Let me start this column off by saying that this concept isn't my idea. When I first started in the Columns Forum four years ago, another columnist, whose name escapes me and isn't around anymore, was doing a similar thing using the Xbox 360. So yeah, credit to that guy, if this was his idea in the first place that is...
Freestyling: Extreme Rules Predictions Using PS3
May 16, 2013 - 10:54:25 AM
Now that's out of the way, let me explain the method to my madness here. I reckon the card's pretty much set in stone now, so I took each match that's going to take place at this Sunday's Extreme Rules Pay Per View and simulated them in the WWE video game “WWE 13” which I have on PS3. I set the difficulty to “legend” and let the computer take control of the characters, while I sat back and watched the action unfold to see what the PS3 thinks is going to happen at this Sunday's Pay Per View. I shall describe what transcribed in the virtual match and I'll be adding my own predictions at the end of each match as well. First match up for simulation is...
Randy Orton vs Big Show (Extreme Rules Match)
Orton comes out to a great crowd reaction. Next out is Big Show, and I can't help but laugh at how the seven footer is doing his face entrance, all smiles and poses, but gets booed for it. Both competitors are in the ring and here we go.
The early stages of this match saw Big Show adopt a bizarre strategy of targeting Orton's armpit. No really, he kept applying a painful looking armlock to The Viper, before kicking him hard under the arm, then following it up with a devastating punch to the shoulder. Orton's plan was clear; target the leg, as he proceeded to hit eight fucking chop blocks in a row, but I guess it was a sound strategy. After several impressive counters and headlock reversals, Orton threw Show outside and this one was about to get extreme.
After Orton whipped Show into the barricade, he adopted a bizarre strategy of irish whipping the big man from one side to another. He wasn't whipping Big Show into the barricades or anything, just throwing him from one side of the ringside area to another without causing any damage. He did this about five times in a row. Eventually, Orton finally whipped Show into the bottom left barricade, and speared him right through it. Big Show no sold it, got up straight away and grabbed a mop. Big Show went to hit Orton with the mop, only for Orton to reverse it, grab the mop and try to hit Big Show with it, only for Show to reverse it and try to hit Orton with it, only for... You get the point. There were twelve mop reversals (I'm not kidding) before Orton finally hit Big Show round the head with said mop. A great spot which the crowd really got in to. Similar spots with a sledgehammer and a trash can followed. Riveting stuff. Big Show then whipped Orton into the opposite barricade, lifted him high in the air and speared him though it. Orton quickly got back up and whipped Show back into the ring. Show hit some offence on Orton, which eventually saw Orton counter a bearhug attempt with a kick to the gut and an RKO for the win.
PS3 says: Randy Orton wins.
Freeman says: Big Show win. Orton's been on a Pay Per View losing streak recently and I expect that to continue here with a loss to the World's Largest Athlete.
Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger (I Quit Match for the #1 Contendership to the World Heavyweight Title)
Justin Roberts explains the rules before both competitors make their entrances. Anyone seen that sex tape Jack Swagger's wife did? She looks like quite the catch. Anyway, the early stages of this match saw Del Rio target Swagger's arm, before the Real American hit three German suplexes in a row, before whipping Del Rio to the outside. Swagger gained the upper hand by hitting several more devastating suplexes outside the ring. From then on, it was very much a back and forth match. Swagger was in control briefly, but Del Rio hit a crafty low blow to set up his first I Quit attempt with a submission. Swagger said no. Swagger went for his own I Quit attempt with an abdominal stretch, but Del Rio was having none of it. Del Rio then ducked outside and began preparing the announce table for some action. Swagger followed him outside, only for Del Rio to roll him onto the table and deliver an elbow drop from the top rope to send him crashing through it. Holy shit.
