Posted in: Fact or Fiction FACT or FICTION: Feast or Famine
By Doc Monk
Aug 15, 2009 - 8:21:22 PM
Yep, it's that time again and I'm your host and proprietor of all things labeled shenanigans, Doc Monk. I'm still working out the kinks since taking over this behemoth a month again but I think I'm slowly starting to find my comfort zone as I steer this ship. Thankfully for me, I got the easy task of moderating while everyone else gets stuck answering whatever ridiculous question I feel like asking. For those of you who read yesterday's blog, then you should already be familiar with the questions being asked. If not, then that last sentence was pretty pointless. Moving on, let's get all warm and cozy with our group of misfits I've brought along with the ride.
First up wearing the yellow trunks, a sheer technician whose answers are just as quick to baffle you as they are leaving your looking for a thesaurus....Rommel
Next up wearing all blue, is a man whose knowledge of the basic history of the sport alone make him an absolute threat to all who oppose him. All men live in fear of his finisher the "cock smash", the one and only.....Mazza.
Let's not forget the blue collar brawler himself and the man of 2 holds, one involving a punch straight to the face. The man, the myth, the fucking MissouriDragon.
Next down the aisle, is the wildcard and the only man is comfortable enough to rock the purple tights. His professional record may have a goose egg in the win column but that's solely because he's too fucked up to make it to the ring most of the time. This time is different, and this time it's personal. If Satan's nut sack had a name, it would be Cicero.
Lastly, the defending champ wearing green for envy. A high flyer with his roots deeply in the Lucho community. Get ready for the "S" to hit the fan. Introducing the reigning champion of FACT or FICTION, Super Chrisss.
With the introductions out of the way, let's get to the real reason you are here:
Question # 1) FACT or FICTION With the rehiring of Eugene, a three strike offender of the wellness policy, WWE has proved that their wellness policy is a joke.
Rommel: The World Wrestling Entertainment Wellness policy was started in response to the tragic death of Eddie Guerrero, whose passing has been blamed on use and abuse of substances including but not limited to anabolic steroids, alcohol and prescription pain killers. The policy, in its original form, was posted on WWE.com in February of 2006 as an all-encompassing health requirement program developed and controlled by Aegis Science Corporation under the administration of famed sports physician Dr. David L. Black.
Proponents of standardized drug testing in wrestling were immediate in their dislike of the policy. One issue with the policy was it was considered, by some, to be lenient on certain offenses. Higher than Olympic standard Testosterone / Epitestosterone ratios, a slow and known test rate and needless “Baseline tests” aside, a notable weakness was a small fine with no additional penalty levied on marijuana usage that has been referred to as a “Tax” by several performers and journalists. Another point of contention was alleged loopholes in the policy. The ability to utilize otherwise disallowed substances with benefit of a prescription was put front and center during the Benoit family murder investigation in June 2007 where it was revealed that several WWE Performers were bypassing the most basic tenants of the policy with a physicians scribbled signature. Segue to a different kind of signature a month after the infamous slayings – The Signature Pharmacy Scandal. This incident was notable not only for implicating several Superstar names as customers, but for revealing the Wellness Initiative’s policy that internet prescriptions would not be accepted was not regularly enforced.
The WWE Wellness Policy has been removed from WWE.com, but documentation regarding it can still be found lurking on the company’s corporate page, as is standard for a publicly traded organization. It has been changed multiple times since its implication, with some alterations having received more fanfare, and public scrutiny, than others. The invitation for all further employees to undertake drug rehabilitation therapy paid for and provided by the company, for instance, has been more closely dissected than the fact that WWE in house infrastructure being furthered under WWE Medical director, Dr. Joseph Maroon. With the frequent, often-times silently announced, updates “The Policy,” confusion has arisen within the company’s customer base regarding the nature and scope it currently exists as.
