This proved to be quite popular when I did this with the Extreme Rules Pay Per View, so I thought I'd bust it out again and attempt to predict WWE's upcoming Payback event, which is scheduled to take place this Sunday. In case you missed it last time, let me explain what this is all about. I took each match that's going to take place at this Sunday's Payback Pay Per View, and simulated them in the “WWE 13” video game which I have on PS3. The difficulty is set to “legend” and the PS3 took control of the characters, while I sat back and watched the action unfold to see what a Japanese home entertainment system thinks is going to happen at this Sunday's Pay Per View. I shall describe what transcribed in the virtual match, and I'll be adding my own predictions at the end of each match as well.
Freestyling: WWE Payback Predictions Using PS3
Jun 13, 2013 - 4:07:28 PM
However, before we begin, let's have a look at the results from Extreme Rules and see whether it was me or my PS3 who scored more correct answers in last month's prediction column.
Freeman: Five correct predictions.
PS3: Four correct predictions.
Ha! Suck on that Sony, that's for tempting me to part with more cash when you bring out a new gaming console later in the year. Anyway, let's check out what my PS3 thinks is going to happen in this Sunday's first match up of:
Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio (World Heavyweight Championship
Dolph Ziggler is out first and I forgot to assign AJ as a manager. Oh well. Del Rio is out next and I'm slightly taken aback as fucking Tony Chimel does the introductions. Chimel's inclusion in the game puzzles me, as I'm not sure if he's even still alive, and I'm pretty sure WWE doesn't know either. Anyway, after the belt is raised the bell rings and this one's under way.
Right out of the blocks, Ziggler reversed a clothesline attempt from Del Rio into a power slam. Del Rio was unfazed by this early exchange and whipped Ziggler into the apron, before delivering a simple kick to the mid section which sent Ziggler sprawling to the outside. Del Rio then whipped Ziggler into the ring post and hit a huge suplex onto the hard floor. At this point, Del Rio showed his great understanding of wrestling psychology by getting back in the ring and going for the count out victory, in a championship match. Fortunately for the Mexican Aristocrat, Ziggler made it back in the ring by the count of seven as the match continued.
Upon his return to the ring, Ziggler quickly whipped Del Rio into the corner and hit a nice back superplex. From that point on, both men seemed to turn into Kurt Angle, as they hit a variety of different suplexes on each other over and over and fucking over again. There were German suplexes, belly to belly suplexes and standing suplexes as I slowly died inside. A very nice chain grappling reversal sequence then ended, surprisingly, in a suplex from Ziggler to Del Rio. An Irish whip from Ziggler was reversed by Del Rio into a belly to belly suplex, followed by a normal suplex. Del Rio then scored a belly to back suplex on Ziggler. If I see another suplex I’m returning this game. Del Rio whipped Ziggler to the outside, where both men took turns throwing each other from one security railing to the other, until Del Rio took things to the extreme by spearing Ziggler though the bottom right security railing. Del Rio then ran back in the ring and took the count out victory, but not the World Heavyweight Title. At least it was a better finish than last month's I Quit match...
PS3 says: Alberto Del Rio wins, by count out. Fucking idiot.
Freeman says: You know what? That could actually happen. I could see Dolph taking his title and buggering off to keep Del Rio strong, thus keeping the feud going at the same time, however I'm going to go against my Playstation by predicting a Dolph Ziggler win here, with some interference from Big E Langson.
Wade Barrett vs The Miz vs Curtis Axel (Intercontinental Championship)
Right, I suppose I'd better be honest here. I had a busy week coming up and these columns take ages to do, so I started simulating some of the matches last Sunday. At the time, I didn't realise Fandango had a concussion and would miss the Payback Pay Per View, so I went ahead and ran the match with 'Dango in it. Guess what? Fanny only went and won the shitting thing, so I had to redo the whole simulation. Also, the match turned out to be a thirty minute epic with several hilarious glitches, but unfortunately, thanks to Fandango hitting his big fat stupid head, the original match will never see the light of day. That's thirty minutes of my internet porn schedule I'll never get back. Anyway, Miz was out first, followed by Wade Barrett, followed by an excellent CAW of Curtis Axel that I downloaded, props to whoever made that one.
