Posted in: Fact or Fiction FACT or FICTION: The Cursed Edition
By Doc Monk
Oct 25, 2009 - 1:59:05 PM
Sometimes I swear there are forces out there trying their best to halt my efforts of getting a column posted. This edition of FACT or FICTION definitely falls into that category. From participants being banned to questions needing to be dropped due to time frame issues, it seemed like anything that could slow down the progress of this column happened. It was almost as if the column was cursed.
Don't worry, even if this column brings forth a deadly curse that causes your existence to end in some sort of sick and twisted way; you can rest assure that the participants have done their best to make your last column worth it. Well maybe not that great but I didn't want you to feel bad considering that every word you read is one second closer to your demise. My bad.
Guess the least I can do is introduce you to those who have taken part in damning your soul with this wretched curse.
First we have a main pager here to teach us all a lesson...yeah I actually didn't have a better pun so I apologize, then again you'll be dead soon so fuck it. I bring you Sean Taylor
Next we have a relative newcomer and possibly one of the prime suspects in this whole curse business. It's kind of like having a new guy at the orgy and then you walk away with a STD. I'm on to you LimeFlavored.
The curse involved with this edition is so strong that one of our forum members and participants got recruited to star in the latest season of Making the Banned. Luckily I was able to pull some strings (translation: I let him participate anyway) ensuring that FutureDonkey would have at least one last chance to spread his madness.
Some would look at the next participant as being an innocent guy here to play the game. I look at Kano's Randy Orton obsession as a bit unhealthy, perhaps even deadly. Maybe when he realized there were no Orton questions this month he decided to damn this edition and all of it's readers.
Lastly we have our new champion and a man whom had admitted to having a desire for murder before. What may have started as a simple plan to kill Khali has now morphed into a plot to eviscerate the legions of loyal LOP readers. Beware, Andy has no remorse for his actions.
So there you have a list of people to blame when you are dying a fiery death, gives you something to do in the afterlife I suppose. On the plus side I hear you get a pretty big discount on revenge during the month of October. That being said, no point in you dying for nothing so let's at least get to the content.
Question 1.) FACT or FICTION, we are witnessing the final World title reign of the Undertaker.
LimeFlavored: This is FICTION. Undertaker is going to wax poetic like everyone else that reaches the twilight of their careers and he'll be around for at least 5 more years, meaning we'll be seeing at least 2 more championship reigns in there.
Andy: The general consensus is that The Undertaker is better challenging for the Title rather than defending it. Without a doubt, this is true, and I’m sure the Connecticut higher-ups know that, as well. Furthermore, ‘Taker is supposedly retiring sometime in 2010, and it is likely that he will retire at next year’s WrestleMania in Phoenix, Arizona. If this were to be the case, it would mean that The Phenom has around five or six months left as a WWE Superstar. Is he going to hold the World Heavyweight Championship until then? No, he’s not, and I don’t even think he will have it on Monday morning after Bragging Rights, but that’s another story for another day. So he has to attain another Title run before WrestleMania at least, which I think he will do. Now as much as I hate to admit it, this one is FICTION.
Sean Taylor: I'm a big Undertaker fan and pretty much have been since he debuted. I just love the character. It's unique and is played perfectly by one of the greatest performers of all time. That being said, I am of the belief that the Undertaker's time has come and gone. Unless . . .
I wonder what would happen if the Undertaker flat out refused to drop the belt. He just kicks out of every pinfall attempt and bribes the referees to never call a submission. He goes on a never-ending string of successful title defenses. Once he defeats everyone on SmackDown and amalgamates all of the titles there, he jumps to Raw and unites all of the titles there as well - of course he skips ECW because even he knows it doesn't count as a real brand. Once all of the WWE talent has been defeated, the Undertaker hops on his newly-pimped out Deadman Motorcycle and hauls ass to Orlando where he - quite easily - defeats all of TNA. After the independent scene was been wiped out, Undertaker challenges all living WWE Hall of Famers to a 4 hour Gauntlet Match at WrestleMania 26 where after he wins, all the Hall of Famers are kicked out of the Hall of Fame leaving only the Undertaker, who inducts himself. Soon WWE Classics On Demand becomes The Undertaker Channel and every wrestling event is started, filled with, headlined by The Undertaker vs The Undertaker with the second Undertaker not being Chainz/Brian Lee like before, it's an actual clone of The Undertaker perfected by the same Scottish scientists that made Dolly the Sheep.
But for that to happen, Vince McMahon would need to bottle a lightning that came from the clouds over Botswana and that's just ridiculous. Everyone knows lightning comes from Zeus on Mount Olympus. FACT.
FutureDonkey: A few years ago when I was just a little tykeypoo, I would watch Friday Night SmackDown! and witness (with esoteric awe, I might add) the Satanic and semi-Smithsonian-esque dark glory of The Oldman and would often wonder to myself why he would only hold onto the title for such short periods of time; then I got educated and realized that a short title reign was Undertaker Classique (ah my Frenchness, how it doth pervade this sensuous atmosphere). But, in furthering my education in the knowlege of purely useless subjects such as smark wrestling, I have also begun to theorize that The Oldman was more on the cutting edge than we often think of him as being. It must be noted, however, that this is not in the least a positive statement in his regards. For him, being on the cutting edge in championship reigns, in terms of length, has been their dramatic shortness.
