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Posted in: The Green Room
By Ryan "Leaf" Plant
Aug 11, 2017 - 4:10:57 AM

Season 3, Episode 30

Hello again my friends. This week's show was an absolute blast and I had a lot of fun writing the below column. Ready to find out why? Keep reading!

El Conjunto Nueva Ola are still rocking the Temple for the last two matches of the Quarter Finals. Tonight it's Mil Muertes vs. Jeremiah Crane, Pentagon Dark vs. Texano but we start off with some ancient medallions on the line. Melissa, take it away!

We are told that this match is for three of the medallions that help to form the Gift of the Gods! Introducing first, from down the Rabbit Hole, here come the Rabbit Tribe! They make their way down the stairs and despite their crazy antics, it is at this point that I’m able to think straight and realize that we have been missing Trios matches from Lucha Underground! Melissa doesn't seem phased as the Rabbits dance around her!

The other team are not ones for dancing. They're brash, they're cocky but tonight they look serious. Ricky Mandel makes his way out and is shoved out of the way by Taya and it's herself along with Black and Evans who get the spotlight. Evans has some form of drawing on a whiteboard but I really can't make out the message that he has for the Believers. At least he has found a way to utilize his wit in spite of a broken jaw! He'll be sitting this one out.

Whilst Striker and Vampiro try to figure the drawing out as well, the action starts to take place!

Trios Match for THREE Ancient Aztec Medallions
The Rabbit Tribe vs. The Worldwide Underground

It's Saltador and Taya who start us off and the Believers don't know what to make of Saltador copping a feel of Taya's behind to push her away. This brings in PJ Black who gets taken out by a crossbody and a kick. Mala Suerte enters the ring to allow Saltador to use his back as a springboard.

Suerte takes place of Saltador now and hits a senton for two! Evans notes that if he was on the team, it would already be over!

Taya is not afraid to come back into the ring now to face Mala Suerte. The latter is distracted by PJ which allows Taya to strike him twice in the corner. As she turns away, Saltador gets in front of his partner and starts thrusting his hips. This is unnerving. The fans are loving it though. London makes this less creepy somehow by getting involved himself. “Please, we do everything together!” All three get blasted for two!

Saltador and London tag in at the same time to take on Ricky Mandel, and they are joined by Suerte for them to all spin around him and strike the rudo! The referee sorts things out and it's London who is the legal man.

A PJ Black dropkick allows Mandel to try to cover for 1...2... No! Speaking of interference, Jack Evans pushes London off the rope before showing off his “London is Falling Down” scribblings, proudly. This is great. Saltador gets revenge by sending PJ to the floor now and he takes out both Taya and Black with a rolling body press! A neckbreaker from Suerte to Mandel allows Paul London to hit the 450 Splash for 1...2...3! They did it!

WINNERS: The Rabbit Tribe

The Rabbit Tribe have won their first ever match in the Temple, and with that they earn themselves three Aztec Medallions and in turn, a shot at a shot at the Lucha Underground Championship, if you look at it that way!

This match was far too short but it was fun while it lasted. It's not going to win any awards or anything, but I liked it for the reason that the Trios matches have returned! We've been missing those since the Reptile Tribe won the belts and the cup began! I'm not sure what to make of the Saltador stuff. The crowd found it a lot of fun but hey, it's 2017. Also, who knew that Evans not being able to talk is almost as good as him trash talking away?!


“If it were up to me, you would all be fired. Losing to a bunch of wack-jobs who worship carrots, my client does not need this kind of stress – so close to the match of his life!”

Benjamin Cooke scolds the Worldwide Underground. Johnny Mundo stands beside him. We are told that Mundo has a heart of gold and because of that, he is allowing them to stay.

Johnny Mundo tells them that Benji is getting him offers for movies, TV shows and OTHER underground fight promotions, but what he wants is to remain Lucha Underground champion.

Taya advises that they want the same, which Mundo seems to dispute as he tells them to step up.

With that, Mundo departs the scene for a photo op.

“Ugh, please, no more sick kids.”
“No. You've got enough of those.”
“I can't afford to get sick right now.”

Cooke looks at the dejected Underground.

“What'd I tell you? Heart of gold this guy...”