I got halfway though this match, thinking that Barrett remaining standing still in one spot while Miz and Curtis Axel beat the hell out of each other was was some kind of glitch, until I realised I'd selected Barrett to be a human controlled character. So I cursed loudly and went back and restarted everything, but to be honest, after two failed attempts at getting a result for this match, I'd lost the will to live. Therefore, as the third attempt at getting a result for this match played out, I paid no attention to any of the action. Seriously, the next Styles vs Daniels vs Joe could've unfolded in front of me and I couldn't have cared less. What I can tell you, is that Barrett picked up the win after hitting The Miz with the Winds Of Change while Axel buggered about outside. So yeah.
PS3 says: Wade Barrett win.
Freeman says: When I heard that Fandancunt wasn't going to be involved in this match, I was going to say Barrett retains here, since my original pick was the former Johnny Curtis. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that WWE might stick the belt on Axel, since he has picked up some dubious yet big wins in recent weeks. I'll go for a Curtis Axel win.
AJ Lee vs Kaitlyn (Divas Championship)
AJ cost me 59 pence for her services here. If only. As for Kaityln, I downloaded a CAW that looked like Beth Phoenix from the Community Creations section, but I was impressed with the way the creator had digitized Kaitlyn's tittays. The Divas Title is held up and we're underway.
I could've gone with a variety of bathroom break jokes here, but I decided against it and watched the match instead. The match started out at a frantic pace with Kaitlyn utterly dominant, adopting the strategy of targeting AJ's face in the early stages. It seemed like every other move involved her punching AJ several times or driving her knee into Miss Lee's countenance. Brutal stuff. Kaitlyn continued in this vein until AJ went for a desperate tilt a whirl hurricanrana to turn the tide in her favour. From then on, it was all about AJ, as Kaityln didn't have an answer to any of her offence, getting hit with a couple of running bulldogs followed by a snap suplex in the process.
The match continued in this way for a while, until Kaitlyn reversed a camel clutch from AJ and promptly hit a gutbuster. Kaitlyn then hit AJ with a devastating right hand, sending Miss Lee hurtling over the top rope and to the outside. AJ regained control on the ground, but upon both Divas returning to the ring, Kaitlyn scored big time with a facebuster and a clothesline, causing AJ to hold her face in pain from all the face attacks. AJ tried her best to swing the match in her favour, by executing a spinning wheel kick and a shining wizard for a near fall, however, her efforts were in vain. Kaitlyn, undeterred by AJ's offensive flurry, reversed a camel clutch attempt, hit AJ with the Irish Curse Backbreaker and went for the cover to score the victory.
PS3 says: Kaitlyn win with an... Irish Curse Backbreaker?
Freeman says: AJ Lee win. I reckon WWE wants Dolph Ziggler and AJ to be the new power couple in WWE, and Kaitlyn hasn't done a lot since winning the Divas Title, so I'm saying new Divas Champion right here.
Dean Ambrose vs Kane (United States Championship)
So after last month's shenanigans I managed to download some Shield CAWs for this simulation. Unfortunately, the Dean Ambrose I downloaded looked more like Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell than the former Jon Moxley. He was out first to The Acolytes theme song, and was announced as “Deano Ambrose” by Justin Roberts. Kane was out next and here we go.