In this day and age of wrestling, we, the people of the WWE Fuckiverse, apparently have zero (as in the non-number "0") patience for drawn out fueds (unless they involve wreslters moving in slow-motion ala Randy Orton) or long, meaningful, powerful, exciting, tear-jerking, orgasmic, migraine-inducing title reigns. In this new world, one full of hope and change and shit, we strongly desire short title reigns and, because we have spoken (via ESP), we shall now recieve. So within the ever-uproarious bowls of our wrestling world we have been presented with the new norm, and that new norm is not hot-shotting the titles as some seem to think, nay, 'tisn't this at all. In this world, three month title reigns are epics in and of themselves and shalt have ballads sung about them unto the end of all days; while three week title reigns are the epitomy of Little Standard John and his favorite Cousin Alfred. "But, FutureDonkey," I hear you all ask me with your imploring and exceedingly cute faces, "what in the fucking hell does this have to do with that old dude with the wrinkly face?" Well, that shall be answered in my next paragraph. Be strong!
FICTION, Undertaker will hold the strap again. Let's face it, unless something big goes down that we don't know about, he's going to stay in the title scene until he retires, taking only brief breaks from that aspect of competition when he gets involved with someone who doesn't have the Red Title or the Blue Title. Even if he retires at this coming 'Mania (which he should, but I have a feeling he won't) he still has a long fucking way to go before they give him another rushed fued for WM26 just as they did with WM25. Most important, however, is the fact that short title reigns are now the standard and, therefore, someone of his stature will undoubtedly hold it again even if he is used merely to enhance someone like an uprising John Morrison. In VKM's mind, a fued can't keep going good and proper without constant title changes, so if The Oldman and Batista are going to go at it again and start rubbing each others cocks on a television program that little children see, then there is no question that both men with hold the title multiple times during their fued. Even if 'Taker retires next year (at the hands of Cena, possibly) I think it is highly unlikely that the title won't be involved in some way with those two.
Kano: Doc Monk I would have thought you would have started with a much harder question then this one but alas. This my readers among the world is an easy FACT, The Undertaker is in a shell of his former self, he is no longer the wrestler he once was, and he never will be. For Smackdowns sake I hope ‘Taker loses the championship to either Mysterio or Punk for the pure and simple reason being, Smackdown is now the wrestling show. People like Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, Edge, Dolph Ziggler and John Morrison have made Smackdown the wrestling show, and quite easily the best out of the three. Where else will you see John Morrison v Rey Mysterio in a 25 minute TV classic on WWE television? Where else would you see the IC Championship main eventing a TV show in a 30 minute main event?
I feel personally Batista and The Undertaker are ruining what Smackdown has become, which is a damn shame, because I love what Smackdown became and what it was promising. ‘Taker can barely wrestle a 10 minute Main Event Pay Per View match, which strikes alarm bells. Sure, go for 10 minutes in a TV main event, but on the PPV? No please put the belt on someone else not named Batista. Undertaker is a legend of this business but unfortunately he needs to think about hanging the boots up.
Question 2.) FACT or FICTION, Shawn Michaels will hold one of the World titles at least one more time before he retires.
LimeFlavored: This is FACT, but only because Vince McMahon wants to crap all over his product before Michaels leaves. This comment isn't specifically against Michaels, although it applies, it is because every time Vince assembles a decent ring of talent it happens. Buildup of a decent stable of star power? Triple H squashes everyone for 6 months... and they start over again.
Andy: Of course he will. If Tommy Dreamer can get his chubby little mitts on a World Title (I class the ECW Championship as a World Title) before he hangs up his boots, then you can bet your bottom dollar/pound/euro that The HeartBreak Kid will, too. Michaels has given so much to the business throughout his tenure at the company, so to see him retire without having a final run without a World Title will be sad. Even though I am not, and never was his biggest fan, I would love to see him with one of the main Championships. It would be something fresh, since the guy hasn’t held a World Title since 2002!
We don’t have any indication as to when he will retire, but one would assume it would be in 2011. If he did happen to get another run with the title, there are so many possibilities. He could have a six month run as WWE Champion taking on all-comers; from Kofi Kingston, to MVP, to Randy Orton, and let’s not forget the chance of Triple H and him going at it in some brutal matches. He could constantly be putting talent over, whilst still looking like a strong Champion in the process. I remember hearing at a time that Shawn would rather help elevate talent, than have a Championship reign, but what better way to elevate someone than for them to beat you and end your lengthy reign with the strap. And if WWE felt the need to turn anyone heel, they could have them attack HBK and maybe even send him into retirement. Just think of the heel heat that the guy would get. So barring any serious injury, I’m opting for FACT.
Sean Taylor: To piss off LOPForums columnist Uncle Joe, I'd like to see it. However, I'm going to have to go with FICTION. He doesn't need and frankly, I don't think he even wants it. His role in the company seems to be to put other, younger wrestlers over and I don't see that changing. I would suggest that the only title he'll get in the future is "Hall of Famer". I would but that would be too cliche.