The latest drama regarding the procedures necessitated by the industries’ high mortality rate is the hiring of one of the few “Third Strike Offenders,” Nick Dinsmore. While portraying a mentally handicapped performer named “Eugene,” Dinsmore was released from his contract after testing positive for banned or illicit substances during a follow up examine in September of 2007, a period notable for several firings in light of the aforementioned moments of ignominy. The question previous to his rehiring had long since been what becomes of the company castaways, those deemed untouchable by the modern era’s attempts to save the lambs before the slaughter by discarding them. Is there a specified time line or set list of requirements for rehiring the errand strays that fall from the spotlight like dust in the light? No such information exists in written forms available or known. Only the penalties are made clear, nothing about rules subsequent termination. With that, the largest loophole in a sea of bottomless, portable cartoon holes, we see the FICTION of the thought WWE Wellness Policy is only now a joke – it was already a punch line, and the audience was already laughing.
Mazza: I did not realize this was the case so I definitely have to go with FACT. I actually cannot understand why they would do this with somebody like Eugene. If it was a bigger star I could understand (although not agree). Maybe, just maybe it is a message to Jeff Hardy. “Sure we will have to fire you for strike 3 but that doesn’t mean the bridges will be burnt forever, now sign this damn contract and you can run with the title for a bit”. Whatever the reason it is a very poor move on WWE’s part and makes their policy seem totally pointless.
MissouriDragon: FACT. The Wellness Policy is a half-assed knee-jerk reaction to the shitstorm that Chris Benoit caused. The WWE apparently has a pretty short memory though, as they seem to have already forgotten said shitstorm. What are they gonna do when Jeff Hardy overdoses on meth or something? The fact that they didn’t have a testing policy in place when Benoit flipped his lid is probably the only thing that saved them from some serious Congressional inquiry afterward. When the next tragedy happens (and it will, bank on it), they won’t be able to hide behind the aegis of ignorance again, since they supposedly have this strenuous testing policy in place. If (or when) it goes down, that will be the end of the WWE as we know it, because Congress will land on Vince with the force of a thousand suns.
I just hope Regal can stay off those SOMAs. I’ve taken those before, and they fuck you up so bad you can’t even count your own fingers. Drugs are bad, kids.
Cicero: If part of the purpose of the policy is to rehabilitate former users and abusers then this must surely be FICTION. Of course though they say that in reality the Wellness policy is little more than window dressing, frankly the policy was a joke even before an incident like this.
Super Chrisss: While I do agree that re-hiring a third-strike offender is a BIG mistake, I wouldn't go as far as calling the entire system a "joke" so I'm going with FICTION. It's no secret that the WWE can be a bit fishy about the whole wellness policy and admitting who has sunk their ship cough*Batista*cough, but it is their system after all. Jeff Hardy's suspension prior to Wrestlemania 24 proved that the WWE isn't afraid to punish one of their superstars regardless of the consequences. However, with Batista rumored to have failed a drug test and the WWE allegedly "covering it up", as well as Eugene and Chris Masters' recent re-hirings, the WWE may have some explaining to do. Oh well, at least Eugene is back! If Vince wants to change the laws of his "universe" every now and then, I'm not complaining. But then again, if the system isn't that serious, why fire Umaga? Hmmm...
Question # 2) FACT or FICTION, it is possible for SummerSlam to be perceived to be just as big as Wrestlemania by your average wrestling fan.
Rommel: Mixed Martial Arts, a sport remarkable in both its brutality and its safety, has only had one North American performer die as a result of injuries sustained in its ring. In Japan, it killed a much larger competitor than the late Sam Vasquez – it ground and pound Pro-Wrestling into a dead, decaying industry. The string of Budokan Hall sell outs along with high profile Tokyo Dome shows of the nineties are all but a memory now, soccer kicked into paste by the juggernaut of a real sport promoted participated by numerous pro-wrestling Stars. Yet it was not solely Mirko Cro Cops hunt, and terrifying head-kick knockouts, of “Fake” wrestlers that killed the carnival wrestling industry in the country that boasted the state-of-the-art since the days of Lou Thez and Riki Dozan, though. Rather, it was the ability of the sport to put on big shows without continually falsified results. Put simply, MMA put on big events throughout the year in Japan even though it could not determine wins and losses to lead towards big-name main events.