Ambrose started with a knee breaker to Kane. Yep. However, that was the only offence he got in, as Kane gained complete control after hitting some huge moves. Ambrose did occasionally manage to break things up with the odd running neckbreaker here and there, but the Big Red Machine was relentless in his destruction of the United States Champion. After withstanding a pretty brutal beating from Kane, Ambrose hit another knee breaker and began targetting the leg. Excellent strategy. Ambrose remained in control for a while, taking Kane to the outside and hitting a nasty looking Saito suplex to the floor. Ouch. Amrbose looked to cause Kane more damage outside the ring, however Kane was able to reverse a powerbomb attempt into a DDT on the floor, and if that happens on Sunday then I'll instantly name this one match of the year. Both men eventually got back in the ring as this match wore on.
After some more back and forth action, Ambrose went for a Crippler Crossface, but Kane got to the ropes. Amrbose hit Kane with his Headlock Driver finisher but Kane no sold it and kicked out at one. Kane got up and went for a punch, but Ambrose stole Kane's finisher and hit him with a Chokeslam. That's probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. This infuriated Kane, who hit Ambrose with a wave of offence, which the former indie star just couldn't deal with. However, Ambrose hung in there and dug deep with another Crippler Crossface, which Kane reversed. Kane then got to his feet, but was once more hit with the Headlock Driver as Ambrose got the one two three.
PS3 says: Dean Ambrose win.
Freeman says: Dean Ambrose win. I can't see WWE wasting months of good build up for Ambrose, or any of The Shield for that matter, to drop their titles on their first Pay Per View defences.
Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins vs Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton (Tag Team Championship)
Next up, we have two more recently downloaded CAWs in Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins taking on Team RK-No. Unfortunately, Roman Reigns looked more like a cross between Kevin Nash and Guatama Buddha, and Seth Rollins looked like someone had thrown up in his hair. For added realism, Rollins also happens to be taller than Reigns. Anyway, The Shield were out first followed by Orton and Bryan.
Roman Reigns and Randy Orton started with some back and forth action, before Orton whipped Reigns into the corner and hit his DDT from the top rope. Nice start. Reigns quickly recovered and whipped Orton into the corner, tagging out to Seth Rollins in the process, with both men double teaming the Viper. Rollins then hit some nice offence before Orton tagged out to Daniel Bryan. After that, Bryan locked in a Crippler Crossface, but Rollins managed to escape. What is this, Chris Benoit appreciation night? I Lolled when King said “Daniel Bryan has more holds than your checking account.” How does he know that? What's he going to say next, “Daniel Bryan has eaten meat more times than you've had sex?” Rollins remained pretty much in control until he tagged out to Reigns, who came in with a diving crossbody on Bryan which also made me laugh. The Shield then took complete control of the American Dragon, with quick tags in and out, much like they would in real life. I know I joke about it, but this game really does have some quite realistic moments every now and then. Everything was going swimmingly for The Shield, until Reigns, for some inexplicable reason, dropped to the outside to prep the announce table, only to be thrown back into the ring by Orton. Reigns then got up and suplexed the referee. Has he lost his damn mind? In the midst of the chaos, Bryan then tagged out to Orton. Upon the ref regaining consciousness, Reigns somehow escaped disqualification and a huge fine despite the blatant assault on the official as this match continued.
Orton came in like a house on fire but The Shield quickly regained control. Reigns tagged out to Rollins, who hit Booker T's Scissor Kick for a two count. Orton recovered and hit an RKO on Rollins from out of nowhere, only for Daniel Bryan to come in, knock Roman Reigns off the apron and lift up Seth Rollins before Randy had a chance to cover him. Moron. Both Rollins and Orton then tagged out, and Bryan quickly knocked Reigns to the outside and locked in the No Lock on the floor. What the fuck is wrong with him? Reigns began holding his head, which prompted King to say that Reigns was trying to get the blood flowing to his brain, at which point I suggested Bryan try to do the same. Reigns threw Bryan back in the ring and regained control with an Oklahoma slam. However, Bryan soon got the hot tag to Orton, who decked both Shield members, and went for an RKO on Reigns, who managed to reverse with an elbow to the face which drew some blood. Both men tagged out to their partners, and Bryan hit a brainbuster on Rollins, busting him wide open in the process. Rollins responded with a Codebreaker to Bryan drawing yet more blood. Finally, Rollins was able to score a tilt a whirl small package pinning combination to pick up the win. Phew.
