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Posted in: The Crow's Nest
The Crow's Nest - Thursday Night Tribute
By TheCrow
Mar 22, 2012 - 11:35:28 PM

1) Thursday Night Tribute (22/03/12)(22/03/12)

You may be asking yourself why there's a YouTube video at the top of tonight's column. Well I have a simple explanation for you.

I'm going to start toying around with video columns a little bit, and tonight just happens to be my first one. It may be almost strictly for my iMPACT review columns, but who knows. I figured it would be nice to be able to show some clips from the show to go along with my commentary so that people who might not watch iMPACT as regularly as I do can at least get a visual taste of what I'm talking about. I'll try to keep the videos as short as possible so it's not discouraging to watch them.

So let me know what you think, and if you guys like the concept I'll start doing more of them.

But enough delay, it's time for iMPACT!


Video Package

We start things off tonight with a video recap of the Sting/Roode match from Victory Road and the subsequent assault on Dixie Carter. Roode is finally showing that he is 110% capable of embracing a true heel role in the main event, and his recent work should be silencing any haters that might remain.
As much as I hate that Sting inserted himself into a PPV main event match against the World Champion, I'm starting to realize that he was the perfect choice. I don't think anyone else would make Dixie Carter react like that.

Segment 1: Dixie Carter (Backstage/In Ring)

Speaking of the TNA President, here she comes to kick off the actual show. She's actually doing a solid job of acting solemn here. Better than her previous on-screen attempts anyways.
A loud "FIRE BOBBY!" chant from the crowd. Again, his heel run is becoming more fantastic every week.
Carter almost dropped the proverbial ban hammer on Roode, but here comes Sting to a massive reaction from the crowd.
It's nice to hear Sting cut a promo without being in his "Joker" gimmick. It's just a lot easier to listen and pay attention when he isn't acting like a complete nut job.
Sting's stepping down from his GM spot? That didn't take long now did it.
So much for a not crazy Sting promo. That also didn't take long.
So not only is he stepping down from his GM role, but he's actually taking a break from being on screen. Apparently he'll be coming back as a full-time wrestler again, so it looks like we'll be getting a rematch between him and Roode down the line. I'm thinking post-Lockdown likely.
Oh great, so Sting's replacement is going to be Hulk Hogan? Didn't they learn from the last time Hogan was in charge of TNA? Or did the memories of Immortal fade away already. Not digging this decision. Not one bit.
At least Dixie looks like she remembers what happened last time Hogan was in charge. But the video cuts away before she can announce her decision.

Video Packages

So apparently Mexican America is still a team, and for some reason they're getting a shot at the Tag Team Championships. This is the kind of booking decision that keeps the division from reclaiming its lost glory.
And the other half of Mexican America (Rosita and Sarita) is getting a shot at the Knockouts Tag Team Championships? So two teams that have been inactive for ages are getting championship shots tonight. Out of nowhere.
Wow, a third championship match tonight? Damn, that's interesting. Aries is defending his title in a four-way match against Anthony Nese, Kid Kash, and Zema Ion. More names that have done nothing to earn a title shot (with the exception of Zema). Might as well keep the pattern going at this point.

Match 1: X Division Championship: Anthony Nese VS Kid Kash VS Zema Ion VS Austin Aries {c}

It's nice to see Nese and Kash getting the focus right off the bat. Smart move here as it offers them a chance to show the TV audience what they can do. Everyone already knows how great Aries is, so giving other guys a bit of time to shine is a good call.
For a guy who rarely appears on iMPACT, Nese is getting a pretty solid crowd reaction. I guess it kind of makes sense since he's the only real face in this match, but still.
Kash looks like he might have legitimately tweaked his knee already.
That was a cool series of spots there. Each man hit a high spot on the other opponents.
Jesus, that move could have killed somebody. Kash had Nese set up for a vertical suplex off the top rope, Zema runs in and sets up Kash (who still has Nese grabbed) for an Electric Chair drop, but Aries runs in and sets up Zema (with both men still stacked above him) for a power bomb, hitting it. Check the clip in my video commentary.
Bully Ray runs in and causes the DQ finish. I wish that match had gotten to go on a bit longer, but at least the X-Division got some decent exposure tonight.

Result: No Contest (4:36)

Bully Ray grabs a mic and reminds the crowd just who he is before examining his destruction and leaving the ring.

Segment 2: Mexican America, Josh Lewis (Parking Lot)

In case you don't know, Josh Lewis is the host of a show on Spike called "Repo Games." The whole concept of the show is that he (or the other host) go to repo a car, but give the owner an opportunity to have their car paid off by answering 3/5 trivia questions correctly. It's actually pretty entertaining, mostly because some of the people on the show are retarded.
Looks like MA's lowrider is up for repo, and they're not doing so hot at these trivia questions.
Mr. Lewis is giving Mexican America a shot to pay off their car so he doesn't have to tow it off, but both teams have to win their championship matches to do it. Looks like the Mexicans are losing their car later tonight.

