This is proof positive that all you need to make a hit rap song these days is a beat that people can dance to in the club, as well as a combination of random gibberish and a second-grade education. The hook to this song is, quite possibly, the most mind-numbingly dumb thing that rap has seen in a long time. He could be breaking down the theory of relativity in the hook, but we'd never know.
1. Day 562 "Most anticipated.."
Money In The Bank is only a day away (probably much less than a day by the time anyone else reads this). As I've mentioned, it could very well be the most talked about wrestling pay-per-view in a long, long time. On top of that, it could be one of the hardest pay-per-views to predict, as well. That makes this column just that much more fun for me to put together. As usual, my prediction column will contain what I think will happen, as well as what I'd have happen if I were the one booking things. I have a lot of thinking to do, so let's get on with it. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Kelly Kelly VS Brie Bella - Singles Match for the Divas Title
What I'd Do: Can I just cancel this match altogether? No? I guess that's too easy. There really is no "right" selection here. Neither woman can wrestle worth a damn, and do nothing but embarrass women all over the planet whenever they're on television. Some people say that Brie should be the champion when Kharma returns, but that could be upwards of a year away from now, and the wrestling world damn sure isn't ready for a year-long reign from Brie Fucking Bella. She has plenty of time to get the title at some point down the road, so I'd have Kelly Kelly retain here, perhaps getting attacked again by both Bellas after the match. This time, however, I'd have Beth Phoenix make the save because Eve making the save just adds another worthless person to the equation, and we don't need that.
What Will Probably Happen: They seem to be trying to push Kelly as some sort of top babyface Diva, like Trish Stratus in years past, and because of that, I'm looking for Kelly to pick up the victory and get the last laugh in the feud for the time being. Either way, though.. yuck.
Big Show VS Mark Henry
What I'd Do: I've made no secret about the fact that I'm a fan of Mark Henry, but not so much of Big Show, and so it should come as no surprise that I'd have Mark Henry pick up a win that makes him look like an absolute monster. However, my bias has nothing to do with it. There are two reasons I would have Henry win. For one, it would be a symbolic victory, with a Smackdown worker defeating a Raw worker, showing the WWE Universe that Smackdown doesn't always have to be the "inferior" brand. Also, Big Show doesn't need the win anywhere near as much as Henry does. They've even mentioned in the feud itself that Henry hasn't quite accomplished as much during his career as he could/should have. Meanwhile, Show has won a total of 16 titles in his time with the company, with another five wins while in WCW. Henry winning this can elevate him.
What Will Probably Happen: I think Big Show will get pushed and de-pushed from the main event to the upper midcard and back to the main event until the day he decides to retire. We haven't heard a single word about him wanting to retire soon, or even wanting to take a break, and because of that, I'm going with Big Show to win. They really push him for no reason half the time, and this will be no different. I just hope I'm wrong. Mark Henry really deserves the push and the win.
Daniel Bryan VS Sin Cara VS KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE VS Wade Bar-ruh VS Cody Rhodes VS Sheamus VS Justin Gabriel VS Heath Slater - Smackdown Money In The Bank Ladder Match
What I'd Do: Go crazy, probably, because there are seven names here that I could legitimately see winning the match. Some are more ready than others, but that's the beauty of MITB. You don't have to be main event ready the day you win the match, because you have an entire year to cash your title shot in. Even someone like Justin Gabriel, who the company might see as an attractive option to help expand their global popularity, can be booked properly in a year's time. As much as I'd love to place Daniel Bryan in the winner's spot here, I just can't do it, because there's someone who I thinks needs the win more. Wade Bar-ruh climbing the ladder and obtaining the briefcase just works for me. He's proven himself to be a capable main event player when the booking is right. His problem is that the booking hasn't been right for him in a long while. Giving him the win here would catapult him into the World Title picture, where he would be a legit contender to anyone holding the title.
What Will Probably Happen: I know a lot of people think Cody Rhodes is a top pick here, and again, I wouldn't be shocked if he did end up winning, but I think he gets elevated in another way soon, and that would be by taking the Intercontinental Title from Ezekiel Jackson at some point in the not-too-distant future. Sheamus is also a popular choice within the IWC, but take a look at the last few months, and you'll see why he probably isn't going to win this match.. he's been going toe-to-toe with Randy Orton and Christian already, and has done so without needing any type of briefcase. The biggest person in the match is KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, but he's of the "been there, done that" variety and certainly doesn't need anything like this for his career. Heath Slater could very well cause the Chicago crowd to throw chairs in the ring out of anger and frustration. Justin Gabriel needs to prove his worth as a singles worker before being forced into anything, one year of booking or not. Sin Cara still needs to have a legit feud or two, and has to continue working things out. That leaves two people.. Wade Bar-ruh and Daniel Bryan. Honestly, Bryan is closer to this "level", but with the momentum he built up on Smackdown this week, I just like the way things are going for Bar-ruh, and therefore, I'm calling for Wade Bar-ruh to win Money In The Bank.
Alex Riley VS Kofi Kingston VS The Miz VS Evan Bourne VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio VS R-Truth VS Rey Mysterio VS Jack Swagger - Raw Money In The Bank Ladder Match
What I'd Do: For me, this one is easy, and if you've been reading my columns at all through the years, it won't surprise you at all. I'd have Kofi Kingston win the match. Again, it goes back to the point that the company has an entire year to build the MITB winners in any way they want. It's time to try and make a new main event star on the Raw brand, if you ask me.
What Will Probably Happen: If you look at the four names that don't need to win this match to be pushed (like I mentioned for Sheamus earlier), that basically eliminates The Miz, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth and Alberto Del Rrrrrio from consideration here. Money In The Bank matches should really, really be about pushing new people and helping to create new main event stars that otherwise might not be able to reach that level, although there have been some obvious storyline exceptions. Technically, you could even throw Jack Swagger into that group, as well. He hasn't exactly been setting the world on fire recently, but he is a former two-time World Champion (if you want to count the ECW Title), and he's already won a Money In The Bank match before. That leaves us with three names.. Alex Riley, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. If you look at those three names, one name jumps out at you as far as the company trying their best to push him like crazy is concerned. It's for that reason that I'm calling for Alex Riley to get the briefcase and win the match here. I know some people are already sour on the guy, but once again, they have a year to do something with him, if they choose to let him wait until cashing his title shot in.
Randy Orton VS Christian - Singles Match for the World Title - If Orton is Disqualified, or if a "bad call" is made by the referee, Christian wins the title
What I'd Do: This is another thing that will come as no surprise to anyone that has been reading my columns. I'd have Christian win the match and the title in an attempt to see if he could help save the Smackdown brand. I'll say it again, for those that missed it.. the Smackdown ratings have been on an almost weekly decline since Orton won the World Title from Christian, so if Christian gets the title back and helps pull the ratings up, that would be a pretty clear indicator of what the problem is. If it doesn't help get the ratings back up, at least they'll know, for sure, that the title switch to Orton wasn't the problem, and can move on to the next potential cause of the ratings decline. It's a win/win situation, and I will continue to say so until they actually go ahead and give it a shot. Another interesting idea would be to have Edge return and "accidentally" hit Christian, causing Orton to get disqualified and giving Christian the title. That would turn Edge heel, which would normally work out nicely, but with Edge not being able to wrestle at all, is there really a point in having him show up to turn heel like that when he can't be put on the line for any type of revenge from Orton, especially with Orton's RKO being such a dangerous move for a man with Edge's neck problems to take at this point. I just don't see the Edge thing happening, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him show up soon, remaining a face, and trying to figure out why his best friend has changed so much in the last several weeks. Edge does have television appearances on SyFy to plug, after all.
What Will Probably Happen: The company seems pretty hell-bent on letting Orton continue beating Christian in their matches, and unfortunately, I don't see that changing here, so I'll go with Orton retaining the title. This one will be clean, with no extracurricular shenaniganery. No interference. No blind refereeing. No iffy calls. Simply a hard fought, back-and-forth match ended with an RKO and a pin in the center of the ring. Orton moves on from the feud and continues the feud he's already been in with Sheamus, as well as starting a new one with Wade Bar-ruh. Mark Henry can also be thrown into the mix, I guess, but we know Orton isn't exactly a fan of working with Henry, so that could prevent it from happening too much. On another hand, don't be too surprised if the company decides to fuck with the internet fans completely by having Christian win the title here, only to have Smackdown's Money In The Bank winner cash in immediately and take the title from him. If you thought the IWC reaction to Christian having the World Title for five days was bad, wait until you see it for Christian having the World Title for five minutes. I'm sticking with my original prediction, though.
