Hustle Is Posting Right Now - Raw Running Diary (8/6)
Aug 7, 2012 - 5:58:10 AM
9:30pm: My DVR is broken.. again.. thanks to my room being like a fucking sauna in the summer months, so I'll be watching Raw on a torrent this week. No commercials will help make the show go by quicker, that's for sure.
9:30pm: A recap video of last week. Ooh, ooh.. *raises hand*.. can we see a recap of the segment involving Triple H, Paul Heyman, Stephanie McMahon and Brock Lesnar?!? Pretty please?!? I want to see it for the 728th time, just in case I missed something during the first 727 viewings.
9:32pm: Hey, there's pyro again. Congratulations on not setting the arena on fire this week, WWE.
9:33pm: The show officially starts with the new Raw General Manager, AJ Lee, skipping to the ring in a white suit. #DatAss
9:34pm: AJ has put some matches together for tonight, and the first of which is Randy Orton VS Big Show. Yuck. She then completely makes up for it by booking John Cena VS Daniel Bryan. Holy shit. I can't believe they're going to give that away on free television, with absolutely no build at all. Before AJ can go on any further, though, she is interrupted by "Cult Of Personality", bringing the WWE Champion, CM Punk, to the ring.
9:36pm: You know Punk is a heel now, because the crowd is actually yelling "What?!?" during his promo as he apologizes to AJ for yelling at her last week. He sounds like a bit of a kiss ass here.
9:37pm: Punk turns the tables and asks AJ to cancel the Triple Threat Match at SummerSlam, leading to an immediate "No! No! No!" chant from the crowd.
9:38pm: AJ says that her decision stands, which upsets me, because that means I still have to watch Big Show in another main event. Thanks for nothing, AJ.
9:40pm: Before Punk can kiss up any more, he is interrupted by John Cena, which officially makes this a.. say it with me, ladies and gentlemen.. clusterfuck!
9:41pm: The dueling chants of "Let's go, Cena" and "Cena sucks" are very loud. San Antonio is on fire so far tonight.
9:41pm: "That's on you, holmes." - John Cena
9:42pm: lol @ Cena telling AJ she smells great, and then introducing himself to her. They are so fucking.
9:44pm: ..and now Big Show is out to join the festivities. You know, just in case some of you didn't think this was a clusterfuck just yet.
9:44pm: Before Show can even get to the ring, AJ stops everything and reveals that Punk has a match tonight against someone that will be chosen by the WWE Universe. lol @ an "H-B-K" chant breaking out there. Good luck with that, folks. The choices are The Miz, KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE or Rey Mysterio, and the WWE Universe on Twitter has during the commercial break to make their decision, because Punk's match is up next.
9:47pm: Well, we got a recap video involving Triple H and Brock Lesnar, but it was of Brock breaking Trips' arm, not of last week. Give it time, Hus. Give it time.
9:48pm: With 47% of the vote, Rey Mysterio wins, and he will be Punk's opponent here. In second place was KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE with 31%, while Miz rightfully brings up the rear with 22%. That's bullshit. There's no way Miz got that many votes. No chance.
9:51pm: Rey looks like he put on quite a bit of weight during his time away from the ring. Quite the obvious gut he has these days.
9:55pm: I don't know if it has anything to do with Rey's extra bulk, but this match hasn't really clicked the way I thought it would. These two have had some really good matches against each other through the years. This one hasn't been terrible or anything, but as I said, it just hasn't quite clicked.
9:57pm: Mysterio goes to drop the dime after hitting 619, but Punk gets his knees up. That leads to Punk hitting Rey with Go To Sleep for the win. Respectable start to tonight's in-ring action. Respectable, but slightly disappointing nonetheless.
9:59pm: A return vignette for Wade Bar-ruh. Nice. He mentioned having to return to "the abyss", shown as the underground bareknuckle fighting scene, to reignite his fire. No return date is announced, but he is booked on Smackdown's tour of Japan this week, so he could return to television next week, at the earliest.
