Hustle Is Posting Right Now - Raw Running Diary (8/13)
Aug 14, 2012 - 7:21:33 AM
"Still too long.."
11:00pm: Another week of torrenting Raw as my household plans to undergo a change in cable/internet providers, because what we currently have (Time Warner) can't be trusted whatsoever. Eat a dick, Time Warner. A dick with herpes bumps on it.
11:00pm: It's the "go home" episode before SummerSlam, which is the company's second-biggest event of the calendar year (some of you feel it's the Royal Rumble, but history speaks for itself on that one). That means it's the final chance to build excitement for the show. Excitement is something many feel the event is lacking.
11:01pm: We're kicking things off with CM Punk VS Big Show in a non-title match. Punk gets another nice face reaction from the crowd, even though he's a heel. Or a face. Or a tweener. Or a heel. Or something.
11:03pm: You know.. if Big Show wins the WWE Title on Sunday, Raw's ratings are going to plummet, starting the following night. I'm almost 100% sure of that. I hope WWE realizes this. They can't be making any major mistakes, especially now that the NFL preseason is underway, with the regular season only a couple weeks away.
11:06pm: With that said, it will be interesting to see what happens to Raw's ratings if John Cena wins the WWE Title on Sunday. He clearly isn't a favorite of the IWC, but he's still the company's top overall draw, and ratings indicate that, week in and week out. Obviously, there will be some very upset fans if Cena gets the title yet again, but could it actually help WWE? We'll see.
11:07pm: As you can tell by my lack of interest, Big Show has been on offense for the last few minutes.
11:08pm: Show hits a Spear on Punk, and Daniel Bryan's music hits, bringing out the deranged Goatface. He's yelling "No! No! No!" all the way to the ring, and this crowd is absolutely on fire with the "Yes! Yes! Yes!" chants. Wow.
11:10pm: Bryan gets in the ring and attacks Punk, drawing a disqualification. Bryan sinks the No Lock in on Punk, as Show lands an elbow drop to Punk's back, before John Cena runs out to make the save. Cena clears house, and Punk doesn't look happy at all.. and here comes AJ, skipping her way to the ring. Is she about to get her Teddy Long on?
11:12pm: Indeed she is.. she books CM Punk & John Cena VS Big Show & Daniel Bryan for later, and once again, fans all across the world are confused about whether Punk is a heel or not.
11:13pm: Backstage, Job This Guy is talking to Kaitlyn, complaining about how he can't even get a match on Raw, even with the show gaining an extra hour. He mentions how it's "crazy", and AJ happens to hear it. She questions his comments, and decides to put him in a match. She tells him to go to the ring right now, because he's wrestling next. This isn't going to go well.
11:16pm: Sho nuff.. Ryback is out to be JTG's opponent. The good news, though? Ryback's pink eye seems to be going away already, so.. uhh.. I guess there's that for JTG. No worries about catching it. Hooray?
11:17pm: LMFAO @ JTG yelling "I BETTER NOT GET PINK EYE! KEEP THAT EYE AWAY FROM ME!" Man, that's great. Most I've been entertained by JTG since Cryme Tyme broke up.
11:18pm: Very loud "Feed.. Me.. More!" chant from the crowd, led by Ryback.
11:18pm: Ryback wins. That was easily the biggest reaction he's received to this point, which is a great sign. Now, to see if he can build upon that.
11:20pm: Another very loud "Feed.. Me.. More!" chant after the match. Expect something to happen for Ryback next week because of this.
11:21pm: The WWE Universe gets to choose the guest of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper on tonight's Piper's Pit. The choices are The Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Chris Jericho. Anyone but Miz, WWE Universe. Anyone but Miz. Don't let me down. SO HELP YOU.. don't let me down.
11:22pm: Shawn Michaels is taking a phone call backstage, and it's hinted that Triple H isn't at the building yet. Brock Lesnar said he would see Michaels before SummerSlam. The pieces are in place. Make this happen, WWE.
11:23pm: IT'S THE ONE MAN BAAAAAND, BAYBAY!!! He's not facing a returning Legend this week, though. He's facing R-Truth, who is sans Kofi Kingston, who is still in China doing promotional work for the company.
11:25pm: Truth wins already, but here come the Prime Time Players, who, of course, don't have Abraham Washington anymore. I doubt he gets any sort of mention, though.