John Cena VS CM Punk - Singles Match for the WWE Title - If Punk leaves Chicago with the title, Cena will be fired
What I'd Do: There's probably several different ideas that I'd throw around in a creative meeting of what I'd do, and just for shits and giggles, let's look at a few of them. First up, would be a simple idea of having CM Punk win the match and the title, and the show ends with him standing tall on the stage with the belt in the air. What this does is build interest in Raw the following night. Will Punk show up? Will Vince McMahon really "fire" Cena? What happens with the Money In The Bank winner (Alex Riley, in my official prediction)? People will tune in and watch Raw with great excitement and wonder, and that's on top of the casual fans who don't browse the internet and will be tuning into Raw to see what happened at Money In The Bank.
Or..
Cena could get the victory and retain the title, only to be attacked after the match. The "easy" idea would be to have David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty come out and make the attack, allowing Punk to compose himself for an eventual three-on-one beatdown, allowing Punk to steal the title and leave with it in his possession. Personally, I'd have an indy stable set up and have Colt Cabana himself lead Seth Rollins (although I'd give him the Tyler Black name back, if they're completely skipping over "Scotty Goldman"), Low Ki and maybe even The Kings Of Wrestling (Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli) out to the ring for a group attack. Sure, cynics will say that the average fan won't know who these people are, but the same thing could have been said about the original Nexus when they formed, but what happened? They caused a huge splash by laying big names the fuck out. A group of CM Punk, Colt Cabana, Low Ki, Tyler Black, Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli would make waves in the company on night one. Maybe Luke Gallows could be thrown into the group instead of someone like Low Ki, since Gallows has been name-dropped on WWE television. That way we can get the Tag Team Titles off of Imperfect and Mrs. Hudson and onto The Kings, with the former champs being released. The group wouldn't have to be called Nexus, but it could be the Nexus-like group that Punk should have had from the beginning, instead of the ridiculously watered down group that he was stuck with.
Or..
In an idea that could realistically happen, have Triple H make his return to get involved, either to cost Punk the match or to attack him after he wins the match. If Punk isn't staying with the company, or if he's going to be gone for several months, do we really need Triple H to make a one-night return for something that isn't a match? If Punk has made a deal to stick around, I think a match between he and Triple H is very likely, but there's a big problem. I've seen people complain about how dominant Cena can be, has been and "will be" against Punk. How the hell do you think Triple H will look? Triple H has looked ridiculously strong through the years, especially when he's working as a face. I'd fear for Punk's progress if he were to feud with Triple H, or even have a single match with him. Perhaps Trips will merely be revealed as the Raw General Manager, either having Punk immediately defend his newly-won WWE Title right then and there, or tell him that he's still contractually obligated to make a final appearance on Raw, where he (Triple H) has a surprise in store (a title defense where Punk would drop the title and be on his way). That might actually be more likely than Triple H returning as an in-ring performer, even for one more match.
Or..
In the dreaded "double turn", I'd have John Cena retain the title with the help of Vince McMahon. Cena's already looked at as the "company man", but by aligning him with McMahon and basically making him a "corporate champion", which would be a great way to accept the criticism that some people have about Cena and his character, and then use it to their advantage. I don't know how much I need to say it, but a heel turn for Cena benefits the business overall. Fans will tune in that weren't tuning in otherwise, and yes, there will be a loss in merchandise sales from the younger fans, but that's easily countered by the more "smark" fans buying his shirts and the younger fans moving on to their next "hero", whomever that may be. Then, with Punk, you have a brand new anti-establishment face like we had years ago with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Punk will definitely become the biggest name in wrestling, if he isn't already, as it can be argued. If Punk is sticking around, then you have the big-time feud to help the Raw brand taking place immediately. If Punk is taking a break, then it might even make things better, as his absence will make the hearts of wrestling fans grow fonder, and when he finally does return down the line, his face pop will be even bigger. As an added bonus, that stable I mentioned earlier can still happen, as you know Punk will need reinforcements to battle a new age Corporation. Punk, Cabana, Black, Hero, Castagnoli, etc going up against the new "Corporation", led by John Cena, is a hot idea for everyone involved.
Personally, if I had all the say in the thing, I'd go with the double turn. I'm the biggest John Cena fan in the entire IWC, but I've said, for a long time, that Cena needs a heel turn to rejuvenate his character and to boost the entire wrestling business. In previous situations where Cena could have/should have turned heel, people were worried because there wouldn't be a legit top face that could counter him and take his place. This is definitely a different deal, with Punk being more than enough to counter him and take his place as Raw's top face if the turn is done correctly. This could be the proverbial perfect storm, setting up a legendary double-turn that started off from scratch, basically happening organically and not through major planning, which.. bringing his name up again.. is just like the double turn that we got with Steve Austin and Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13. That wasn't a planned double turn, but the fans made it happen on their own. This is slightly different, but again, the fans are making it happen, not WWE booking. Fantastic.
What Will Probably Happen: Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I don't think we're going to get Cena winning clean, and Punk leaving the company just like that. The company has proven to be dumb on numerous occasions, but they can't be that dumb, can they? That's actually a rhetorical question, ladies and gentlemen, so don't answer it. I think we're going to get a mixture of things that will happen. Let's go in order..
- First, I think Punk wins the match and becomes the new WWE Champion. This sets the announcers off about what this means for the company with Punk leaving, even though he just won the title, and what happens to the company's top guy now that he's apparently "crossed the boss".
- Then, you have the Money In The Bank winner (in this case, Alex Riley) come out after the match to cash in his title shot. As would be expected, I'd expect that Cena will be booked to be strong in the match, so even if he loses, it will take a tremendous effort on Punk's behalf to get the win. With Punk down and basically exhausted, it's the perfect opportunity for Riley to make some noise.
- Next, we have Riley officially cashing in his shot. It won't be like what we saw with The Miz, where he'd come down to cash in his shot, but something would happen before the match became official that would throw it all out (he'd be attacked by someone else or the opponent that the champion just beat, etc). In this, I think Riley does get to cash in his shot. No fake-outs.
- Next, the match ends in a No Contest or a Disqualification because of interference. Maybe it's the whole indy group I mentioned earlier. Maybe it's just David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. Maybe it's Colt Cabana and/or Luke Gallows. Either way, some sort of interference goes down, allowing Punk to escape the event still as the WWE Champion, which brings the aforementioned ratings spike to Raw, with people wanting to see just what goes down.
The HiPE Playlist: "Hennessy Beach" by Dom Kennedy & Curren$y.. "Run Dat Shit" by Curren$y.. "Lay It On Me" by Kelly Rowland & Big Sean.. "Hood Gone Love It (Remix)" by Jay Rock, Rick Ross & Birdman.. "Just A Kid" by Mac Miller.. "Homies & Thuggs (Remix)" by Scarface, 2Pac & Master P.. "New York, New York" by Tha Dogg Pound & Snoop Doggy Dogg.. "Let's Play House" by Tha Dogg Pound, Nate Dogg & Michel'le.. "Grippin On The Wood" by Pimp C, Bun B & Big K.R.I.T. .. "Bread Up" by Pimp C & Paul Wall.. "Fuck Boy" by Pimp C & Too $hort.. "Hand In Hand" by DJ Quik & 2nd II None.. "If I Had No Loot" by Tony Toni Tone.. "Lose My Mind" by Young Jeezy & Plies.. "Po Pimp" by Do Or Die, Twista & Johnny P
I've told people before that one of CM Punk's old RoH theme songs ("Miseria Cantare" by AFI) fit perfectly with Punk and his role in the Straight Edge Society. Well, someone on YouTube decided to put his SES TitanTron with that particular song, and it does fit. I like it.
2. Day 563 "Wow.."
Wow.
We, as wrestling fans, go through a lot of emotions. You have the "outsiders" that think wrestling is "fake", "stupid", "gay", etc, which means some of us spend a lot of energy defending the sport, while others spend a lot of energy hiding the fact that they watch wrestling in the first place.
Then, there are nights like tonight when every single one of us should be happy.. proud.. to be a wrestling fan.
Money In The Bank will go down as one of the greatest pay-per-views in the history of the business. I know we, as fans, are often prisoners of the moment and can overrate things upon first view, but this is different. There was something special about tonight. Magic in the air. An electricity from beginning to end that is unlike anything we've ever seen.