10:02pm: Our next match of the night is Christian VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio, which is another match that has a lot of potential. Can't really complain with the first two matchups that we've seen.
10:05pm: ADR is extra aggressive in the early moments of this match.
10:07pm: Christian attempts a Spear, but ADR side kicks him right in the fucking mug. Goodness gracious.
10:08pm: Interference from Ricardo Rodriguez leads to ADR getting the submission win with the Cross Armbreaker. That didn't take long at all. Poor Christian.
10:08pm: After the match, Sheamus appears on the TitanTron, and he's standing next to ADR's Ferrari in the parking lot. Apparently, Ricardo left the keys in the ignition, and now, we're watching Sheamus steal the car. A felony.. on live, national television. Seems legit.
10:10pm: Randy Orton and his kinda sorta mohawk makes his way to the ring for his match with Big Show. This has potential.. to be slow and boring. I hope they can surprise me.
10:12pm: You can almost feel the energy getting sucked out of the building when Big Show makes his way to the ring for the match. That's incredible. This is your fault, WWE. Sometimes you pay close attention to what your fans want and don't want, but other times.. like this time.. you're deaf and blind at the same time.
10:14pm: I'm already bored.
10:18pm: The sound of the ring bell wakes me up, as we have a double countout. That makes sense. Show can't lose, since he has a WWE Title match coming up at SummerSlam, but Orton can't lose, either, since he just came back and has to look somewhat strong.
10:19pm: After the match, Show tosses Orton back into the ring and stalks him from behind, but then yells like a fucking idiot, giving away his presence, and he misses a WMD punch, leading to Orton laying him out with an RKO to get his heat back. Please, WWE.. no more Big Show. Ever. Just put him out to pasture already.
10:21pm: Next on the agenda for tonight, Ryback VS Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins in a handicap match. Ryback's eye is messed up again. The first time, I thought it was the after effects of a black eye, but now, it's crystal clear that Ryback has an asshole of a roommate that keeps farting on his pillow and giving him pink eye.
10:23pm: So.. the crowd is just about dead for this match. I don't know if that's more due to Ryback or to Reks and Hawkins, but they just don't seem to care. Might be time to give Ryback something more to do.
10:25pm: Ryback wins. No surprise there.
10:27pm: Back from commercial break, we're getting Primo & Epico VS The Prime Time Players, with both teams getting the jobber entrance, but hey, at least AW got to introduce his clients, so there's that, I guess.
10:28pm: WWE is on a mission to wear this crowd down, it seems. At this point, it almost seems like Raw would be better served if it were AJ Lee, John Cena, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler for three hours every week. Damn.. you know.. that wouldn't be a bad idea at all. WWE, make that happen.
10:30pm: Beautiful snap powerslam from Darren Young. Not bad, Black Cena. Not bad at all.
10:31pm: Epico gets the hot tag, but it gets no reaction from the crowd, so I guess it was the lukewarm tag. The room temperature tag. The slightly chilled tag, maybe.
10:31pm: AW says that he has seen enough, and he goes to take the PTP out of the match, but Kofi Kingston's music hits, bringing Kofi and R-Truth out for the distraction. Epico gets the win for his team, and the WWE tag division continues to be a casserole of nonsense.
10:35pm: Brodus Clay VS Damien Sandow is up next, but Sandow attacks Brodus from behind as Brodus is doing his dance shenaniganery on the stage. Sandow continues the attack on Brodus' knee that he started last week.
10:37pm: Sandow uses the ramp to injure Brodus' leg, making it look like Brodus will be selling either a broken leg or a torn knee ligament from the attack. Another week of Brodus Clay, and another week of no real matches from the guy. It's been eight months, folks. As I've said, he's overdue.. either for a real feud with real matches, or to have his experiment ended already.
10:39pm: Daniel Bryan is in AJ's office, and he says that AJ should put him in the WWE Title match at SummerSlam after he defeats John Cena tonight, but AJ decides to reveal that he already has a match at SummerSlam against none other than KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE. This, of course, leads to a battle of "Yes" and "No" between the two.