This last week, hundreds of people lined up to apply for Hotel jobs in Macon, Georgia this week. Yet in this bleak economy the UFC is breaking Pay-Per-View records in the United States. It points to the conclusion that combat a combat sport’s customer base is in FACT willing to patronize throughout the year. Whether it be for a triple main event, such as at UFC 92, the question of who is the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world as questioned at UFC 94, or the historic nature of UFC 100, a show promoted as important or featuring compelling spectacle can draw in excess of one million purchases domestically. The key to success being how the show is promoted or if the featured event is a desirable spectacle.
Mazza: FACTION! That is right, I am making up words. Well not really making up words as faction is already a word but you get my point. It is definitely possible to make SummerSlam as big as Mania but it will take a hell of a lot of work. They will basically need to just put in the Mania formula of major marketing, celebrity involvement and big, well constructed storylines. Right now for me, SummerSlam holds no more importance than the PPV’s surrounding it and I would place not only The Royal Rumble, but also Backlash and maybe even No Way Out as more interesting for me. Cryme Tyme versus JeriShow is hardly a good start in making a supercard now is it? I have actually now convinced myself. It’s never going to happen. FICTION
MissouriDragon: FICTION. Wrestlemania has an irreplaceable cachet. I personally prefer the Royal Rumble to both, because they always pull out something big for it. The two main reasons that SS will never be as big as Wrestlemania are 1.) historical precedents and 2.) length of time it takes to build a good feud. A proper feud (by WWE standards) requires about 6 month of build to be “epic”, and there simply isn’t enough time between the blowoff to the Wrestlemania feuds and Summerfest to create a bunch of brand-new storyline. As far as the history of the event, well, nothing that’s ever happened at Summerfest is as iconic as Hogan slamming Andre, plus Wrestlemania is what you’d call a household name. The average layman has no idea what the fuck “Summerslam” is.
Cicero: FACT, it's all a matter of perspective. Hell, WWE could make extreme Rules their biggest PPV if they pushed it as such (or rather, as is the case with 'Mania, belittled the other events enough
Super Chrisss: My friends, this is FICTION. SummerSlam is less than two weeks away and not even all the matches are confirmed as of press time? What the hell?! Wrestlemania 25 may have sucked rabbit balls, but at least every single match on the card had SOME hype surrounding it. WWE really chose a bad year to consider SummerSlam "Wrestlemania Jr." At least half the matches this year are either re-matches or seem medicore on paper, and the last time I checked, that's not how you sell PPVs. The TLC World Title match will undoubtedly raise the event's prestige, but the lack of starpower will hurt SummerSlam. With Edge, Undertaker, and Batista all M.I.A. this year, the WWE has no choice but to give us 'second-best', much like they did for WM25.
If WWE really wants SummerSlam to feel like Wrestlemania, they have to remember to hype the event, and not the movie of the week on RAW. Eh, maybe next year Vince.
Question # 3) FACT or FICTION, the Miz will not be a member of the active roster by this time next year.
Rommel: A few weeks ago, after having been split from his tag-team partner John Morrison, Miz seemed destined to be a rare instance of elevated talent in the current state of professional wrestling. He was allowed to mention other wrestlers, ones on a higher rung of the company ladder, in his interviews and claim his superiority. This perception quickly fizzled, however, as he was humiliated by his target John Cena in a disgracefully written loss on PPV. Follow-ups to their disastrous first singles match have seen Hollywood actors call him a coward on national TV while he wore a stupid look on his face before being “Banished from the Summerfest.” This is, of course, a shame, as the Summerfest is a time of fun, drinking, and girls dancing in bikinis while Elvis pretends to play his guitar prior to his deployment to fight the Nazis.
