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Posted in: Freestyling
Freestyling: News Roundup ~ Luke Harper, Adam Rose's Bunny, Batista, More
By Freeman
May 23, 2014 - 6:46:17 PM





I quite enjoyed this when I did it last time, so here we are again. Let's have a look at the best of LOP's news headlines in the last week or so, starting with one of my favourite stories concerning new WWE Superstar Adam Rose. Unfortunately for the leader of the Rosebuds, it would seem that people are more interested in his entourage than him as an actual character, but that's besides the point. Apparently, both Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel have been a part of the group recently:


“Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel have both reportedly played Adam Rose's bunny in recent weeks.”


Now, while that statement sounds like an innuendo, I can believe that. However, Ryder was quick to dismiss the story on Twitter:


“Zack Ryder wrote on Twitter that he is not Adam Rose's bunny but he's been denying it for weeks.”


The fuck Zack? Why would you deny something like that? It's easily the most interesting thing you've done in ears years, and is probably like the second greatest accomplishment of your WWE career so far, and you know what they say about careers in WWE; hare today, gone tomorrow. You could even say that Ryder is living on burrowed time. Actually, the fact that Ryder has seen fit to publicly deny playing Adam Rose's bunny has made me hopping mad. We all know it's true Zack, so just stop rabbiting on.


Oh, and Zack, one more thing...























***






-Did anyone read the story about there being a brief Title change at a WWE live event in Belfast? Me neither, so let's all look at it now. Tell us all about it LOP...


“Erick Rowan and Luke Harper briefly won the WWE Tag Team Titles from WWE's live event in Belfast, Northern Ireland yesterday, according to Raj Giri of WrestlingINC. Fit Finlay ended up coming out and explaining too the referee that The Wyatts used a title belt while he was distracted.The match was then re-started and The Usos retained.”


I would absolutely love it if Harper and Rowan won the belts for real in the not too distant future. WWE has the perfect set up for a title match at Payback between the two teams, what with The Usos backing up John Cena in his recent feud with the Wyatt family. Now, I like The Usos and all, and I'm enjoying their run as WWE Tag Champs at the moment, but to be honest, I like Harper a whole lot better. In fact, I'd go as far to say that I've enjoyed Harper's ring work more than anyone else on the WWE roster in the last few months, with the exception of maybe Seth Rollins. I know people go on about how good Bray Wyatt is, which is natural given that he's the dude cutting the cool promos, where the attention is rightfully focused on him, but Harper is the real star of the group in my eyes. His move-set is fucking awesome; witness on RAW last Monday as he's catches Cena with a motherfucking hurricanrana, followed by a dropkick to the outside, and finished with a suicide dive to the floor. No, this isn't a Daniel Bryan match folks, it was 6 foot 5 Luke Harper performing those moves. However, it's not just the moves that Harper does that impresses me, but it's how he does them. He manages to execute some of the most unorthodox offence for a man his size, yet remains completely in that zoned out, almost zombie like state for the entire match, which really helps sell the character as an unorthodox, zoned out zombie, or something.

So yeah, maybe once the Wyatt Family packs up, Harper might be on for bigger and better things. One thing he does have going for him, is that he seems to have very good chemistry with John Cena. While I thought their last match on RAW was very good, it was their match just before Wrestlemania that really caught my eye as being an excellent television bout, and, in fact, I enjoyed it a lot more than Bray's match with Cena at Wrestlemania. Hopefully, we'll see the two tie it up again before too long, as at the moment, I don't think I could ever get bored of Cena vs Harper. Not like my time machine, which I'm already bored with after owning it for a year.

Probably won't bother getting it.





***





-A few WWE personalities were announced to appear at the Chicago Comic Con, which takes place in August. One of those names was Batista, who had this to say about the event:


“It is so great to meet not only the WWE Universe, but also fans of Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy.”

Who probably won't be fans anymore after seeing you in Guardians of the Galaxy.

“I'm really excited to be joining my co-stars Karen Gillan and Michael Rooker at Wizard World for our Guardians of the Galaxy panel just weeks after the US debut.”

And hopefully having sex with my co-star Karen Gillan just weeks after the US debut.


Batista was in the news quite a bit recently, as he also made some comments for his upcoming Batista DVD about a lack of fan support. What seems to be problem Dave?


“I'm just one of those people who never really cared about being cheered or booed. If they cheered me, it motivated me. If they booed me, it motivated me more. Fans saying I don't deserve it (2014 Royal Rumble win)... It's like they forgot the 10 or 12 years beforehand."

They did.

"I try to never be disrespectful.”

Except for when I banged Melina behind John Morrison's back...

“I left not because I wanted to leave but because I needed to achieve some things on my own without the WWE."

But they offered me loads of money so I came back.