10:40pm: Kelly Kelly is back, folks. Hide the women and children.
10:41pm: Oh, fuck the fuckin fuck.. Kelly Kelly VS Eve is up next. What the fuck have we done to deserve this, WWE?!? We tune in like the loyal fans that we are, and this is what you give us?!?
10:44pm: Dear Kelly, you dumb beaver.. if you're being choked out on the bottom rope, STOP FUCKING SCREAMING TO SELL IT. It isn't rocket science. It isn't even second-grade math word problems, but that's clearly too fucking difficult for you to figure out.
10:45pm: Two months away, and Kelly still hasn't learned how to run the ropes correctly. Kelly wins. The rest of us lose for having to see her again.
10:48pm: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels is introduced before his hometown crowd, even though his appearance means slightly less now since he was just on WWE television two weeks ago. Nice pop for HBK from his San Antonioans. San Antoniites? Whatever.
10:50pm: WWE is really running out of chances to make the general public truly care about the Triple H VS Brock Lesnar feud, but tonight, they have a chance to change all of that. Have Brock incapacitate Triple H somehow and then absolutely destroy HBK. I'm talking stretcher job, Amber Lamps, everything. Brock has had his testicles removed ever since losing to John Cena, and people are caring less and less about him these days. That has to change, and change quickly, if Brock is going to participate in the major marquee match at the second biggest pay-per-view of the WWE calendar year.
10:53pm: Before Michaels can even really get his promo going, he is interrupted by Brock's music, and out comes Lesnar, accompanied by Paul Heyman. Here is your chance, WWE. Make it happen. Come on.
10:56pm: Michaels basically says Triple H is going to win the match at SummerSlam because Brock and Heyman have pushed things too far, turning Trips into someone that Michaels has never seen before.
10:57pm: HBK announces that he'll be in Triple H's corner at SummerSlam. Alright. So?
10:58pm: Brock goes to slowly stalk HBK, but stops at the sound of Triple H's music? Triple H is walking to the ring! Lay Michaels out! What the fuck?!?
11:00pm: Brock leaves the ring, but not before leaving a vague threat, saying that he'll see Triple H at SummerSlam, but that he'll see Michaels "before then". There might be hope for this yet, although it looks to be another wasted appearance for Brock. What a waste of one of the better returns in the history of the company.
11:01pm: Sheamus hasn't been arrested yet? He's a pasty Irish ginger driving a brand new convertible Ferrari in the middle of the night. He probably looks like a neon light driving a car, and the police in San Antonio can't find him? Remind me to move to San Antonio. Apparently I can get away with anything I want out there.
11:03pm: Alex Riley gets the jobber entrance, and Chris Jericho is at the commentary table, so I'm assuming Dolph Ziggler will be out to be Riley's opponent.
11:04pm: Here comes Vickie Guerrero to announce Dolph Ziggler. Sure enough.. Alex Riley VS Dolph Ziggler is up next. Alright.
11:05pm: In an attempt at dissing Ziggler, Jericho says he found Dolph's shirt in the garbage and has been wearing it because it has "nice summer colors". Why are you wearing clothing you dug out of the garbage, though? That just makes you look bad. Come on now.
11:07pm: Did.. did Jericho just call Riley "Alex Wright"? DAS WUNDERKIND! *Does the Alex Wright dance*
11:09pm: The crowd is dead for this, too. That's clearly on Riley, though, as Dolph almost always gets major crowd reactions every week, even as a heel.
11:10pm: Oh.. my.. damn.. Alex Riley just won the match. Jericho distracts Dolph, and Riley rolls him up for the win. That just happened. I'm going to pause the video for a second, just to see when Riley last won a match on television.
11:13pm: On the September 12th, 2011 episode of Raw, Riley teamed with John Morrison to defeat the team of Jack Swagger and.. surprise.. Dolph Ziggler. Nearly a full year between televised wins for Riley, and both involve Ziggler. Wow. Alright, time to resume watching Raw.