The match then went back and forth again, with a highlight coming when Del Rio locked in the Cross Arm Breaker on Swagger, only for the Real American to refuse to quit, get straight back up, and apply the Patriot Lock to Del Rio, who also refused to give in. The action then spilled to the outside, with Swagger sending Del Rio into the steps before spearing him through the barricade. Swagger asked The Mexican Aristocrat to give up, to which Del Rio responded by giving Swagger a German Suplex onto the steel steps. It was then Swagger's turn to refuse to quit and deliver his own suplex to Del Rio onto the steps. This one then degenerated into a bit of slug fest, before Del Rio tried another Cross Arm Breaker, with Swagger still refusing to give in. Del Rio then hit a fucking Batitsta Bomb on Swagger on the outside floor, slammed him head first into the ring post, and busted him wide open. Back in the ring, these two continued to beat the holy hell out each other, before Del Rio eventually applied a single leg boston crab, which proved to be too much for the bloodied Swagger who eventually uttered the words I Quit. Great match that will be a strong contender for match of the night.
PS3 Says: Alberto Del Rio wins.
Freeman says: Alberto Del Rio wins. I think the Swagger/Del Rio feud is done after this one and Del Rio will now move on to feuding with Ziggypuff for the World Heavyweight midcard Title.
Chris Jericho vs Fandango
I downloaded a dodgy Fandango CAW from WWE 13 Online for this column. Unfortunately, this creation looked more like a cross between Vamp from Metal Gear Solid 2 and Disco Inferno than the former Johnny Curtis. After Jericho's entrance, Fandango made his way out to some strange German Techno music before coming face to face with Y2J.
Fandango, or “Franco” as the announcers were referring to him, got some nice offence in at the start before Jericho gained the upper hand. Jericho seemed to have a counter for everything Fandango did, apart from a huge back breaker that Fandango scored after taking some gruelling punishment. Fandango got a bit of offence in before Jericho scored a spring board crossbody, taking Franco off his feet. From that point on, it was all Jericho, countering an attempted Fandango backbreaker into a DDT before slamming the former Curtis shoulder first into the ring post. From then on, it was pretty much all Jericho. Fandango did get a nice comeback moment, and hit his neckbreaker finisher thingy, but Y2J kicked out at 1. Jericho dominated some more, with the highlight being when he whipped Fandango into the corner and scored a huge superplex. As Jericho hit a couple of stomps to the face, Fandango got up and charged at the The Man of 1,004 Holds, only for Jericho to roll him up into an inside cradle for a 2 count, followed by Fandango countering into his own pinning attempt, only for Jericho to do the same. The inside cradle battle went back forth about five times before Jericho finally got the one-two-three.
PS3 says: Pretty one sided Chris Jericho win.
Freeman says: Probably the toughest to predict out of all the matches. Fandango is Vince McMahon's pet project and is being pushed quite hard at the moment, so a win over Jericho would continue his push quite nicely. However, something about this feud just seems set up for a Jericho victory for me. I have a lot of heels winning here, so I'll go for a Chris Jericho win.
Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan & Kane) vs The Shield (Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) (Tornado Tag Team Match for the Tag Team Championships)
Yeah... Confession: When it came to downloading Rollins and Reigns for this match, the servers were “busy.” So I had to choose two guys in the game who look just like them for the purposes of this column. Therefore, Seth Rollins will be played by Road Dogg and Roman Reigns will be played by Stone Cold Steve Austin.
At the start of match, Daniel Bryan immediately went after Roman Reigns and Kane went after Seth Rollins. After looking good against Reigns in the early going, Bryan got caught, and with Rollins in control of Kane, The Shield were firmly in control.
To be honest, this match was a bit of a mess and quite hard to follow with two separate things going on all the time. I loled when Cole said Roman Reigns was “squeezing down on the head” during a headlock because I'm immature, and I woke up when Rollins and Kane spilled to the outside and Rollins delivered a huge piledriver to the Big Red Machine on the hard floor. Always knew he was a CM Punk wannabe. At some point, Daniel Bryan hit a brainbuster on Reigns and busted him open, before Reigns hit the Stone Cold Stunner on Bryan, only for Kane to break up the pin attempt. Then, a hilarious glitch in the game occurred when Bryan and Reigns both went for a grapple attempt, only for both characters to freeze and remain locked in each other's arms for the rest of the match. It was down to Kane and Rollins, the only two characters left capable of movement. Rollins threw everything he had at Kane, including busting him open (how could you tell?) with a stomp to the face and eventually hitting the Pump Handle Slam for the win. We've got new tag team champions as “Oh You Didn't Know?” blares out and Reigns and Bryan remain locked in an epic test of strength.