11:26pm: The crowd chants for Kofi as Truth gets beat down. This probably comes across like a heel turn, of sorts, for Kofi to this crowd, who has no idea he isn't even in the country right now. Titus O'Neil and Darren Young do their dance to zero reaction. Oh well. Better luck next time, guys.
11:28pm: Jersey Shore's Pauly D is tonight's Social Media Ambassador, and the sight of his picture on the TitanTron draws a lot of heel heat.
11:32pm: Footage from Smackdown is shown, where Alberto Del Rrrrrio set Sheamus up to be attacked, including a WWE.com exclusive video of new Smackdown General Manager Booker T calling off the Sheamus VS Del Rio World Title match at SummerSlam. That's some confusing planning, though. Sheamus commits a felony on live television? No problem. ADR has Sheamus beaten up on a wrestling show? Punishment. *shrug*
11:34pm: Sin Cara VS Tensai is up next. Holy shit, that sounds like a mess on paper.
11:36pm: Sin Cara wins. What the hell was that? That match barely lasted a minute. Who is going to believe that result in that amount of time? That was dumb.
11:37pm: Tensai takes his anger out on Sakamoto after the match. Again. People continue not to care. Tensai debuted on the same night that Brock Lesnar returned to the company. Here we are, four-and-a-half months later, and both men are huge disappointments. Sad.
11:39pm: Jerry Lawler is in the ring with Roddy Piper for Piper's Pit, and Lawler is there to reveal who the WWE Universe has chosen to be Piper's official guest. Jericho gets 55%, Ziggler gets 24%, and Miz gets 21%. Good job, WWE Universe. I will let you live for another week. I'm sure we'll have to see Miz during this segment nonetheless, but at least he won't be the main focus.
11:42pm: Piper seems to be stunned that the fans are cheering for Jericho. See? Even Piper doesn't know if Jericho is a face or a heel.
11:42pm: Michael Cole, completely at random, chimes in by saying that this episode of Piper's Pit is starting to stink. That seemed like a mistimed statement. That was.. odd. It was like those moments in WWE video games, where the robotic commentary will say something that doesn't make any sense at a random time.
11:43pm: Vickie Guerrero interrupts Piper, who no-sells her and keeps talking for a few seconds, before he finally allows her to introduce Dolph Ziggler. Piper's music.. Jericho's music.. Ziggler's music. Say it with me, ladies and gentlemen.. it's a clusterfuck! Huzzah!
11:46pm: Alright, Piper's drunk. As The Miz's music hits, Piper is randomly saying "Y.. 2.. J" into the mic over and over again, before finally acknowledging The Miz when Miz was nearly halfway down the ramp.
11:48pm: Miz still has the dumbest fucking facial expressions. If he's not going to care, neither am I. Can we get someone to injure him soon? Please? Maybe he can learn what the fuck he's doing during that absence.
11:49pm: A mini-fight breaks out, and Jericho clears the ring. Yawn.
11:49pm: During the commercial break, AJ put together a match on Twitter. It's time for Jericho VS Dolph VS Miz in a Triple Threat Match. It's non-title. Twitter is a terrible way to book impromptu matches on television. It's one thing to use Twitter to have the fans vote on who an opponent will be or who will appear on Piper's Pit, but this is pointless.
11:53pm: The crowd cheers for Jericho as he clears the ring yet again, and Piper is probably getting more and more confused (as well as more and more drunk) backstage.
11:54pm: There's a sign in the crowd that says "Hi Jim. You jelly?" No, you fucking douchebag. Nobody that shortens "jealous" to "jelly" has anything in life to be jealous about. I don't care if you are in one of the first few rows for an episode of Raw. You're worthless, and I hope you get hit by a car in the parking lot after the show. I hope Jim's the one driving the car, too.
11:57pm: If Miz is facing Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam, why is he being included in this match? Why isn't this a tag match, or even a Fatal Four Way?
11:57pm: Tower Of Doom spot!
11:58pm: This match is really picking up over the last two minutes or so.
11:59pm: Jerry Lawler extends his streak of Consecutive Weeks Saying The Dumbest Shit Imaginable to 118 weeks by saying that Jericho should have let Miz pin Ziggler after Jericho broke up a pin attempt. King, you idiot. You old, past your prime idiot.