The split is coming. That much seems true. I don't think it will be an immediate split as with Taya pushing Ricky earlier, I would not be surprised if Cooke advises Mundo to kick him out first. After that though, I can see the rest of the Worldwide Underground leaving their leader, forcing him to have to fight either Mysterio, or if he is successful, a later opponent alone.


The Believers are ready and so is Melissa Santos. It's Quarter Final time! From the Last House on the Left comes Jeremiah Crane. And there he goes! Mil Muertes strikes him from behind and the two are going at it!

Justin Borden tries to separate the brawl and gets pushed away. Muertes absolutely destroys Crane with a running shoulder tackle before throwing him into a caged area. Catrina and Borden follow the two men to the back as we go to a break!

When we return, Matt Striker and Vampiro fill us in on what has happened. They tell us that Dario Cueto has now made this a No DQ match and wait, CRANE GETS THROWN THROUGH A DOOR! They're back! Folks, I'm editing this bit in now after the match itself as no bell ever rings here, so here we go!

Cueto Cup – Quarter Final
Jeremiah Crane vs. Mil Muertes

The Lucha Death Machine fights against his own death as Mil Muertes tries to throw him over a barrier. He manages to send Muertes back into some chained fencing but that's only momentary. Muertes now looks to throw Crane right off the ledge but Crane manages to live to fight another day, or should I say for now!

The two are brawling down the steps now as Jeremiah is pretty much pushed down the bannister to the unforgiving floor. He is hoisted up against the outside of the turnbuckle post. Twice! He then is sent right into the hardest part of the ring before being rolled inside. He receives a clubbing blow from Muertes but Jeremiah manages to avoid the second. When he tries to Suicide Dive, he cannot kill himself nor death as he simply bounces off the behemoth. He is thrown right into the reserved seating area for his efforts!

The Lucha Death Machine finally gets back into the match as a couple of pump kicks send Mil onto one of the seats. He tries to slap Mil twice which doesn't work for him whatsoever, so he tries another kick instead! He runs all the way across the ring ready for one final devastating blow but is met by the REAPER'S TRIDENT! If that wasn't bad enough, he is thrown all the way over the announce desk and into the fans! As Justin Borden checks on Crane, the Man of a Thousand Deaths fills the ring with as many steel chairs as possible! Oh my.

Back between the ropes, the two men brawl with one another briefly before Jeremiah is slammed onto two set-up steel chairs. Have mercy! Mil doesn't. He seems angered when his opponent kicks out at two and mounts him with several punches as punishment. He even slams a chair on the lower back as well! Somehow though, Jeremiah fights on. He sends Mil into the corner and grabs some steel chairs of his own. Slamming a chair right into the mask, he does this not once but three times. When Mil drops to a knee, he does it one more time! We've seen this before now as Crane sets up a chair over the throat of Muertes before hitting it with ANOTHER steel chair!

Catrina still doesn't look unnerved and perhaps this is why, as when Crane sets up a table and ascends to the apron, MUERTES HITS ANOTHER REAPER'S TRIDENT TO THE OUTSIDE, ONTO THE TABLE! It somehow doesn't break, which earns Jeremiah Crane a powerbomb right through the wood! That's not enough for Mil though. He goes for one final Reaper's Trident but is locked into a guillotine choke! He doesn't fade though. Instead, he lifts his foe up, slams him right into the buckle and hits one hell of a chokeslam right onto the seal for 1...2... WAIT NO! How did Jeremiah kick out?!

Mil sets up another table in the corner but is absolutely cannonballed into it by his love rival! 1...2... Another kick out. A series of kicks leads into the world's biggest FLATLINER for 1...2...3! That's all she wrote! And by she, I mean Catrina!

WINNER: Mil Muertes

Speaking of Catrina, she opts against the lick of death this time and simply kisses Crane who smirks at the development. Mil looks bewildered and he hits Jeremiah with another Flatliner. Did Catrina do that on purpose so that Mil would inflict more punishment, or did she want to kiss this lunatic?