It is FACT that the Miz’s future looks bleak. By being granted a taste of the delicious spotlight flavor of the pie he has been depicted as being beneath contempt, almost a subject of pity in his failings. It is almost inconceivable that he recovers from his current renown as a loser, a lark for the audience to roll their eyes at his repeated attempts at glory. Of course, it is FICTION to determine he is set for a chopping block. Assuming he can survive the failed attempt at making him a star, and not be fired for performing his role in the play within the coming weeks, the Miz might prove lucky. He may well end up languishing in the undercard, another piece of evidence in the mounting case of why WWE fans have seen the same main events month in and out for years.
Mazza: I was the first to ask people to calm down on the whole Miz thing but I do think it is a stretch to say he won’t be a part of the roster. I don’t think his promo ability is quite as good as a lot of people make out but he is certainly one of the better speakers in the company. That is a big plus for him as it is no longer the 80s and the talent don’t have managers to help them in that aspect. Talented wrestlers are a dime a dozen but that is not enough so I think Miz finds himself in a stronger position that other lost mid carders. There are numerous directions that Miz can go in as part of the more mid card and that is without the brand switch possibilities. Maybe if the well does run dry though, he could head over to the Blue Brand and take a seat next to good old JR. Whatever happens, I am going with FICTION.
MissouriDragon: That’s a FACT, and it will be a crying shame. The Miz is a guy I’d really like to hate, due to his association with the Great Satan of reality TV, The Real World. However, he’s proven himself to be a natural heel with a sense of humor, and he’s certainly a better worker than, say, Jenna Morasca (who should stick to sucking dick on film, she’s a lot better at that than she is at wrestling). I have no idea why he was put into a program with Cena just to catch the proverbial beatdown. Nobody, not even little kids, believed he could just come out of relatively nowhere and get the best of Cena.
Cicero: Not only has he no apparent place on the roster but his credibility in recent months has been shot to shit. Certainly WWE could turn his character around, but I doubt they'll take the time to do so. After all, it's not as if there aren't a shit load of similar workers awaiting their chance to be jobbed to oblivion on national TV.
Super Chrisss: Had I been asked this question one week earlier, I would have responded Fact without thinking twice, but I now believe that the WWE has big plans for The Miz. Sure, he got squashed by Cena FOUR times without mercy, and he got banned from RAW for a week, but let's look at the bigger picture. The Miz may have been repeatedly squashed by Cena, but the WWE did allow him to feud with their biggest star. He will one day go down in the history books because of that, just as every guy that Hogan and Sammartino fueded with already has. Before Maryse got injured, the WWE seemed ready to pull the trigger on their newest 'power couple', The Miz and Maryse. Oh, and Maryse also happened to be the reigning Diva's champion at the time. Coincidence? I think not. If The Miz gets released from his contract anytime before 2015, I will be shocked. However, I'm not counting on that happening, as The Miz has a great future ahead of him in the WWE so this is definitely FICTION.
Question # 4) FACT or FICTION, Bobby Lashley will be the first athlete to simultaneously be successful in wrestling and MMA.
Rommel: Mix Martial Arts and Pro-Wrestling have tied together, hand in hand, since the inception of the combat sport. They both derive from common routes in the fighting system of Pancrase, which was practiced by the men of Alexander the Great. The philosophy of fighting and training for battle in a specified manner allegedly influenced not only Western combat, such as savat, amateur wrestling and boxing, but allegedly the Eastern arts as, which developed after the spread of the style to lands conquered by the Greek King and General. From Asia, the evolved systems traveled to South America, and took the form of Brazilian Ju-Jitsu.
Pro-Wrestling was a natural progression of the spectator elements of gladiatorial combat amongst capitalists who realized they could obtain greater wealth through scripting; avoiding some of the nastier elements of the profession, such as death via cestus to the skull. The quasi-sport has always attracted legitimate athletes, who seek to make their living through their physical gifts even if there was no actual in-ring competition. This is juxtaposed neatly to the sport which developed from the same fighting systems and utilized not only the same holds, such as a kimura, but also some of the same rules, such as not allowing closed fist, fight-ending punches necessitating other methods of finishing.