First up, we had the Smackdown Money In The Bank Ladder Match, and folks, I don't think I've ever been so happy to be wrong in my life. It's going to sound really corny, I know, but I'll say it, anyway.. when I watched Daniel Bryan pull the briefcase down and win the match, I had to fight getting a little emotional. I say it's going to sound weird, but a lot of indy fans know exactly what I'm talking about right now. When you've watched Daniel Bryan go from the indies and working shows in front of a few dozen people, all the way up until now when he has earned a shot at the World Heavyweight Title in WWE, you feel such great pride and happiness for him. It helps that he's been nothing but tremendously nice and humble in any of the times I've had interaction with him, too. The match itself was really entertaining. It was a spotfest, sure, but all Ladder Matches are spotfests to begin with, but when you add six extra people to the match, you know exactly what you'll be getting from the start. Sin Cara may have legitimately injured himself with the powerbomb spot off the apron and through a ladder. When you look at the angle that was shown in the replay, it looked like he hit the ladder, and then had his arm land on the ground first, with the ladder and all of his weight coming down on top of it. Crazy spot, legit injury or not. In the end, though, all talk is about Daniel Bryan, who became a star tonight. Sure, odds are strong that he'll be the first Money In The Bank winner to cash in and lose, but you know what? Even if that does end up happening, I'm not really that concerned. Him winning the match tonight was proof enough that the company believes in him, and that he has earned his spot.
Someone else that was "made" tonight is Mark Henry. A clean, dominating victory over Big Show, and then an absolute destruction of Show after the match? That makes Henry look like the fucking monster he should be booked as. It's a little disappointing that the crowd didn't react much to the post-match attack, but everyone already knew the fans were waiting for one match and one match only tonight, so I'll let it slide.
Alberto Del Rrrrrio winning Raw's Money In The Bank was a little disappointing. The match was another entertaining spotfest, but like I said in my predictions column, this wasn't a match that ADR needed to win. For fuck's sake, he already won a match to become the #1 Contender for the WWE Title and never had his title match, so it could be argued that he should have been replaced in the match altogether. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to have him win, especially when someone else could have been "made" by winning the match. Again, though, the match was entertaining, and in a night like this, that's what I'm going to focus on instead.
In booking that appears like it was done specifically for me, Christian is the brand new World Champion, while Randy Orton now looks like the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. Christian spits in Orton's face, so Orton snaps and gets himself disqualified right in front of the referee? Christian's trying to physically injure Orton every single time he puts his hands on Orton, and Randy is alright with that, but spitting on him just crosses a line that is impossible to come back from? I get that Orton's character is that he has "anger issues" and all that, but he looks like a complete fucking meathead fool now, which is hilarious to me. The "fuck a five-day reign, here's a five-minute reign" angle was there for Christian, having been beaten to hell by Orton after the match. It would have been a great time for Daniel Bryan to cash in his title shot and become the new champion, but with Orton still out there and still in a rage, you know damn well he would have attacked Bryan, as well, so I'll be glad they didn't go in that direction. As hot as the crowd was for Orton, though, I think they might have turned on him if he attacked Bryan. Sure, Christian is popular within the IWC, but Daniel Bryan is an IWC God, and in a smark city like Chicago, which has been a strong Ring Of Honor city for years, I think they would have rallied behind Bryan in that one.
Let's be serious, though.. nobody's reading this column to know what I think of Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, or anything else that happened during the show before the main event. You want to know my thoughts on John Cena VS CM Punk. First, some really quick thoughts..
- I absolutely love Punk's new shirt. I'm not someone that buys wrestling shirts, but if they put that on WWEShop.com, I'll be buying it. For one, it's white, so I don't have to deal with wearing a black shirt in humid-ass Hawaii. Two, it speaks the truth.. CM Punk.. Best In The World. No arguments here.
- I marked out seeing Colt Cabana and "Crazy" Ace Steel sitting in the front row, and then again when Punk was talking to them.
- Punk's crowd reaction was, expectedly, crazy. I haven't heard a WWE crowd go that wild for someone in a long time, and it was for a heel. Well, he's technically a heel, anyway. He had them in the palms of his hands, too. They cheered louder and louder when they told them to. It was an amazing thing to watch, and it was something that he probably never thought he'd experience in his career.
- Cena's crowd reaction, though.. holy shit. We all knew he would be booed in Chicago. We all knew that. However, go back and watch it again. Listen to the crowd the moment that Cena's music hit. I have never heard a louder heel reaction in all my years of being a wrestling fan. Period. End of story. They were drowning his music out, they were so loud.
- You know what really amazes me, more than anything else? Just how many really good matches John Cena has been a part of for someone who is bad at what he does as some of you idiots say he is. Yet, you praise Randy Orton, who has been in, what, four or five really good matches during his entire career, two of which have come in the last couple months against Christian? Now I'm seeing praise for Cena's work all over the internet. On Twitter. On Facebook. On message boards. In my comments. In my e-mail. Oh, and Chavo Guerrero needs to eat a fucking dick and realize that he's only making himself look bad with his 75-tweet-long rants about Cena and his work. He had nothing to say until he realized the amount of attention he could get by mentioning the most talked-about storyline the business has seen in years. All he's doing now is trying to be a troll, desperate for someone to notice him and pay attention to him, but what he doesn't realize is that if his name was Chavo Hernandez, he would have spent the last 20 years standing outside of a Home Depot somewhere, hoping someone would hire him for cheap labor around their house. As talented as he is, nobody gave a rat's ass about him unless Eddie Guerrero was teaming with him, working against him or after Eddie died, when Chavo got sympathy pops from the crowd. That, my friends, is the truth.
As for the Cena/Punk match itself.. incredible drama. Both men brought the fucking noise tonight. Cena's best match of his entire career, and it can be argued that it was Punk's, as well. I've said it before, but this wrestling business isn't rocket science. When you take two of the best performers on the planet, and you give them an entertaining storyline to work with, it's amazing what type of results you can get, especially when you give them 35 minutes to work with. If you didn't like the match, I can honestly say that I have no fucking idea why you're even watching wrestling at this point in your life, and that you should probably find something else to fill your free time with, because you'll never be satisfied. This match.. hell, the entire pay-per-view.. is what we, as wrestling fans, have been asking for. Even if it was just for one night, the largest promotion on the planet listened to us and gave us what we wanted, and the best part about the entire thing is that it isn't quite over yet. Not only is there plenty of questions about Punk and Cena's status within the company now, but we have two Money In The Bank winners waiting in the wings, with the potential for plenty of changes coming soon.
It's an absolutely wonderful time to be a wrestling fan. Tonight is why we watch. Tonight is why we spend our money (well, some of us, anyway). Tonight is why we keep coming back, even after being disappointed several times. Tonight is why we love wrestling the way we do. Even if it all comes crashing down around us tomorrow, tonight was one of those nights we live for. You know it must be a great night when I'm praising it even after not getting my Cena heel turn again. Of course, there's still time for that, so we shall see.
Thank you, World Wrestling Entertainment.
Thank you, Vince McMahon.
Thank you, CM Punk.
Thank you, John Cena.
563 days into The HIPE Train riding along, and you've lit a fire under me that has motivated me like nothing else. Thank you for everything. Thank you, as a fan of wrestling, for making wrestling special once again.
Wow.
For those wanting to know, here are my star ratings for tonight..
- Smackdown Money In The Bank: 3.5 stars, and maybe even 3.75 stars
- Kelly Kelly VS Brie Bella: Who cares?
- Big Show VS Mark Henry: 1.75 stars
- Raw Money In The Bank: 3.25 stars, and maybe even 3.5 stars
- Randy Orton VS Christian: 3.25 stars, and maybe even 3.5 stars
- John Cena VS CM Punk: 5 stars, which might be because of that "prisoner of the moment" stuff I mentioned earlier, but I don't care
The HiPE Playlist: Money In The Bank, playing in the background.
I punched a horse in the eye once. He was chewing on my hand. But that's a different story for a different time.
-------------------------
Day 564
2.5 Day 564 "Continue moving on.."
8:55pm: I'm still flying high from Money In The Bank, as well as all of the birthday wishes I've received today, so I won't even be inviting Darth Vader to join me tonight. Now that I've made that decision, this will probably end up as the worst episode of Raw of all-time. As I always say.. we shall see.
9:00pm: Vince McMahon himself is out to start the show, alongside Johnny Ace, as he was last night. Vince's lavender sport coat is so hideous that it goes all the way back around on the scale to being awesome again. Wow.
9:03pm: Vince announces that we're crowning a new WWE Champion tonight in a one-night tournament, and the crowd boos the news.
9:04pm: Rey Mysterio VS Dolph Ziggler. Jack Swagger VS R-Truth. Kofi Kingston VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio. Alex Riley VS The Miz. Those are the matchups. Doesn't seem too thrilling, but I guess it's still newsworthy, with a new WWE Champion being crowned and all.
