FACT or FICTION
The “I Got All The Stroke Around Here” Edition
NOTE FROM MORPHEUS: Happy Hallow---wait. I’m late? Fuck. My bad, gents. Had a proposal due last night and spent all my mind-spunk on that. Thankfully, I am finished (and spent) and can move on to bigger and marginally less lame things. Like FOF! Anyhow, we’ve got a hell of a Sensational Six lined up this time around, including a guy who will be taking on a semi-permanent (or jheri curl, for those in the know) co-hostest with the moistest position here at FOF Industries, Current Big Thing. We’ve also got ChrisBear making his unanticipated return to the FOF clusterfuck, alongside LOP’s resident resident (see what I did there?), Dr. CMV1. We also have mizfan making his FOF debut, while priest finally managed to squeeze us into his kiddie-diddling schedule. I, as always, am your friendly neighborhood asshole, Morpheus, and I approve this message.
Topic 1 (from ChrisBear): Jindar Mahal will be released once WWE realizes they won't make any money from his third world country. FACT or FICTION.
Current Big Thing - I'm not sure whether or not to address this topic seriously. I'll go outside of my comfort zone a bit and answer diplomatically: FICTION. I suppose. I think the whole reason Mr. Mahal has a job in the first place is that WWE realizes that there's an abundance of money to be made off of the Indian Subcontinent. I think it's only a matter of time before WWEShop.com is hocking things like Jinder Mahal's Instant Curry Mix, or Jinder Mahal's Darjeeling Gardens Teabags.
Dr. CMV1 - FACT he'll be released; FICTION because of the reasoning suggested. The WWE will always try to capitalize on the beef between the Middle East and the United States. At some point, they may find another Iron Sheik that they're willing to push all the way to the top, but in the meantime they'll continue to bring in guys like Mahal, cycle them through for a few years, and then get rid of them. Unless Jinder turns out to be much better than I think he is, then he's in a dead-end gimmick. The combination of the gimmick and the lack of talent will find him released.
mizfan - Oh lord, are we really going to piss off the Indian readers again? As if Kervin wasn't bad enough...
I'll say FICTION, because A. They kept Khali for years and he was a million times worse than Jinder in every way but size, and B. Jinder hasn't even had a chance to show me if he's actually good or bad yet. He's had a couple squash matches and then was forced to work with Khali. He could be the next Shawn Michaels for all we've actually seen of him. Oh and C. They probably will make money from him, and plenty from India as well.
Morpheus - Straight out of the box, I think we found the winner for Funniest Topic this time around. I nearly pissed myself laughing when I read this. And it’s funny because it’s true. You know what that means, kids. FACT. Bollywood 4 Lyfe!!!
priest - FACT. I don’t give a shit what India’s GDP is, any country that spends that much on toilet paper is going to go bankrupt.
Actually, all jests aside, I kind of think Khali’s bitch has been getting an unnecessary hard time of late. If they’re giving a guy like Otunga sixty three years to learn how to put on a good match, I think they can give this kid a little bit longer.
ChrisBear - FACT, but not because of his heritage, which makes it FICTION, I guess. WWE will soon realize that they don’t need to bring in overseas talent to boost overseas viewers, they just need talent. Jinder Mahal is a poor man’s Alberto Del Rio, if Del Rio was ‘browner’ and less talented. It’s FACT he’ll be released for lack of talent, but FICTION that it’s because he’s Indian. So erm… FACTION.
Topic 2 (from Current Big Thing): That TNA/Impact Wrestling has put forth the kind of effort we've seen into trying to "make" Bobby Roode is a sign of positive things ahead for TNA/Impact Wrestling, even if Bobby Roode himself isn't able to "stick" at the top of the card. FACT or FICTION.
Dr. CMV1 - FICTION. Isn't the saying in wrestling that it's "all about the payoff"? The current regime leading that organization needs to show that it can follow through on creating a new star before I'll start buying into TNA and thinking positive things about their long-term direction. I watched Impact a few days before Bound For Glory and all that I saw was generic presentation for the guy they were pushing for a championship opportunity against Angle. It didn't make me want to see their match. Then, it was overshadowed by Hulk Hogan and Sting. Apparently, the same thing happened at Bound For Glory. Nothing booked on Impact Wrestling makes much sense to me. I'm an extremely positive thinker, but not even I can say that Impact deserves praise right now. They'll need a string of really good decisions to build any positive momentum in my book.
mizfan - FICTION. All the good build in the world doesn't mean jack shit if you fuck up the payoff every time. Please reference Starrcade 1997 for more information, and kindly recall that the same people are running the show.