FutureDonkey: I’ve been a fan of Shawn Michaels as long as I’ve been able to watch Raw and have actually given a crap about wrestling. In the few years I have had to experience him (interpret that however you wish), I have never witnessed him bearing the big gold that all great wrestlers supposedly hold. But this notion of great wrestlers being great in actuality or being great and therefore holding titles is going about the matter all wrong and, at its deepest core, is intrinsically inaccurate. Around the waists of (so-called or not) great wrestlers, championships do, indeed, tend to abound; but more often then not, their reigns, short or long, are marked by their importance as champions, not as wrestlers--the titles are necessary enhancement for the character and/or the lack of personality in that character. Greater wrestlers don’t, it seems, have many title reigns to their name, but this is that their name isn’t built around the title, but, rather, around the persona--they have skill it takes to make themselves mean something, with a title or without it, although said titles are clearly the things that take them to their highest achievements. Then there are the greatest of wrestlers who need not any adornment to make them great and to make the crowds care about them. The first category is common, so common that you’ll see quite a few in the Hall of Fame presently and even more in the near future. The second occurs rarely and people like Austin and Rock can easily be put at the very pinnacle of this category. But the greatest wrestlers, don’t, it would seem, truly need a category because they are all each to their own--Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels most notably.
But what does all that I just said have to do with Michaels getting it one last time? Honestly, not all that much, except for the point that needs to made which is that, ultimately, whether this is Fact or Fiction is irrelevant because most of us and nearly all the marks will love him, title or no.
With sadness, I must give this FICTION. I love the guy to death, I really do, but there is no question that he is far past his prime, disregarding his hair plugs, he is a shell of his former self; but that, I must say, is the great thing about the guy: He recognizes his faults and weaknesses and realizes he should serve as enhancement. Batista, Undertaker, Triple H all have in common the fact that neither should be holding titles anymore and should either retire or be used as enhancement; Shawn could be just like them and do a fuck of a better job at it, but he refuses (or so we are told). I hate that he does so, yet I cannot help but respect such a selfless decision, and while I am sure they intend to give him another reign before he rides off into a sunset of pumping his wife full of hot steamy man goo, I don’t have a single reason to think that he will accept it. Of course, there will always be those who think he is being selfish by depriving his fans of him as World Champion, but I think we all realize he isn’t, today anyway, an evil mastermind out to screw with us.
Kano: This is a hard one because Shawn isn’t a greedy man. I very much doubt he will hold a major world championship BUT if he does win it, it will ultimately be used to put over an upper midcarder needing that big win in his career so I’m calling FACTION on this one. I find that HBK is the man of putting people over with getting nothing in return. How many championship feuds has this man had that he consistently loses. His last singles championship run was the World Championship back in 2002, Other than that the World Tag Team Titles with John Cena.
Question 3.) FACT or FICTION, Ric Flair coming out of retirement damages his "WWE goodbye."
LimeFlavored: This is a FACT... and it tarnishes his legacy. Case in point: Joe Louis retired and came back... retired, and came back... do we see him universally as the greatest story in the heavyweight division? No, some see him as the sad, sad image that we saw in his last fight, fighting only to scrape up a little more money to pay off the government. Flair coming back will ruin the send off he got.
Andy: This is a stone-wall FACT. I have lost a huge amount of respect for Ric Flair (not that he cares about having my respect) since I heard about him and Hulk Hogan engaging in what promises to be an enthralling, fast-paced encounter (note: sarcasm). He had the perfect retirement match, along with the perfect retirement ceremony, and he is going to spoil it by wrestling a man who can barely move, let alone wrestle. Flair and Hogan going at it reminds me of two worthless hobos scrapping in the street in order to gain some sort of profit only too waste it on something unnecessary, like fake tan for themselves and their new girlfriends. The Nature Boy then gives all this shit about him retiring from the U.S.A and not the rest of the world. What a load of tripe. The WWE showed a huge amount of class by pulling out all the stops for his retirement, and now he does this! Not many will agree with me, but I stand by my decision.
Sean Taylor:FICTION. The idea of "retirement" doesn't mean anything anymore. A wrestler never truly retires until he dies or ends up in a wheelchair. Hulk Hogan, Mick Foley, The Rock, Steve Austin, and even I.R.S. have all come out of retirement and in most cases, they have come out of retirement on more than one occasion. The only difference between Ric Flair's retirement and everyone else's is that the WWE made a huge deal of out it. Sure a five month storyline, headlining match at WrestleMania, emotional send-off on Raw the next night is a grand way to send someone into retirement, but in the end, it's just another retirement.
And if anyone knows about "just another retirement", it's Ric Flair. The man has retired and literally dozens of times. If anyone has damaged his retirement impact, it's Flair himself.