Things are just so interesting with Catrina right now! Before I get to that, let's talk about this match. This was perhaps more brutal than Puma and Mil's Grave Consequences effort earlier this season and I definitely think it was more brutal than Cuerno vs. Mil from last year's Ultima Lucha too! This was just great to watch. It was booked right, with Mil Muertes being dominant throughout the majority of the match, but allowing Crane to get in a few moments of tenacity. I REALLY enjoyed this.

What's even more enjoyable is how much they've built up Mil and Catrina throughout the cup after they seemed like somewhat of an afterthought beforehand. Catrina is especially interesting as we wonder who it is that she loves, and we also wonder what her connection to Vasquez is. I definitely think we are heading towards a three-way feud with Cage as there's no way Jeremiah Crane is being forgotten about after the post-match scene. There's no way at all.


We cut to Dario's office for the first time tonight.

“Come in!”

He turns around in bewilderment.

“Who the hell are you?”
“Agent Winter, FBI.”
“You've come to arrest me?”
“Hell No!” Winter bellows out in laughter. “We have similar interests.”

This new figure looks at Dario Cueto before revealing exactly why he is here.

“The Order has named me as Delgado's replacement.”
“You didn't hear? He had his head smashed to bits, by Cage.”

Agent Winter claims it to be no foul, simply putting it down to an adjustment period for the Machine as he's taken a God into his body. Dario Cueto takes a moment to realise what has happened before revealing that he didn't really like Delgado anyway.

“Well I hope you like me, as our friend in the limo has requested that I keep an eye on you.”

Dario tells him that his home is Winter's home too. This pleases the FBI agent who returns the compliments. He loves what Dario Cueto is doing and even tells him that he's a huge Pentagon Dark fan.

“Who isn't?”
“Alas, his flesh will fry like anyone else's when the war comes. C'est la vie!”

With that, Winter tells Dario that the Lord's men are everywhere, and they are going to do whatever it takes to make sure the Gods rule again. This leaves Dario to look at his red bull and rest his head against it.

Is he worried that his brother will not be spared? Is he thinking of the upcoming violence? Either way, now is the time to grab the bull by the horns.

This was just brilliant. First off, wasn't that the comedian Godfrey?! Lucha Underground's hiring choices keep getting stranger and stranger but I really liked how he played the role here! He is far more relaxed than someone in his position should be, take for example how he smiled about someone he is a fan of becoming nothing more than sizzling flesh. That's the most unnerving thing about everything.

Secondly, I realized here that Dario Cueto is Walter White. Hear me outBreaking Bad fans. Dario has not been able to see the Lord for quite some time, so this is similar to when Walter was unable to see Gus for some time during Season 4. Now that Delgado has been killed off, perhaps you could say he was Victor here; we now have Agent Winter on board as our new Tyrus. Dario himself seemed worried at the end about the position he has found himself in, similar to how Walter White felt trapped when working for Gus.

It's going to seem weird to say that Matanza is Jesse in some ways, as Dario knows that his partner is a liability and is worrying about his fate. In this scenario though, Matanza is also the family that Dario wishes to protect, and is perhaps the whole reason why he is in this situation in the first place. His Dad made his brother a God and now he must protect him.


It's Main Event time and it's also our ultimate Quarter Final match-up. The Blue Collar Brawler, Texano, is introduced first. The Texano Section scream his name repeatedly. Never mind his recent associations, a win tonight would make him famous alone! However, he has to go through Agent Winter's favourite fighter...

“The Breaker of Bones, the disassembler...” Matt Striker's brilliant descriptive work almost makes up for the fact that we cut to break before we see Pentagon's trademark hand symbol. Almost.

When we cut back, we're about to start the match already. Boo. Cero Miedo.

Cueto Cup – Quarter Final
Texano vs. Pentagon Dark

How can both of these men follow the last match?

I said the exact same thing last week and I refuse to change that here!

Pentagon angrily yells for Texano to come at him, and when he shoves his opponent with the Cero Miedo pose, he does! He takes several strikes before stopping Texano with a superkick. That's only for the moment, as the big man comes back with a leg lariat. 1… 2… No!

Texano takes to the outside for a second and he pays for it by being floored with a big senton. “Cero Miedo!” He eats a kick too. The action heads back to the ring. The Cowboy is always resilient though and he floors Pentagon with a codebreaker. It’s Dark’s turn to roll to the outside and he too eats a senton before being whipped into the Temple environment.