12:00am: Miz taps to the Walls Of Jericho, but the referee is distracted by Vickie, allowing Dolph to sneak in and lay Jericho out, picking up the victory. That was a good televised match. Honestly, though, it would have been better without The Miz. Jericho and Ziggler are going to have a helluva match on Sunday.
12:03am: The more that it's mentioned Dallas is hosting Raw tonight, the less it surprises me that the crowd has been hot. This is the same city that was lava hot for that epic ten-man tag on Raw over a decade ago. Perhaps WWE should look into giving the city more big events. I can't believe I just said that about Dallas. I feel dirty. To make up for it, and to make myself feel better, fuck the Dallas Cowboys. That worked. I do feel better now. Go Niners.
12:08am: Another Wade Bar-ruh return vignette, again focusing on his bareknuckle fighting background. They're really making him look like a badass, but once again, no return date is announced for him.
12:09am: Layla and Kaitlyn are on their way to the ring for Divas tag action, which is different to the tag action that John Cena and I do on AJ on a semi-regular basis.
12:10am: Beth Phoenix and Eve are their opponents. Well, here's to hoping Beth is in the ring for the whole match.
12:11am: lol @ a random "We Want Tables" chant breaking out.
12:14am: This has been an ugly match so far.
12:15am: Kaitlyn wins with a roll-up. Man, that was bad. Layla was wrestling like it was just practice. All that was missing was her calling out all of her spots and yelling "One, two, three, ONE! One, two, three, TWO! One, two, three, THREE!" with each movement she made. Kaitlyn and Eve had some really awkward moments, and Kaitlyn had some awkward moments with Beth, as well. Then, of course, the roll-up to end yet another Divas match. Sara Del Rey really can't get there soon enough.
12:18am: A lengthy video package of the entire piss-poor build for the Triple H VS Brock Lesnar SummerSlam match. Joy. Come on, WWE.. do the right thing tonight. Amber Lamps ride for Shawn Michaels. Make it happen.
12:20am: It's time for Punk & Cena VS Bryan & Show. Another episode of Raw where the WWE Champion isn't in the main event or the final segment, giving Punk's character more to complain about, which is a good move.
12:21am: This crowd is really having a lot of fun chanting at Daniel Bryan, and Bryan continues to play his role to perfection.
12:21am: Punk is coming out before Cena. Even more for Punk to complain about, with Cena "stealing his spotlight" yet again. Like I said.. good move. If Punk gets the spotlight now, there's no point in his new character shift. He has to keep getting "disrespected" for it to work.
12:24am: lol @ Punk sarcastically clapping with one hand for Cena's entrance, adding to the "CM Punk Is Not Impressed" meme with his facial expressions.
12:25am: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are wrestling in the ring, and there's a dueling set of "Let's Go, Cena" and "Cena Sucks" chants. Makes sense.
12:26am: LMAO @ Bryan yelling "NO! NO! NO!" at Big Show after Show asked to be tagged in, which, of course, led to another "YES! YES! YES!" chant from the Dallas fans.
12:27am: Another set of dueling chants, but at least Cena is in the ring for them this time around.
12:29am: Cena gets a pop when he comes into the match. Punk gets a pop when he comes into the match. Bryan gets a pop and the "YES" chants when he comes into the match. Show gets half-silence and half-boos when he comes into the match. That's certainly about right.
12:32am: Show lines up for the WMD on Punk, but Bryan tags himself back in, and the crowd goes crazy, partially because Bryan is back in the match and partially because Show isn't.
12:34am: lol @ Punk doing Cena's "Five Moves Of Doom" spot, only to have Cena tag himself in and do Punk's signature knee-strike-in-the-corner-into-bulldog combo, followed by yelling "IT'S CLOBBERIN TIME".
12:35am: Cena gets the win for his team, in what was an entertaining match. Show goes after Cena, but is hit by a WWE Title shot from Punk. Punk then offers a handshake to Cena, who pisses Punk off by not accepting it. Well, damn, Johnny Boy.. that just makes you look like a dick.
12:39am: WWE can continue doing shows in Japan, China and Taiwan, but still can't do shows in Hawaii, huh? Alright, WWE. I see how it is.