PS3 says: Shield win.
Freeman says: There's a small chance that WWE might go with another odd couple team winning the tag titles here, but like I said earlier, I just don't see any titles leaving The Shield's possession any time soon. Shield wins.
Chris Jericho vs CM Punk
I'm going to go ahead and assume this match is indeed going to take place, so I ran it in the PS3. Jericho is out first followed by CM Punk to a surprisingly tame reaction considering we're in his hometown of Chicago. It's almost as if the crowd in this game reacts the same to everyone...
This one was very even in the early stages, with both men getting in equal amounts of offence and countering each other's moves effectively. However, Punk soon hit a devastating back suplex and gained the upper hand. After that, Jericho could do nothing to stop the Punk onslaught, with the highlight being a Punk tornado DDT from the top rope. Jericho eventually countered one of Punk's strikes and soon adopted the gameplan of targeting Punk's arm. Punk's just got back from a knee injury, so sound strategy there Chris. Soon, the attack on Punk's arm from Jericho became relentless, and Y2J must've hit a takedown and armbar combination at least five times. However, Punk would not be held down for long, as he got back in it with a variety of different neckbreakers, all perfectly executed. Jericho then whipped Punk into the corner, who countered a clothesline attempt from Jericho with a Rock Bottom. Huh? Jericho tried desperately to get back in the match, but Punk was loving the neckbreakers, as he went on to hit another three in a row. Jericho then hit two neckbreakers of his own. The neckbreaker one upmanship psychology in this match was off the chain. Punk got up and nailed Jericho with a running float over DDT as this match continued.
Jericho eventually went back to focusing on the arm with several armbars, as this match reached a whole new level of storytelling. Eventually, Punk got up and hit the GTS from out of nowhere and got a one count. A one count! What drama! Jericho came running at Punk, but Punk reversed it into a pinfall attempt and got a two count, which Jericho reversesd for a two count of his own, which Punk reversesd for a two count, which Jericho reversed for a two count, Punk, two count, Jericho two count with Punk finally pushing Jericho away. Jericho then went for a punch, which Punk reversed into an inside cradle for another near fall. Jericho then came running at Punk, and they did the exact same near fall reverse pinning attempt spot again. Punk then hit another neck breaker, and reversed a Jericho punch into guess what, another back and forth pinfall attempt spot, which both men reversed about fifteen times, with this match now resembling more of a Mixed Martial Arts contest than a fucking wrestling match. Still no winner by the way. Jericho got up, went for a running forearm and oh for fucksake, not again. After the sixth near fall of the sequence, Jericho got up and hit the Codebreaker on Punk, only to get a one count! Hey guys, when you hit your false finishes, don't bother with near falls or anything, just make sure opponent gets up after a count of one to really sell the moves. Punk then got up and hit a neckbreaker, again. What is this, Steel Cage Challenge on the NES? Punk then hit Jericho with that Muay Thai kick thing he does and drew blood. Punk scored big with a Springboard clothesline, and signalled it was nap time. As Jericho got to his feet, Punk finally hit the GTS for the win. Epic, ridiculous back and forth match.
PS3 says: CM Punk wins in the best match of night, and the best match I've seen on the PS3 so far. Five stars.
Freeman says: I could see Punk not showing up here, beginning his rumoured split from Heyman. However, I reckon WWE need Punk back sooner rather than later, so I'm going to say that he shows up and gets the win, which he is in need of as he was on something of a big match losing streak before he took time off.