PS3 says: The Shield wins, with Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan possibly needing emergency surgery to separate them.
Freeman says: The Shield wins. They've been unstoppable recently and it feels like the right time for Kane and Daniel Bryan to drop the Tag Team Titles. I'm not sure where The Shield go from here mind you, but we shall see.
Dean Ambrose vs Kofi Kingston (United States Championship)
The servers were “busy” again when it came to downloading Dean Ambrose. Honestly THQ, what's the point in putting a feature in your game that doesn't work? Oh yeah, you guys went bust. Figures. Anyway, yet again I had to find a guy who looks like Ambrose to finish this column, so for the purposes of this simulation Dean Ambrose will be played by The Godfather. Kofi Kingston is out first followed by Ambrose, who is accompanied by two of his hos.
For a long long time in this match, Kofi was completely dominant. Ambrose probably got a total of about five offensive moves in, and it was starting to look like a complete squash. Then, Kofi hit Trouble In Paradise, only for Ambrose to get straight back up. Seriously, Kofi didn't even get a pin attempt in, Ambrose just totally no sold it as if he'd tried to tickle him. However, Kofi was undeterred by Ambrose's antics, and remained in control until Ambrose countered his attempted diving crossbody into a sick looking backbreaker. From then on, things were a little more even, with Ambrose hitting some pretty big moves until Kingston caused him to bleed with a running bulldog. After Ambrose bizarrely tried to win this championship match by count out, Kingston ran back in at a count of 8 to hit the SOS for the win. Fast paced and energetic encounter, and I expect to see a similar kind of match when the two tie it up on Sunday.
PS3 says: Kofi Kingston wins.
Freeman says: Can you say transitional champion? Kofi drops the title here and Dean Ambrose wins ensuring a clean sweep for The Shield. They've looked so impressive recently and I have a feeling that WWE will want all three members to have gold around their waists.
Brock Lesnar vs Triple H (Steel Cage Match)
Lesnar out first followed by Triple H who looks mean. Unbelievably, the match started out with the same luke warm crowd reaction the two got at Wrestlemania. Lesnar got the better of the surpising series of mat based exchanges, before throwing Trips shoulder first into the steel post. Lesnar continued to dominate before Triple H hit a DDT from out of nowhere, only for Lesnar to get back on top with a German suplex. Great cut off spot! Lesnar then began targeting the leg for some reason. Triple H kept trying to fight back but to no avail, before Lesnar hit an F5 and continued his relentless punishment of The Game.
The match continued in this vein for a long time; Lesnar dominant, with Triple H attempting to get back into it, only for Lesnar to hit a couple of big moves and regain control. In fact, it was frighteningly similar to their Wrestlemania encounter last month. After Lesnar made an unsuccessful attempt at escaping the cage, Triple H pounced. The Game managed to get on top and and build some offence on Lesnar for the first time in the match, countering everything The Beast threw at him. After a couple more attempts at escaping the cage, Trips began climbing again only for Brock to try and stop him. Triple H managed to hang on though, and after kicking Brock away three times, The Game finally managed to climb over the top and outside for the win.
PS3 says: Triple H wins, and, I shit you not, with an eerily similar match structure to their Wrestlemania encounter.
Freeman says: Brock Lesnar wins. Brock is 1-2 since coming back to WWE and another loss could really hurt his drawing power. In fact, I'd be struggling to take Lesnar seriously at all if he chalked up another loss here. Therefore, Brock has to win.
