International fun slide [46]: totally naked; ass out and everything.
I never took him for a fiend. Always figured the golden boy would be better than that, better than us. But then that's probably just what they wanted me to think; heartless basrads. Rather Randy Orton was a coke whore of the highest degree; a true "I will suck your dick for five dollars" kind of guy. A real trooper.
I loved the wanker, thought he was a real hoot to be around. Many night I would spend with him razing all manner of rucous; burnt toast, misplaced pencils, trash cans with the lids left off- nothing was too crazy for pyschotic fucks such as us, no stone would be left unturned when we would hit the town.
Boy did we ever have some times.
After burying his greasy snout in a fresh pile of the finest Norwiegan him and I proceeded to party like no two men had ever partied before. To evene begin to describe the debauchery, the sheer jaw to floor dropping nature of our actions, would be naught else but a grave disservice to all the wicked awesome shit we did.
Dude.
Seriously though, fuck Randy Orton.
The top title trials for this months Survivor Series pay per view seem both stale and moronic; as if, par the usual, plans were hastily thrown together at the last minute. A month before the actual show. I might think this was the plan all along, that the schemes had been in the works for months now, I might think that if it weren't for the whole thing been so fucking inane. Whatever hapened to that youth movement on RAW? The drive to feature new (or at least different) talent in the main event scene? And what about Caloric Manipulation Punk? I thought the 'long term' plan was to bring the title back to him, now not only is the tatted twat nowhere to be found amongst the title contenders but the running plan now appears to be all about making the forty year old Batista the main heel on Smackdown.
I did say the friday night appearance of Vince McMahon would proove an onimous sign.
Arggg.
So in honour of the continued fuckification of WWE I figured I'd come up with some more ways for Vince and co to turn their shit to, eh, shittier shit.
1- Keep the big belt of John Cena for as long as possible. I'm talking years of accumlated cock sweat. People will love that.
2- Give Kane his own talk show. Actually, I'm not entirely sure this would make things worse. But it would at least be quite humourous.
3- Never take any advice. 93% of people are cunt bags anyway so you're just as well as saving oneself the trouble of having to deal with such gaseous distractions. Be sure to banish all those who would offer suggestion and constructove criticism over a solid ten minutes of tounge to rim action.
4- Consider appearing on TV ALL THE DAMN TIME. It will help you feel better about yourself.
5- Further consider enticing your 'wife' back onto RAW. Nothing screams high-defenition quite like Linda McMahon.
6- Start an outrageously condescening can drive for the people of Detroit the next time RAW's gravy train rolls on by. (A pack or two of brown sugar should suffice for Smackdown and by all means conitune to send your donations to ECW, god knows those poor bastards need all the help they can get)
7- If you really have not other option then I guess firing Kofi Kingston to cover Shawn Michaels bonus will be a necessary, if mildly inconvinient, sacrifice. Just make sure to call to call another nigger up as soon as possible.
8- And if absolutley everything else fails, then there's always Hulk Hogan.
Fuck Where the Wild Things Are, go see Ponyo instead.
Oh how you would creep so seductivley down my throat, your fizzy fingers tickling me all the way down. I miss you my dear friend. I miss the times we shared together and nights we spent alone. Just me, you, and whole boat load of free time.
Come back to me four loco's, I promise I'll treat you right this time.
Yeah, make no mistake, Hogan in TNA is a horrific idea, so bad that it really needs no mention. The signing of Eric Bischoff on the other hand was not so bad, indeed I for one consider the additon of Bischoff to the writing team an indicator of good time ahead. Of course those derivative comparisons of Total'non'Action to WCW may only grow louder now (and perhaps rightly so) but I for one would like to think the efforts of three men who nearly toppled the Conneticut behmoth all those many years ago will have a noticable effect on a company doing much the same thing, in much the same manner.
...
...sigh, it's times like these when naivety would be blessing.