In this divergent history, many men have plied both trades successfully already. Ken Shamrock was first trained in Pro-Wrestling, Kazuyuki Fujita was already a legend of the squared circle (A term noting the fighting surface’s development from routes in Sumo Wrestling and Amateur Wrestling) when he made a good showing of himself against “The Last Emperor,” Fedor Emelianenko and Bob Sapp was the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion while competing in K-1. Bobby Lashley is a rare US example, but it is FICTION to believe he will be the first to cross the ghostbuster streams of the sports – because others already have.
Mazza: I really don’t care. How successful can the guy be as a TNA guy anyway? I can’t see a way that even with the more relaxed TNA schedule, it won’t affect his MMA career. I am thinking that he needs to concentrate on being successful in one before becoming a Jack of all trades. I will go with FICTION here once more.
MissouriDragon: I really have no idea on this one, so I’ll go with STEVEN SEAGAL. I gather Lashley is a good amateur wrestler, but quite frankly, I would really like to see him get punched in his oddly infant-like face repeatedly, if only because I know MadChuck would enjoy it so.
Cicero: FICTION, what about Ken Shamrock?
Super Chrisss: FACT. Did you know that the average iMPACT! episode features less than thirty minutes of wrestling every week? Technically, all Bobby Lashley has to do is show up at Orlando a couple of times each month, film a backstage segment or five, and if he's lucky work no longer than ten minutes in a 12-person tag team gauntlet match of sorts. Oh, and maybe wrestle at a PPV, all the while being over with the fans. Nothing more. A lot of people claim that MMA fighters get paid ridiculously large sums of money for fighting such a short time, but Lashey has got it even better. His deal with TNA is so flexible that he could show up to iMPACT! whenever he wants, train for his next fight as hard as he wishes, and not even worry about pulling a muscle. Lucky bastard.
Question # 5) FACT or FICTION, if Jeff Jarrett loses his stake in TNA the company will change for the better.
Rommel: It is the motivating factor that determines causality when examining history or peering through cloudy crystal mounted in orb form. Jeff Jarrett is a partial owner and minority shareholder in the Total Nonstop Wrestling promotion, without actual power. It is little more than FICTION to believe any other doctrine about his influence. Dixie Carter is the controlling officer of Panda Energy’s financial investment in the company, and it is her vote that determines how the armies of Rome march. If the woman awakens one morning and decides to hire three message board posters as her new writers, or promotes Vince Russo to sole governor of the principalities of Impact!, it is within her abilities to do so. As such, the state of the company and the product it offers must be thought of as Mrs. Carter’s sole domain, with either praise or scorn heaped upon her as appropriate.
Jeff Jarrett has been rumored to be a voice of reason to counter point the alleged insanities of Vince Russo’s writing recommendations. Likewise, he is often times harped on as a man who was raised to understand an entertainment form that he allows to be subpar. In either instance, his input and responsibilities take a backseat to those with the power to enact actual changes. Whether or not Jeff’s dalliances lead to the complete break of ties between the parties, the company’s offerings cannot and will not improve until all those who are placed in their position of creative are forced to change their methods or removed in favor of those who will. All it takes is a whistle, from Dixie.
Mazza: Again, this is hard to say, it depends where the influence Jarrett has will go. Jeff holds a certain influence which I am sure was keying in making the company and I can’t help but think that if it does happen, maybe he will start from scratch and take some people with him. I am going to go with FICTION here because I think that if there is change, it won’t necessarily be as a result of Jeff’s departure.