Match 2: Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Rosita & Sarita VS Eric Young & ODB

I'm already over being upset at this seemingly random title match. I almost forgot how hot these bitches were.
Aaaaand the annoyance is back. It actually hurts me to have to call Eric Young "one half of the Knockouts Tag Team Champions". It's just infuriating.
EY looks like a giant standing next to Rosita. Makes sense since she's pretty tiny, but it just makes this whole situation look even more ridiculous.
I doubt EY is going to be doing much in-ring competing while he holds that tag belt. I just can't see TNA risking him hurting a Knockout because of the huge strength difference.
ODB looks pretty pissed that her opponents are hitting on her man.
Tension is already building between ODB and EY, so it looks like I'm not going to have to put up with this bullshit much longer...
Of course as I type that, ODB plants a big one on EY and throws him on top of Rosita for the pin.

Result: Eric Young and ODB retain (4:13)

Segment 3: Crimson (Backstage)

Crimson's sitting alone watching Matt Morgan's commercial for Direct Auto Insurance.
Crimson heel turn is official here. He's blaming Morgan for them losing the tag belts, and challenges Morgan to a match next week. I really hope TNA saves that match for PPV though, it's too big for free TV. For the first time, Crimson stands a legitimate chance of having his streak ended.
Not surprisingly, Morgan runs in and beats the hell out of Crimson before being pulled off by security.

Video Recap

Quick recap of Sting stepping down from his GM spot earlier in the night, but still no response from Dixie.

Segment 4: Dixie Carter (Backstage)

Nope, still no response. But on a positive note, Dixie is doing a fantastic job of acting like she's really torn by what Sting did. Where has she been hiding this on screen talent? She never showed she was capable of it before, this is actually quite nice.

Segment 5: Jeff Hardy (Backstage)

A rematch challenge has been issued for Lockdown, but Hardy gets interrupted by "Joseph Parks" (aka Abyss without a mask, pretending to be his own brother).
I really want to know where this whole "where is my brother" thing is going. Is Abyss going to return without a mask? God I hope not, that face is far from camera-friendly.

Video Package

One of the better video packages I've seen from TNA in some time, showing some older clips of both James Storm and Bobby Roode.
Two different WWE performers (R-Truth and Mick Foley) were just shown in this video package. Three if you include Kevin Nash. Plus a brief shot of Randy Savage.
This is actually a great video package, I'll be including it in my video commentary. Do yourselves a favour and check it out.

Segment 6: James Storm (In-Ring)

Speaking of the man with the best theme song in TNA today, here comes James Storm out to the ring.
Is James Storm running for president or something? What's up with this promo?
Off the topic of wrestling here, and I'm probably going to catch some shit for saying this, but every time someone says "it's wrong to hit a woman" I get annoyed. Yes, what Roode did to Dixie Carter was wrong because she did nothing to provoke it. But if a woman starts beating on a man, is he just supposed to stand there and take it? If you women want equal rights, I'm going to give you equal lefts too. That's just how it is. I'm not advocating violence against women, don't get it twisted. I was raised to respect women, and respect them I do. But if a woman starts trying to slap me around I will physically stop them. Likely just by holding them or whatever, but still.
Storm calls out Roode, but instead some tool in a suit comes out. Apparently this is Roode's legal representative.
Roode is apparently going to be staying home until Lockdown because TNA management has created an unsafe working environment for him.
Storm has a match against his choice of either Christopher Daniels or Kazarian tonight.
Storm doesn't stand for that shit, and he says he's down to face both men tonight so he doesn't have to deal with them next week.
Just throwing it out there James, but physically assaulting a lawyer is probably not the smartest thing you could do. He's kind of knowledgable about how to make your life difficult.

Segment 7: Kurt Angle (Backstage)

Angle's all business talking about Jeff Hardy's challenge until the cameraman decides to bring up Angle's failure to beat Garret Bischoff in 5 minutes the other week.
Speaking of that useless piece of garbage, Angle sees Garret trying to walk by unnoticed and confronts him. Garret fails at showing any kind of emotion when Angle gets in his face.
Angle throws out a 3-minute challenge to Garret, which Garret accepts. I can only hope that Angle beats the holy **** out of Bischoff Jr. I still can't believe that TNA is giving this much TV time to a guy who is useless in every single aspect of the wrestling industry, but it looks like Garret isn't going anywhere anytime soon. FML.

Match 3: 3-Minute Challenge: Garret Bischoff VS Kurt Angle

Please TNA. PLEASE don't make me watch Kurt lose to this shithead two weeks in a row. How am I supposed to believe that an Olympic gold medalist and veteran professional wrestler can't decimate an untrained asshole like Garret Bischoff? It hurts me. It really does.
Being that this match has such a short time limit on it, you'd think Kurt would want to start wrestling right away. But no, over a minute goes by before he actually does anything more than shove or slap Garret.
The match is half over, and Garret has dominated every second of it. What the hell?
Again, Kurt stalls in a match where he shouldn't be doing that.
Now Garret is jumping out of the ring so the clock will run out. Thank God Gunner comes out to toss his ass back in the ring. Unfortunately the ref calls a DQ and Kurt technically loses to Garret Bischoff AGAIN, but he got a beating, and that was satisfying to watch.