FutureDonkey: When I first heard about him wanting to wrestle again I immediately thought that he's a washed up piece of shit, particularly noting that he looks as though he had been stuck in a salt water washer for several day like a packed tuna, that just couldn't give it up, someone who was reaching the well-nigh untouchable depths of "are you kidding me?" of which the Hulkster has long been the reigning champ. Then I started reading the multitudinous opinion pieces concerning this situation and their invariable conclusion that Naitch's wrestling again is a disrespect to Wet World Entertainment, the wrestling world in general, and, most of all, to the guy who chopped off his head at the chopping block and then threw it in the grinder and drank his blood (of course, I'm speaking proverbially), Shawn Michaels. As I marinated in the manutia so agrigariously jammed down my throat, I at once began to muse that the whole scenario seems rather ridiculous and that we really have no reason to get so angry and worked up over the choice that some guy, whom most of us have never, nor ever will, meet. Sure, I was pissed with him because I, as a fan of "The Wrinkly Boy" Tuna Flair, knew that he was past it and couldn't provide anyone with the level of entertainment that he used to, just as I was pissed that he was so obviously addicted to something that could eventually kill him--not wrestling--attention. But I, then and now, don't see the big deal, even though I have tried to get on the Hate Ric Flair Bandwagon; for me, it just doesn't make sense.
Yes, FACT, he is hurting his send-off, because he had such a good one, such an emotional moment that cannot be replicated, because he gave me a good cry, a cry which is normally only reserved for a death, and now he's going at it all over again, and going at in a way that is beneath him. I have a lot of respect for him, in some regards, which is why I do believe this is beneath him, but I also think his choice and attitude, which is entirely his own and of his own doing, is beneath him, but at this stage, he has already crossed the threshold and brought himself down. That's the thing, though, this may be fact, but I don't really give a shit anymore either way. The guy's human. He's made a mistake. Will he know it now or ever? I don't know and I don't care. He's gone from my life and, as far as I'm concerned, him being in my life and my opinion of him never meant anything in the first place. He was a guy on a TV and I'm a guy who watches TV. It's his choice; leave him alone.
Kano: Personally I’m going to be seeing this live so yes it does ruin it. I brought WrestleMania 24 to see Ric Flairs LAST MATCH. Last time I checked last meant it was never going to happen again, so therefore Ric Flair was never going to have another match EVER AGAIN. But his greed has gotten the best of him and now he is going to wrestle Hulk Hogan in the main event of each show in Australia. The combined ring age of these guys is going to hit just over 110 which is quite scary really. Back in the day this would have been in a dream match, back in the prime of their personal careers, but now they scream nothing more than greedy talentless hacks.
Big FACT on this one, Hulk Hogan may think he is good, but he can’t carry Flair to an amazing match just the same as Flair carrying Hogan. Sure the attraction of the match is incredible, The Hulk v The Nature Boy is something a lot of old school fans are creaming their pants about, but be honest with yourself. When was the last time you seen an impressive Hulk match? None spring to mind, minus the HBK match at mania and when was Flairs last good match? Probably in the 1990’s, point is, both are old, need to understand they aren’t as good as they once were, and Flair you just damaged quite possibly one of the most emotion filled ‘Mania matches of all time. Somewhere in Texas Shawn Michaels must be pissed.
But the show is going to be good minus the main event, London v Kennedy, Fuck Yeah!
Question 4.) FACT or FICTION, Primo and Carlito will become a tag team again no later than the next draft.
LimeFlavored: This is FICTION. In fact, I say that is so because I fully expect them to be on separate brands OR one of them will be outright let go (and probably end up in TNA). Never, in my memory, have two members of a tag team lived to see great glory. The closest we've seen is the Hardy Boyz, but Matt still has yet to see the big time.
Andy: Nah, I just can’t see it happening. I don’t think Primo will be with the company by the time the next draft rolls around, and I wouldn’t bank on Carlito being there, either. The two of them cannot generate a crowd reaction as singles competitors, and this doesn’t bode well for their future. Primo is getting squashed on a weekly basis, and we are lucky if we even see his older brother! This is yet another example of the WWE breaking up a decent tag-team too soon. They broke up Cade & Murdoch when they had a bit more gas in the tank when if they had have kept them together for another six months, they both could have evolved into upper-midcarders as singles competitors. Miz & Morrison are an example of what happens when you break up a tag-team at the right moment. Now, they both are the proud holders of their brands second-tier titles, whilst Lance and Trevor are probably living in a caravan fucking fat chicks and watching Dukes of Hazard. So this one is FICTION, although if both of them ended up at another company, I’m sure it wouldn’t be long until they re-united.
Sean Taylor: No offense, Doc Monk, but who and who? When I signed up to do Fact or Fiction, I thought the questions would be about people who mattered. Seriously, before reading this question were Carlito and Primo even near the front of your mind? If they were, chances are you are Carlito and Primo. The other question is who really cares if these two are a team or not? I mean, really. Carlito proved to be a failed experiment because he couldn't keep it interesting and Primo was a never-was riding the wave of his brother's mediocre success. As a matter of fact, both of them rode the wave of their father's mediocre American fame of appearing in one Royal Rumble back in the late 1990s. And let's suppose they do team. So what? There's no tag division anymore and the champions are Jericho and the Big Show. Is it fair to surmise, that the Colons could defeat JeriShow for the belts? I hardly think so. But what if they don't team again? Again so what? Would either hold a singles title anytime soon? I'd be more apt to believe they'd defeat JeriShow. I guess I should answer the question so I'll flip a coin . . . well, will you look at that. Tails. FICTION it is.