Morpheus - Shit, I guess I spoke too soon, because this topic is pretty damned funny, too. I would like to hope that, yes, this does in fact spell good things for the future of TNA and the direction they will take from here on out. Unfortunately, however, I live on Earth and am subject to the laws of Reality, which unfortunately means that this topic could only be feasibly classified as FICTION. Sorry, Ceebs.
priest - If you had asked me this a week or so ago I’d have said fact. But, since yet again TNA have continued to prove they have learned nothing from history, they are doomed to make the same mistakes again and again.
I get it was Hogan who made the call, and I’m sure Morph will cover him in detail anyway, but you really do wonder how they actually thought the last two weeks would’ve been better than Roode winning the world title before defending against Storm. They’ll end up feuding over the TNA title anyway, so why the hell not with the fucking guy you’ve been pushing for the last few months as the champion? I’m out before I start to get really annoyed. FICTION, simply because any time TNA take one step forwards they then take seventeen back.
ChrisBear - Woah there Cocky Big Thing, it’s FICTION he can’t “stick” at the top, he could, given the chance anyway. As for the general gist of the question, it’s FACTION (Yeah, again) because it was only a matter of time he got a push, given that everyone in TNA ‘gets a chance’ so it’s FACT they are doing the correct thing putting the effort in, but FICTION that TNA are able to ‘make’ anyone.
Current Big Thing - I wrote this one, and I think that this is a FACT. All we casual observers have asked for over the last few years was for TNA/Impact Wrestling to at least take a run at making one of their home-grown talents maybe look like he might be kind of a big deal. They're finally doing it, and with one the home-growniest guys they've got. They've also managed to elevate his tag team partner along with him, despite no one really noticing. I think he elevations of both Bobby Roode and James Storm are steps in the right direction, and that's what I'm really addressing with this topic.
Topic 3 (from Dr. CMV1): Undertaker and Triple H will have their WrestleMania rematch before WrestleMania 28 (if they have it at all). FACT or FICTION.
mizfan - I'm going to say FICTION for this one as well. I feel that this current Triple H story will more than keep him busy, and also I highly suspect Undertaker will be around very infrequently before the 'Mania build. I know Trips hinted at it after 'Mania, but I just don't see a good time for it to happen.
Morpheus - IF they have the rematch, then I would think it would definitely be before Mania, since I firmly believe that this coming Mania will be Taker’s last match. However, I am not convinced that this rematch will take place at all at this point, and am almost leaning toward thinking it won’t. Therefore, I have a mixed answer here, but since Bear already used FACTION twice, I am afraid I am going to have to go with FICT just to come original.
priest - I’m struggling to see when they’d have it. It’d have to be at one of the big four, and given Survivor Series is weeks away it’d be too short notice. The Royal Rumble could work, but it’ll sell regardless and would be a waste whilst they like to put their big guns in the rumble match itself. That then leaves WrestleMania. Personally, I don’t see it. I don’t see what Triple H or Taker have to gain by having another match when they’re both in the twilight of their careers and they’ve already put on two great matches at Mania before. FICTION. Let it go, guys.
ChrisBear - FICTION. Flat out FICTION, given the recent pictures of ‘Takers baldy Morpheus-esque head, he needs as much time as he can get to grow it back. Add to the FACT that it is FICTION to think they’ll go at it again next WM. There, have some FACTUAL FICTION.
Current Big Thing - FACT. Especially the "if they have it at all" part. I'd argue that their match at last year's show was a rematch in and of itself, for one thing. In the reality of the TV series, why would the Undertaker even think about granting a third match to someone he's already beaten twice? I'm not sure who he'll work come April, but I'd be at least a little bit disappointed if it were Hunter Hearst-Helmsley yet again.
Dr. CMV1 - FICTION. I think it will happen at Wrestlemania 28. I'm not sure that I want to see their rematch at Mania 28, but I wouldn't mind seeing their rematch. There was a hint that Trips dropped not too long ago about "waiting for an old friend to return" or something to that effect. I assume that was directed at Taker, given the similar comments made about the Deadman in the Game's post-Mania promo. The whole presentation at Mania suggested a rematch, as did the follow-up interview the night after. Survivor Series would be the only other logical setting, given its location at MSG. It would seem as though Trips might be otherwise occupied. So, if they have a rematch then it will likely happen at Mania.
Topic 4 (from mizfan): CM Punk never had any plans to actually leave the company in July. FACT or FICTION.