9:07pm: Other than the announcement of the tournament, a relatively bland opening promo from "The Chairman". The tournament is now getting underway, with Riley VS Miz as the opening match. Miz is selling the effects of a knee injury that he may or may not have suffered at Money In The Bank, depending on what sources you're reading.
9:11pm: I'm still trying to figure out why he's "A-Ry" and not "A-Ri". I know I've wondered it in my columns before, but I think I'll continue to wonder it until either the name changes or he's no longer with the company. It just doesn't make any sense. Jennifer Lopez isn't "J-Low", after all.
9:12pm: Smart ring psychology from Riley, targeting Miz's'z's'z's'z's knee, working it over and locking submissions in.
9:15pm: After last night's electric crowd in Chicago, it's especially jarring to hear a crowd be quiet during a match. The Green Bay fans are popping every now and then so far, but it's still a huge difference.
9:16pm: That was one ugly attempt at a Cloverleaf submission by Riley. Yikes. There's no defending that.
9:17pm: Skull Crushing Finale, out of nowhere, and Miz wins the match. Decent enough match. Kind of slow, in spots, but it told the right story, with Riley trying to take advantage of an injury, and Miz overcoming said injury. Miz advances in the tournament.
9:18pm: R-Truth is backstage, talking to himself. Hmm.. R-Truth in Green Bay.. does that mean he thinks he's in Milwaukee?
9:22pm: A John Morrison video package, juuuuust to make sure we don't forget about him while he remains out due to injury.
9:25pm: The tournament continued with Swagger VS Truth, and the crowd doesn't really know how to react. It's Heel VS Heel, which always has strange crowd reactions. Odd choice here.
9:29pm: I think Michael Cole just mentioned this match for the first time. He and Jerry Lawler have spent the entire time talking about other things, and within two seconds (literally), they went back to talking about other things. The fans don't care about Swagger VS Truth, and apparently, the announcers don't care, either.
9:30pm: Truth rolls up Swagger and advances in the tournament. The crowd goes mild. Yikes. Kind of a clunky match, with nothing really standing out.
9:36pm: The tournament just keeps on rolling along tonight. Next up, Kofi Kingston VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio, who is, technically, the #1 Contender for the WWE Title, and now has the Money In The Bank briefcase, entitling him to a shot at the WWE Title whenever, wherever, for up to an entire year. If he wins this tournament, does that make him the #1 Contender to his own belt? Will he then be guaranteed to a title shot against himself at some point in the next year? I NEED ANSWERS!!!
9:38pm: ADR speaks, and the crowd has zero reaction. ADR mentions John Cena's name, and his promo finally gets a reaction.
9:39pm: Ricardo Rodriguez has returned, and he, too, is speaking to zero reaction. What the hell is with the Green Bay crowd? Did they miss the pay-per-view last night? Raw hasn't even been bad so far, and they're still sitting on their hands. I'm ashamed of you, Green Bay.
9:43pm: During Kofi's entrance, they had a camera shot from the nose bleed section of the arena, and people continued to sit with arms folded, not making any noise at all. Not cheering. Not booing. Not clapping. Nothing. The fuck, Green Bay? You suck.
9:48pm: I was one of the first people on ADR's bandwagon, but I think I'm reaching the point where I might start looking elsewhere. He's been so dreadfully bland recently. No crowd reactions, not many entertaining matches, etc.
9:50pm: Well, I'll be damned.. Kofi pulls off what has to be considered an upset, getting the win and moving along in the tournament. Kofi will face The Miz in the semi-finals later tonight.
9:53pm: Has anyone tried the new BBQ Pulled Pork sub from Subway yet? I probably know the answer already, but is it any good? I keep seeing the commercial for it. I'm a fan of BBQ pulled pork, so I want to see if it's worth getting. Thanks in advance for any answers.
9:57pm: The first hour is being closed out with the final first round match in the tournament, with Rey Mysterio taking on the United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler. Nice action-packed first hour, even if the crowd didn't seem to care.
10:02pm: A very loud "6-1-9" chant from the women and children in attendance, followed by a loud pop for an attempt at the move of the same name by Mysterio. The crowd is awake for this one. It's like someone told them the show started at 10, so they reserved their energy.
10:04pm: Another short tournament match, but Mysterio picks up the victory, moving on to face R-Truth in the semi-finals. Fun match, but again, it was short.
10:11pm: Yet another 14-Diva tag match?!? Could these things get any more pointless? Let me guess.. two minutes or less, and this match will be over, and also, we'll get no more than four Divas actually participating in the match?
10:14pm: Holy shit. I counted 1:03 of in-ring action (Hi, Stan), and the match ended without a single tag. Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendes started the match off, and that's all we got. These heifers are getting paid for this shit?!? Cozy gig.
10:19pm: The tournament continues, with Kofi Kingston VS The Miz up next. This could be a very important match in the career of Kofi. Not exactly make-or-break, but important nonetheless. He's been treading water for a really long time.
10:21pm: A "CM Punk" chant didn't even wake the crowd up, and it died out after what sounded like only a dozen or so people joined in. If CM Punk's name can't even excite this crowd, there's a problem. I realize that he isn't in the ring right now, but just look at last night's crowd. They had at least one Punk chant in every single match on the card, and I know my math isn't the greatest, but I believe Punk only participated in one match there.
10:25pm: Another short match, with Miz winning. It was damn near the same match as Miz VS Riley. Weird booking with the face working over an injured limb on the heel's body, followed by a scrappy performance by the heel in coming back for a victory, seemingly out of nowhere. Either way, The Miz is in the finals, and will be facing either Rey Mysterio or R-Truth for the WWE Title later tonight.
10:28pm: All of that "Truth has entertaining heel promos" shit has pretty much been forgotten now that everyone has been so wrapped up in CM Punk's character recently, hasn't it? I haven't seen much talk about Truth in the last month, even from some of the biggest Truth fans around. With Punk gone, at least for the time being, can Truth regain some of the momentum he was building up? Time will tell, but he might need another character tweak, because he just doesn't match up to anything Punk has been bringing to the table.
10:33pm: Andy Leavine grew up across the street from a meth lab, ladies and gentlemen. Cheer for him.
10:35pm: Rey Mysterio VS R-Truth is up next.
10:38pm: I guess it shouldn't be a huge surprise or anything, but again, Mysterio is the only person getting legit reactions from the crowd here tonight. Nothing earth-shattering or record-breaking, but compared to the rest of the show, Mysterio is coming across like Attitude Era Steve Austin in Green Bay.
10:45pm: Nice back-and-forth match so far, which is starting to get the crowd more and more into it with each passing minute.
10:48pm: Mysterio wins. Easily the best (and longest) match of the tournament so far. Strange how those two things can go together, isn't it? Rey Mysterio VS The Miz, to crown a new WWE Champion. I guess we won't be seeing a new star "made" tonight.
10:49pm: The final match is taking place right after the commercial break? Wow. Quite the disadvantage for Mysterio, especially coming off of a match that was pretty much twice as long as the rest of the tournament bouts.
10:55pm: Vince McMahon's music interrupts the introductions for the final match, and he's on his way to the ring with a purpose. Looks like we're getting a Vince promo here.
10:56pm: Vince says he has business to tend to, and is postponing the final match until next week. Well, I guess that's one way to try and keep interest going into next week's show.
10:57pm: Vince says he can make a new John Cena, which, of course reminds me of a Jay-Z lyric.. "I heard muh'fuckas saying they made Hov.. made Hov say 'Ok, so, make another Hov'..", which has always been funny to me.
10:58pm: Alright, this time the "CM Punk" chant is loud and very clear.
10:59pm: John Cena's music hits, bringing Cena out to.. surprise, surprise.. the loudest ovation of the night. The in-ring "firing" of Cena?
11:01pm: Cena says he didn't want to be the next person that Vince treated like Shawn Michaels. No matter what Michaels did during his career.. no matter how many great matches he had, titles he won, etc.. people never forgot that he "screwed Bret Hart". He says he isn't going to be Vince's "patsy", and that actually gets a full face pop from the crowd.
11:04pm: Holy veiled TNA reference from Cena, Batman!
11:04pm: Cena refuses to kiss Vince's ass, and basically is accepting the impending termination.
11:05pm: Triple H!!!
11:05pm: The crowd goes nuts for Trips, coming to the ring in a suit, looking almost upset, like he's sad.
11:07pm: "The Board" has sent Triple H to the arena to talk to Vince about the "current situation". Uh-oh.
11:08pm: "The Board" has filed an injunction against Vince, with a vote of "no confidence". Triple H says that "the family" agrees.