FutureDonkey: The present climate of Wet World Entertainment, as it has already been established, is one of a much faster pace with a volume of everything in nearly every category far exceeding what it did in years past, except in two major areas that have been thoroughly overlooked: tremendous, believable storylines and tag teams.
I was never a huge fan of Primolito (or Carlimo) as a tag team because I never felt that they had any momentum behind them as a tag team, quite possibly because their emergence onto the scene as a tag team was marked not only by the useless asscream sucking Bella Twins, but also, and much more impactfully, by taking the tag titles from the twin epitomes of nothingness, the Edgeheads. They took the titles when they meant nothing and had a decent reign with them and even started to look decent in their fued with Mizorrison and then they won the Unified Tag Titles and just fizzled out into irrelevancy carrying the titles with them. The only thing that I enjoyed from them was a few Carlito promos early in their partnership and then... there was nothing. However, this isn’t a knock on them at all because they are both incredibly talented wrestlers who get absolutely no respect because creative never knows what to do with them (or maybe they're just dumbasses). The problem was creative refusing to accept that people like tag teams and don’t want them to be an afterthought; Primolito was irrelavent because they were never given a chance to be relavent.
In the end, this is FICTION because while there may be little logic used in bringing them back together there is even less logic in keeping them apart and incurring a more substantial loss in entertainment value of the product; thus, VKM’s go-team will be sure to keep them apart and off TV as much as possible. As much as I’d like to see them together again and working as a team (as long as they have a direction, that is) it just seems highly unlikely that their respective futures won’t be Ric Flair-esque in enhancement and Brooklyn Brawler-ish in value.
Kano: Carlito... Carlito... hmmm the name rings a bell, wait a second... was he that guy with the afro and was the first unified tag team champion? Oh him, when was the last time we seen him on TV? I honestly can’t remember? What about that Primo character? What’s he doing these days? Lacing Hornswoggles boots every Monday night? Point is, unless Creative can come up with something, TNA can say hello to a new tag team, Fiction!
People may question that sarcasm but the point is, after losing the championships to Edge and Jericho what have they honestly done? I mean they both had a couple of United States Championship matches but other than that they haven’t been seen on TV since. I really want WWE to put Carlito on ECW and take Shelton Benjamin. I feel with time Carlito can become a big player, but he needs some experience main eventing something, and ECW is the perfect fit for him. Primo also needs to go to Smackdown and just wrestle some midcard feuds before putting him on Raw. I seen Primo live and he is good, but RAW is defiantly not home for either Colon.
FICTION if they stay on RAW FACT if they go Smackdown/ECW sometime in the near future.
Question 5.) FACT or FICTION, TNA will make a major acquistion before next Summer.
LimeFlavored: This is FACT. If this is truly Sting's last big hoorah then TNA will have to make a major signing to get eyes turning their direction. Where would they look? Well, Hulk Hogan himself has stated he's interested in a run there... how much bigger can you get than him who is still wrestling?
Andy: TNA seem to make a “major acquisition” every single year, but it never does them any good. Kurt Angle, Booker T, Christian, Bobby Lashley and Mick Foley to name but a few are all men who were dubbed as “major” signings by some right here on the internet, and by TNA itself. But nothing ever comes of these signings, and those who watch the product are subjected to the same old crap each and every year. Okay, it’s not all bad because there are a few bright spots on the show, but generally, it’s just a vicious circle, without the viciousness. Ratings don’t improve, and as evidenced by their yearly financial report, they don’t make much profit.
However, it appears that TNA have snapped up Nigel McGuiness and could be are signing Bryan Danielson! As someone who was enthusiastic at the prospect of both guys tearing shit up in the WWE, this news really has pissed me off. This is one hell of a coup by TNA, and it is sure to gain them some fans, but will it make a huge difference in their ratings? A few WWE fans will watch just to see what either guy does, and only small percentage of ROHbot’s will tune in, so I think not. This news broke before you posed this question, so I’m not really sure how to answer it, but I think FICTION is the best answer...
Sean Taylor: Yes. Absolutely yes. TNA will make an acquisition by next Summer. Here are a list of likely candidates.
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese
The Goon
I.R.S. (since he's come out of retirement again)
Carlito and Primo (as a team)
Regardless of any acquisition that TNA could or would make, it won't matter. They will piss away any dream match possibility within the first two months and the ratings won't even hiccup. It happened with Christian, it happened with Sting, and it happened with Angle. I'm sure even if TNA could sign Hulk Hogan, they'd piss the opportunity away - oh wait, they did that already. They will make a major acquisition? If you consider Jeff Hardy to be a major acquisition, then yes. I don't, so major FICTION.
FutureDonkey: Even if TNA hadn't acquired McGuinness at this point, I would still give this a big juicy-assed whopper of a FACT! Yeah, its ass is juicy like Mickie James' ass. Yeah, and that also has nothing to do with this question. Whatever.