Morpheus - I would say that he was in fact thinking about leaving the company because he was miffed about how things were going for him. Then he realized something: Money is Awesome. Once he remembered how awesome it was having money, and all of the various cool things you can do with money when you have it, he swallowed his pride, and went back to servicing the McMahon Demon Cock like a good little monkey. FACT because being broke sucks.
priest - Who the fuck am I, his butler? FICTION, I guess. I think he did want to leave at some point, but whether it was as close to the end of his contract as he’s suggested, I’m not sure. Probably not, he’s too busy ringing up gyms and asking them about their memberships.
ChrisBear - So Mizfan has been thinking about this for four months? By that trail of thought it must take him 47 minutes to decide whether or not he should sit down or stand up when he needs to take a piss. LIFE-FACT.
FACT, he wasn’t going anywhere, if you thought otherwise then you’re as stupid as anyone that suggested HHH ‘buried’ Punk. It played out very nicely, and elevated him to another level, but where would he go? RoH? Come on, if you believed that then you believe anything.
Current Big Thing - This topic does suck. Two months in a row we've had some sub-par topic dragging the others down. (Morph’s Note: He’s still pissed at you, Mazz.) As for the topic itself, FACT. Of course he didn't. Anybody who, at this point, thinks he did would do well to have his or her head examined. Geez.
Dr. CMV1 - FICTION. I'm a big fan of ESPN's Bill Simmons. In July, Punk came on Bill's podcast and did a lengthy interview, which included Punk talking openly about how he had planned on leaving for quite a while. The push that he received and the reaction that he garnered and management's subsequent adoption of his character as a top level, sustainable superstar changed his tune. I don't believe he was BS-ing in that interview.
mizfan - I'll say FACT for this one. I think they worked us and worked us good with this story. I'm sure CM Punk was legitimately frustrated at times with his lackluster push over the past year leading up to MitB, but I don't think he was ever really going to take a hike from the big time, even temporarily.
Topic 5 (from Morpheus): Tagging off of Ceebs’ topic, the fact that TNA has seen fit to sign Hogan to another contract for the next couple of years is a sign of continued suck in the foreseeable future of Impact Wrestling. FACT or FICTION.
priest - So much FACT. If anybody has actually put fiction for this given the recent reports, you need to think again. If the reports about him changing the end of the Angle/Roode match ARE true, he’s an idiot, but unfortunately an idiot with power. I’ve always felt like Hogan hasn’t got the respect he deserved from some fans for what he’s done for the business, but he’s done plenty of damage to it too with his ego in WCW and his moronic ideas in TNA. He needs to go, and they need to get somebody in who knows how to book a wrestling show.
ChrisBear - I can keep this short and sweet for your short attention-spans, kids. FACT. I won’t Hogan-bash, but he’s a stupid cunt. FACT.
Current Big Thing - Ha. I'm going with FICTION. Hulk Hogan is a guy who has revolutionized; professional wrestling. Twice. He was the toast of the town a third time after his WrestleMania XVIII encounter with the Rock, too. Say what you want about him as a “man”, but he knows the professional wrestling business like few others. He remains one of a very, very select few pro wrestlers who are truly synonymous with professional wrestling, who just about anyone who's ever even heard of television can name when asked to name a professional wrestler. Mostly, though, it has been under his watch that the TNA/Impact Wrestling television show has gone from abhorrently disastrous to being generally tolerable, and even downright enjoyable at times. I think, all things considered, that he's doing an okay job.
Dr. CMV1 - FACT. I see no reason to watch TNA. I've said many times that I will not watch TNA as long as it is presented as WWE-lite. Sports Entertainment is what the WWE does best; TNA can't expect to build an audience by being a more poorly written version of WWE with far lesser production value. They come off as a cheap knockoff and every time they bring in a wave of WWE castoffs, the more it looks that way. As long as the current decision-makers are there, I won't watch TNA. Why should I?
mizfan - FACT. See Topic 2 for details.
Morpheus - I’m sure people are expecting me to spew forth at the mouth with some Hogan hate here, but the truth is, since I had the stroke, the doctors have warned me not to get overly excited or let my blood pressure rise too high. So instead, I will calmly sit aside and point to the recent direction of TNA since Hogan arrived to “save” TNA, and simple say, “The Prosecution Rests, Your Honor.” Pure Fucking FACT… … …
GAH!@ FUCK HULK HOGAN! FUCK HIM UP HIS STUPID, WRINKLED, ORANGE-SKINNED SKULLET MONKEY ASS!!!@12 HE CAN SUCK DOWN A HOT BOWL OF COCK AND CHOKE ON MY-
Somebody call 911…
Topic 6 (from priest): Despite the alarming SmackDown! ratings, Mark Henry's title run can be viewed as a success, and he should've been given the World Heavyweight title during his 'Silverback' days. FACT or FICTION.