MissouriDragon: FICTION. Who else on the payroll is more qualified to do it than Double J? I certainly don’t want to see Angle get the book, as he’s nuttier than squirrel shit. The only two people on the clock for TNA that have been head bookers before are Russo and Kevin Nash. I can’t possibly imagine Impact improving with Nash in charge, and I think we all know what Russo will do without somebody backstopping him. Dixie Carter has proven to be even more clueless about the biz than the average IWC member, and I wouldn’t want her running things without someone with some experience (like, say, Jarrett) around to give her advice. Overall, there’s very little that will make TNA any better, unless they make a 2 hour long soft-porn flick starring Angelina Love and Velvet Sky and just air that every Thursday night.
Cicero: Improvements won't be so obvious right away, and maybe not even for months down the line, but ultimately I see this as a hard FACT. Jarret's erroneous belief that he is a main event star hurts the company in about anyway you care to think; creatively, financially, sexually, whatever.
Super Chrisss: I'm going out a limb here and saying FACT. I don't know why but I've always kind of liked Double J, for pretty much the same reason I'm a Tommy Dreamer fan, but it's not because middle-aged family guys turn me on! Anyways, I actually thought TNA would crumble without Jarrett's influence and Russo as head booker, but by God they're doing just fine! Hell, they're doing better than fine! Ever since Jeff and Karen were seen playing golf together, and Jeff was sent home to work on his aim, iMPACT! has actually gotten better. The last few episodes of iMPACT! have featured a tad more wrestling than usual, and only one or two "Russo Originals". In fact, last week's ten minute brawl was more exciting than a full episode of ECW (which hasn't been that difficult to pull off lately, but hey, it still counts for something). It would be a shame to lose the "founder" of TNA, but if iMPACT! keeps getting better without him around, then so long, sucker!
Question # 6) FACT or FICTION, to succeed ROH must be able to get more providers to carry their pay-per-views.
Rommel: Total NonStop Action: Impact! is televised weekly, in prime time, on Spike TV. Receiving an average 1.3 rating , which translates to slightly below two million viewers. During their program, the organization produces wrestling matches, skits, comedy segments, interviews and commercials for their monthly Pay-Per-Views. While actual numbers are not presented, by all accounts after a usual four, two hour free shows between each pay event, TNA has not sold more than fifty thousand PPVs in years; a terrible conversion rate. Of course, it is also meritorious to mention that the current regard for the TNA televised product is low.
It is unequivocal FICTION that in order to sell more, a company needs only to cast a larger net into the ocean to lure a larger customer base. The allotted advertising revenue for other entertainment products, such as film, also speaks to this. A Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese on a marquee is a much more successful method to put viewers in poorly upholstered seats, besides a cup holder equal in volume to a Manhattan apartment, than all the television spots for Battlefield Earth, Pluto Nash and Ishtar combined.
On the Marquee for Ring of Honor is one word: Wrestling. ROH has a quality product, but its target audience simply does not exist in a large enough quantity to facilitate growth. Ring of Honor’s wrestling is too niche in nature and design. Unlike TNA, people walk away from ROH shows with positive words, but there aren’t the open-to-buy dollars left in the US for an underground hobby to flourish. Until which time as wrestling is once again a popularized, mainstream venue of entertainment, something the small promotion is not able to do with its current financial backing at this time, and Ring of Honor can educate a new fan base to its offerings, obtaining more providers for its product will not translate to a significant revenue stream.
Mazza: I really know nothing about RoH and the way they work and run there business. Obviously more providers would mean more buys which would mean more money and exposure. Successful is also a subjective word and it depends on the company goals. For me though, if they want to become a competitor to TNA, they will need a TV deal. I will go with FACT though as more providers carrying their PPVs should lead to more exposure and more network interest.
MissouriDragon: FACT, but that’s not the only thing they need to do. I was a big ROH fan up until about March of this year, but since Pearce has been in charge the shows just don’t seem as exciting, or more appropriately, they just don’t seem as…indy. The way ROH initially got over was by being so different from the wrestling that the average US fan saw, and they seem to be getting away from that, which is a shame. That said, as long as Sami Callihan isn’t a major part of the program, I’ll keep watching.