For TNA, a major acquisition is anyone with the Wet World Entertainment's "Future Endeavors" stamped on their forehead, but, obviously, the most important fact is whether or not they will be major players in the company and will make an impact (no pun intended) felt from the moment they join to the day they are sagging old men like Sting. If Noble were to get his Future Endeavors and if TNA were to snatch him up I have no doubts in any of the coherent parts of my brain that he would be better used in that company than his current position, however, he really wouldn't be that one major acquisition that TNA seems to think will put them over. By using their logic (which is quite difficult for someone of my high mental capacity), Evan Bourne will be the man (the WWE man) to make their name, or, instead, it will be TBS when he finally decides he needs better cushions for his ankles as they are being swallowed up, not by slutty hoes, but by the raging inferno of fat which he cultivates, or, rather than those two, perhaps their "man" will be Ric Flair... oh the har hars we shall all have when that happens.
Once again, the answer remains FACT because, from TNA's point of view, the most valuable commodities are those that have been fucked in the ass by the WWE; if the guy is from anywhere else, well, fuck this, he's just second-rate.
Kano: Depends, are WWE getting rid of any talent? No, not at the moment, so FICTION... hold on WWE do cleanups every now and again, maybe TNA will get lucky and hopefully WWE release Evan Bourne or someone and TNA can pick them up. I doubt TNA will pick up anyone major in the next year. FICTION on this.
TNA need to build up their current stars in order to get big. The fans have seen Angle, Booker, Nash, Steiner, Sting and Lashley all be big stars in the past, and making them a big star in this company isn’t going to make me want to watch. TNA has stars they can build and make people interested. Have Angle put someone over and get me interested in them. TNA has the stars to make it big, AJ Styles comes to mind, he is a hell of a talent, his match with Angle is according to Box Car Rocco (LOP Column Forums TNA lover) match of the year, or something to that extent.
TNA don’t need big names, they just need new names. FICTION for me, but knowing TNA they’ll keep doing the WCW thing and keep main eventing the older guys for years and slowly the company will die.
What’s funny is that after I type this TNA gets Nigel McGuiness, good for them. It shall be interesting to see who does better out of Nigel and Bryan.
BONUS ROUND
1.) List the Pros and Cons of reversing the impact of the Montreal Screwjob. (IE Bret Hart stayed with WWF and HBK went to WCW)
LimeFlavored: The pros: Bret Hart would have continued to be wrestling today. I personally believe that WCW wouldn't have folded, the Monday Night Wars would have lasted a lot longer and we wouldn't have been subjected to the Brand Extension. Wrestling would STILL be rocking ratings highs and we'd be seeing some really awesome talent being used by the big boys. Oh, and Goldberg could have dropped Michaels clean off the wrestling landscape instead of Hart. The cons: the Clique would have taken over WCW because Vince Russo couldn't write a story to save his life. The sale of WCW might have still gone to WWE in the end, which means we might be subjected to a Michaels' run fed instead of a Jarrett run one. Total Non-Stop Arrogance?
Andy: For me, the biggest pro would be that Bret Hart would occasionally show up on WWE television every now and again, but it would mean that Shawn Michaels would be doing what Bret is as of now. This is a hard one to respond to, because for every pro, there is a con, and vice-versa. Really, it’s six of one and half-a-dozen of the other. A whole column could be written about what would have happened, but looking at it now, do you think things would have been much different? I certainly don’t think so.
Sean Taylor: PROS
1) Americans wouldn't hang on to the "You Screwed Shawn" thing for 12 years.
2) We would have been saved from the awful Degeneration X pay-per-view that followed Survivor Series 1997.
3) We would have seen Shawn Michaels wearing nWo colours. Wait, we already saw that. Discount this one.
3) Bret would have stayed in the WWE. Wait, that's not a pro. Discount this one too.
3) I got nothing.
CONS
1) The Canada vs USA angle - one of the greatest of all time - wouldn't have ended so abruptly.
2) Much like Hogan, Goldberg, Sting, and many other WCW superstars, Shawn Michaels would have enjoyed a great initial run but then floundered due to lack of creativity.
3) Bret would have remained a top star in WWE, making KMA_Jackson and I much more sick of him
4) No Mr. McMahon
5) No Austin vs McMahon
6) Two words: No DX.
The biggest difference would be something that I can't place in the PRO or CON column. With Shawn Michaels in WCW, the Monday Night War could have gone very differently. Would WCW have won? I don't know. Would WWE have won? I don't know. The Montreal Screwjob was probably the most crucial point in the Monday Night War and what happened had consequences that still reach to this very day. To say one way or the other would be pure speculation and anyone who claims to know exactly what would happen is and out and out liar.
FutureDonkey: When I was first posed this question I wasn’t sure exactly how to answer, especially since I wasn’t even a fan back then and have never even seen Bret Hart wrestle; however, after taking a few moments to dissect this issue, I soon discovered that there would have been enormous repercussions to such a reversal.