11:08pm: Holy shit.. Triple H has been appointed to take over the day-to-day operations of the company. This is going to be another one of those promos that goes down with people wondering how much is a work and how much is a shoot.
11:09pm: Vince has tears welling up in his eyes, and Triple H sounds like he's getting to that point.
11:11pm: Vince has just been fired, and now he's lost it, with tears rolling down his cheeks. Wow.
11:12pm: Both men are crying now.
11:12pm: Triple H tells Vince he loves him, referring to him as "Pop", and Vince loses it again. He's basically bawling at this point.
11:13pm: A standing ovation from the crowd for Vince as he waves and mouths the word "thank you", and we get a "Thank You, Vince" chant to end the show, which helps the tears flow some more.
#ThankYouVinceMcMahon: A strong emphasis on the in-ring action this week.. Both Alex Riley & Kofi Kingston using ring psychology better than they have during their careers, in matches against The Miz.. Alex Riley VS The Miz.. Rey Mysterio VS Dolph Ziggler.. Rey Mysterio VS R-Truth.. The overall emotion of the final segment
#FuckYouGreenBayCrowd: A dead crowd for 98% of the show.. Weird Heel VS Heel & Heel "overcoming the odds" dynamics.. How much momentum Alberto Del Rrrrrio has lost in recent months.. The Divas match.. No CM Punk (although that was to be expected).. Spending all that time to get through the tournament, only to not have the final match take place
Grade: Kind of a strange episode. I love the focus on in-ring action, although I would have preferred to see some longer matches, with the tournament stretching out over two weeks. In the world of kayfabe, though, it made sense for Vince McMahon to want a new WWE Champion crowned a full week earlier, although that went out the window once he postponed the final match, anyway. Not a lot of bad action this week, outside of the pointless Divas match, which makes you wonder how good this episode could have been if the crowd were alive at all. They've built up a lot of intrigue for next week's episode, though, which is nice. With Vince being relieved of his duties by Triple H and "The Board", what does that mean for Vince's decisions? Do we still get the finals of the tournament next week? Do we get CM Punk back? People are going to continue talking about it all week long, and that means more people will be tuning in next week, as well, so I applaud them for that. I'll be nice and give this week's episode a B-. They really tried hard to give a good show, with the crowd being out of their control.
The HiPE Playlist: Raw.
Happy Birthday!
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Day 565
4. Day 565 "Money In The Bank.."
*By Request*
Writer's Note: Tonight's column is about a newsworthy event that happened at tonight's Smackdown taping. It doesn't give away a match result, but it's still, technically, a spoiler, so if you don't want it to be ruined for you, you might want to skip the column and would probably benefit from not reading the Facebook comments at the bottom of this page. Consider yourselves warned.
Over the last few years, when it comes to Money In The Bank and the idea of winners cashing in their title shots, I've seen more and more people wanting to see a break from the norm. We're used to seeing the winner cash in immediately after the WWE/World Champion has been beaten down or just got out of a really tough match, basically taking advantage of them. Heels do it. Faces do it. I mean, it makes a lot of sense, when you think about it. If you have a chance to win the WWE/World Title, why wouldn't you want to take the best possible opportunity to do so? People wanted to see something different, though. They always think back to Rob Van Dam in 2006, when he told John Cena ahead of time that he would be cashing in at the ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view that year. No post-match shenaniganery. No taking advantage of anything. Simply RVD stepping up and being a "man" about the entire thing.
On Smackdown this week, we have an in-ring interview with Daniel Bryan, conducted by Michael Cole. During the interview, Bryan reveals that he's going to cash in his title shot for a main event spot on the WrestleMania 28. Think about that very carefully, internet fans..
Daniel Bryan, as of this second, is scheduled to compete in one of the main events at WrestleMania 28, competing for the World Title.
I don't know about all of you, but my mind is blown at the mere thought of it. Here's the thing..
My opinion could change, and it probably will the more I think about it, but as of right now, I'm not buying that Daniel Bryan makes it to WrestleMania 28 with his title shot still in his possession. It's just too perfect, and would make me too happy. I can't get my way to that extent, can I? My personal luck just simply isn't that good.
That's over eight months from now. Do you know how much can happen in the world of wrestling in eight months? I mean, there are plenty of ways for it to not happen the way Bryan said it would happen..
- He could get injured and be forced to give his shot up
- He could find a "better" scenario and cash in before WrestleMania 28
- He could put his title shot on the line in a match against someone and lose it
- He could choke Justin Roberts with a tie and be fired for the second time
You just never know. I'd be more than thrilled if everything turns out the way he mentioned it on Smackdown. For one, seeing the man formerly known as "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson in a WrestleMania main event would be incredible beyond words, and would be one major slap in the face to everyone that has doubted him, going back even before he signed his WWE contract, when they said he wouldn't be able to succeed in the "big leagues". However, and more importantly, it does precisely what I've been saying should happen with Money In The Bank.. it would give the winner plenty of time to be built up. As big a fan as I am of Daniel Bryan, he isn't a legit contender for the World Title in the eyes of most fans, as of today.. July 19th, 2011. He just isn't. He's a solid midcarder capable of putting on entertaining matches on a regular basis, but there isn't quite the connection between the casual fans and the Daniel Bryan character that is needed for someone to be a WWE main eventer, especially at WrestleMania. In the next eight months, however, that can definitely change, and really, with Bryan's in-ring ability, it won't take much.
I've already said it before.. let him mingle a bit with the main eventers, and upper-midcarders, on Smackdown, as well as the rest of the roster. If Christian is beating Randy Orton down, let Bryan come out and make the save. Or, if you want to take a risk, have him come out and turn heel by joining in on the attack. Have him working matches that are more highly-anticipated and last longer than usual. Have him work with Sheamus and Wade Bar-ruh, who we know he has in-ring chemistry with. Have him work with Mark Henry, where he can use his skills to help make Mizark look better than he is, helping another name rise up the ranks. Hell, he's still feuding with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, who he continues to have entertaining matches with. The in-ring part is perfectly fine. He's been able to take care of that, and will continue to do so. Again, it's the character that needs work. He needs more mic time. He needs to be involved in segments. He needs to be placed in feuds that mean something, instead of just randomly placing him in matches here and there.
Another good idea would be to reach out to Ring Of Honor for some old footage, so that some video packages can be put together. The company employs the best video production team on the planet, so I have no doubt that they'd be able to make some great videos "introducing" people to Daniel Bryan. On a related note, and I'm sorry for jumping around a bit, but perhaps it's time to let his in-ring work loose a bit, as well? If you're placing him in longer matches, it would make sense to give him some more freedom that allows him to be let loose some more. They did it with CM Punk, and as strictly as a pure in-ring worker, Daniel Bryan is twice the performer that Punk is. Punk being able to let loose on the mic showed the world just what he could do, and Bryan being able to let loose in the ring could do the same thing.
I'll say this, right here and right now.. if this ends with Randy Orton punting Bryan in the head, taking the title shot and using it to win the World Title back from Christian, I will be rounding up a large posse that will end up at a Smackdown event where we will kidnap and murder not only Randy Orton but the Smackdown Creative Team. Please don't make us do it, WWE. Thanks for putting that idea in my head, Coach. Damn you.
It's the final countdown..
The HiPE Playlist: "Flowers" by Wiz Khalifa, Curren$y & Big Sean.. "O.T.T.R." by Wiz Khalifa, Curren$y & Big Sean.. "Ill Mind Of Hopsin 4" by Hopsin.. "Legendary" by Royce Da 5'9.. "Seven Deuce" by Joell Ortiz.. "You're The One" by Phil Ade & Killa Kyleon.. "For The Paper" by Freeway.. "Winner" by Gilbere Forte & Freeway.. "Gangstaz Only" by L.E.P. Bogus Boys & Mobb Deep.. "Gotta Get Paid" by Smoke DZA & Big K.R.I.T.
I'm old school. I'm from the 80s. That's where they made me at.
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Day 566
5. Day 566 "Just another statistic.."
*By Request*
The other day, on Twitter, I was tossing around some statistics that I found online in regards to John Cena and his win/loss percentages against certain workers through the years, and it made me dig a little deeper and look up other statistics to tweet about. I guess I have some people that aren't on Twitter who still check my account, because I got multiple requests to do a column about some statistics. Nobody expanded on the request at all, so I'm just going to use the site I've been using (I'll drop a link for everyone at the end of the column) to discuss some really odd/crazy/amazing numbers through the years.