11:15pm: In what is apparently a non-title match, The Miz (looking more and more like a skinny Chaz Bono every week) will be taking on KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE next. Hooray.
11:19pm: Stop me if you've heard this one before, but.. the crowd is pretty much dead for this. Three hours for Raw, outside of Raw 1000, is looking to be a terrible idea. Nobody is surprised by that at all.
11:22pm: Chokeslam. Match over. KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE wins. Another match where a midcard champion takes a clean loss. Zero fucks are given about the Intercontinental and United States Titles these days. Zero fucks are given about the Tag Team Titles. Zero fucks are given about the Divas Title. This company's booking continues to be a mess.
11:25pm: Sheamus returns ADR's car to the arena, and it's a mess. There's dirt and grime all over it, there's smoke coming from the undercarriage. Man, those San Antonio police.. I hope they don't get paid too much.
11:26pm: It's main event time, as Daniel Bryan is on his way to the ring. He's doing a fantastic job of playing an unhinged individual because of the constant "Yes" chants from the crowd.
11:29pm: There are so many recap videos these days. I swear, Kevin Dunn developed a case of OCD in recent weeks. This is the equivalent of him having to wash his hands 42 times before he can leave the restroom. My guess as to the cause of it all? That rat-faced fuck has finally eaten too much cheese. It was only a matter of time.
11:30pm: I still can't believe they're giving this match away on free television without any build at all. This is one of the last "big" matches that they've never given us, and they're wasting the first matchup like this.
11:31pm: Daniel Bryan just stopped a dueling Cena chant all by himself by yelling "No" and telling the crowd that this is all about him, not Cena. Daniel Bryan, of all people, just stopped the loudest and strongest chant(s) in all of the WWE Universe. That's amazing.
11:34pm: I can't express just how awesome it is when Bryan goes to ringside and has a dueling chant with a random fan, with both of them screaming "Yes" and "No" in each other's faces. Like I've said before, folks, there isn't a better all-around performer on the WWE roster (and probably in all of wrestling today) than Daniel Bryan. He simply excels in everything that he does.
11:37pm: Magnificent counter from Bryan, turning an Attitude Adjustment attempt into a Guillotine Choke. This has been a fun match so far, but that doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
11:39pm: Diving headbutt from Bryan! Zombie Benoit is alive!
11:41pm: Bryan just reversed an STF into an attempted No Lock, and you could hear the crowd say "whoa" when it happened. However, that was reversed, and Cena wins the match with an Attitude Adjustment. Really nice television match. Those two could have a Match Of The Year if given 20+ minutes on pay-per-view. Fuck you if you think otherwise.
11:42pm: Out comes CM Punk to go face-to-face with Cena, but Cena tosses him to the side when Big Show comes running to the ring. Cena lifts Show up for an Attitude Adjustment, but Punk hits Show and knocks both men over.
11:44pm: Punk goes to the announce table, puts on a headset and says that he's going to do what he does best every week, and that is stand tall with his WWE Title. He heads back into the ring, only to eat a WMD punch from Big Show, who then hits one on Cena. We go off the air with Show having the WWE Title held in the air above his head.
#ThankYouDanielBryanForEverythingThatYouDo: AJ Lee in that suit.. CM Punk VS Rey Mysterio, but barely.. Wade Bar-ruh's return vignette.. John Cena VS Daniel Bryan.. Daniel Bryan continuing to be the best all-around performer on the WWE roster
#FuckYouKellyKellyForEverythingThatYouDo: Another week of the midcard being booked horribly.. Big Show continuing to bore me to tears.. Me being close to giving up on Brodus Clay completely after so much promise was there with the gimmick when it debuted.. Kelly Kelly is back.. The waste of time that was the segment involving Shawn Michaels, Brock Lesnar, Paul Heyman and Triple H.. The fact that the segment will still be replayed 105 times between now and SummerSlam.. Brock Lesnar almost having no point in being back anymore
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