Cicero: FICTION, PPV's and the money generated via are overrated these days. A far more important milestone for ROH would be for HDNet to move to basic cable (which it might) Tit's wouldn't hurt either.
Super Chrisss: This question sounds pretty similar to last month's, but in all fairness I'll answer it anyways. I'll keep this short and simple: whenever I order a WWE or TNA Pay-Per-View, I go with VU! Whenever my friends order a WWE or UFC PPV, they go with VU! If the majority of people only have access to VU!, then how the hell are they going to know about an ROH show? Obviously they're never going to hear about it. The first time I ever heard about TNA was in 2003 while watching a VU! infomercial, and although I didn't order a TNA show, at least I knew it existed. ROH still has a ways to go before they reach TNA's level, and getting more pay-per-view providers is a small but essential step for their survival/success. FACT.
BONUS ROUND
Bonus # 1) Charlie Haas vs Mike Knox, who gets fired first and why?
Rommel: Mike Knoxx is possessed by the spirit of the late Bruiser Brody, whom he has been imitating, and then proceeds to hold Vince up for money. Hilarity ensues.
Mazza: Eenie Meenie Minie Mo! I have to go with Mike Knox because at least Charlie can be handy in different roles and there is always a TWGTT reunion and impressions he can fall back on. Knox on the other hand is a monster who has become a joke and it seems that Kane is the only person who can make a career out of that role.
MissouriDragon: Haas, because he’s too athletic and therefore must be black, which of course means the WWE would just hold him down anyway (notice how y’all ain’t talking shit on the Main Page and I am? Yup).
Cicero: Charlie Hass because he's smalller
Super Chrisss: Charlie Haas has been fired once, and he will be unemployed once again in the near future. He may be a great wrestler, an all-around nice guy behind the scenes, and even pull off a funy impersonation from time to time, but the guy has zero personality. I mean, if teaming with "Mr. Flamboy" Rico and being managed by his wife Jackie couldn't pump some life into him, then what the hell can? Haas, despite being a ring 'veteran' for five years or so, just can't get over as a heel or a face. He may have more ring talent than Mike Knox, but at least Knox is seen as a legitimate bad guy. In the WWE, no charisma + no crowd reaction = no job. Sorry, Charlie.
Mazza: This is just plain fucking weird Doc, should this not be chicks? I am answering my own question. I would fuck Stephanie McMahon because she is soooo hot. I would then marry Stephanie McMahon because she is soooo rich. I would then kill Stephanie McMahon so I could get all her money. Actually I wouldn’t, I have too much love for Triple H, let me go back to your question which I will answer with lashings of No Homo. Marry Aries because if he is as good as everyone says he is, he should make some decent money in his career. I would fuck Bruti as I might get a free hair cut out of it. So I would kill Kevin Steen as I have no idea who he is!!!
MissouriDragon: Thanks for having me-I consider it an honor. Yes, yes, and yes.
Cicero: Fuck Double A like a bitch, marry Mr Wrestling Kevin Steen (and have his superior babies), and kill Brtutus Beefcake for failing to bury Shawn Michaels after he despicably dispatched with his former tag partner via the medium of a barbershop window.
Super Chrisss: Who the FUCK is Kevin Steen?
Marry: Austin Aries...if I was gay.
Kill: Brutus "Don't call me Barbarian" Beefcake. Annoying turd.
See, now that was relatively painless wasn't it? Now it's time for you the reader to determine who walks out of this month with the coveted FACT or FICTION championship. Why, how do I do that Doc Monk? Well I'm glad you asked. All you have to do is simply send an email my way at monkeyweasel9821@yahoo.com and tell me who you think should be the winner. I'll also except votes via PM or in the feedback thread in the forum if you prefer a more public vote. All votes will be accepted up until 11:59 PM EST on August 31st. Also if you simply want to leave feedback for the column whether you thought it was great or it sucked, send it to the same email address above.
With that being said, remember I'm Doc Monk and FICTION is my business, and business is good.
