Let me start this column off by saying this: Sting is the very reason I became a wrestling fan in the first place. Allow me a second to take you on a trip down memory lane. It was 1997, or whenever, and I, as a young Freeman of about nine years old, was upstairs in my room late on a Friday night watching TV and flicking through the channels. Whether or not it was a responsible parenting choice to allow a young boy to have cable in his room and stay up late on a Friday night is another topic for another time, but, nevertheless, I happened to stumble across the closing moments of WCW Monday Nitro, which yes, aired on a Friday night in the UK. Hollywood Hogan and the NWO were in the ring, and from memory, they were beating up a lot of guys. I instantly hated them, but I couldn't take my eyes off the events unfolding in the squared circle. Suddenly, a masked warrior descended from the rafters, and beat up about twenty bad guys with a ball bat all by himself. At the time, it was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen, and, from that moment on, I was hooked. Not only did I become a huge WCW fan, watching religiously every week, but I also became a huge Sting fan by cheering him on in his matches, buying his merchandise and wondering how he balanced being a professional wrestler with singing and playing bass in a successful pop/rock group.
Freestyling: One More Match For Sting? Nah - Here's Six
Mar 28, 2014 - 7:51:42 PM
So, with that in mind, ever since the news broke that Sting is pretty much nailed on to be finally signing for WWE soon, I've been over the fucking moon. However, I was slightly saddened the other day when I saw the story that Sting might only be wrestling one more match in WWE before retiring, because I'd kind of hoped he would wrestle several members of the current WWE roster before packing it in. Yes I realise he's 55 years old, and his best days are behind him, and he's probably incontinent now, but fuck it, I still want to see him wrestle a few more times before he finally decides to call it a day. Therefore, I prepared a list of six men on the current WWE roster I'd like to see Sting take on if and when he finally steps in a WWE ring. Now, I do realise that the chances of all six of these matches taking place are remote, but one can dream right? Without further adieu, let's take a look at my first Sting in WWE dream match...
Sting vs Undertaker
Yeah I know, duh. Sting vs Undertaker almost feels like it's destined to happen at some point, and I like many others feel it has a good chance of happening at Wrestlemania 31 next year. Although I'd rather see John Cena vs Undertaker happen at 'Maina sooner rather than later, I'd take this as a consolation prize if WWE don't want to book that match. Sting vs Undertaker is a dream match for a lot of people, and has been since the nineties when both men were active in the Monday Night Wars. You can see why as well; they're both living legends, Sting's dark crow like character is similar to Undertaker's dark Deadman character, and they both have really smelly bums. The match itself would be very intriguing too, as you've got the whole psychology of the Scorpion Death Drop vs The Tombstone Piledriver, and Hell's Gate vs The Scorpion Death Lock. In fact, despite the fact that the combined age of both competitors is 374, I'm pretty sure the match would still be decent at the least, as The Undertaker seems incapable of putting on a bad match at Wrestlemania.
As for the build up, I've seen some dudes on the interwebz speculating that we might see Sting show up on the RAW after Wrestlemania and challenge 'Taker to a match then, leading to a Rock/Cena style one year build up. While I could see Sting showing up on the April 9th edition of RAW, I doubt he lays down the challenge that night, because 1) I'm not sure how well a year long feud between two part timers would work, and 2) Undertaker might not be in a position to say whether he's able to work next year's Wrestlemania after a war with Brock Lesnar. However, whatever happens, this one looks the most likely to happen out of all the possibilities on my list, and if this match was announced and we were definitely going to see it, I for one would be rather excited.
Sting vs John Cena
As much as I like Bray Wyatt and his family, I'll be the first to admit that I'm feeling a little underwhelmed by him being chosen as John Cena's opponent for Wrestlemania 30. After competing in some pretty high profile matches at 'Mania in recent years, including two straight headline spots with The Rock, John Cena facing Bray Wyatt feels like a bit of a waste of John Cena at the Grandaddy Of Them All. However, this could be put right next year by having Cena square off against Sting at Wrestlemania 31, providing WWE decides against putting the Undertaker and the Stinger together of course. Now that to me is a big Wrestlemania match for The Doctor Of Thuganomics, as I quite like the idea of having one of the biggest WWE stars of all time going up against one of the biggest WCW stars of all time, and it would be nice to see the Sharpshooter applied correctly to Cena in a Wrestlemania main event. Furthermore, Sting would finally be able to experience Cena's awesome looking hurricanrana up close and personal, so that would be good too.