John Cena vs Ryback (Three Stages Of Hell Match for the WWE Championship)
Not only do I not have a Three Stages Of Hell match in WWE 13, but there's no Ambulance match either, so this is probably going to be a mess. I was going to petition for the inclusion of an Ambulance match in WWE 14 until I realised that I was petitioning for an Ambulance match. Anyway, for the purposes of this simulation I made a Falls Count Anywhere No Disqualification Two Out Of Three Falls match. Ha, try saying that in one go Justin Roberts you fuck. Ryback was out first followed by John Cena, the ref holds up the WWE Title and here we go.
Stage 1: Lumberjack Match.
John Cena absolutely dominated the early stages of this one, with Ryback unable to get anywhere near him. Ryback then got back into it by whipping Cena into the corner and delivering a superplex on the champ. Nice. From then on, it was Ryback's turn to bring the hurt, hitting big move after big move, until he began targeting Cena's knee. Nice tie in to last month's storyline! Ryback attempted to inflict more damage on the leg with a single leg boston crab, but Cena was able to power out. Cena kept trying to get back into it, but it seemed as if Ryback had a counter for everything. Cena dug deep and threw Ryback shoulder first into the post, hit a couple of clotheslines and applied a painful looking scissor armbar style submission. However, Ryback was able to escape and hit Cena with a spinebuster. The two then literally went move for move, with no quarter being given or asked, with some great back and forth action. Eventually, Cena dropped to the outside to prep the announce table, with the lumberjacks seemingly reluctant to get involved. Then in a hilarious spot, Cena got up on the announce table, which prompted Ryback to run out of the ring and join him up there, only to get an Attitude Adjustment to sending him crashing through the table to the floor. Cena then threw Ryback back in the ring, only to walk right into WWE 13's version of Shell Shocked (Shell Mocked?) as soon as he got back in the ring. Ryback then covered for a one count. The one count false finishes on this game are starting to take the piss. Cena then punched the ground to begin his comeback. Two shoulder tackles and a spin out powerbomb followed, but instead of the Five Knuckle Shuffle, he went straight for the pinfall attempt and got a one count. Well, that was worth doing. Cena knocked Ryback down again, but this time did indeed go for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena then covered Ryback and ridiculously, got the one two three for the first fall.
Winner of Stage 1: John Cena
Stage 2: Tables Match
Ryback got up, Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment and
got a two and half tried to put Ryback through a table but Ryback countered. Ryback then got some nice offence in, before Cena reversed a camel clutch attempt and regained control with a couple of snapmare into fist drop combos. Cena then came flying at Ryback with a Thez press, with the ensuing punches enough to bust Ryback wide open. Cena became utterly dominant from this point on, hitting Ryback with several belly to belly suplexes in the process. After Cena hit the last one, he stood poised in a familiar pose waiting for Ryback to get back up, before scoring another Attitude Adjustment and covering Ryback sending Ryback crashing through the table for the win. Payback goes off the air with Cena celebrating retaining his WWE Championship.
Winner of Stage 2: John Cena
PS3 says: John Cena win. Ryback didn't really get a look in to be honest, and there wasn't even any need for the final Ambulance Match Stage, which I can't say I was too disappointed about.
Freeman says: John Cena win. Ryback has had better build up this time round, but really he's been little more than a post Wrestlemania, pre summer filler opponent for John Cena, who will probably move on to feud with Daniel Bryan now, if you believe the rumours. Ryback will win the title one day, but not at Payback.
In summary, it looks like my PS3 isn't predicting anything too radical for Payback this Sunday. In fact, it's not predicting any title changes at all, so there you have it. Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, Damien Sandow defeated Sheamus with a Straight Jacket Neckbreaker in the pre show. As for the real event itself, the matches involving The Shield have potential, as does CM Punk vs Chris Jericho, if Punk shows up that is. However, it's the Three Stages Of Hell match that I'm most looking forward to. Long time readers of mine will know I'm a sucker for that match gimmick, and I'm hoping that Cena and Ryback can put on a decent match. Overall, I reckon it will be a solid if unspectacular Pay Per View, and just about worth a watch. Or it might be as pointless as adverts for toilet paper. Because seriously, who isn't buying it?