PROS: For starters, bitchy, moany Bret Hart would have never been unleashed, but on top of that he would have been nearly a guarantee to provide us with even more classics as he rolled into the future with the WWE, although, I would doubt that he could have stopped its ugly transformation into Wet World Entertainment, though he could have slowed it down. As much as might hate to admit it, DX, started by the then HBK, is greatly responsible for the dramatic change in product we have only truly started to witness in the past few years (yes, this is my heel turn). When we think of DX we all think of the classic promos and the cock jokes, but do we ever think of the matches, in fact, "What matches?" I must ask. Where Shawn, Hunter, and all those other random fill-ins good to excellent wrestlers? Yes, of course they were. But, when it comes to DX, I don’t see how such matches are of importance when they don’t stand the test of time as all of DX’s promos and antics do. They were one of the building blocks of the Attitude Era, sadly, not through their in-ring abilities, but because of their prowess on the stick (no ho... nah, fuck it... yes homo). Thus the road to “entertainment” was born through something that WAS actually entertaining.
If Bret Hart had stuck around, I think the most valuable impression he would have left was a WWE that was clearly more wrestling-centric and even more entertaining for us. With The Hitman replacing Shawn Michaels in the Screwjob we couldn’t just see clinics from him, but also, quite possibly, see clinics from Bryan Danielson on Monday Night Raw every fucking night and Evan Bourne might be YOUR World Champion! He still would have had a stroke, I believe, but there is no question he would have given incredibly valuable time to the WWE.
As for Shawn, he could have made it big in WCW, could have been a name, could have even gone on to provide another year of wins for Nitro, could have penetrated the nWo, and maybe could have even been the guy to have brought them down with his own stable. I think there were just way too many “could have beens” for Shawn in a situation like this.
CONS: At the end of the day, I think whoever was on the bad end of the job was likely going to be screwed over and over. No doubt Bret Hart got it bad when he went over there, but Shawn, I think, was the man who stood to lose the most, in fact, we might have eventually lost Shawn ourselves. He was younger than Hart and had a long career ahead of him, was arguably the better of the two, was clearly the fresher, and just seemed to have “it.” But with the crowded ME in WCW, crowded most prominently with big ’roided up bicep-kissing dudes, it is hard to imagine someone Shawn’s lack of size taking him as far as it deserved in WCW. Besides standing a much poorer chance of making it to the top of the show, he also would have never been injured.
It is true that we lost potentially some of Shawn’s absolute best years because of the back injury he suffered, but it is also true that he was a drug addict back then, and one who didn’t know or understand his own limitations. While his religion has often, it appears, held him back since his return, it, along with his wife, was the thing that quite possibly kept him alive. At worst, Shawn would have died, while the WWE would have completely missed out on one of the major catalysts of the Attitude Era, the thing that kept them alive in their bleakest hour and might have gone under; at best, Shawn would have lived but wouldn’t have made it as far as his raw talent deserved, while the WWE would have missed out on some of the biggest and best of the past decade--all fueds involving Shawn Michaels.
If the Screwjob had been reversed, I think it is highly likely that the very face of wrestling, as we know it today, might be drastically different, for better or worse, it is impossible to determine definitively, but it is worthy to note the WWE might have competition today and might be a better product for it, or, in the least, they would have had to fight harder to get to where they are.
Kano: I don’t think there would be to many pro’s if it went down the way it did. Shawn wouldn’t have went down with his back injury, but that would have meant he wouldn’t have had the time off and obviously becoming a born again believer. In fact if it wasn’t for the 4 years time off, I can very much say Shawn would be dead right about now. Bret’s style wouldn’t have fitted in with the way the WWE were going, sure he was good, but in 3 years time, he wouldn’t have been as big as he was in say 1995. Bret’s body and in ring talent were decreasing. I think WCW was the best move for Hart while staying with the WWF was Michael’s best move.
Both men went to the companies that would accommodate their styles, for HBK he had a fast paced style that was starting to kick start the times where WWF would start to beat WCW in the ratings. WCW accommodated more for Bret’s style within the ring, and WCW also had a knack of booking and pushing the older guys which is what ultimately led to WCW going down the drain.
Without taking up to much of the readers time, reversing the Montreal Screwjob would have meant that Shawn would be dead, and two that Bret wouldn’t have had much success staying with the WWF. If Shawn did go would of WWF went down the toilet? More than likely WWFs small amount of success was because of Michaels. I doubt the WWF would have survived without Shawn. Where as WCW would probably have still been around because Michaels was bringing something that people wanted to see, his style was something that was new and exciting. Uncle Joe called HBK a talentless hack in his recent column with Mazza, yes I do agree with Joe but back in 1996 and 1997 there was no one better than Shawn Michaels.
Bret would have still sucked though, no doubt about it.
2.) Name who you feel to be the most underrated working in wrestling and why.
LimeFlavored: Shark Boy. The guy is wicked talented and he is willing to do whatever works in order to get over, get the crowd involved, and make sure the match goes great. He's worth watching and should be pushed but instead he's wallowing in limbo because of people like Angle and Nash.
Andy: I’ve always thought that Natalya is unfairly underrated. Without question, she is one of the top three divas in the company, yet rarely gets any ring time. Like, what does she do? Walk out to the ring, hit the mat, and then shout? She doesn’t even climb into the ring herself, so she must have plenty of energy in her tank. Well, that is if Tyson doesn’t use it all, but you know what I’m saying. But that’s the divas, and nobody really gives a shit about the divas anymore, so there’s not much point going on about why she is underrated.