Result: Garret Bischoff wins by DQ (2:35)

Hardy comes out to even the odds, sending Gunner and Angle running to the back. I really hope they schedule a rematch between Angle and Hardy, those two never fail to deliver in the ring.

Match 4: TNA Tag Team Championships: Anarquia & Hernandez VS Magnus {c} & Samoa Joe {c}

It's nice to see Hernandez back in action, even though I disagree with him getting a title shot out of nowhere.
"Joe is gonna kill you!" - Crowd. "I doubt it!" - Hernandez. You're probably right Big Mex. If any TNA wrestler is going to kill someone in the ring, it's probably you.
Why can't more random tag teams be as awesome as Joe and Magnus? I would have never thought to place them in a team together, but their work over the past little while has been nothing short of awesome. WWE really needs to take notes here.
The best thing that this team of Joe and Magnus has accomplished so far has been Joe finally looking like he's having fun again. For too long he looked like he was only giving half effort, so it's great to see him giving his all again.
Josh Lewis runs out to ringside and tosses Rosita and Sarita over his shoulders to bring them backstage. That dude is huge by the way. He doesn't look out of place in a wrestling ring at all.
Looks like the lowrider is done for since both teams failed in their bids to win championships tonight. Sorry Mexican America.

Result: Magnus & Samoa Joe retain (5:32)

Segment 8: Hulk Hogan (Backstage)

Quick segment here. Hogan claims to not know anything about becoming the new GM and says he's only there because Sting called him.

Segment 9: Mexican America, Josh Lewis (Parking Lot)

Yup, another segment here. Goodbye lowrider. Lewis actually dwarfs both male members of MA.
Apparently Rosita and Sarita forgave Lewis for carrying them backstage earlier as they walk off with him. "No money, no honey."

Video Package

**** yeah, premiere of the music video for James Storm's theme song next week. I love that song, so I'm looking forward to that.

Match 5: Christopher Daniels & Kazarian VS James Storm

Damn, the crowd absolutely loves James Storm. Him and Roode have both solidified their spots in the main event, and that makes me all kinds of happy to see. There's nothing quite like watching a wrestler progress over a number of years, and I've been fortunate enough to watch both men's evolution.
I wonder how long it'll take for either AJ Styles or Ken Anderson to interfere in this match. My bet is not long.
I don't think anyone in TNA can sell moves quite like Storm does. No matter the opponent, Storm always makes it look like he's actually being hurt. If there's any Storm haters left, I really don't know why.
Hmm, no Styles or Anderson interference. Oh well, Storm got the win. Not that the match was anything special, but it let Storm get a strong win and continue looking like a legitimate threat to Roode's title.

Result: James Storm wins via pinfall (3:15)

Segment 10: Sting, Dixie Carter, Hulk Hogan (In-Ring)

I've tried to come to terms with this as the night went on, but I still don't think it makes kayfabe sense for Dixie Carter to forgive Hogan so easily and make him the new GM. He put her through hell when he was in charge before, what makes her think this time will be any different? Because Sting says so?
It's official. Dixie Carter just named Hogan the new GM of iMPACT Wrestling.
I think the only thing that's going to make me partially okay with this is if Hogan stays out of the ring for good. As an on-screen authority figure he might not be so bad, but he has no place wrestling anymore.
Interesting way to end the show there. Hogan never officially gave an answer, so I guess we'll have to wait until next week to get his reaction.


Match of the Night: Mexican America VS Magnus & Samoa Joe
Every match on the show tonight was pretty short, but I feel these guys made the most of their time. Joe and Magnus work so well together and I really hope TNA keeps them a team for a while.

Superstar of the Night: James Storm
Absolutely no question here. He got the best pops of anyone tonight and made the most of every second he got on screen. Storm has arrived in the main event, and he's not going anywhere anytime soon.

Asshole of the Night: Garret Bischoff
I shouldn't have to explain this one. #****TheBischoffs.


All in all, that was a solid episode of iMPACT. The only major gripe I have is that only one match out of 5 went over 5 minutes in length, and considering there were 3 title matches tonight that just doesn't sit well with me. I get that there were some important angles that needed to be progressed tonight, but sacrificing match time to do that just isn't a smart move.

People should be taking notice of TNA because they really are starting to improve their product significantly. Not just a great episode of iMPACT every so often, but on a regular basis they are showing just what they're capable of doing. I'm not naive enough to think that they're a legitimate threat to WWE just yet, but they're getting to the point where they're becoming a true alternate source of wrestling entertainment for the fans. Do yourself a favour and watch some iMPACT over the next month, you won't regret it.

But that's all for me tonight folks. As always, any feedback you have is greatly appreciated, but especially tonight with the launch of my first video column. Let me know what you think of it. Until next time though, thanks for stopping by.


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