Sting vs Brock Lesnar
Another match I would like to see is Sting taking on Paul Heyman's client, Brock Lesnar. This match would be interesting because I believe it would be the first time in Brock Lesnar's career that Brock Lesnar has faced Sting. The feud could be presented in a similar way to Brock Lesnar's current feud with The Undertaker, in the way that even though Paul Heyman's client, Brock Lesnar, is a dangerous sociopath capable of destroying anyone who gets in Brock Lesnar's way, Brock Lesnar can still fall victim to the mind games played by the wiley veteran The Undertaker, or in this case, the wily veteran Sting. Since Brock Lesnar returned to WWE, Brock Lesnar has always brought that big fight feel to all of the matches Brock Lesnar has competed in, however, Brock Lesnar is quickly running out of top faces that Brock Lesnar can have a match with. Sting vs Brock Lesnar has that big marquee feel to it, and it beats having to see either Batista or Randy Orton turning face in order to have a match with Brock Lesnar. Speaking of a match with Brock Lesnar, Sting vs Brock Lesnar has the potential to be either very good or horrible, and would probably depend on whether or not Brock Lesnar's advocate, Paul Heyman, bought Brock Lesnar a Happy Meal that day. However, as long as I get to see Brock Lesnar compete in a match, I'd be as happy as Brock Lesnar.
Sting vs Daniel Bryan
I couldn't find any Daniel Bryan vs Sting images, so here are some ammusing tweets from Ryback instead...
So I sat around for ages the other day
looking for used women's underwear on eBay trying to come up with a good reason for why these two would want to fight each other, and I couldn't come up with anything. However, I really like the idea of the match itself, as I think Sting and Daniel Bryan would have good chemistry together, but then again Bryan seems to have good chemistry with just about everyone these days, the big hairy slut. After throwing a few thinking grenades out of my front window, finally the answer hit me. The reason these two would want to fight is simple; DB could come out and say he has a lot of respect and admiration for Sting, but wants to prove himself and beat a living legend in a match, whereas Sting wants to prove he's still got it by beating the best pure wrestler in WWE at this current time. Or they might fight over who gets to eat the last Kit Kat Chunky in catering. Whichever really.
Sting vs Triple H
I've had Sting vs Triple H down as a dream match for some time now, going as far back as 1999-2000 when Trips was starting to become a serious main event player for WWE, when I remember thinking even then that Sting vs The Game would be a cool match. Fast forward fifteen years, and I still would like to see this one take place. WWE could play off of Triple H's past in WCW, perhaps going as far as having him say that guys like Sting held him down, and now he's in WWE he wants revenge and is going to do his best to make sure Sting looks like a laughing stock by destroying him. I would like to see that. I would also like to see Sting reference the fact that Triple H always looks like he hasn't had a poo since 1994.
But what about the actual match, how would that pan out? Fucked if I know. Similarly to Brock Lesnar vs Sting, it could either be very good, or it could be like a fat girl angle shot on Facebook – clever, but trying to hide too many flaws at once. Anyway, despite all of that, it's still a spectacle I would like to see at some point. Oh, and speaking of spectacles, how hot did Stephanie look on RAW last Monday? To be honest, if I was Triple H and I ever found myself getting down about Steve Austin and The Rock going on to be bigger mainstream stars than me, or Vince telling me what to do all the time, or having a weird shaped ball bag, I'd look across at Steph in bed one night and think, shit Paul, you've done alright for yourself in life.
Oh, and finally...
Sting vs JTG (Loser Leaves Town Match)
JTG would win. JTG has an ironclad lifetime contract with WWE, and there's no way in hell that dude is ever getting fired.
So yeah, like I said, any from the above list would please me greatly. To be fair, if the story on LOP the other day about Sting only wrestling one more match is true, then it's most likely going to be against The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. But, again, as I said before, one can dream...
Honourable mentions: Sting vs Batista, Sting vs Randy Orton, Sting vs Sheamus, Sting vs Christian, Sting vs Dolph Ziggler, Sting vs Stephanie McMahon, Sting vs Chris Brown.