We almost saw some shades of last week as it looked like Pentagon was going to unleash another attack to the outside but Texano stopped him on the apron.

That's when Famous B and Brenda arrive!

His potential client gets a two before asking what they are doing here. He's distracted for two slingblades. Make that three! “Tay harn oh” kicks out though. That's what Famous B calls him of course!

The Blue Collar Brawler gets a two count of his own with a big kick and he delivers another when Pentagon sits up. The pace has been slowed down here but Dark can work at this pace too! He traps his adversary in the rope-assisted lungblower but even that doesn't stop Texano, who soon attempts a modified reverse Indian Deathlock. Dark grabs the ropes!

Pentagon soon finds himself tied up in the tree of woe and of course, he eats another kick as a result. He doesn't digest the three though! That was a two! A Rough Ryder of all things gets another two before Famous announces he going to help his client.

“Texano! Here!”

Famous B slides in a Golden Horseshoe which Pentagon happily grabs. He lays out his opponent with it, as Marty Elias is distracted by Brenda. This has gone horribly wrong!

Matt Striker’s “Lucky Punch” as he calls it gets the 1-2-3!

WINNER: Pentagon Dark

Pentagon Dark has intentions that are as cruel as his name! He lines up the arm of his next foe before Famous B orders him to stop. He sees the money signs falling fast as he tells him not to break the arm of his next client.

Surprisingly, the skeleton ninja obliges before laying the promoter right out with a kick! Brenda is beside herself as she watches Famous B get his arm broken. Thankfully, he doesn't harm the beautiful one who checks on Famous as Pentagon does his trademark pose AND I SPOKE TOO SOON!

He runs in and breaks Brenda’s arm too!

Muertes vs. Pentagon is going to be INSANE.

That was a perfectly serviceable match but all of the story came at the end and after it! Famous B both cost and saved Texano. It's amazing to see the lengths he will go to just to get his client, whether he meant to go that far or not!

Boy oh boy. Fenix vs. Puma and Muertes vs. Pentagon next week. Sign me up!


We’re away from the Temple for this closing segment. In fact, we’re back with our super cop Officer Vasquez!

She's interrupted at her desk by another officer, advising that some woman is here to see her.

“What woman?”
“Calls herself Catrina; didn't give a last name.”
“Send her in.”

Instead of walking in, she teleports behind Vasquez in typical Catrina style.

“I thought we agreed to stay out of each other’s way.” Catrina states, angrily.
“I need your help. The Gods are coming and when they're united, it won't be just ME who suffers.”

Catrina announces that the Gods do not scare her. Vasquez tells her that I should - after all, the Gauntlet that Cage wears is a gateway for the Gods and soon one will fully possess Cage.

Catrina says it's not her problem, which causes Vasquez to hold up her amulet.

“I gave you life, Catrina. Twice.”
“This is not life. I’m stuck between two realms, like a ghost.”

It is at this point that Vasquez announces that only one man can get the Gauntlet off Cage, and it just so happens he answers to Catrina.

She offers the other half of the amulet, stating that when she gets the Gauntlet, she can get her life back.

Catrina warns her that without the amulet, Vasquez will no longer be immortal.

“I don't fear death. I fear the Gods.”
“Well the Gods will soon learn to fear death… a thousand of them.”

With that, Catrina looks to leave the room, not before uttering the most earth-shattering statement of the season.

“Well it seems like we have a deal, MOTHER.”

She disappears into the darkness, leaving only the smiling face of Vasquez.

Oh My God. They did it. Sisters or lovers seemed too obvious. They gave us another logical spin that not many had contemplated!

Remember when Vasquez was not interested in Catrina last season when she took over the Temple? Remember when she shut Reyes up sharply? She knew her all too well and didn't need any further information!

Was Vasquez the girl in the video? Who is Catrina’s father? Aerostar?! Is that how she can teleport? Or is it just because she's half-life? Here's another theory, was the little girl in the video actually Catrina, not Vasquez? When Catrina’s father died, did her mother steal the Amulet off her?!

I love this show.


