as just plain odd, nothing that really works and simply makes Orton appear like he has always been vastly over-rated as regards to his in-ring talents. But lest we forget, Orton is playing a character. The wording in his promos may be ill-timed, his verbal expressions odd and their over all tone somewhat lacking as regards to more successful talkers like Foley and Rocky, but has anyone considered they’re MEANT to be that way?
Orton is playing a heel never really seen so prominently before. He’s a violent, unpredictable sociopath. Triple H rewrote what heels could achieve in a company in the year 2000. Orton is rewriting the kind of heel character you can portray on screen. Many would say his work is sub-par; to me, he has simply become the absolute master at portraying the character he has developed on screen. In a PG-13 era, he is a disturbing individual and a truly violent, truly vicious, truly scary kind of heel. He’s gone from a prissy pretty boy beating up old men to a vile, robotic human being who is the closest thing to being a killer as we can get in the wrestling industry.
Orton is perfect for a movie role like The Terminator. Why? He’s “robotic”. But that’s not a bad thing. That’s just his perfection of an on screen character the likes of which has never been seen before. Everything from his promos to his selling, every movement in the ring and every facial expression, it all has a purpose. He is very much a thinking man’s wrestler, so to all you critics out there, the next time you are watching Orton…think.
I do not own nor pertain to own the rights to anything regarded to The Terminator franchise. This was simply a piece of fan fiction if you will. All rights are attributed to the proper creative and production persons.
Whilst our news reporters here at LOP do their best and bring us lots of wonderful timely news, there is still a vast wealth of stories in the wrestling world that go unreported. Wrestlers and commentators alike make their deepest feelings known by posting them to the twitterverse, but only the fans that can be bothered to follow them will ever know. We here at SpF have decided to trawl through the banality of twitter, so you don’t have to. We start off this week with Chris Jericho (IAmJericho), who knows all too well what it’s like to get caught up in the twittersphere.
”I had a dream that I dropped my phone in the toilet. If I did at least I would be free from the evil chains of Twitter!”
Maria (MariaLKanellis) is a big-time tweeter. She happily interacts with anyone that tweets about her. Even this one person who decided she didn’t like Maria all that much.
Crazy Person: “you know, i use to be a huge fan of yours... now i see you are a petty immature little girl who needs to grow up...”
“and learn to take criticism like a big girl. let me type it so you can understand... grow up!!!1111!!11”
Maria: “thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I appreciate your kindness!”
Crazy Person: “eh, go hop back on cena's dick. i hope you get released.”
The crazy person was soon blocked. Meanwhile, Joey Styles (JoeyStyles) is nowhere near as friendly on twitter as he seems to sound on TV. He also doesn’t like to tweet about wrestling. He prefers to use twitter to rant and moan about whatever takes his fancy. This week, he wades in on the LA Lakers and their Championship win.
”Seeing how the Lakers' fans reacted makes me hope LA never wins another NBA Championship. How is looting, rioting and arson a celebration?”
A short time later, Candice Michelle (DivaCandiceM) makes an important announcement.
”Lakers are freicken awesome! Hooooooooo”
After being let go by both WWE and TNA in quick succession, Shelley Martinez (FunTimeShelley) decides to see if she has what it takes to make it in the world of marketing.
”I should make a product that keeps douchebags away, I shall call it Douche Off!!”
Inspired stuff there. Maryse Ouellet (Maryse0uellet), the oddest-named diva in WWE, appears to be the oddest-brained diva too.
”i love to cook”
Quite why she’d want people to know this, I’m not sure. She could’ve told us what she was cooking or why. But no. She blatantly misused twitter. Conversely, TNA’s Tara (TNALisaMarie) knows exactly what twitter is for. Trash talking.
”Getting prepared for Pay Per View. Watch out Angelina Love.”
It’s not so impressive when you realise that Angelina Love doesn’t have a twitter account and probably won’t read that. That’s like charging yourself up for a fight against Manny Pacquiao by berating a hobo. And finally, it’s up to Jeremy Borash to lead us out with this week’s Too Much Information award:
”Played a little game called butt crack expose going through airport security this morning. I got two compliments and additional screening.”
Well that’s it for this week ladies and gentlefolk. Spandex Fortnightly Issue #1 is done, dusted, finished and in the record books. I hope your stay here with us for this week was an enjoyable one.
I’m sure we’ve got you thinking with the deluge of information afforded to you amongst the last few pages. If you should happen to have any feedback then please, drop by the LOPForums and leave a comment in the official “Just Business Feedback” thread found, simply enough, in the Feedback sub-forum! Alternatively, send your emails to planm4n89@hotmail.co.uk and your editor in chief shall fight valiantly to respond! All of this is, of course, until we can get all the proper house keeping done.
Having got all of that out of the way, all that is left for me to say is thanks for dropping by and I hope it was as enjoyable an experience for you as it was for me and for sheepster. We will strive to return in two weeks time with our second issue of SpF…and we’ve got less of a clue what it’ll include than you have!
Until then folks it’s good night from me, and it’s good night from him.
‘Plan and Sheepster.
Sponsored by Just Business, hitting your Main Page every 3 weeks!