12:40am: Christian VS Damien Sandow is up next. Bad placement on the show for these two, having to follow a match that included John Cena, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.
12:42am: Sure enough, the crowd is quiet, even for Christian's offense.
12:42am: Brodus Clay's music hits, and Brodus limps out onto the stage. Christian with the roll-up.. and Sandow kicks out before immediately picking up the win. Wait.. what? Christian can't even get a win with interference from Brodus Clay? What is this company doing with him?
12:45am: Brock Lesnar is making his way to the ring for his contract signing with Triple H. There's nearly 22 minutes left on this file. This is going to be a lengthy final segment. With Triple H "not yet in the building", this is sure opening the door for Brock to finally build some heat for himself.
12:48am: Paul Heyman says that this is the most personal fight of Triple H's career. Even more personal than the time Randy Orton kissed an unconscious Stephanie McMahon in the creepiest way possible, right in front of Trips? Really?
12:51am: Hey, Paul.. you don't need to say Brock Lesnar's entire time every single time, especially when you do it at least once in every sentence. Brock Lesnar is the most dominant force in WWE history, and Brock Lesnar is going to defeat Triple H at SummerSlam because Brock Lesnar is the "beast incarnate", and Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar Brock Lesnar Brock fsnxcnlvxcnvcl nvfnj;fvcln ;kfxnfx *head explodes*
12:53am: Shawn Michaels comes out, but before he can say anything, Triple H arrives. Must be good to be the boss. You can show up for work at the end of your "shift", but nobody really says anything. Good to know.
12:54am: Trips and Brock are face-to-face, and there's a loud "Triple H" chant from the crowd.
12:55am: Both men sign the contract, and Lesnar leaves. What? There's still 11 minutes left on this file. What the hell is going on tonight?
12:57am: MONGOLOID MARK TOUT TIME! I FEEL DUMMER ALREDDY.
12:58am: Triple H and Shawn Michaels are talking backstage. Michaels tells Trips that Brock is on an entirely different level than anyone he's ever been in the ring with.
1:00am: Paul Heyman cuts Michaels off in the parking lot, allowing for Lesnar to show up and yank Michaels out of the car. The screen goes black and Lesnar can be heard "beating Michaels up". That was one of the lamest fucking things I've seen in a long, long time. We can't even see the attack?
1:02am: Lesnar is carrying Michaels to the ring, and he dumps him in. Here we go. Maybe we can actually see something this time.
1:03am: F5 for Michaels to a surprisingly small reaction from the crowd. That's odd.
1:04am: Brock puts the Kimura on Michaels, causing Triple H to sprint to the ring, only for Heyman to say that Brock will break HBK's arm if he comes to the ring.
1:05am: Even though Trips didn't come to the ring, Lesnar "breaks" HBK's arm, anyway. Brock escapes just before Triple H can get to him, and now Michaels is getting the Paul Pierce treatment, needing a neck brace and a stretcher to sell a broken arm. We go off the air with a staredown between Trips and Lesnar. Well, that was a step in the right direction, but the entire thing still fell very flat.
#ThankYouHellsKitchenForPuttingDanaInABikiniTonight: JTG's line about not wanting to get pink eye.. Chris Jericho VS Dolph Ziggler VS The Miz.. Another nice Wade Bar-ruh vignette.. CM Punk & John Cena VS Daniel Bryan & Big Show.. Punk & Cena performing each other's signature moves.. Daniel Bryan continuing to impress with everything he does.. Brock Lesnar finally getting some sort of heat.. A super-hot crowd all night long
#FuckYouHellsKitchenForBeingAnAwfulSeasonOtherwise: Sin Cara VS Tensai.. Tensai, in general.. Perhaps the worst Piper's Pit we've seen, with nothing really happening at all, and a less-coherent-than-usual Roddy Piper.. Layla & Kaitlyn VS Beth Phoenix & Eve.. Christian being pretty much worthless on television these days.. The WWE midcard scene continuing to be a mess, with the company not knowing what to do with almost anybody involved, even with an extra hour of television to use every week.. Not getting to see Lesnar's initial attack on Shawn Michaels.. The overall final segment falling flat
Grade: C-. I can't wait for Raw to go back to only two hours, or for the company to get a better Creative Team, whichever comes first.
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