ChrisBear - The term ‘silverback’ is racist, and if there is one thing I can’t condone, it’s cheap racist jokes/gimmicks, so it’s best he did it now, because he’s making a success out of it, destroying Orton continuously has really helped him look legit. I was pleasantly surprised, and I won’t be the only one who didn’t think he’d do as well as this. It’s probably FICTION to think it’ll be one of the most memorable reigns of all time, but it’s FACT to say it’s been a relative success… Ratings mean little to me, I have my own mind, and my glorious mind says FACT.
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Good fucking lord. What is it with you "smart marks"? Why is anyone who turns heel instantly your favorite wrestler? I saw people go from #FuckYouRTruth to having R-Truth avatars within TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. Mark Henry is only the latest in a long, LONG line of those types of wrestlers. If there was an "IWC" in January of 1994, there would be very little of it left now, what with all of their heads exploding at the sight of every heel in the entire company helping Yokozuna defeat the Undertaker in their casket match at that year's Royal Rumble. Stop liking things pertaining to wrestling purely because the children don't, and while you're at it, quit hating things purely because the children love them. Mark Henry is pretty much the same guy he's always been. I'll concede to his being less bad than he was at his worst, but that's all he is: LESS BAD. Also, shame on you, Father Touchy. NO ONE should have been given any World title in any promotion ever. People used to have to earn World titles. Now they're being arbitrarily handed out like watches to anyone who's completed ten years of loyal service.
Dr. CMV1 - FACT that his title reign can, thus far, be viewed as a success. FICTION that he should've been given the title sooner. Mark Henry has done a fantastic job this year of putting it all together as a big man in-ring performer and a monster heel character. In the past, Henry has been lazy in the ring and downright boring as a character. It was groan-inducing, in the past, to see him get a chance at the main-event when he clearly wasn't doing anything - as an entertainer - to warrant it. This time, though, has been different. There's some intangible factor that Henry has had for the last five months that he never had before. The presentation of his strength and all of that has been very similar to past pushes, but his mic work to back it up has been ten times better. His matches have improved; he's got a streak of PPVs going where he's had the three best matches of his career (in my opinion). Smackdown ratings have actually jumped back to where they were during Mania season - albeit not consistently - with him at the top. So, I think for that reason alone, his reign should be considered a marginal success.
mizfan - I'll wholeheartedly agree that Mark Henry's reign has been a success in just about every way, but I'll still say FICTION to this question. He was certainly better in his Silverback days than he was a few years before, but I don't think he was anywhere near as main event ready as he is right now. I think if they had tried to push him then it just would have been another notch in a long list of failures.
Morpheus - Success or failure, it doesn’t matter. He ripped that Silverback thing straight off of Ryan Reeves when he was on Tough Enough. Long before he became Skip Sheffield. Mark Henry could be going around ringside handing out $100 bills and kissing dicks for all I care, and I would still find it hard to give a shit about him. Should he have been given the title earlier than he was? Fuck that noise. FICTION. Not until he learns how to wear something concealing underneath those disgustingly wet singlets.
priest - When I suggested this topic, I was drunk and now I can’t remember my original answer. Today, I am in two minds about it, but ultimately I’m going to go FICTION with regards to him being given the title sooner. This seems like the perfect time and I’m enjoying the ‘he’s finally realized his potential’ angle they’ve gone with. Though, I really don’t understand why more people don’t watch Smackdown. Whether it’s the timeslot, whether it’s the channel; I don’t know. All I know is since Punk’s euphoria wore off Smackdown has been by far the more entertaining show. Henry deserves great credit for that, and he comes off as genuinely terrifying during some of his promos, far past the extent of any other heel in the company right now. If this question had just been about Henry’s reign, it would’ve been fact. But I don’t think it’d have had the same impact five years ago when Taker and Batista were around, so I’m going to go with fiction.
And that about does it for this month’s edition of Fact or Fiction. A big thanks to everyone involved, and another big thank you to those of you who took the time to read it. Agree? Disagree? Don't give two shits? If you have any thoughts, feel free to send them our way at the email addresses below, or be lazy and (ab)use the Facebook Comment option even further below. In the meantime, Stay Metal, and I’ll catch all you non-gender-specific fuckers at a future juncture.