Just for your information, a lot of the win/loss statistics will consist of matches that took place on television or pay-per-view, but that's it. No house show matches. No pre or post-show dark matches. Some of the numbers you'll see will appear to be really low, and now you know why. If I include dark matches, I'll indicate it. As another bit of pre-column information, this is going to be a column that takes a lot of scrolling to get through, with all the stats posted. It's also going to be ridiculously all over the map, and a lot less like a real "column" than I usually post. Just remember that for future reference. Alright, let's get on with it. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Since it's the Win/Loss Percentage that brought the idea for this column up, it's only fitting to look at the wrestlers who have the highest numbers in that area, as far as major promotions go..
- Warrior, with 82.8% victories in 99 total matches
- Goldberg, with 81.5% victories in 227 total matches
- Bobby Lashley, with 77.0% victories in 135 total matches
- Bruno Sammartino, with 73.2% victories in 168 total matches
- Junk Yard Dog, with 71.4% victories in 77 total matches
All big men, but I'll admit to being really surprised to see JYD included. Not that I saw him lose all the time, but he's just not someone you'd immediately think about when this topic comes up. Other very interesting numbers on the list..
- John Cena, with 65.4% victories in 494 total matches
- Hulk Hogan, with 61.2% victories in 376 total matches
- The Undertaker, with 61.1% victories in 579 total matches
- Sting, with 59.8% victories in 405 total matches
- Bret Hart, with 59.2% victories in 299 total matches
- Shawn Michaels, with 58.5% victories in 422 total matches
- The Rock, with 56.7% victories in 423 total matches
- AJ Styles, with 55.3% victories in 494 total matches
- Steve Austin, with 54.5% victories in 292 total matches
- Jeff Jarrett, with 54.1% victories in 536 total matches
Interesting to note that Ric Flair, the leader in World Title victories, sits at a 48.0% clip in 458 matches. Of course, when you win a bunch of titles in your career, it obviously means you've lost a bunch of titles in your career, as well, so maybe it shouldn't be a surprise. You've seen the numbers, though, folks.. it's pretty clear, to me, that Warrior is the single greatest wrestler that we've ever seen. He has a whopping total of 15 losses in his entire major promotion career. Women lie. Men lie. Numbers don't. A total of 15 losses is, simply put, insane.
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What's that? You want to talk about long matches? Alright, we can do that. I've already mentioned the 92-minute, Two-Out-Of-Three Falls Match that CM Punk and Chris Hero had back in 2003, but a match that took place in Japan 16 years before that makes the Punk/Hero match look like a Raw squash match. The legendary Antonio Inoki defeated Masa Saito in a "Island Deathmatch" for New Japan Pro Wrestling on October 4th, 1987. The length of the match? Nearly 126 minutes. Yes, guys and gals.. for over two hours, Inoki and Saito wrestled on a vacant island (other than the referee and photographers, which means there were 85,000 Japanese people there). Helicopters were circling the island, watching the action. Both Inoki and Saito came out in their wrestling gear for the match, which is extra funny to me, for some reason. The entire match can be found on YouTube (search for YouTube user "stunninggrover") if, for some reason, you want to sit and watch the entire thing. I've only been able to watch the entire match once, and when it was over, I laughed. It isn't the greatest match or anything, but not many people can legitimately say they watched a wrestling match that lasted for over two hours. Amaze your friends. That, or bore them to tears. Either or, really.
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Dave Meltzer is a name that is almost universally known within the IWC, and his star ratings for matches is a big reason why. Now, you'll find that damn near everyone, myself included, use star ratings for matches. What was really crazy, to me, is that, of every WWF/WWE event Meltzer has reviewed, the event with the highest average match grade is..
Elimination Chamber from earlier this year.
Yes, you're reading that right.
The event averages 3.78 stars per match, according to Meltzer, with the Smackdown and Raw Elimination Chamber matches getting 4.25 and 4 stars, respectively. The Miz VS Jerry Lawler got 3.5 stars, Kofi Kingston VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio got 3.25 stars, and KozTino VS Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel got 1.25 stars. That's incredible.
In case you're wondering, and I know you are..
- WrestleMania 26 was the highest rated WrestleMania, with an average of 3.58 stars
- The very first Clash Of The Champions event was WCW's highest rated show, with an average of 4.15 stars
- The highest rated WCW pay-per-view was The Great American Bash 1989, with an average of 4.08 stars
- The highest rated ECW event was The Night The Line Was Crossed 1994, with an average of 3.84 stars
- The highest rated TNA pay-per-view was No Surrender 2005, with an average of 3.44 stars
New Japan Pro Wrestling's Super J Cup from 1994 is the highest rated event, period, with an average of 4.63 stars. It's an eye-popping number, but if you look a little deeper at the rankings, not even one-third of the event is graded, which isn't exactly fair. That's like me giving the John Cena VS CM Punk match from Money In The Bank a perfect 5-star grade, and then not grading any of the other matches, saying Money In The Bank as an entire event was a 5-star shindig. It doesn't work that way, Tuna Meltz.
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Staying on the subject of star ratings, Meltzer has given a 5-star mark to a whopping 38 matches through the years, with the first being Tiger Mask VS Dynamite Kid from New Japan's Sumo Hall Show on April 21st, 1983. The most recent 5-star match is Dragon Kid, Ryo Saito & Genki Horiguchi VS CIMA, Naruki Doi & Masato Yoshino from Ring Of Honor's Supercard Of Honor show on March 31st, 2006. Once again, because I know some of you are wondering, WWF/WWE has four matches on that list..
- Bret Hart VS Steve Austin in a Submission Match from WrestleMania 13
- The Undertaker VS Shawn Michaels in the first Hell In A Cell from Badd Blood 1997
- Bret Hart VS Owen Hart in a Steel Cage Match from SummerSlam 1994
- Razor Ramon VS Shawn Michaels in a Ladder Match from WrestleMania 10
NWA/WCW has eight matches on the list..
- Butch Miller & Luke Williams VS Bobby Fulton & Tommy Rogers from the Crockett Memorial Tag Team Tournament in 1986
- Dusty Rhodes, Nikita Koloff, The Road Warriors & Paul Ellering VS The Four Horsemen & The War Machine in War Games from Great American Bash 1987
- Ric Flair VS Ricky Steamboat's entire trilogy from 1989
- Ric Flair VS Terry Funk in an "I Quit" Match from Clash Of The Champions 9
- Sting, Brian Pillman & The Steiners VS Ric Flair, Barry Windham, Sid Vicious & Larry Zbyszko in War Games from WrestleWar 1991
- Sting, Ricky Steamboat, Barry Windham, Dustin Rhodes & Nikita Koloff VS Steve Austin, Rick Rude, Arn Anderson, Bobby Eaton & Larry Zbyszko in War Games from WrestleWar 1992
The only TNA match on the list is the first Triple Threat Match between AJ Styles, Samoa Joe & Christopher Daniels from Unbreakable 2005.
ECW doesn't have any matches on the list, but RoH has three..
- Samoa Joe VS CM Punk from Joe VS Punk 2 in 2004
- Samoa Joe VS Kenta Kobashi from Joe VS Kobashi in 2005
- The aforementioned Dragon Gate six-man from 2006
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If you're going to look at 5-star classics, you might as well flip the coin and look at negative-5-star matches. Throughout his rating history, Meltzer has given the negative-5-star rating to four matches..
- Junk Yard Dog VS Moondog Spot from WWF's Wrestling Classic in 1985
- Mr. T VS Roddy Piper in a Boxing Match from WrestleMania 2
- Hulk Hogan VS Warrior from WCW's Halloween Havoc 1998
- Luke & Butch (The Bushwhackers) VS Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik from 2000's Heroes Of Wrestling pay-per-view
Now you know which four matches to include in compilations that you make for your friends. Feel free to thank me at a later time for the idea.
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The Undertaker has appeared in 157 pay-per-view matches during his WWF/WWE career, which is the most of anyone in company history. With Triple H at 150 and KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE at 137 as the next two spots on the list, it's pretty safe to say that Taker's record is going to stand for a while. John Cena currently sits at 95, with Randy Orton and Christian at 87. So, barring injury, both Cena and Orton should pass Taker's number, but it's still a long way away for both men.
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Not counting the TNA buildings (Impact Zone and Tennessee Fairgrounds Arena) because of weekly events and repeated use, the building in the United States that has hosted the most pay-per-view events is..
You guessed it..
The 1st Mariner Center (formerly known as The Baltimore Arena) in Baltimore, Maryland.
Wait.. you didn't guess that? Don't worry, because I didn't, either. The building has hosted a total of 14 pay-per-views through the years. The building that comes to everyone's mind right away.. Madison Square Garden.. has hosted 10 pay-per-views. That's a number that, at first viewing, seems really low, but the more you think about it, the more it seems right. Of course, you have a few WrestleMania events from MSG, but most fans can't name more than one or two more events from MSG right off the tops of their heads.