Sheamus vs Mark Henry (Strap Match)
Yeah thanks for that WWE, there's no strap match in your stupid game so I'm going to have to pick a different stipulation for the purposes of this simulation. Hey, that rhymes. I decided on the very similar Inferno Match as the stipulation here, which will surely produce the most accurate results. “It's a shameful thing, lobster head” bellows out as Sheamus makes his entrance, followed by “Somebody gon' get they ass licked (whoa) somebody gon' get their dick sniffed...” for Mark Henry. The ring is engulfed by flames as the bell rings for the match to start.
Mark Henry absolutely destroyed Sheamus here. Seriously, it was a complete squash from start to finish, with Sheamus unable to hit any kind of offensive move, not even a punch or a simple strike; he just stood there taking it like a bitch for the whole thing. Henry hit a bunch of huge moves before making Sheamus tap out with a chinlock, but this one's an infer... Erm, strap match, so submissions don't count. Straight after that, Henry rolled Sheamus to the edge of the ring before
kicking him to the outside into the flames and setting him on fire whipping him loads of times with the strap for the win.
PS3 says: Mark Henry wins. Flawless Victory.
Freeman says: Mark Henry wins, but it won't be as clear cut as that. Sheamus hasn't won a Pay Per View match since he beat Big Show by DQ at Survivor Series 2012, and Mark Henry seems to be on a roll lately. WWE might use Henry to get Sheamus back on track here, but I have a feeling we may be seeing Henry in either the WWE or World Heavyweight Title picture pretty soon, so for that reason I'm going with Henry.
Ryback vs John Cena (Last Man Standing Match For The WWE Championship)
Ryback, who cost me 59 fucking pence to download him for the purposes of this column, was out first followed by Cena to a unanimously positive reaction. This game isn't very realistic. Justin Roberts does the introductions and we're under way.
This one started out at a surprisingly frantic pace, with the highlight being after about 45 seconds when John Cena attempted a leg drop from the top rope only for Ryback to counter it into a backbreaker in one fluid motion. Fucking sick spot, but I told you this game wasn't very realistic. I loled when Michael Cole said “Don't expect a technical encounter, this one's going to resemble a bar room brawl” not ten seconds after said spot. Ryback got some more offence before Cena hit him with several submission attempts. In a Last Man Standing match. Yeah...
Ryback continued to dominate, until Cena countered a top rope suplex attempt with an over castle from the top rope. Jesus Christ. Frantic back and forth action followed, with more counters than you could shake a stick at. Cena then attempted two more submissions, fucking idiot. Cena then ran outside and prepped the announce table for some Attitude Era style action. Sure enough, Cena then whipped Ryback outside, then onto the announce table, and delivered an elbow drop from the top turnbuckle onto Ryback sending him crashing though the table. Hey Cena, Alberto Del Rio did the exact same thing earlier, get your own fucking spots you bum. Unfortunately for Cena, he then threw Ryback back into the ring and went for the Attitude Adjustment, only for Ryback to counter it into WWE 13's bizarre version of Shell Shocked, which was enough to keep Cena down for the ten count. Extreme Rules went off the air with Ryback celebrating his first WWE Title win in shocking (shell shocking?) fashion.
PS3 says: Ryback wins.
Freeman says: John Cena wins. WWE might pull out a swerve here, but really Ryback hasn't had great build up so far, and I can't see the 'E ruining Cena's “Road to Redemption” by quickly switching the title to the former Skip Sheffield. Ryback's time will come, but not here.
So there you have it, my PS3 is predicting new Tag Team Champs and a new WWE Champ, with John Cena losing in his fist defence. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Cody Rhodes defeated The Miz in the pre show match by count out after superplexing a bloodied Miz to the outside. Surprisingly, that match was the second best match of the night. Anyway, I will be revisiting these predictions next time I do this to see if I'm smarter than a Japanese home entertainment system, but until then, I'm predicting a very good Extreme Rules Pay Per View this Sunday. In the last few years, Extreme Rules has always delivered, and there have been a couple of instalments that I've rated as better than the Wrestlemania that preceded it. I for one will be giving it a watch. Or I might go and look for some Katy Perry nudes on the internet. Whichever, really.