9th August – Mil Muertes (2)

2nd August – Prince Puma (3)
26th July – Pentagon Dark
19th July – PJ Black
12th July – Marty “The Moth” Martinez (2)
5th July – Dante Fox
28th June – Jeremiah Crane (2)
21st June – Marty “The Moth” Martinez
14th June – Cage (3)
7th June – Prince Puma (2)
31st May – Johnny Mundo (4) and The Mack (3)
11th January – Dragon Azteca Jr.
4th January – Johnny Mundo (3)
28th December – Cage (2)
21st December – The Mack (2)
14th December – Jeremiah Crane
7th December – The Mack
30th November – Vampiro
23rd November – Johnny Mundo (2)
16th November – Sexy Star
9th November – Mil Muertes
2nd November - Rey Mysterio Jr. (2)
26th October - Johnny Mundo
19th October - Drago
12th October - Chavo Guerrero Jr.
5th October - Cage
28th September - Prince Puma
21st September - Jack Evans
14th September - Killshot
7th September - Rey Mysterio Jr.

After his absolute decimation of Jeremiah Crane, the rejuvenated Mil Muertes picks up his second award of this season.

He may be being toyed by Catrina right now, that's true, but look at the damage it is causing. Those two Flatliners were perhaps the most lethal that he has ever delivered. Right now, he is back to his absolute dominant best.

That's a scary thought for anyone, except Pentagon Dark who has no fear! That is going to be an insanely great match. We've been waiting for that since last season!


Because this section has disappeared for a few weeks as there was quite the gap in the entries, I feel I should re-explain what this is. At the start of the season, I asked commenters on Lordsofpain and Twitter to predict when they believe the “Lord” will appear during this season.

The winner will receive a one-time joint column with myself on this very website AND a special prize that I am keeping as mysterious as the Lord itself.

LOP Columns Forum alumni Kblitzko dropped out here as Episode 30 proved unsuccessful in our Lord-Spotting fun. There's another brief gap up until Episode 34 which will then see every episode predicted up until the end of Season 3! Good luck to the following...

34- TNJacktion
35- StuartGosling
36- Grimjac
37- Ralph83
38- TheImplications
39- JSR-13
40- BeaverCleavage


Tonight was the night of revelations!

Yes, the in-ring action was fun, brutal and competitive respectively, but how can you look at this episode and not think of those segments?!

We now know that Dario Cueto has a new gentleman to report to - Agent Winter. This new agent seems more appreciative of the Temple than his counterpart, but he seems just as powerful. You don't want to mess with the FBI.

At the same time, we learnt that Captain Vasquez is Catrina’s MOTHER?! We predicted sisters or lovers but THAT was something out of leftfield! It makes sense of course, as the amulet grants youth. We can't dispute it. What we don't know yet is how Catrina died twice! Who is her father?

That's what I’d love to ask this week: Do you think Catrina’s father is someone we already know in Lucha? I mentioned it earlier but could it be Aerostar?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and much more, and you can share these thoughts with a comment below or you can reach me on Twitter @ LeafLOP.

Until next time, don't stop believing and thank you for reading.


The Lordsofpain Columns forum is very much like Lucha Underground – anyone can appear at any point, and they all have a story to tell. Here are some of my favourite recent pieces:

YourAyatollah and Degenerate talk about zoos and just about anything else in The Power Trip: A Wiener Is You

SkitZ relates the aprhension towards 205 Live with his own thoughts about returning to Lordsofpain.net in Taste My Rainbow - Purple Phase (The Brand with No Mass Appeal)

Rich Latta answers questions from his friends in Latta's Lariat #16 - The Wrestling Mailbag (Reader Submitted Questions)

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: A Character Perspective - King Cuerno

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: A Character Perspective - Pentagon Dark

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: Character Perspective - Johnny Mundo

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3 Season God Award - #5 - #1

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3 Season God, #10 - #6

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3E40 - Ultima Lucha Tres Part 4

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND Special: Tying Up Loose Ends

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3E39 - Ultima Lucha Tres Part 3

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3E38 - Ultima Lucha Tres Part 2

  • SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND: S3E37 - Ultima Lucha Tres Part 1