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Posted in: Freestyling
Quote Me Happy #24 ~ I Just Want John Cena vs Undertaker at Wrestlemania
By Freeman
Feb 15, 2014 - 7:05:22 PM

“As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.”

The news that John Cena vs Bray Wyatt is virtually a lock for this year's Wrestlemania saddens me, because for the last five years, there's only one match I've been interested in seeing at the biggest wrestling Pay Per View of the year, and that match is John Cena vs The Undertaker.

I think I've been on and on about wanting this match to happen at Wrestlemania since I first signed up to LOP Forums about five years ago. It's been in every one of my fantasy 'Mania cards since the 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania that wasn't technically the 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania WWE you thick fucks, but we won't go there. Anyway, I think it's safe to say, I'm absolutely obsessed with this match. I've booked it several times in the “Smackdown vs Raw” or WWE video games I've had throughout the years, in either the General Manager mode or WWE Universe mode. I book it nearly every time I start a new game in the wrestling management simulation “Extreme Warfare Revenge” on PC, with the best example being when I booked John Cena vs Undertaker in a year long feud which culminated in a match between the two at Wrestlemania, after Cena's heel main event stable consisting of himself, JTG and Sid Vicious terrorised the Deadman for months, with Cena even stealing Undertaker's wife Michelle McCool when she turned on him and cost him a match, with Michelle then going on to cut a promo the next night on RAW, in which she said that it wasn't just in the WWE that the Undertaker could only manage to perform once a year. Fuck, why don't I work for WWE Creative again?

Anyway, if I can book this match several times on my silly games, then WWE could've at least booked it once over the last several years. Just for fun, let's take a brief look at what happened instead of John Cena vs The Undertaker every year since Wrestlemania 25, which was the first 'Mania that I first began considering the possibility of a match between the two:

Wrestlemania 25

John Cena competes in a thrown together triple threat match with Edge and Big Show for the World Heavyweight Championship. Undertaker puts on a classic with Shawn Michaels. I think it's safe to say there weren't many who were disappointed with that match, so we'll let this one slide. However, I remember thinking at the time “yeah, that was great, and hey at least now we'll probably get to see John Cena vs Undertaker at...

Wrestlemania 26

But no. Although to be fair, John Cena vs Batista was always going to happen at Wrestlemania at some point, but the fact that WWE decided to do Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker again rather than give us Cena/'Taker still fucks me off to this day. However, I'm not too bothered, as 'Mania 26 was a pretty decent card, and it definitely wasn't as bad as...

Wrestlemania 27

Which was probably the most annoying of the lot. 'Taker gets another Wrestlemania rematch, this time against Triple H, as John Cena takes on The Miz in one of the worst Wrestlemania main events of all time. In hindsight, surely something along the lines of this:

-Randy Orton vs CM Punk (WWE Championship)
-John Cena vs Undertaker
-Triple H vs Sheamus
-The Miz (w/Michael Cole) vs Jerry Lawler

Would have been ever so slightly better than the dross that was served up. Unfortunately, there was also never any chance of the match happening at...

Wrestlemania 28

Because John Cena vs The Rock had been booked a year in advance, which I had no problem with, because it was a match I wanted to see and it drew well. In fact, the rest of the card was pretty awesome too, and it's definitely one of the better 'Manias in recent years. However, there was no reason why the match couldn't have taken place at...

Wrestlemania 29

Since no one wanted to see John Cena vs The Rock take place for the second year running. Although the Undertaker put on a classic with CM Punk, I still would've preferred to have seen John Cena face The Undertaker. That would've left Rocky to have his rumoured 'Mania match with Brock Lesnar, and CM Punk could've faced Triple H, or he could've taken his ball and fucked off faced someone else. Nice and easy. But no, we got Twice In A Lifetime instead. However, maybe there's an outside chance the match could take place at...

Wrestlemania 30

I live in eternal hope that, in the build up to the John Cena vs Bray Wyatt match, Bray mentions to Cena that the reason he and his family attacked him at the Royal Rumble, was because the Devil made him do it, and that the devil is revealed to be The Undertaker, thus setting up a match between Cena and 'Taker at Wrestlemania 30, and giving us an answer as to who Wyatt was talking about when he attacked Daniel Bryan on the October 28th episode of RAW last year. But, like a scare-crow having a wank; I'm clutching at straws here. However, even though I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing this match, there are still some questions that still need to be answered:

Some Questions That Still Need To Be Answered:

“So, why do you want to see this match at Wrestlemania?”

Because it belongs on the Wrestlemania card. It has that big fight feel that we all love, and, if booked correctly, has the potential to draw very well. The build up and storyline surrounding the match could be really cool, whilst the actual reason the two are fighting could remain fairly simple: John Cena has won everything in WWE and done it all, and now he wants a shot at the one thing he hasn't done yet: Ending The Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak to prove he's the greatest of all time. In fact, when you think about it, why wouldn't John Cena want a shot at The Undertaker at Wrestlemania? It makes sense to me. If I'd won 28 world titles or whatever John's up to by now, and there was a guy who had a perfect record at the biggest Pay Per View of the year, then I'd be up for postponing World Title number 29 in favour of a shot at immortality too.

As for the actual match itself, it would be good. Really good. Have you ever seen Dean Malenko vs Chris Jericho from WCW's 1998 “Uncensored” Pay Per View? Me neither, and it wouldn't be anything like that anyway. However, I have no doubt that this match would attain “instant classic” status instantly. What a lovely sentence that was. Anyway, I know I like to make jokes about Cena and everything, but I rate him highly as a worker, and he would shine in an occasion like this. As for the Undertaker, his Wrestlemania performances in recent years have been worth the price of admission alone, even if the rest of the card hasn't been, and I believe a match with Cena would, at the very least, be no worse than any of his previous efforts, and, potentially, the best of the lot.

“But WWE disappoints us, why haven't we seen this match yet?”

God knows. Some might point out that, unfortunately, John Cena and Undertaker have always had other more important opponents at Wrestlemania, or that the timing has never been right, or that Venus wasn't perfectly aligned with Orion's Belt that year or something so it just couldn't happen. I'm only speculating here but, personally, and here's the cynic in me coming out, I believe the two have been purposefully kept apart throughout the years, simply because John Cena would have to lose to the Undertaker, and WWE doesn't want John Cena to lose to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. I think WWE believe that such a scenario could hurt Cena's drawing power, because he'd be unable to avenge his Wrestlemania loss. When you think about it, Cena has always managed to have the last laugh whenever he's lost at Wrestlemania; he's beaten Randy Orton several times since he lost to him in the triple threat at 'Mania 24, he pissed all over The Miz in their feud after he suffered a loss to the Most Must See Superstar at 'Mania 27, and he even had a whole storyline built around him beating The Rock at last year's Wrestlemania. Since 'Taker only wrestles once a year at Wrestlemania, and since 'Taker will never be booked to lose a Wrestlemania match, there's simply no way for Cena to even up the score should he put over the Deadman at the Showcase of the Immortals. So it's for that reason that, unfortunately, we probably won't see John Cena vs The Undertaker take place at Wrestlemania. But I'm only speculating here.

And I live in eternal hope that I'm wrong.

“But Freeman, I missed the dick jokes this week.”

You poor poor little pervert. But fear not, Predictions Using PS3 will be back in a few days for the Elimination Chamber edition. However, if you can't wait that long, then try this for size- (heh)

If size doesn't matter, then why isn't my girlfriend’s vibrator three inches and crooked?


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