Up until recently, I never truly appreciated the skills of AJ Styles, and from what I have saw, there are others who don’t give ‘The Phenomenal One’ the praises that he rightly deserves. Don’t get me wrong, there are many amongst us that think AJ Styles is “good/very good”, but there aren’t many that think he is great, which I believe he now is. He isn’t perfect; no-one is, and he’s not the best wrestler in the world, either, but what makes him so great is that he is one of only a few who I consider to be the total package. There are many who criticize his mic-skills, but from what I have seen of him in the past month, they are now more than competent. He can fly, hit hard, mat-wrestle, work the crowd, take bumps, sell properly, work with wrestlers of all sizes, and he also has a sick finisher. Some of his facial expressions and his mannerisms are top-quality, as well. It was only when I paid close attention to him in a match that I began to admire this wonderful athlete.
Sean Taylor: Santino Marella. He's the only one with the ring skill and mic talent that even comes close to being a true wrestling superstar. Everyone laughs Santino off as nothing more than a joke because his role is that of comic relief. Could he ever be a World Champion? Yes, but he'd need a major heel turn and the right storyline to do it in. He is under-utilized and under-appreciated. Especially these days when the entire product isn't all that great.
FutureDonkey: Earlier in this show, I made a pretty badass heel turn as you all recall, and I suppose this is the part where I stick to my guns and pretend to nurse young baby Hitler. Nope, not gonna go that far, but I'll stick to my heel game. I'm a relatively new fan of wrestling and haven't experienced all that much outside of Wet World Entertainment, except for a few stellar matches from RoH and witnessing the horrors of TNA early last year, so I can't really say that Random "We all look alike" Japanese Wrestler #789078901 is going to be my mark, which means that I'll stick to picking from the 'E. My choice is THE BIG SHOW. Yes, I know, I know, he is actually The Big Slow or The Fat Show, but I don't really care, to tell you the truth. No, he isn't a great wrestler, but he ain't half bad for someone of his weight and height; also, his slow movements are part of his character, unlike Batista who just can't move. While he will always irritate the smarks like you and I, for various reasons, he won't stop looking like Armageddon for all those "uneducated" people whom we call marks. He can make someone look like a million bucks not through the catch-as-catch-can wrestling that we thrive on, but through his sheer dominance which will make anyone who goes against him look good, win or lose. Our opinions tend to not mean jack shit, but this is primarily that we are so far into the minority of fans, while marks are constant and huge in number; they are the ones who need to be impressed, they are the target audience. For Wet World Entertainment and the casual fan, hosses' may not be rare or shocking anymore, but they still have high value, especially when they are as talented as TBS.
The guy can sell, he can deliver shit that is believable, he can look the look and walk the walk even though he can't talk all that well, and, most importantly, he has a presence in everything he does--even if we find it to be frustrating. The "Shhh..." before The Big Slap; the smirk; the intense, angry look; the slow walk transitioning to an out of nowhere spear that could, as Michael Cole would put it, "Literally break someone in half!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!"; the Camel Clutch (when he used it) that also looked like it could snap a Chinaman; and The Big Right Hand that you know could kill you. It's his presence that caps it all off, though. His size may have been what he was born with and was, therefore, not a choice and not an accomplishment, but plenty of people have size and many other things as well, just no talent. I agree that Randy Orton has mastered almost completely his "Viper" gimmick, yet I think that TBS has mastered his own even better.
TBS is a black hole of insidiously forming clouds of boredom which penetrate (with a blunt spoon) deep into our very souls, gouging out our will to live just as he gouges out our desire to not have pounding headaches that distract us from his lack of interestingness, burrowing deep within and festering like an open wound caused by a rusty nail, giving us tetanus and clamping our jaws shut so that we cannot scream in our abhorrent terror at the sight of him swaying his twenty-first appendage in front of our face just at the moment he is about to drive it into our oral cavity, soon expelling the semen of complete and utter "I don't give a fuck" chants; nonetheless, he is still underrated.
Kano: Right now? Before his suspension I would have to say Rey Mysterio, I felt that Mysterio was one of the driving forces on Smackdown, week in and week out, Mysterio was having classic matches with Jericho, Ziggler and Morrison. Not only was he having matches with these guys he was having Match of the Night and a contender for Match of the year.
At the very start of the year Mysterio was awesome on RAW. Do many of you remember his match with CM Punk at Armageddon 2008? I thought it was awesome, and then Rey’s efforts at not only the Royal Rumble but also No Way Out didn’t go unnoticed. Rey is a main eventer no questions about it, but I feel he is getting less than credit than he deserves, I would go as far as saying Mysterio is one of the top 5 works in the WWE today.
Well there you have it. Was it worth dying for? Hopefully, though if you are reading this part it's not like you have a choice anyway. Now I'm not sure how the internet connection thing works in the afterlife but why not drop me an email at monkeyweasel9821@yahoo.com or hit me up on a Ouija board. Either way drop me a line and let me know who of these five souls deserves a shot at redemption, a chance to return next month as champion.
That's going to do it for me and as always even if your FICTION is in the closet; at least your FACTS are straight.