Meanwhile, Hawaii doesn't have a single pay-per-view event that was hosted from any building in the state. If WCW can hold four events at motorcycle rallies in South Dakota, where they didn't charge for attendance and lost millions of dollars with each event, then someone can fly out here for a pay-per-view, dagnabbit! I'm not necessarily asking for a WrestleMania, either. It could be a second-tier TNA pay-per-view. That would be perfectly fine with me.
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Born on today's date..
- Legendary grappler George Hackenschmidt (1878)
- The man who Vince McMahon recently name-dropped on Raw, Sky Low Low (1928)
- Bob Orton, Sr. (1929)
- "Above Average" Mike Sanders (1969)
Also on this date in history..
- Scott Hall & The Giant win the WCW Tag Team Titles from Kevin Nash & Sting on Nitro (1998)
- Shelton Benjamin won the United States Title from Matt Hardy at The Great American Bash (2008)
- Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder win the WWE Tag Team Titles from John Morrison & The Miz at The Great American Bash (2008)
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In one-on-one matches that took place on television or pay-per-view, did you know John Cena is 1-3 against Eddie Guerrero, while being 4-0 against Chavo Guerrero? No wonder Chavo is so salty these days.
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Did I hear someone say "PWI 500"? I'm pretty sure I did. If you're talking about the list of wrestlers that have appeared in the Top 10 of the PWI 500 the most, the list would look like this..
- Shawn Michaels (8)
- Chris Jericho (8)
- Triple H (8)
- Kurt Angle (8)
- The Undertaker (7)
- John Cena (7)
- Sting (7)
- Steve Austin (6)
- Edge (6)
- Ric Flair (5)
I'd say it's safe to assume that Shawn Michaels isn't going to add to that number, and neither is Triple H. With Kurt Angle's lesser schedule, and with him set to take on an even lesser schedule coming up, you'd have to think he won't add to it, at least not for the next list. Chris Jericho, if he were to return on time, could be considered, but as of right now, he's not. With his titles won, Sting will definitely make another Top 10 for 2011, and so will John Cena. Looking at the rest of the names on the list, you've got to think that Cena is going to be the first to reach double-digits and could end up putting the record out of reach when all is said and done. PWI loves them some John Cena.
In case you're wondering about the top spot in the PWI 500, only four men have had that spot on two occasions.. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, John Cena & Triple H. Only one of those names is currently active, which means.. yup.. Cena could very well put this number out of reach, as well. PWI loves them some John Cena, after all.
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Alright, I think that's going to do it for this particular column. It's random and rambling enough as it is. Taking it any further may make some heads explode, and I can't have that. I just can't. Earlier, I said that I'd provide a link to where I'm getting all of this information, so here's the link..
Two columns posted in a little over seven hours. Not bad. Had to get today's column posted really early, because I'll probably be busy for a large chunk of the day and most of the night. Enjoy my hard work. Ha.
The HiPE Playlist: Nothing today.
Ya done goofed!
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Day 567
6. Day 567 "Complaining.."
This makes perfect sense.
I often get accused of being too cynical and negative in a lot of my columns, especially when it comes to the goings-on of the Raw brand. So, of course, it makes perfect sense that I gave Raw a good grade this week when damn near every other review of the show I've seen has been incredibly negative. I'm legitimately shocked at all of the negative feedback I've seen. I really am.
The first thing I've noticed is that people are complaining about the lack of CM Punk on Raw. On what planet do these people come from? What part of the last few weeks made anyone think that Punk would be on Raw this week, short of a turn at Money In The Bank which would have seen Vince McMahon help Punk screw John Cena over and get him "fired"? The entire point of the storyline has been that Punk's contract expired when the clock struck midnight, bringing us into Monday morning. You folks remember that, don't you? He said he wouldn't be there, then he tore up the contract that would have brought him back, and then Vince McMahon said he officially didn't re-sign at Money In The Bank.. and people were surprised that he didn't show up?!? I understand that we're supposed to have a hard time "trusting" what we hear on television, especially when it comes to wrestlers leaving/retiring, etc. That's fine. However, it wouldn't make any sense for Punk to spend all that time pushing the fact that he is going to be "gone forever", only to have him not miss a single show and have him just show up on Raw, even for a second.
The funniest part about the people complaining is that the same people would be complaining to the end of the world and back if Punk did show up. They would have said the company wasn't following with the storyline, and how Punk showing up made the last few weeks pointless. All of the epic moments.. all of the "shoot" promos.. every single second of it "ruined" by Punk's face being seen on television. You know.. just like when John Cena gets "fired", and then you bitch and whine when he's on Raw, anyway. Why? Because it isn't following the storyline that has been building up for weeks to that particular point, but hey, more on Cena in a bit. Actually, let's discuss Cena now..
I've seen other complaints that Cena was "fired", and yet, appeared on Raw, anyway. That one is pretty easy to figure out, in my opinion. Look back at Vince McMahon's character through the years. Look at when he's had to "fire" people. What excites him the most? Being able to stand face-to-face with these people, yell out "YOU'RE FIIIIIRRRRREEEEEDDDDD!!!!!" directly in their face. It's a power trip. He's the boss, and they're not. What was Vince doing on Raw? If you paid attention to what he was saying, he was bringing John Cena to the ring to do just that.. to tell Cena that he failed to do his job, and because of him (Cena), the WWE Title was no longer in the company, and because of that, he was going to fire him publicly. He even said, when Cena was about to walk out of the ring, that Cena wasn't going to deny him the "satisfaction" of what he was out there to do. Giving Cena the verbal pink slip right to his face makes for better television, and would have brought out a bigger reaction from the Cena fans in attendance. It just makes sense, but, of course, it never got to take place because of Raw's final segment, which seems to be getting the most complaints.
Most people seem to be saying that Raw had a refreshing focus on the in-ring product with the one-night tournament to crown a brand new WWE Champion, and as I said in my Running Diary, I agree with that. While the matches weren't all classics or anything, it was still a different direction than Raw usually goes in. With the ending segment taking place, postponing the finals of the tournament, people are saying that Raw went from focusing on in-ring action to placing Triple H "firing" Vince McMahon ahead of the WWE Title.
What's the problem with that?
Stop looking at things from an internet fan's point of view for a moment, and look at them in the world of kayfabe. Is the WWE Title a big deal? Yes, of course it is. However, you're kidding yourself if you think that the WWE Title is a bigger story than Vince Fucking McMahon being "fired" from the company that he turned into a billion-dollar corporation. Strictly in the world of kayfabe, Vince being "fired" is one of the biggest stories that has ever played out in the history of wrestling. It's related to the people complaining when Cena basically said that his match with Punk at Money In The Bank was one of the biggest matches the company had ever seen. People looked at it with their "smark goggles" on and saw that it was another WWE Title match, and laughed at Cena's hyperbole, but those people were wrong. Again, strictly in kayfabe, Cena VS Punk was, without a doubt, the biggest match in WWE history. We've seen some huge battles before. We've seen some legendary matches. However, we haven't seen someone that close to taking the biggest title in the company and leaving with it in his possession. That made the match insanely important, much more than the mere importance of winning a normal match.
Anyway, back to what I was saying.. what we got with Vince McMahon and Triple H made for some very interesting television. As I said during my Running Diary, it gets people talking. Vince, of course, has been making plenty of decisions in recent weeks, but with "The Board" questioning those decisions and having Vince replaced with Triple H, it opens the door for every single decision Vince has made to be reviewed and/or overturned. John Cena being "fired"? CM Punk "not having a contract"? Rey Mysterio and The Miz competing in the final match of a tournament to crown a new WWE Champion? Everything.. all of it.. now gets questioned.
- If you notice Triple H's words on Raw, all he said was that Vince wasn't going to "fire" John Cena. He didn't say Cena was back, or anything along those lines. All he said was that Vince wasn't going to "fire" Cena. That means it's still on the table for Triple H to be the one to "fire" Cena. That's only if you want to read into the words he chose to use, which is up to you.
- We've seen reports that the Mysterio/Miz match will take place, as scheduled, on the upcoming episode of Raw, but.. wait for it.. in the world of kayfabe, the match shouldn't be for the WWE Title. Will it? Perhaps. However, if there's going to be complaints about the decisions that Vince makes, to the point that he needs to be removed from power, why would they keep up with his decision to rush into a tournament to crown a new champion? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It makes more sense for Triple H to find a new way to crown a new WWE Champion, no matter what the reactions of Mysterio and Miz are. Of course, instead of giving us a new WWE Champion..