"To tell you the truth, I wish the crowd had been a little more supportive. When I come back to WWE, I'm with WWE."

Until I get more money to go somewhere else, then I'm with them.








Second Base Moment Of The Week...














To be fair to Fandango, if I was in the same position, I would also have a cheeky feel of Layla's tit.






***






-WWE recently sent out a press release for the third season of Total Divas. I'm so excited. Any chance of a preview WWE?


“Cameras will once again shadow Nikki and Brie Bella, Natalya, Naomi, Cameron and rookies Eva Marie and Summer Rae, giving viewers insight into how these women, who are on the road for 52 weeks a year, balance their personal lives while fighting for the spotlight. In addition, WWE Diva Rosa Mendes joins the cast, as the fiery Latina who has been around WWE for years...”


Now, I know that Rosa has a bit of reputation in the locker room, but there's no reason to start slut shaming her in public WWE. Rosa herself was really excited about joining the cast of Total Divas. Here's what she Tweeted about the news:



"Amazing news!! Tears of Joy! I will be part of #TotalDivas Season 3! I can't tell everyone in words how happy I am!@eonline @TotalDivas"


Fuck! Yes! This is amazing! Oh lord in heaven above, I have tears of joy in my eyes too! Hey Rosa, next time you're in London I'll take you out and we'll go and celebrate with a glass of wi...



Oh... Right.


Rosa's wasn't the only story to catch my eye in that article. Apparently, Eva Marie is not too impressed that some of her pre-WWE modelling pics have come out, and whaddya know, they're just in time for the third season of Total Divas:


“Eva Marie opened up a closet full of secrets this season, each more shocking than the one before. Season two opened with the redheaded Diva revealing she secretly eloped with her longtime boyfriend Jonathan and some provocative modeling photos from her past surfaced, which spread quickly through the WWE locker room.”


Ah don't be sad Eva Marie. Hey, come on now, it's not like you're the first WWE Diva that's had some embarrassing modelling pics leaked...

















And for those of you who haven't seen it, here's the infamous Micke James vagina pic that was leaked a few years ago...



















What's CM Punk Been Doing This Week?





Since CM Punk quit WWE earlier this year, his whole life has been a series of one exciting moment after another. I mean, just this week, the Cookie Monster did a whole bunch of interesting things, such as:


-Resurfaced on Twitter.

-Worked out at a gym.

-Made a bet with someone.

-Played video games.


Jesus Christ, celebrities are so interesting. I can't wait to find out the utterly insane antics Punk will get up to next week. For now, we can only speculate. Tune in next week and watch in awe as CM Punk:


-Makes a cheese sandwich.

-Cleans out his fish pond.

-Listens to his favourite Michael Bolton album.

-Buys a new sofa.

-Masturbates.


Why can't my life be as interesting as this?






***





-Alicia Fox caused quite a stir last week when she struck WWE ring announcer Tony Chimel. Let's find out what LOP's got to say about it:


The storyline coming out of Alicia Fox's meltdown on this week's WWE Main Event is that ring announcer Tony Chimel suffered a concussion after she slapped him. Alicia tweeted that she sent Chimel flowers and hoped that he gets better soon.


Fucking hell, what's Alicia got in her hand, an anvil? That's ridiculous. A concussion, from a slap. I know Chimel looks like the kind of guy that would bruise like a peach, but a concussion WWE? And you wonder why people don't take you seriously anymore. Speaking of Fox, I've seen a few people disagreeing with her little push that she's been receiving lately. Personally, I'm all for it. For one, she's got a great pair of nipples that never fail to stick out through her top whenever she's on TV. Seriously, she could be wearing nipple tape, seven different bras, and a bullet proof vest, and her nipples would still be poking through as if she were standing there as nature intended. She's also like a non-slutty Rihanna, so anything that gets her appearing on my TV screen more often is a winner for me. I'd have preferred it if WWE had found a better way for her to appear like a threat than to pin Paige cleanly last Monday on RAW, but that's only because I never like to see champions get pinned in non title matches. Perhaps Alicia's sudden gimmick change is all a bit random to some, but not quite as random as when her nipples decide to pop up and say hello. So yeah, let's go Fox. As for Paige, unfortunately, as much as I like her, I can't help but get the feeling that she might be dropping her Divas Title soon. Reportedly, WWE isn't happy with the crowd reactions she's been getting and are already growing impatient. If Alicia's current gimmick gets over with the crowd, then we might be looking at the Divas Title around her waist before too long. Or we might be too busy looking at her boobies. I'm going for the latter, personally.






Caption Contest:











“Fucking hell, Zack Ryder won a championship here once?”







Freeman's Final Thought





Gary Barlow: Great piano player, great singer, great songwriter...






...Even better on the fiddle.




~Fin.








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