- Where does this leave CM Punk? Vince tried and tried and tried to keep Punk around, but he was unable to do so. Now, with Triple H taking over for Vince, that damn sure opens the door for him (Trips) to give it a shot and try to bring Punk back. It adds a different layer to the storyline, especially with the remarks that Punk has made about Triple H in his recent promos.
There's no reason to complain here, ladies and gentlemen. What we're getting is not only what we should be getting, but what we've been told, ad nauseum, for weeks that we were going to get. For yet another week, Raw ended with something that is making us talk, ask questions and wonder what's next. It's not the same ho-hum shit that we usually get from the show, and yet, amazingly enough, people are still finding reasons to complain. Please stop, folks. Sit back. Let things happen. Speculating on the next step in the storyline is fine, and is perfectly natural. Complaining about things not happening, when storylines aren't even over yet, is not fine, and damn sure isn't perfectly natural. It must suck going through life being that negative. Raw was really good this week, with the potential for more really good episodes in the weeks to come. Let's just sit back and watch it unfold, shall we?
Oh, and on a semi-related-but-not-quite-related note..
You fucking fucks that are now talking about not liking CM Punk anymore because "everyone else likes him" make me sick, are the reason that the IWC has such a piss-poor reputation, and deserve every bad thing that happens in your life. I hate you.
The HiPE Playlist: "Otis" by Jay-Z & Kanye West.. "Regular Guy" by Skillz.. "Toca Tuesday Freestyle" by Black Hippy.. "Champion (Remix)" by Emilio Rojas, Rittz, Laws, Laura Reed & Voodoo.. "Wings" by Macklemore.. "Crying Broke" by Consequence, Rapper Big Pooh & eLZhi.. "Me Too" by Chip Tha Ripper & Like.. "Love Story" by Masspike Miles & Joell Ortiz.. "Welcome To Jamrock" by Damian Marley.. "Let's Do It Again" by J-Boog
You hear rap artists now talk about how their wrist is "frosty" or "frozen", and how "the bling bling will blind you". Well, maybe it will. Maybe it already blinded you. Rocking too much bling can reveal a hole in a man. An emptiness he's trying to fill with diamonds.
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Day 568
Brand new Beavis & Butthead? Yes!
7. Day 568 "Right back on track.."
5:00pm: Wow, I haven't watched Smackdown "live" in a while. This means I can get the column posted an hour or two earlier, but this also means that I can't fast forward through the bad parts of the show. Let's get it poppin.
5:00pm: No intro, no video package, etc this week. We get the former World Champion, Randy Orton, sitting mid-ring on a chair, still doing the dumb "My name is Randy Orton" shtick.
5:01pm: Orton says Smackdown won't continue this week until he addresses the "unfinished business" he has with Christian, and that brings the new World Champion out to the stage.
5:03pm: Christian has a point, Randy. You knew the rules of the match at Money In The Bank. You knew that you would lose the World Title if you got disqualified, and you got yourself disqualified, anyway. The only person you have to blame is you, meathead.
5:06pm: Teddy Long says he isn't going to lose control of the show. You're several weeks late for that, man.
5:06pm: Teddy says that Orton can't have a rematch with Christian tonight because he's already scheduled to have a Street Fight against KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE.
5:08pm: Christian will be facing Intercontinental Champion Ezekiel Jackson up next. Hey, remember when the World Champion VS the Intercontinental Champion would be a huge deal and would main event pay-per-views instead of being hastily thrown together, unadvertised, on a taped television show? Those were the days.
5:12pm: This could be an interesting match. Zeke has been struggling recently, but the best work of his entire WWE career has been against Christian, so maybe this is just what he needed.
5:15pm: They were smart enough to have a commercial break before the match begins, and then, two minutes into the fucking match, they go to another commercial break. Incredible.
5:20pm: Zeke still has some awkward moments. He's still really green in the ring, and gets by on his freakish strength, but that's only going to carry him so far.
5:24pm: Christian gets the win, to no surprise. It was a decent enough match. Much better than anything Zeke has been involved with recently. Christian helps to take Randy Orton and Ezekiel Jackson to their best recent work, by a country mile. Quite the worker that guy is.
5:31pm: An in-ring interview with Daniel Bryan, conducted by Michael Cole. This should be interesting.
5:33pm: Once again, Cole is forgetting whether or not he's a commentator or an on-screen heel character. So many inconsistencies.
5:36pm: Bryan announces he isn't going to be like other Money In The Bank winners, saying that he'll be cashing in his title shot at WrestleMania 28.
5:38pm: Heath Slater's non-educated self on the mic.. yuck. Heath Slater going one-on-one with Daniel Bryan right now.. not as yuck.
5:42pm: Hey, more inconsistencies.. Cole bashes the people who cash in Money In The Bank title shots against fallen champions to take advantage of them, and then says it's stupid for Bryan to announce beforehand when he plans to cash things in.
5:46pm: This is already the best that Slater has ever looked in a match, and it's no surprise that he's facing Daniel Bryan in that match. If you can help to make Heath Slater look competent in the ring, you're alright in my book.
5:49pm: Bryan chokes Slater into a submission to pick up another victory. Nice match. Very good start to helping build Bryan up. He got some promo time, and then a decently lengthy match followed. Keep that build going, WWE.
5:55pm: Raw Rewind. Joy.
6:06pm: They showed the entire final segment from Raw. Spectacular. What a wonderful time to decide to watch Smackdown "live" and to not be able to fast forward through certain things.
6:13pm: Wade Bar-ruh VS Sheamus in another weird heel VS heel match, but damn, it's been almost 25 minutes since we've had any Smackdown-related things taking place on.. Smackdown. Long commercial break, long video recap of Raw, and another long commercial break. Damn.
6:17pm: As would be expected with these two, Sheamus and Bar-ruh are beating the hell out of each other.
6:19pm: They were so intent on beating each other up that they were both counted out. In this case, I have no complaints at all, because they'll probably have another match.
6:19pm: Sheamus with a Brogue Kick after the match to some very clear face pops. Interesting.
6:23pm: Wait a minute.. wait just one minute.. Randy Orton is coming out for his match with over 35 minutes remaining in the show? They're not going to make Orton/KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE 30+ minutes, are they???
6:29pm: Gotta admit, it's pretty good booking to have Orton, built as someone who can't control his anger, go through what he went through at Money In The Bank, and then have a Street Fight on Smackdown with KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, where he doesn't have to worry about controlling any of that anger at all.
6:38pm: LMFAO!!! Randy Orton is standing atop the announce table, and he accidentally falls through the hole where the monitors were, tumbling over and nearly blowing his ACL out in the procees. Orton immediately gets up, shaking his finger as if to tell everyone "not so fast", then says the following.. "HA, HA! OHHHH FUCK!", with the curse obviously censored out. That was great.
6:43pm: They really are going to make this a long match, aren't they? Damn. It's been fun so far, either way.
6:45pm: Holy shit! KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE just kicked out of an RKO!
6:47pm: Orton just kicked out of a Chokeslam, to a big pop from the crowd. The match is really picking up, which means.. of course.. it's time for another commercial break.
6:51pm: KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE goes for a Tombstone onto a steel chair, but Orton reverses it, then gets caught in a Chokeslam attempt, but reverses that into an RKO for the victory. Really, really fun match. Completely unexpected, as well.
6:53pm: KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE offers up a handshake, and it's accepted by Orton. I'm telling you, folks.. we're getting really close to KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE retiring.
6:55pm: Orton's gone, and now Mark Henry is stalking the ring. This doesn't look good for KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE at all.
6:58pm: Henry has a steel chair, and he places it around KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE's ankle, just like he did to Big Show at Money In The Bank.
6:59pm: Henry Bomb from the middle turnbuckle, and there you have it.. KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE might be closer to that retirement than I originally thought. Mark Henry looks unstoppable once again.
#ThankYouCMPunk: A definite focus on the in-ring part of things.. Christing helping to carry Ezekiel Jackson to his best performance in a long time.. Daniel Bryan changing things up in regards to Money In The Bank winners cashing in.. Daniel Bryan VS Heath Slater.. The physicality of Wade Bar-ruh VS Sheamus.. The possibility of Wade Bar-ruh VS Sheamus again at some point.. Randy Orton VS KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE.. Mark Henry looking like a monster once again.. No Jinder Mahal.. No Johnny Curtis
#FuckYouMattHardy: Not making as big a deal out of World Champion VS Intercontinental Champion as they should have
Grade: Not a lot to complain about this week at all. Really good episode of Smackdown. If the opening match was better, we could have been looking at a fantastic episode, but as it is, let's call it a B+ and be happy with it.
